


I'll be your lifeline

by QueenOfNowhere



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/M, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Road Trips, Slow Burn, i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 15:17:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 170,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8253722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNowhere/pseuds/QueenOfNowhere
Summary: The world as we know it has stopped to exist. It is being overrun by Walkers and the human race is about to be extinct. In a world where  the greatest hunter of all time becomes the prey, Clarke Griffin is on the run. She is all alone and desperate when a dark haired stranger, who intruduces himself as Bellamy Blake, shows up. If he is her death or her salvation, she cannot tell. But one thing is for sure, they are about to experience an adventure where they might learn one or two things about each other, about themselves and about life.





	1. The beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my dear friend!
> 
> This story has been on my laptop for decades as it feels. I don't know why I never posted it before but I was really inscecure about it, especialy since English is not my native language. But hey, I really like the idea of that story even though it's nothing new, I can just see my two beautiful babies totally rock a zombie apocalypse.
> 
> Even though it sounded like the main focuse will be on Clarke and Bellamy in the description, they won't be the only characters in this story, duh. They will meet all our flawless delinquent friends, let's see how that works, through out the story.
> 
> Obviously I don't own anything but the storyline. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the first chapter and feel free to let me know what you think!

 

It had almost been a week now. To be exact six days, 14 hours and 22 minutes. That was how long he felt like everything around him had collapsed and he was left with empty hands, standing, staring, unable to do anything. The world had changed. And not in a normal way. It was not like new cars had been invented, a cure for cancer had been found or world peace was finally declared. It wasn't even like the next ice age had started or the sun was burning too close to the earth. No, this was something humans had to take full responsibility for. This was the researchers’ fault. Or maybe it was the government's fault. Or maybe the military was to blame. Who could say that for sure nowadays? After all, it did not really matter anymore. Who should punish them? There was nothing and no one left. What did matter on the other hand was surviving.  It was all about fighting, finding shelter, finding food and water. And about not being bitten. Bellamy has been doing pretty fine so far. If he were to guess he would say about 90 % of the population had turned so far but they were among the 10% still alive, still breathing, still with a beating heart.

At least that was something he used to be proud of but everything changed for him six days, 14 hours and now 24 minutes ago. That was when he let his little sister be taken and nothing mattered anymore except for finding her. He was sure she was still alive. She had to be. He just had to find her and he would turn every single fucking stone over if he needed to in order to find her. He would not give up on her.

Right now he was mad though. He had no clue where to go, nothing to hold onto or suggest which way to go. Seeing other humans was a rare occasion and the further north he got, the more zombies passed him and he seemed to be the only human soul for so many miles he couldn't even count. No one knew the girl from that picture he shoved in their faces, no one remembered seeing her. It was all very frustrating. What if he was moving in the exact opposite direction from her without even knowing? What if he was losing precious time his sister needed him to be around but he was wasting it at a stupid gas station?

The man who probably owned the station Bellamy had just stopped by was looking at the picture he had been showing around. It was the only one he had left and even though it was not the most recent one (maybe three or four years old) she was still recognizable.

“I'm sorry.” The stranger finally just said, shaking his head. Bellamy wondered why it took him so long to think. Meeting another human being was such a rarity these days that you probably remember all the faces you saw. “I don't think she's been around here.”

With a halfhearted, muffled “Thank you.” He stored the picture away and was about to turn around when the man held him back. “May I help you with anything else?”

Bellamy hesitated. Politeness and friendliness had long died along with humanity. No one ever did anything without getting something out of it. The best part would be if he simply wanted a ride to get away, the worst he didn't even want to imagine. Even though he could have in worst-case scenario easily taken the man since he was old and had a rather slim than muscular figure, Bellamy had no time to waste. So he declined the offer and felt some relief rush through him when the stranger let him go without further ado.

Back in his car he checked his tank. Okay, maybe he could have done with some gas but there was something off about this place and the overly friendly man. Before he probably would not have second-guessed it, he would have just accepted his help, probably offered something in return himself. But this was after and after meant suspicion, it meant selfishness, it meant every man for himself. There was a reason he was still alive and that was not because he tried to help everyone and be a do-gooder. He knew how much Octavia hated this side of his character, hell, he even hated it himself but it was what kept them alive. With a sigh, he pushed these thoughts to the back of his head where he kept everything bad, everything he didn't want to deal with, well hidden.

He opened the trunk to check on the supplies. Obviously it was a well-practiced step. Two boxes, one containing five water bottles, three granola bars, some Pop Tarts and two bags of crackers, the other one a rifle and another gun  as well as ammo. Everything was covered under two blankets, a thick jacket and two warm sweaters. Least thing he needed after all was some kind of weirdo to break into his car to steal a granola bar.

Back in the driver’s seat he opened the glove compartment. It was ridiculous, he knew that. The car had been within his sight the whole time, no one could have taken anything but he still felt better after seeing his knife and tossed his second gun in there as well. After he had stuck Octavius picture back into the sun protective shield, he ignited the car, staring straight ahead for a second and considering his options.

Maybe he should head further south for now, at least that seemed to be the direction where most humans seemed to still be alive. On his way he could stop by some deserted gas station or just make use of some left behind cars to refill his tank and possibly stop at a supermarket to try and find some other food than granola bars and crackers but he was not too picky. Anything eatable was valuable and he would take whatever he could get. With this plan in mind, he stepped on the accelerator. _Octavia, I will find you._

 

* * *

 

 

The past few days had been a blur. She was not even sure how many days had passed. Two? Maybe three? Or even four? She could not tell. Everything kind of blended together. The last thing she could remember, clearly see in front of her, was a gun, a loud bang, a falling body, lifeless, staring eyes that once used to be warm, full of love, representing home. Her hands were shaking horribly and there was so much blood. Way too much blood. Then there was a lot of darkness, hours she totally blacked out. Now she was here, the sun high above, burning. But she had a new destination in mind. New York. She used to spend many weekends up there before everything happened. Once it used to be like her second home and maybe, maybe she could find some comfort with her best friend. Even though it was easy to travel from Washington to New York by bus, it took way longer by foot. She did not own a car and stealing one was off limits. She did not want to let this world force her to do even more and become even more of a person she was not. She could do this anyway. She just had to focus and be careful. Focusing was helpful in any case. It kept her mind preoccupied, did not let her think too much about stuff she really did not want to think about. That was the only thing keeping her together.

She took a deep breath, trying to clear her head and looked around. There was no one in sight. No Walker. No human. She was not quite sure if that calmed or worried her. But she had no time to waste. The sooner she got to New York the better. She was not sure how many miles she had already put behind her or how many lay ahead but she knew if she just followed the street signs she would get there at some point. Looking around still made her sigh. She felt like she was in the middle of nowhere. Nothing but fields around her and deserted, dryland. And the long, lonely road ahead of her. She kicked a stone in her path. Just a week back her life had been so different. Never would she have expected to –

A low grunting noise interrupted her thoughts in that moment and she looked up to find a group of Walkers coming towards her. She stopped. She knew she could easily outrun them. They were really slow and dumb and up until this point she had avoided killing them. First of all, blowing a bullet through their brains and ripping their heads off caused a terrible mess and secondly, probably the more important aspect to the blonde girl, they used to be human. They all had a back story, a name, people that loved them. She knew thinking about all of that did not make it easier but she just could not switch it off. Right now though she could not help but feel such anger rise inside of her when she spotted them. After all, it was their fault! With that thought in mind, her hand disappeared into her pocket and she grabbed her knife. She just needed to feel something, let that anger out, to make someone pay. Without spending too much though on it, she ran towards them. Did she really care if they would get her? Would it really matter? What if she would get up to New York and find nothing? What if Wells would be dead too? Where was she supposed to go then? She had nowhere to be anymore, no one to go to, she was all alone in a world what her life was at stake every single moment.

When her blade collided with the first Walker’s neck, she felt a strange sensation of horror, disgust and satisfaction rush through her. She spun around and ducked under another one’s arm before sending him to the ground with a well-placed kick. She used to hate violence in any form but she was a quick learner and there was no space for the weak ones in this world. Before she could finish the one on the ground off though, the third one took a swing at her, reaching for her arm with its teeth. She yanked it away in the last second and gave it a punch with her right fist. One of her great advantages was others underestimating her. She looked small and fragile when she was always ready to fight and defend herself. Still, she was kind of sure that the Walkers lacked any ability of thinking straight. She turned back around and took a swing, ready to kill the one still on the ground when a small one, a child, jumped up and clung to her arm. The weight came as such a surprise that it took her off guard and she lost her balance. It was almost a miracle that the small one did not sink its teeth into her flesh when they hit the ground. She started shaking her arm violently, panic rising inside of her.

That was when two loud shots sounded and the two big Walkers still standing sunk to the ground. Clarke gasped when a young man appeared within her view and in the next second the small one stopped moving. A self-confident grin appeared on the young man’s face and he outstretched his hand towards her, totally oblivious to the last Walker behind him who fell into a sprint, obviously wanting to attack him. So she ignored his gesture and got up on her own, just in time to enter her knife in the Walker’s stomach and ending its existence. It could not be called life anymore anyways.

The man turned around, a smirk on his face. “Thanks.”

She rolled her eyes, her guard up again. She had learned not to trust strangers anymore, especially men who seemed to have forgotten that there used to be a time when something like a law still existed. She knew better than to trust, especially now when he probably thought she owed him something for rescuing her and she could very well imagine what that would be. So, she simply nodded and pointed to the dead ones on the ground. “I was just returning the favor. Now we are even.” Maybe that would keep him away.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking her up and down. “Where are you heading?”

“Why do you care?” She shot back.

“Are you alone?”

She narrowed her eyes, subconsciously grabbing her knife again. He seemed to notice her tense because he lifted his hands. “Calm down. I don't want to hurt you. I just...” He pointed over his shoulder towards a black SUV. “You need a ride?”

The offer was tempting but her suspicion won. “Why? What's in it for you?”

He shrugged a little. “Some nice company on the road?”

“I'm not going to sleep with you!” She blurted out and to her surprise the stranger started laughing. It struck her. His laugh did not match his appearance. He looked rough and strong, his dark curly hair cut relatively short but it was uncombed, a 3-day-beard on his face, muscular arms, tall built. His laugh sounded like that of a little boy though, innocent and happy and it gave a his face a certain note, like all of a sudden his hard features were way softer. She blinked when he replied: “That's not what I was indicating.”

She raised an eyebrow. This seemed just very odd to her. A random stranger stopping by, saving her life and now offering to give her a ride? And all of that because of the pure goodness of his heart? This all seemed so weird to her because people did not care for one another anymore these days. People were worried about themselves and no one else. People did not help you if they would not gain something themselves by doing so. “I don't get it.” She finally admitted. “Why would you want to help me?”

He shrugged, a weird expression crossing his face. “I told you. It can get lonely on the road. Besides, two is better than one and I got a car, guns, food and water while, as far as I can see, you don’t have anything but a knife. So, what do you have to lose?”

She hesitated one more moment. She did have some things left to lose, like her life, her freedom, her dignity. But how much worse could it get, considering she was walking from Washington D.C. to New York all on her own during a zombie apocalypse? So she had to admit he had a point, so she finally gave in. “Fine. But if you touch me, I'll cut off your hand.” He chuckled a little while nodding.

When they reached his car, he outstretched his hand towards to her again. “I'm Bellamy, by the way.” She looked at his hand as if contemplating if taking it could be a trap but obviously decided against that and shook it. “Clarke.”  

“Nice to meet you.”

She did not return the words, since she was sure he did not really mean them anyways. Meeting another human being was always kind of nice in a post-apocalyptic world but under normal circumstances they probably would have never talked to each other. “So, where are you heading?” He just asked. She considered telling him about New York but suddenly she was not so sure anymore. What if they went up there and would find everything destroyed, maybe even Wells and his father turned? She knew she would not be able to handle that. She shook her head a little. “Nowhere in particular.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “Me neither. I was just heading further south because there seems to be nothing but Walkers anymore in the upper States anymore.”

“Fine.” She did not really care where they were going for now. She eyed him up one more moment from the side, his dark brown eyes, his freckles, olive skin, his cheekbones, his lips. He was definitely not bad looking but there still was something about him that made her be on edge. Maybe she was overreacting though. Maybe this was just her deep anchored distrust for other human beings by this point. Maybe Bellamy really only wanted to help her, not be alone anymore and had no bad intentions. Maybe she was doing him injustice. She took a deep breath and turned away to look out of the window before he would notice her staring and take it the wrong way. But maybe he was too focused on the road anyway, speeding back towards Washington, further south, towards the horizon with no destination in mind.


	2. A little less lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos! I was really happy to recieve at least a few!

After spending almost four days in a car together, you could learn a thing or two about one another. For example, by now Clarke knew that Bellamy was way too full of himself, snarky and an asshole. Or at least he pretend to be. The blonde was not quite sure how much of an asshole a person who saved your life, gave you a free ride and shared their food and water supplies with you could be. There were also some other thing that did not quite match the picture of the stupid asshole but neither did they talk enough nor did Clarke really care enough to figure that out. She thought it was best to keep him at arm’s length, make sure they would not get attached to each other or anything like that. After all, that was the last thing she needed right now. To be honest she was surprised he did not take off first chance he got but really waited for her when they stopped at a random gas station so she could pee.

The sun was setting and the way Bellamy was looking around told her he was looking for a place to park the car for the night. “We need to stop somewhere we can get gas tomorrow.” He said while doing so, speaking the first words in the whole day to her. Which was surprising actually. Over the last few days he had always tried to make her talk, tell him something about her, offer up information about himself or finally giving snarky comments, obviously trying to provoke her. She had been ignoring him for most parts of it. But today he had been exceptionally quiet. Clarke was not sure what to think of that but for now she was thankful for the silence “That shouldn’t be too hard. We pass by so many gas stations per day.”

“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. “Maybe we can also get some new supplies. We are running low.”

Clarke agreed before Bellamy maneuvered the car into a small spot between some bushes, half hiding it from view. “You know, I could drive too.” The girl remarked while he let the keys slip into his pockets.

He looked at her. “I bet you could.”

“We wouldn’t have to stop every night.” She pressed.

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that bothering you? You got somewhere to be?”

She sighed and shook her head. “No, it’s just…” Yeah, what was it? What difference would it make? She had nowhere to go. He had nowhere to go. Whether they moved or stood still during nights did not matter. “You are right. It doesn’t matter. “

He yawned and stretched a little before leaning back in his seat and said: “Besides, if we go to sleep now, we’ll be up before dawn. So maybe we won’t meet any unpleasant surprises at the gas station.”

Clarke climbed to the back seat. She could not argue with that. Most of the time people saw them as a possible threat, only relaxing when they realized they simply wanted to use the bathroom or ask if they had seen a dark haired girl. That would change the following day though. While she was grabbing a pillow and some blankets from the trunk, Bellamy was trying to get comfortable in the driver’s seat. The first night he had offered her sleeping on the back seat so she could actually lay down and try to relax at least a little bit even if it was no comparison to a real bed. He on the other hand had spent every night since she had arrived in an upward position. She had noticed him cringe a few times during the day probably from aching muscles due to sleeping like that. She had not really spend too much thought on it the first night but she was starting to feel bad.

“Bellamy?” She finally whispered, not sure if he was still awake.

“Mhm?”

“Do you want to switch places?”

She was not quite sure due to the darkness but she could have sworn he started grinning. “It’s alright princess. I’m fine.” She rolled her eyes at the nickname he had started using but decided not to comment. His muscles would probably punish him enough in the morning. So she simply rolled over and took a deep breath. She remember the first night she had barely got a wink of sleep, always having one eye open  to stare at him, making sure he was not about to change his mind, make a sudden move on her, try to touch her. Now she was a little more relaxed. If Bellamy would really have wanted to do anything like that, he would have already done it. He had had plenty of possibilities over these five days. But he didn’t. He had always kept his distance and looked away in the right moment. Still, she could not fall asleep until she heard his breathing even out, letting her know he was a goner.

 

* * *

 

 

After turning and tossing for most parts of the night, Bellamy woke from a restless sleep. He blinked a few times, tensing when he noticed a figure sprawled out on the back seat but relaxing almost the same instance again. After Octavia’s disappearance, he had felt like being alone was what he deserved so waking up to finding someone else in the car with him was kind of unsettling. He studied her one more moment in the rear view mirror. When she was asleep she looked way younger, less threatening, more relaxed. Her whole face gained a certain note of softness, almost childlike and he could not help but think of Octavia. Her blonde wavy hair was cradled around her face, embedding it in a golden blanket and really making her look like a princess. The nickname suited her, in his opinion. Or at least her looks.

Her character was snappy, a little moody, she did not like to talk too much or reveal too much information about herself. Once, if he had met her under different circumstances, he probably would have seen her as a challenge. She was different, did not fall for him smiling at her or let his charms fool her. Maybe she used to be that kind of girl, it was hard to say but the world had changed her, made her to be the person she was now, to survive. But still, even though she was distant, snappy and silent, he somehow liked her. At least he was not alone anymore. He tore his eyes away from her and shook his head slightly. They had things to do today and tasks he needed to focus on if he wanted to survive.

So he opened the door and climbed out of the car to stretch his sour muscles. Sleeping in this upright position night after night was like venom for his back but it was not like he would ever make Clarke sleep sitting up, leave alone his sister when he found her. Lately he had been rather positive about it. A new plan had formed in his mind if there was one place in the world, Octavia would always go back to, it was their home town. So that’s where they were heading now too. While moving his arms, legs and neck, trying to loosen up a little, he looked around. Luckily no Walker was in sight so they could leave without complications. He tapped against the window, making Clarke jerk awake. She still did not really trust him but he did not care. He was not going to rape her or hurt her in any other way and if she needed time to see that, then that was fine with him. After all, he was not the one on edge the whole time. When their eyes met, she visibly relaxed though. He turned away before rounding the car to open the trunk. He felt like he was dehydrating and starving.

While he was still going through their few supplies, he could hear the car door open and Clarke appeared next to him. Her hair was pulled up in a lose bun but she still looked a little sleepy. “Morning”, she greeted.

“Morning. You hungry?”

She shrugged a little. He knew it was a stupid question. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had not been hungry but that was simply one of the things. Two granola bars, one pop tart and a cracker per day could not really fill you up but they simply lacked resources for more. He handed her their last granolas bar and she raised an eyebrow. “What about you?”

”I’ll be fine.” He was used to this. He would always give his last food, water bottle, or anything to Octavia. He would feel guilty now too eating when he knew Clarke was hungry too. She sighed and broke the bar in the middle before wordlessly handing him one half.

He grinned at her. “Thanks.”

Now it was up to her to smile a little and Bellamy stared at her. He doubted he had seen her smile over the course of the last days but this smile was something. He could not even describe it but for a second it seemed to light up her whole face.

“What? For sharing your own food with you?”

He laughed and shrugged before drinking a few sips, offering the bottle to her. “Well Princess, I’m just being polite.”

After they had finished their scarce breakfast, they climbed back into the car and Bellamy ignited the engine. While he pulled out of their parking spot, Clarke watched him. He noticed her eyes on him very vividly but tried to contain himself. He had noticed her staring at him before, a critical, inspecting glance. Saying it made him feel uncomfortable was too much but it made him feel something. “Do you know where we are going?” She suddenly asked.

It took him a moment to comprehend her words. Usually he was the one starting their short conversations. “I… yes, to a gas station.”

“No.” Clarke replied. “I know that. I mean, do you have a new destination in mind? A place we’ll ultimately go to?”

Okay, he would not have expected her to notice that. He always thought of himself as rather contained and reversed. “How do you know?”

“I don’t know. You just seem kind of more determined. I guess I started noticing yesterday. Like suddenly you weren’t wandering, lost anymore.”

He nodded slightly. “Well spotted.” He had to admit, he was a little impressed.

“So, where are we going?”

“My home town. Brooks, Texas.”

“Okay. Any special reason why you suddenly want to go there?”

He knew next to nothing about Clarke, except for the things he had figured out himself. For all he knew she could be a serial killer. Still, he sighed and opened up the blinds, handing her Octavia’s picture. “I hope to find her there.”

She looked at the picture for a moment. “She is really pretty. Is that your girlfriend?”

He shook his head. “No, that’s my sister. Her name is Octavia.”

“And you think she will still be there?”

He shot her a quick glance. This curiosity was so not like her but what harm could he do in telling her? He was taking her with him there anyways. “I hope she will go back there. We got separated on the road and I have been looking for her ever since. I’m just hoping she is trying to get back to Brooks too. It’s the only trace I have right now.”

Clarke was silent for a moment before she touched his arm lightly. “I’m sure you will find her.”

He gave her a little smile. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was not long after that when Bellamy pulled over because they reached a gas station. While Clarke was inspecting the place, Bellamy opened the glove compartment to give her a small gun. She refused though. “I’ll stick to my knife.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You do realize how dangerous that is? Getting so close to the creatures?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Clarke.” He didn’t know why but the thought of her turning into one of those monsters scared him too much. “Take it. You’ll be safer.”

She hesitated one more moment before finally just obeying. He nodded one last time in conformation before they climbed out of the car again. While Bellamy went to fill up the tank, Clarke headed for the shop. When Bellamy realized that, he grabbed her arm. “Hey! What do you think you are doing?”

She raised an eyebrow. “We need food and water, so I’ll try to grab something.”

He snorted. What the hell? “Wait for me!”

“Why?”

“Because it’s dangerous. There could be Walkers or some not so friendly humans!”

“Then I’ll get rid of them.”

He made a face. Right, that was another thing he had learned about her. She was stubborn as hell. “Or you help me out here and then we go in together.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Fine.” She grabbed the two empty canisters to fill them with gas as well. As soon as they were done, Bellamy took a deep breath and grabbed his gun, gesturing for Clarke to follow him. He stopped at the door and mouthed to her: “Wait here!” Before entering, only to find her right on his heels. Of course. She was no damsel in distress, as she had told him over and over again. He checked the aisles before turning back to Clarke. “It’s all clear.”

She just nodded, already grabbing the last few bottles still left in the fridge. Good. He turned around and went through the stalls. To his disappointment most boxes were empty and ripped apart. He cursed. They really needed food. He stooped down in front of the counter when he spotted two chocolate bars. Not much but at least something.

“Bellamy! Watch out!” Clarke screamed in that moment. He jumped up just in time, the blade of an ax just missing him by an inch. A man had jumped on top of the counter, glaring at the two intruders.

Bellamy growled and pointed his gun at him. “Stay back!” The stranger did not seem impressed at all by the weapon. He took another swing at Bellamy, making Clarke cry out in horror when he hardly missed his arm. This time Bellamy did not hesitate but jumped on the counter to wrestle him to the ground with him. The other one just aimlessly swung his ax around. Clarke could already picture Bellamy without his limbs. They rolled off the counter, hitting the shelf which contained alcohol bottles. Those rained down on the men, crushing. Another loud crashing sound, an agonizing cry and silence. The noises of fighting stopped.

Clarke gulped. What if… She didn’t even get to finish her thought when Bellamy stood up again. Relief washed through her, more than she had expected before she finally could move again and ran towards him. “Bellamy! Are you okay?”

He cracked a half smile. “Do I detect some worry for me, princess?”

She rolled her eyes when she spotted a cut over his left eye. Her doctor mode immediately kicked in and she took his head between her hands so she could examine the wound better. “How are you feeling? Does your head hurt? Can you remember everything?”

He chuckled a little. “I’m fine, seriously. But we need to get out of here before our friend wakes up again.” He pointed at the stranger who laid flat on the ground. “Fine.” She agreed. “But I’ll have another look at it back in the car.”

“If you insist.” They gathered two more bags of chips and a water bottle before they left the shop together. Back in the car when Bellamy was just about to start the engine, Clarke put her hands above his, causing him to freeze a little. “Wait! Your head…”

He sighed but to her surprise, obeyed silently. “Do you have a first aid kit?”

„There might be one in the trunk.“

She raised an eyebrow. “Might?”

“Sorry Princess but it was hard enough getting a car at all so I didn’t pay too much attention to the equipment.”

She shot him an angry look. His sarcasm was not helpful at all. “Great.” Ignoring his chuckle, she exited the car. To her relief she found what she was looking for and returned to her seat just a few moments later. “Here.” She murmured while looking through the supplies. He watched her skeptically. “Do you know what you are doing?”

She couldn’t suppress a little snort. When was the last time someone doubted her skills? She could not even remember. So she could not even be annoyed at him for asking because it somehow reminded her of before, of easier and simpler years. “Yeah, I know what I am doing”, she therefore simply replied. “Turn your head.”

Even though he still did not look too convinced he obeyed. Carefully she placed her hands at his cheeks again and pushed herself up a little so she could get a better look at his wound. This closeness to him somehow made her feel weird, not in a bad way though. She had to concentrate really hard to make her eyes stay on his wound and not travel all over his face to take him in.

“Okay…” She breathed, more to herself than to him, to make her focus back on what’s important. She could do this. It wasn’t like she never had handsome patients before. No! She cursed internally. Did she just admit she found him to be handsome? No, no, no! She closed her eyes for just a second. She could do this. Just snap all into doctor mode, the way she always did when she had to treat a wound. She let go of him again so she could gather what she needed out of the kit, luckily putting some distance between them again. The fact that she could literally still feel his eyes on her almost made her a little nervous for whatever reason. Finally she took a deep breath, having collected all the items she needed. She knew, the state of her hands was far from clean, something she used to always pay close attention to. Now, she didn’t have much of a choice and everything was better than letting his wound go untreated. It did not take her long to take care of his injury and when she could finally lean back again she realized how tensed she had been the whole time. “You should be good now”, she murmured while storing the items away again.

He was just checking what his head looked like, when a small smile crossed his lips. “It definitely feels better too. Thank you!” He noted and she brought herself to return the smile. “You’re welcome.”

“You used to be a doctor or something?”

She hesitated and turned her head away. His question made her think of her father and she could feel her chest contradict painfully. Her smile was gone and she shook her head slightly. “Kind of.” Without waiting for his reaction she left the car again to store the first aid kit back in the trunk. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, to block out the memories, to not hear the bang of the gun echo in her head, to not see his lifeless eyes, his body falling to the ground. She pressed her eyelids together und leaned against the car. This was not the right time! She could not think of all of this now!

“Clarke…?” She froze. Bellamy had followed her. She spun around. He stood right next to the car, one of his arms reluctantly outstretched towards her, a worried expression on his face. “Are you okay?”

No. No, she was so far from being okay but she had no time for her to not be okay. She had to pull herself together. This was now. And now, there was no time for grieve, now they had to move on, now they had to survive. She cleared her throat hoping that her voice would not let her down before she mumbled: “I’m fine. Let’s go.” She turned around, not wanting to see his expression.

Back in the car she did not have to wait too long until Bellamy was seated next to her again. Even though she could still feel his eyes on her, she stared straight ahead out of the window, too scared he would be able to see things she did not want him to know. When he finally started the engine wordlessly, she relaxed a little. At least he was smart enough to let her alone. She needed the space and quiet he gave her and she was grateful for that. Maybe he was more considerate and less of an ass than she had thought. And maybe, just very maybe she could even trust him a tiny bit.


	3. That's my story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, this took forever even though it was written since forever. And I apologize and promise I will TRY to become better!  
> But also, thanks a ton for the kudos and the comments and everything! That made me really happy and therefore I hope this chapter will make you happy too!   
> xoxo

When they had settled down for the night some hours later, they still had not exchanged one more word. It was like this time Bellamy wanted her to start a new conversation, like he wanted to give her all the peace she needed. Now they were lying down, or at least she was, he was sitting in the driver’s seat, his eyes closed, half asleep judging from his posture and breathing. Clarke bit her lower lip and turned over to stop watching him. Instead she directed her eyes at the night sky and took a deep breath. It was like today wanted to smash all the memories right into her face. The constellations could be seen easier and clearer than she ever remembered. The constellations her Dad would tell her about when she was little. She could remember very well how she preferred the made up star constellation stories he would tell her over the books her mother would sometimes read her. When she could feel tears forming in her eyes she wiped them away fast.

“I studied medicine and was doing an apprenticeship in Washington before the virus spread.” She just said, her eyes now fixed on the ceiling of the car.

“What…?” Bellamy shifted in his seat and opened his eyes, looking at her sleepily until it seemed to click in his head. She was finally answering his prior question. “Oh!” He ran his hands over his face and blinked a few times before he half turned around and looked at her. “So… what happened?”

For a second she held his gaze but for the first time since ever he seemed to be completely serious. Whatever it was that made her start the conversation in the first place made her keep talking now too. “The hospital I did my apprenticeship was in the same city where my Dad worked at the time, so I left my mother and moved in with him. When we realized what was going on, we tried hiding in our apartment…”

“Let me guess.” The young man murmured. “That didn’t work out too well…?”

“No…” At this point Clarke’s voice was no more than a quiet whisper. “We stayed in there for a few days but we were starting to run low on supplies…”

“So what did you do?”

“My Dad left to get food…”

“And he never returned?” Bellamy’s voice was just as low as hers was, like he was worried that if he spoke too loudly he would destroy the peace and trust that was just starting to build between them.

“No, that’s not it… He did return…” Clarke replied after a second.

“Oh…” She was glad Bellamy understood so she didn’t need to say those words. So she didn’t need to say that he wasn’t human anymore, something that should never have happened to him. She wasn’t quite sure why but never saying it out loud kind of made it feel like it wasn’t true. And she liked that feeling too much at the moment. She preferred running away from the horrible reality too much.

“I’m sorry…” The boy finally continued. “But at least you got away. I’m sure that’s what he would have wanted.”

“No…” Clarke whispered and turned her head. She needed to look at him. She needed to see his reaction. She needed to see that he would be just as repulsed and disgusted by her following words like she was. She needed the reassurance, she needed to see how much of a monster she was. “You don’t understand… I… I didn’t just get away…”

He frowned a little. “What…?”

She took a deep breath to regain the steadiness of her voice before she simply said without waiting for him to finish: “I shot him, Bellamy.”

He stopped for a second and just stared at her. _Oh my God, he thinks I’m a monster. He hates me. He will want to get rid of me. Who wants to spend time with a murderer?_ Her thoughts started to race. She should have kept her mouth shut. She shouldn’t have told him. She blinked away a few tears until he suddenly grabbed her hand. “I’m sure it had to be done! Death is better than… than turning into that!”

He shook his head slightly. And suddenly Clarke felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off her chest. She could suddenly breathe more easily but at the same time she could feel some tears making their way down her cheeks. “Bellamy…”

“Sh…” He mumbled, squeezing her hand a little. “It’s going to be okay…” For a second she felt the unbelievable urge to just bury her face in his chest and let him wrap his arms around her. Instead she lowered her glance down to their intertwined hands. “How can I go on?” She asked quietly.

This time it took him a moment until he replied. “We’ll find new reasons to go on, Clarke. We have to.”

She didn’t really know what to reply although she kind of felt like he was right. So she closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. They had talked about her more than enough anyways. “What about you?” She asked therefore.

“Me?” He sounded surprised, like no one ever before had asked him to tell them something about himself.

“Yes, what did you do?”

“I was training to become a cop.”

“Oh, that explains a lot.”

He scuffed. “Excuse me?”

The expression on his face made her laugh. “Sorry, I… I meant now it makes a lot more sense why you’re still alive and everything.”

He grinned slightly. “I also worked at a coffee shop and at a burger place, what does that tell you about me?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Three jobs? Why?”

He shrugged a little and looked away, obviously not being too comfortable with the turn their conversation now took. “I needed money, obviously.”

“What about your parents?”

His following laugh almost sounded bitter. “You sure you are ready to hear my tragic sob story?”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. He had a sad backstory? Let’s talk about surprises. “You listened to mine.”

“Fine, to cut the chitchat, my father left when I was five, a few weeks before Octavia was born and my mother died when I was fifteen due to an overdoses.”

“Bellamy...” Clarke started but she didn't really know what to say. What was the right thing to reply to a statement like that?

He took a deep breath. “It's fine. You don't need to say anything, I know you're sorry for what happened and all that. I've heard it before but it's no help at all...” He sounded bitter, a sound she barely heard in his voice and it made her cringe internally. It sounded so wrong. He was not supposed to feel this way. “Octavia is all I have left.” He finally continued, his voice even lower. “I can't lose her.”

“You won't. You will find her, Bellamy! Even if she won't be in Brooks. You will find her!”

He looked at her, a strange look on his face before he murmured. “Thank you, Clarke.”

She simply smiled at him and they fell silent. All that could be heard was his even breath, disturbing the calm of the night. Clarke was staring out of the window at the starry sky. One of the few things she actually enjoyed about this whole thing was being able to see the stars each night. It somehow comforted her. It reminded her of when she was younger, how she used to look at the stars, find the constellations in them with her Dad. Everything seemed simple and straight forward back then. Never would she have imagined life would get so screwed at some point. It was easier, pretending she was her 9 year old self again, without worries, without problems, with two parents and a whole life ahead of her. Even if that seemed like a lifetime ago now.

Carefully she glanced over at Bellamy. His eyes were closed, his face looked relaxed, he looked way younger than when he was awake. Clarke but her lower lip. She wished she would have been able to say something, to comfort him, to make him feel better. But she just didn't know what to say, what the right words were to cheer him up and make him feel like he wasn't alone because for some reason she wanted to be there for him. It was weird, especially since she usually kept her distance but she couldn't deny that he was unlocking something inside of her. Something weird and strange but the way he sometimes looked at her and the way they could act around each other and talk to each other, it made her feel like there actually was someone who cared.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day came and they took off again as soon as the sun rose. They had gone back to normal, more or less at least. Even though they were sitting next to each other, both seemingly lost in their own thoughts, it felt different, like the invisible wall they had built between them was gone. It had grown into some kind of comfortable feeling. Just sitting next to each other and spending time together.

They were just driving through a small town and Clarke couldn't help but shudder a little. It had turned into some kind of ghost town, every house seemed to be empty, the bakery they just passed was destroyed and no one was anywhere to be seen. It wasn't like she had been expecting anything else but just seeing it again gave her a sinking feeling to her stomach.

"You okay?" Bellamy suddenly asked, the first real words they exchanged for the whole day.

Clarke immediately nodded. "Yeah! Yeah... It's just... Weird. Seeing the town like this."

He sighed and nodded. "I know. They basically all just got up and left but it looks like they just disappeared on the spot..."

She nodded in agreement again. "It makes all of this feel... I don't know, unsettling maybe."

"Yeah. I remember coming here when I was a little boy. I'm not sure but I think some of my Dad's relatives used to live here so when my Mom got pregnant the second time we came here..." His voice grew more silent towards the end, like he was just realizing how personal the information was he was sharing with the blonde girl.

Clarke didn't really know why but there was something about it, when he told her about his past, just like the night before, when he let his guard down that made her dislike him a little less. Then she could actually see him being a history nerd, a protective brother, a loving son.

"Wait, I think I might remember something..." Without so much as waiting for her reply, he took a left turn and drove off of the main road. Clarke made big eyes and grabbed the door handle. "Oh my God! Bellamy! What are you doing?"

For the fraction of a second she thought he lost control over the car but the grin on his face made her think twice. "Trust me."

She sighed. Trust was such a difficult concept and this city was no place she wanted to stay in any longer than necessary. He drove down a semi steep hill behind a line of old houses and a lake appeared right in front of them. He parked the car and turned towards her.

"When was the last time you had a bath?" He asked, obviously really satisfied with his idea. And because for some reason she didn't want to be the one to put an end to his enthusiasm, she smiled a little. "It's been some time."

"Great. Then let's make up for that!" He jumped out of the car and started walking towards the bay. Clarke shook her head a little, the gleaming in his eyes showing her a different side of him yet again. When she came to a stop right next to him, he was still beaming.

"Ready?" He asked while already starting to pull his shirt off.

"Well I..." Clarke paused when she saw his bare chest. She knew he was muscular, his arms and strength had always indicated that but now seeing his bare chest for the first time was something different again. She couldn't help but stare at him for a moment. His laugh indicated he noticed, so she hastily looked away and could feel a blush creeping up her face.

"Let's do it", she finally simply said, already starting to unzip her pants. She was trying not think about it too much. Bellamy was definitely going to see her in less clothing than she had ever expected to be in front of him. When she pulled off her shirt he was walking past her and wading into the water but to her horror she realized that he had taken his boxers off too. He was completely naked. At least the water would be covering his lower body parts soon and she wouldn't have to try too hard not to look. Just in her underwear she came closer to the water.

"How cold is it?" She asked and he turned around forwards her again. "It's fine. It could be worse. But you're not going to come in here in your underwear, are you?"

"What? Of course! I'm -"

"Clarke." He interrupted her. "Seriously. I'm not trying to be a creep or anything but these are our only clothes. If they get wet, what are you going to wear?"

She paused a moment, cursing him for being right. "Fine... Turn around!"

He rolled his eyes but obeyed without further objection. Without thinking about it too much Clarke stripped down her underwear and stepped forward into the water. It was rather cold at first, embracing her whole body and taking her breath away but since she wanted her body to be covered she had no choice.

"Okay." She announced and the young man turned back to her, one eyebrow risen. "Great. I mean, I can't offer any shampoo or shower gel now but at least it's some water, right?" A half grin was plastered across his lips and despite her freezing and uneasiness with being completely naked in front of him, she had to laugh. "Y - yeah." She stuttered.

Noticing the way her teeth were clenching he stopped mid movement and looked at her. "Are you okay?"

"Just cold..." She admitted, finally giving in and hugging herself. Even though the sun had been up for a good three hours, the chilliness of the night had not yet left the lake. She just didn't really understand why that was taking such little effect on Bellamy.

He frowned. "Can I... Can I help you somehow?" For the splinter of a second an image of him embracing her in his arms and warming her up appeared in her head but she hastily pushed it away and shook her head. "No, I'll be fine. I just need to get used to it."

"Okay." He still looked doubtful but didn't argue. Instead he took a few swings and glided through the water. Clarke watched him, rubbing her arms. He dived under water and when he reappeared again his curls were even messier than before. He grinned at her. "You know, if you keep just standing there without moving or anything, you will never get warm."

She rolled her eyes and let herself fall forwards into the water, ignoring the coldness growing bigger and bigger in her body. "Better?" She asked while swimming towards him.

“Much better.” He agreed with a wide grin. After some more swimming around and trying to rub off the dirt and blood on their bodies as well as possible, they just floated in the water next to each other, peacefully and both lost in their own thoughts. It was really weird, Clarke had to admit. If they had met in a life before they probably would never have talked to one another. They seemed too different, yet both of them had a story to tell, more similar than they thought. They were two fallen empires, they had watched their whole life burn to the ground and maybe they were helping each other build it up again now.

She bit her lower lip. The more time she spend with Bellamy, the more she started to see and notice things. He was more than just that asshole. He could be different, he just didn't like to let it on and that seemed somewhat weird to her. Inspecting his face she couldn't help but suddenly feel her fingers twitch. His features seemed almost flawless, his dark eyes, his freckles, his curls. Drawing him would be such a pleasure. Immeasurably she shook her head, trying to stop her track of thoughts and splashed water at him to break the silence that had settled between them.

He turned to her, obviously taken aback by her sudden act and she started to laugh before repeating it. This time he wasn't as petrified but started to defend himself. She tried to avoid the water and they started having a little fun fight, splashing water at each other, trying to protect their faces and hurrying through the lake. She didn't know how much time they spend like that but she finally raised her hands in surrender, her back turned towards him. "Fine! Fine, I'll give up!"

He came to a stop behind her, breathing just as heavy as she did. When he didn't reply she slowly turned her head, he was beaming at her, grinning and looking the happiest she had probably ever seen him. He kind of reminded her of a little boy and she could suddenly see him like that. Before it had been hard to imagine and she hadn't been able to help it but wonder if he had been born the way he was now. She took a deep breath trying to calm down.

"Okay, want to head back then? I don't know how much longer we'll be alone." He asked while already wading towards the shore.

"Yes." He was right. Even though this had been pretty nice and easy, they were still living in an apocalyptic world where dangers were awaiting you everywhere.

"Wait, I might have some kind of towel in my trunk for you." He disappeared behind his car, obviously not caring about his state of nudity at all and for a fact returned with a towel. It didn't look too clean but it was better than nothing so she took it. As soon as she had it wrapped around herself, she let him turn back towards her. She was still shaking and trying to warm up by walking up and down in front of the car when Bellamy stepped in her way, his boxers already put back on. An uneasy expression on his face he opened his arms and took a deep breath.

"This might help a little more than just walking." He offered. For a second Clarke just stared at him, half shocked, half surprised at his action but then without allowing herself to think too much fall into his arms. He was surprisingly hot. After her experience with the ice cold lake water, she had expected him to feel cold too. Instead his body was giving away so much warmth and it immediately embraced Clarke.

“Thanks”, she whispered and a small smile crossed his lips. For a moment, Clarke let herself fall. She closed her eyes, leaned closer to him and took a deep breath. She didn’t know why but suddenly she felt protected, like nothing in this world could hurt her, like he wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. She felt safe and at peace, a feeling she had been missing for days. A few more silent moments passed before he whispered: “Are you feeling better?”

She cleared her throat. “Oh, yes. Much better.”

“Good. So… you want to get dressed again?”

“Yeah.” She agreed. She knew he was not trying to be rude but he was worried, trying to be reasonable, as he said before, it probably wouldn’t take much longer until the walkers would appear.

As soon as he let his arms sink again she found herself miss his warmth though and cursed herself. But as to not let it show she turned away immediately and walked around the car and to the passenger’s side where she had stored her clothes. When she was dressed again, Bellamy jumped into the car and onto the driver’s seat. “Ready to take off Princess?”

She rolled her eyes at the nickname but nodded without further ado and climbed into the car next to him. While he backed up up the hill again, she looked at him. “How much longer do you think it will take for us to get to Brooks?”

He shrugged. “Maybe a two days? Three?”  

She nodded before leaning back and closing her eyes.


	4. Four is a Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THE FEEDBACK IN ANY WAYS! That just keeps making me so happy, almost as happy as Bellamy and Clarke are making me.
> 
> I hope you all got to see the lastest episode and enjoyed it. Even though there wasn't too much Bellarke, I still kinda liked it. The promo for next episode got me excited tho and now I can't wait ugh! What do you think? LET ME KNOW!

"Here is the plan." Bellamy started while parking the car in front of a small supermarket at the end of the road. "I'm pretty positive no one is going to be in that store but just in case, we go in and someone is there, you just run back to the car, okay? Don't argue, whatsoever. Just get out of there."

Clarke raised an eyebrow. She didn't like that idea too much. "You think he or she will just let us run off after we intruded his territory?"

"I'll take care of him or her. You just get out of there."

"Why? I could be of help."

"No, you..."

"Bellamy! I'm not your little sister, okay? If something goes wrong in there, we'll take care of it together!" It was almost weird how easily and smooth the word together seemed to leave her mouth now. She remember just a few days ago when she couldn't even imagine feeling like that towards anyone ever again, like they had some kind of bond, like they somehow could rely on each other.

He growled. "If no one's in there, we grab what we can find and still return to the car as fast as possible."

Clarke nodded. That sounded reasonable. They left the car just seconds later and headed for the store, Bellamy carrying his gun, Clarke a knife ignoring his disapproving look. He entered first, checking aisle for aisle but everything seemed safe and clear. Before he could even announce that to Clarke she already walked past him, heading for a stall still stocked with bread. While grabbing the loafs, she looked around again. What else was there? Unfortunately the fruits already looked half rotten so she made her way down the aisle with hygienic products. Seeing shampoo and showering gel really made her miss a real shower in her old home. Taking a bath in a weird lake really seemed to be the best they could do lately. Turning around the aisle she found drinking bottles. Most were torn and empty but she managed to find three containers still filled with liquid.

"Clarke." Bellamy's voice disrupted the silence and she looked up. He sounded serious, way too serious for this kind of situation. They had found food and water! He should be cheerful.

"What? I..."

"Where are you? Come here! Right now!"

She frowned. What was wrong? He sounded urgent so she simply obeyed. When she stepped out of the aisle she saw him, standing in the entrance, his gun pointed at something right outside. She could only make out two shady figures and panic grabbed her. Walkers! "Bellamy..."

"Stand behind me!"

She hesitated but why? She had come to terms with the fact that she trusted him so what was she worrying about? Readjusting her grip on the products she had just collected she stepped into the light behind him and stopped. She didn't see the expected walkers but two young men, both wearing a mask. They looked rather slim, with hardly any muscles on their body. Clarke was sure Bellamy could easily have taken both of them if it came down to a combat fight but right now they were both pointing a gun at him. She tensed a little.

"We didn't mean to intrude your territory!" Clarke called.

They exchanged a look, as if they were unsure of what to do.

Bellamy took a deep breath. "We don't want any trouble. Just let us leave and you won't see us ever again."

The boys didn't move and Clarke took a step forward. "Listen." She said.

"Clarke!" Bellamy hissed, trying to make her stand behind him again but she ignored him.

"We are no threat to you. We don't want to start a fight. We were simply looking for some food and some water." Suddenly the shorter one lowered his gun and so the other one followed suit. Clarke relaxed and looked over her shoulder at Bellamy who was still pointing his gun at them. She raised an eyebrow at him but he shook his head, without so much as even letting them out of his sight. "No way!"

She sighed. "Excuse him. He's a bit suspicious."

"He is right to be." The one on the left lifted up his mask. He seemed to be of Asian origin, with black hair and a slim body. He couldn't be any older than 16, maybe 17. "But we don't want trouble either. Our car broke down two days ago, so we had to travel by foot until we came across this store. No one else was here so we stayed here for the night. And I'm Monty by the way." He outstretched his hand and took a step towards Clarke.

Bellamy jerked his gun around at him. "Don't come any closer!"

"Bellamy! It's fine!" The other one who had lifted up his mask as well didn't appear to be much older. They couldn't be much of a threat. Clarke was sure that even she could have taken them with some effort.

"You don't know that!"

She rolled her eyes before taking a step right in front of the trigger and walking towards Monty to shake his hand. "I'm Clarke. And that's Bellamy, as you probably already know."

The second boy shook her hand too, a slight grin on his face. "I'm Jasper."

"So, where are you heading?" Monty asked.

"West." Even though she wasn't as suspicious as Bellamy she still didn't want to press her luck. After all, Bellamy was right. She didn't know these kids at all. When she turned to take a quick look at Bellamy, she could see that even though he still looked grumpy and clutched his gun in one hand, he had lowered it and taken a step closer.

"What do you think?" She asked. "Want to come along?"

"What?" All three of them asked at once.

"Well, you need a ride, right? And we still got some space left."

"No offense, but no. We don't know them." Bellamy argued.

"The more the merrier. We have better chances of surviving. More eyes mean more covered space."

Bellamy didn't look happy at all with that suggestion. Jasper and Monty exchanged a look before they both nodded slightly, as if a silent agreement had been made. "If it's fine with the both of you, we'd take the offer."

Clarke looked at Bellamy who returned that look with a mixture of disbelief and desperation. "Clarke..."

"Trust me." She didn't know why but she had a good feeling about this. It wasn't like she had always been best with getting along with people or relying on her gut feeling since she preferred thinking and being logical but she usually knew whether they were trustworthy at all or not.

He pulled his hair and growled. "We need a moment." He grabbed her elbow and pulled her with him a few feet away from the two boys. "Clarke, listen to me! For all we know they could be mass murderers who were able to break out of prison now that there are no laws anymore!"

Clarke snorted. "Have you taken a look at them?"

They turned around. While Jasper tried to balance his gun on one of his fingers with his tongue half stuck out, Monty watched him skeptically, which made him look even younger.

"Okay, maybe they're no mass murderers... But we still don't know if we can trust them!"

"Do you seriously believe they could take us? Bellamy, even I could beat them up."

He rolled his eyes. "That's not the point."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't trust them. Trusting people, especially strangers, these days leads to your certain death!"

She shook her head. "Why did you trust me then?"

"I didn't trust you right away."

"You didn't hesitate on giving me a ride. I didn't even have to ask."

"That was different."

"What was different about that?"

He growled a little and pulled his hair again. "Clarke..."

"Do you really have a bad feeling about this? I mean, if this was before, would you be suspicious of them?"

He sighed. "No, but this isn't before. This is after..."

Clarke took a deep breath and touched his arm lightly. "We'll be stronger in a group. And we are more people looking for Octavia. Maybe they have seen her." This made him stop, just like Clarke had expected. "You never know. Maybe we are increasing your chances of finding your sister by taking them in." She had to admit, she also felt kind of bad for the boys. They seemed way too young to be able to survive on their own and she had always had a knack for feeling responsible towards others.

Bellamy still pulled his hair but nodded. "Fine! But if it goes wrong, it's on you!"

"I take full responsibility", she agreed.

The older man walked past her and towards the boys. "Listen up." He growled. "You can come along but make as much as one wrong move, harm her or me in any way and you are out again. Got it?"

Clarke had to suppress a small grin. He sure did know how to make an impression, judging from the looks on their faces.

"Good. Grab anything edible and drinkable you can find and then we head back to the car!"

Said, done and approximately fifteen minutes later they were all sat back in the car. Bellamy and Clarke occupying the front seats, while Jasper and Monty were sitting in the back. An awkward silence ruled while Bellamy was adjusting the rear view window, checking on the two younger boys again.

"So… what is the plan?" Jasper finally dared to ask.

"We are going to Texas."

"Texas?" The Asian boy asked a little unsure. "We heard it is not very safe…"

"Well." Bellamy opened the glove compartment and pulled out a map. "That's very unfortunate but we have some unfinished business there. But if you are too scared, you are free to get out of the car right now." He put on a fake smile and Clarke rolled her eyes before turning around to actually face the two boys.

"Don't listen to him. Nothing will happen. Don't worry." She glared at the oldest one but he was deep into studying the map.

"Where are we here exactly?" He asked, addressing Monty and Jasper.

"A few miles from Atlanta."

"Right…"

Clarke sighed when she noticed the lost look on his face and grabbed the map out of his grip. "You drive. I take care of the directions."

Even though he looked like he was about to argue at first, he simply ignited the car and they took off again. Clarke studied the map and it didn't take long until she found the little dot in the south on it which was named after their location. If she was right, it would take them approximately about three to four more days to reach Brooks. When she shot a sideways glance at Bellamy, she could see his new found determination again. She couldn't deny that it looked good on him. It was a real contrary to his lost expression he had worn the first days. _No!_ She warned herself and forced her eyes back to the map. This was a bad idea, starting to think about him like that. It would most likely lead to attachment and attachment ultimately always lead to suffering. And after everything she was definitely done with that.

Even though Bellamy could somehow see why Clarke wanted to take the two younger boys in, he kept an eye on them throughout the whole drive. After everything he had been through, he was not going to go down because of some strange kids they picked up on the road. It was all really weird in general if he thought about it. Just a week ago he had been all alone, looking for his sister, cursing himself to death. And now he was driving a car fully loaded with three other people. And at least one of them was different to him.

He didn't really know what it was but something about Clarke just kind of got a hold on him. He knew how dangerous and stupid that was, especially in the world they were now living in but this was one these things that no one had control over. Maybe it was his gut feeling, his instinct that told him to give it a shot with her. When he rescued her the first time they met, it was a risk to just invite her to come along with him. Even though she was a girl, Octavia had proven him time and time again that they should not be underestimated. She could have been anyone in the world before, from a Harvard student to a widely searched serial killer.

They didn't talk much except for Clarke's occasional word of direction until Jasper cleared his throat. "Can we stop at the next gas station?"

"Why?" Bellamy asked skeptically.

"Well, I need to pee."

"Then you better hold it." He growled. The last thing he needed was these two slowing them down.

"Bellamy!" Clarke warned and shot him a look.

He rolled his eyes at her. Why was she siding with them? Wasn't it already nice enough that they took the boys in? "What?" He asked when she just kept looking at him like that.

"Don't be such an asshole! Just pull over at the next gas station!"

"We don't have time for bathroom breaks every five minutes!" He defended his opinion even though he already knew his argument was invalid.

"We didn't stop since we picked them up which was over six hours ago!"

"So? I don't need to pee!"

She cocked an eyebrow at him, challengingly. "But I do and you never refused to pull over for me so far."

"Clarke…" He started but she had a point. Every time Clarke had told him she needed to pee he had stopped at the next gas station without complaint. So yes, he be damned but he didn't like them and what he liked even less was that Clarke seemed to like them even more. And that was his way of at least giving them some kind of a hard time. "Okay fine!" He finally gave in though. Because if he had learned one thing about Clarke Griffin during the time they had spent together so far it was that arguing with her made no sense. She was right, at least most of the time.

It didn't take long until the street signs declared a gas station and 5 Miles later one came in sight so Bellamy pulled over. "You all go, I don't want to stop within the next two hours again!" He growled. "I'll stay in the car!"

"Thanks Mr. Grumpy." Clarke grinned before they left.

He sighed and leaned back to relax a moment when something caught his eye. A second car! They were not alone! He sat up straight in his seat and frantically checked their surroundings with his eyes. The station itself looked deserted and dark so maybe he or she or they were just like them, passing through and nothing else. Still, he was not willing to take any chances, at least not with Clarke. He was not going to make the same mistake twice. So he got out of the car and slowly made his way towards the bathrooms. To his great discomfort he had to realize there that the ladies' room was around the corner, so without further hesitation he sprinted around said corner. To his great horror his view of Clarke was shielded by a tall man's back.

"Let go of me!" Clarke was just hissing and that was all it took for Bellamy to react.

"Hey!" He growled, coming closer. "Is there a problem here?"

The distraction he caused enabled Clarke to free her arm from the stranger's grip and take a step back.

"No. We were just talking. Now, go and mind your own business!" The man answered, turning around to glare at the intruder. Judging from the features on his face, he was about 30 to 35 years old, with a full beard, cuts on his face and a tired look. Bellamy narrowed his eyes while disgust made its way up his throat by just thinking about the things the man had probably been thinking about doing to Clarke. "She is my business and I wasn't asking you! Are you okay, Clarke?"

Even though she was rubbing her arm as if the man's grip had been too tight on her, she nodded. "I'm fine."

"Okay. Get back to the car. I'll be there in a second."

"Not so fast!" The stranger reached for Clarke's arm again. "We were just about to have some fun!"

"Stay away from me!" She hissed, jumping backwards.

Bellamy growled. "I'm warning you! Don't touch her!"

"Don't get on my nerves, pretty boy!"

"I advise you to leave as long as you still can!" Bellamy continued while stepping in between her and the man. Even though he was almost two feet taller than him, Bellamy was not scared.

"Are you seriously threatening me?" He asked, almost amused while taking one step closer, so that he was now only two inches away from Bellamy. He could already smell his foul breath, which almost made him gag. Clarke sighed and shook her head before closing the small distance that was still between her and Bellamy and lightly touching his arm. "No, he is not worth it. Come on, Bellamy!"

Obviously Bellamy was of a different opinion because he didn't move.

"If you don't want to get your head smashed, you should listen to your girlfriend!" The stranger barked. Bellamy was just about to give a snarky come back when a scream tore through the tensed mood between them and they all spun around.

"Guys!" Jasper stumbled around the corner. "Walkers! We need to get away from here!"

Cursing Bellamy grabbed his gun before turning and placing his other hand on Clarke's lower back. "Let's go." Before they passed the man, Bellamy gave him one last warning glance before focusing on Jasper.

"Where is Monty?" Clarke asked.

He pointed at the restroom. "Still in there! With Walkers."

He looked desperate and Bellamy took a deep breath. He should have known it would come to this. "You two go back to the car! Lock the doors so no one else can get in! I'll get Monty!"

"I'll come with you!" Clarke answered.

"No, it's too dangerous!"

"What?! I won't need your protection! I want to help Monty!"

Why the hell did she have to be so stubborn? He could feel the annoyance take him over. "Jasper! Take her to the car with you! The longer we stay here, the worse for Monty!" And without giving either one of them a chance to reply, he turned towards the door and walked in. Mistake! He realized the same second because a Walker immediately jumped at him. He didn't even get a chance to assess the situation, locate Monty or see how many enemies were with them. Just in time he ducked under its arm and avoided to make the acquaintance of its teeth. The creature made a low grunting sound, breathing heavily. Obviously it would take him a moment to regain its composer. That was all Bellamy needed, so he straightened up again and shot. He hit him right in the eye and the creature went down.

Unfortunately the noises had attracted the attention of the other Walkers too. They had just been banging on one of the bathroom stalls so he was guessing Monty was hiding in it. A quick glance around the room assured him. There was no other way out, he would have to shot the four Walkers left too. What a waste of bullets but what other choice did he have? So he simply raised his arm and shot once, twice, three times, four and five before all of them were lying on the ground. For a second he stared down on them. It had been easy killing them, sure because he had been able to keep his distance and they were very slow and apparently pretty dumb but dangerous none the less. One bite and you were on of them, no known cure, you were lost forever. Maybe one of the worst parts about this was that if they had not been killed before they turned they still looked somewhat human. If it wasn't for their empty eyes, expressionless faces, foul smell and blackish skin.

He tore his eyes away from the corpses before walking up to the door. "Monty?"

"Bellamy?" The boy's voice was flushed with relief and he unlocked the door before peeking outside. When he saw the older man's face he took a deep breath and obviously overwhelmed with emotion hugged him. Bellamy made big eyes, not having expected such a reaction. He patted his back a little awkwardly.

"Thank you!" Monty said. "I thought I was going to…" He didn't even finish the sentence but he didn't need to. Bellamy knew what he was going to say and why he didn't do it. Turning was even worse than dying, no questions asked.

He shook his head a little. "So, you're okay? They didn't get to you?"

"No." He outstretched his arms towards him and turned them from left to right. His skin was free from any form of wound so Bellamy nodded.

"Alright. Let's get back before any more of them show up."

Monty followed him outside, still a little shaky. "I think someone locked them up." He explained. "Because while I was washing my hands and Jasper was waiting at the door they broke out of the stall to the very left. So I had no way of escaping anymore…" The younger boy obviously seemed really shaken by the incident so Bellamy gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"Whatever, it's all good now." He gave him a small grin when they reached the car again before climbing inside.

"Monty!" Jasper hugged his best friend fiercely and he returned it. Bellamy watched them a little amused in the rear view mirror. He had to admit, it felt kind of good, knowing he had done something right for once. Saved someone instead of losing them. Even though Clarke was obviously ignoring him, he felt like he had made the right decision.

"Everyone good?" He asked.

"Let's just get away from here!" Jasper demanded and Bellamy nodded before igniting the car and speeding away. Maybe letting Monty and Jasper join them wasn't all too bad in the end he thought while passing by a sign that read _Brooks County 400 Miles_. They were back on track, he was really not all alone anymore, soon they would reach Brooks and if he was really lucky, possibly find Octavia there.


	5. Partners in Crime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos people! Really glad about it! 
> 
> I hope you are still enjoying this story and the way I'm taking it now :)

Throughout the rest of the day, Clarke did not speak another word to Bellamy. Even though that slightly annoyed him, he decided to ignore it. He simply knew this whole act too well from Octavia and usually he would just sit it out with his sister as well. So as the evening progressed, the silence did as well. That was until the sun started to set and he started looking for a place to park the car.

"Where are we going to spend the night?" Jasper asked after a moment of hesitation. Obviously the tension between them had not gone completely unnoticed.

"In the car." Bellamy replied though, not quite sure what Jasper and Monty were expecting.

"Wouldn't it be much safer to stay in a house?"

He frowned. He had never really considered, leaving the car overnight and sleeping in one of the empty houses. Which might be because he wasn't always around houses every night and even though the owners would most likely never return, considering they were either turned, dead or on the run too, he felt like he was kind of invading someone's privacy in a way he was not supposed to do. So he faltered and looked over at Clarke. She was not over her mood swing yet, so she still pretend he was not present and kept her eyes focused on the boys in the backseat.

"I don't know if that is such a good idea. We never know who or what might be waiting for us inside." She commented.

"Jasper and I used to spend almost every night in a house. Usually after checking each room and locking all doors, you are safer than in a car. And sometimes you can even find some real food there, which is not too bad either. I mean, it's just a suggestion but…" He trailed off and shrugged.

Bellamy looked around at all of the now empty houses facing the street they were driving down. Judging from the looks of the buildings, wealthy families used to live here before everything happened. The houses were huge, with gardens and garages.

"I think we should do it." He agreed and since he was not expecting Clarke to object, he pulled over and drove up the gateway of the building to their left. As soon as he had stopped the car, they all stopped for a second and listened. Luckily most of the Walkers announced their appearance or presence with some loud noises but the fresh night air was quiet.

"Let's go then!" Bellamy said, while collecting Octavia's picture and his weapons before opening his door. As soon as they had entered the house (luckily most people took off in such a rush that almost no doors all across country seemed to be locked), they listened closely again. But it was still quiet.

"If we are lucky enough, we are alone." Monty grinned. Bellamy nodded. Even though entering a house was risky, considering all the things that could be waiting for them, he had to admit it was kind of a genius move to get shelter and maybe even some supplies. "Two of us should check the rooms down here and the other two should check upstairs." Bellamy murmured.

"Let's go, Monty." Clarke murmured and headed for the stairs. Bellamy sighed but decided to just let her go. She was not his responsibility anyways. If she was so eager to put herself in dangerous situations, fine, then that's what he would let her do. Or at least, that's what he had to convince himself of. So he simply turned around, gun at the ready and made his way towards the next room, Jasper on his heels.

"I am sure she'll come around, Bellamy…" He murmured right before he could open the door.

Surprised at these words he looked back the younger man. "She can do whatever she wants." He raised his gun, took a deep breath and stepped into the next room, which turned out to be the living room. Luckily they found it to be empty.

"Yes but wanting to protect her is not a bad thing. If I had a girlfriend, I would…"

"Wow, wait! What did you say? A girlfriend?"

"Yeah, isn't Clarke your girlfriend?"

"No! No, I just met her like a week ago. I picked her up on the road."

"Oh. That's… awkward. Sorry. You two just seemed very… Never mind."

Bellamy made a face before turning away and continued their way. His mind was racing though. What could have made Monty and Jasper think that they were couple? After spending less than a day with them? He shook his head. Maybe they were just assuming because they were traveling together. He had no time to waste thinking about that anyways. They checked the next room, which lead to the terrace and secured the door outside. After checking two more rooms, the kitchen and some kind of a second living room, they could hear Monty and Clarke return from upstairs.

"Everything is clear." Monty announced.

Bellamy nodded in agreement. "Same down here. We locked all the doors and windows. No one should be able to get in here without us noticing."

"Anyone hungry?" Clarke simply continued after a moment of silence.

"Do you really need to ask?" Jasper grinned and Clarke laughed a little before walking in the opposite direction of the kitchen.

Bellamy crossed his arms and cleared his throat. "The kitchen is on the other direction."

Clarke stopped and turned around slowly, looked at him for a moment but then just walked in the right direction without a word. Monty and Jasper exchanged an awkward look before following her and Bellamy sighed before mumbling to himself: "Of course, you're welcome."

In the kitchen Clarke was already looking through the cupboards. "Can we still have the things in the fridge?"

"What does the date of expiry say?" Bellamy asked.

Clarke turned the can over in her hand for a moment. "I can't find it."

"Show me." He outstretched his hand and she narrowed her eyes. Seriously? He suppressed a sigh. He was trying to help her, for God's sake. When she finally handed him the can, she turned around and walked over to one of the cupboards. He shook his head before checking the can himself. But Clarke was right, he couldn't find a date imprinted on it either.

"I say we open it and take a look. Besides, canned food can be eaten for a pretty long time, right?"

"Yes." Monty confirmed. "We used to eat all the canned food when we broke into houses. It's the safest food."

"Okay." He placed it back on the counter and Clarke put two more cans next to it.

"Looks like it will be raviolis tonight." She explained. "I'll take care of it."

"Monty, Japser, set the table." Bellamy ordered. "I'll make sure we'll stay safe during the night."

After an awkward dinner, Clarke, Monty and Jasper decided to rest and went upstairs, while Bellamy had announced he would stay awake, despite the safety that the house offered, just in case. In Clarke's opinion the fact that Bellamy was the one to not sleep was stupid, considering he was also the one who drove them around all day but she didn't object. She was still too mad at him.

Expecting to sleep well, with a full stomach for the first time in almost a month and exhaustion living in her bones, Clarke had laid down. Still, two hours later, she had not gotten a wink of sleep and was tossing and turning around in her bed. This was really senseless. After all there was a reason as to why she couldn't sleep and she knew why, she just couldn't admit it. She was holding onto the anger inside of her too tightly, like she didn't want it to disappear although it was starting to do exactly that.

With a deep sigh she sat up and looked around the room. There was a picture on the wall that caught her eye. She had not really noticed it before since she had entered in such a rush and went straight to bed. So she got up and walked to the wall to inspect the photo a little closer. It was of a brown haired man holding a blonde woman in his arms. He was definitely handsome and she was even prettier. They looked good together. They matched, the way some people just did. They were both smiling at the camera on a summer's day. They looked happy and Clarke couldn't help but wonder what happened to them. She wondered if maybe they got away together and were on the road now, just like them or if… She stopped her thoughts there. No, she didn't want to imagine any other scenarios. She simply hoped that they had made it out together.

She took another a deep breath and bit her lip. She knew there was something she should probably still do, something she had not yet acknowledged at all but that was starting to nag at her. So before she could convince herself to just go back to bed and try to get the rest she needed she exited her room and went back downstairs. Since she heard loud snoring as she passed Monty's and Jasper's room for the night, she could at least be sure they would be undisturbed. Reentering the living room she saw Bellamy and despite her expectations, he was not lying down on the couch where his made up bed was built. Instead he was sitting on the ground in front of the fireplace and staring into the dying down flames.

For a second Clarke considered just turning around and leaving him in peace with his thoughts but she knew, if she wasn't going to talk to him now, she would never do it. So she cleared her throat to let him know she was there and not startle him. "Hey…"

He looked over his shoulder and sighed. "Hey…" He didn't sound too happy but whether that was caused by her appearance or wherever his thoughts had been just seconds ago, she couldn't tell. She still decided to come closer and take a seat on the armchair to his left before she took a deep breath. "I… I couldn't sleep…" She started. Why was it so hard to simply say thank you for her?

"I figured." Even though he didn't turn around to look at her, his voice hinted at an amused expression on his face.

"Yeah…"

"So, you came down to tell me we could switch places? I sleep, you stay up?" He was teasing her, she knew it but still rolled her eyes.

"No, I came down here to… I don't even know why…" She lied and he finally turned around to face her. But the way he studied her face now didn't make it any better. She hated this, the way he sometimes looked at her, like there was not one thing she could keep hidden from him, like he could read her like an open book. She glanced down.

"I don't know why we never thought of spending the night in a house before." He continued after a second.

She knew she didn't deserve this. She would deserve him ignoring her and being an asshole to her the way she had been all day. But she was glad he just pretend nothing happened. So she shrugged. "Yeah, I don't know… It kind of feels wrong… I mean these houses belong to people."

"I am aware but I doubt they will ever come back and complain."

"But it feels like invading their privacy…"

Now it was up to him to shrug. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind, Clarke, considering the circumstances."

"Maybe… I found a picture of them upstairs, a young couple and they looked really happy… What do you think happened to them?" For a moment she paused, almost expecting him to laugh at her. It was a stupid question to ask out loud and maybe the answer Bellamy had was one she didn't want to hear.

But to her surprise, he said: "I think they got away in time. I found an officer's mark, probably belonging to the guy and they usually know what's up." He offered her a smile and she had to admit she kind of felt reassured.

He seemed to sense that because he nodded towards the stairs. "You should go back to bed, Clarke. Someone needs to drive tomorrow after all."

She raised her eyebrows. "What?"

"If I stay up the whole night, I can't drive, I don't want to kill us and since I won't let neither Monty nor Jasper take control, you will drive."

"Generous." The blonde grinned.

"You know me."

She was about to get up but stopped herself. She didn't come down here to talk to him about the owners of the house. "Bellamy… I… I also wanted to say thank you for helping me when this creep had me cornered earlier..."

At these words the ghost of a smile touched his lips and he nodded a little. "I know." She snorted and he continued: "You're welcome."

At these words, she managed to return the smile a little awkwardly but didn't really know what else to say. A moment of silence passed before he raised his voice again: "So… is there anything else?"

Clarke faltered. "Well… I… I'm also sorry for the way I treated you today. But I was really mad you send me away like some small child."

He sighed again and pulled his hair. "I know but that way I could focus solely on Monty and I wasn't distracted with making sure you were safe too."

His explanation didn't satisfy her at all. "I'm not your little sister, Bellamy… You don't have to protect me…"

"I know that, okay? That still doesn't mean I have to put you in any more danger than necessary."

"But putting you into that danger is fine?"

"I can take care of myself!"

"So can I!" She argued. She hated someone taking responsibility for her. She was old enough and she had been doing just fine before she met him.

"Clarke…" There was something patronizing about his voice and that made the anger that had almost disappeared completely after their previous conversation climb back to the surface. "No! I'm serious, Bellamy! It doesn't work that way with us! I'm your equal!"

"I know! And I'm not trying to put myself above you! Like I said, I'm trying to protect you!"

Why was it so hard for him to understand that? Just because his sister was gone didn't mean he had to jump right onto the next girl and try to be all brotherly protective! "If you keep acting like that then you will always make me feel like I'm your superior! Equal means you let me come with you, no matter what situation!"

He made a face and turned away. "I can't promise you that…"

"God! Why don't you understand this?! I'm…"

"No!" He jumped back around, a pained expression crossing his face. "Trust me! I am aware you are not my sister! But that still doesn't mean I will just stand back and watch when some Walker or some creep tries to get his hands on you! You're my equal, you're my partner, we help each other out and that means we take care of each other! So, no, I won't just let you walk into dangerous situations and expose you to danger if it is not necessary! If you want to be mad at me for that, fine, be mad. I don't care but I'm not risking losing someone again, Clarke!"

They stared at each other and he seemed to be just as surprised at his words like she was. For some reason she had not yet caught up on the fact she might actually mean something to him by this point. Sure, she had to admit, for whatever reason the thought of something happening to him actually made her feel weird, uneasy, almost sad. And maybe that was part of the reason why he leaving her behind and walking into such a situation on his own made her so furious. It wasn't simply because she felt like he didn't believe she was tough enough but also the fact that there had been a possibility that he might not come back. And maybe he felt the same way about her. It was like her dislike for him and his painfully arrogant ways had transformed into some sort of acceptance and respect. She had seen him listening to her, trying to cheer her up, actually trying to help her, risking his life for a boy they barely knew.

And as much as she hated that, she understood what he meant with his last words because she felt the same way about him. She didn't want to see him the way she had been forced to see her Dad and he didn't want to lose her to the apocalypse the way he feared he had failed his sister. This realization hit her hard and she swallowed. "Bellamy…" She started, not even really sure of what she was going to say.

But he just shook his head and made a dismissive hand gesture, although his own words had made him upset too, possibly bringing up the memory of losing Octavia all over again, and maybe making him think of what could have happened to Clarke before.

She bit her lip and then without thinking too much about it, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. It took him another moment but when she finally felt him returning her hug, she weakly smiled against his chest. This was a start, right? And feeling his arms around her made her feel something, warm somehow, protected, at peace. It was a good feeling. A feeling she really needed to feel every now and then, a feeling she had barely felt in a long time.

They stayed like this for a few more moments before she finally pulled away to look at him. "If this should work from now on, we need to do things together."

He raised one eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we don't walk into dangerously stupid situations alone, we talk about things before we do them, we act together, we decide together, we take care of things together. Can you do that?"

For a long moment he just looked at her, with that studying glance again and she somehow almost expected him to decline, to insist on him doing all the dangerous work and her just leaning back and keeping her feet still but a small smile made its way on his face and he nodded. "Alright. Together."

Relived and glad that she had made herself come down here and talk to him, she returned his smile, more confident and assured this time. Maybe having Bellamy with her wasn't too bad after all. Maybe Bellamy himself wasn't too bad after all. Getting into his car and accompanying him on his way was at least not a decision she felt that she was going to regret. "Good. I'm going to bed for real then."

He grinned, checking the clock. "You have five more hours before I'm going to wake you all up."


	6. We keep falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the previous ones, idk if it's a little too long though and idk if I can keep this length up.  
> We'll see about that ;)
> 
> Hope you still enjoy this chapter :)

Just like Bellamy had told Clarke, he woke them all up barely five hours later and after a scarce breakfast, they were all sat in the car again. The upside of not owning too many things was definitely being able to pack up and leave so quickly. But opposed to all the other times they were seated in the car, this time Bellamy was on the passenger's seat and Clarke ignited the engine. While she backed up out of their parking spot, Bellamy tried to get comfortable.

"You know the way?" He asked. He didn't sound disbelieving or doubting, he just sounded tired and Clarke kind of felt bad for him.

"Yes." She confirmed therefore, not even trying to pick a fight or be mad that he second guessed her.

He simply nodded and closed his eyes. He deserved to get some rest. After the talk they had the previous night, she felt closer to him. It was weird, really but the fact that he had not laughed at her for thinking about the owners of the house or for giving him such a hard time because of what had happened at the gas station but instead taken her seriously and reassured her, had made her feel good about him.

While driving down the road, she shot a sideways glance at him. He had already fallen asleep, his features so much softer and younger than when he was awake. She really liked that side of him. It was similar to the one he showed her last night. When he was vulnerable and admitted to his weaknesses. Over and over again he had now proven to her that he wasn't half as bad as she would have liked to think. On the opposite, he could be a good guy. He could be the hero of the story, if he wanted to but unfortunately she felt like too many times, he didn't want to.

When the sun had passed its highest point, they had stopped once so far for a short bathroom break. For a second Clarke had considered waking Bellamy up, in case anything happened but decided against it. First of all, he really needed his sleep and she didn't want to disturb him and secondly, they were still three people who could defend themselves. Still she had to admit she felt relieved when they were all back in the car, with Bellamy still fast asleep. She knew he would have been angry if he had woken up just to find them all gone but she had been lucky. They didn't meet any unpleasant surprises outside and he didn't wake up. So when she started the car again and drove out of the parking lot, she relaxed a little. If they were lucky, they might be able to reach Brooks without any more unplanned disasters.

She swallowed when a sudden realization hit her. What would happen if they got there and Bellamy would find his sister? Obviously he wouldn't need her or Monty or Jasper anymore and their ways would part. Where would she go afterwards? Should she try to get back to New York and find Wells? The possibility of him still being there was very slim, granted but where else would she go? She had nowhere to be, no one left to look for. She would be alone again and even though she had been trying really hard to convince herself that being alone was better and was what she was best fit for, the thought of it kind of scared her now.

After spending so much time with the three boys surrounding her, which felt like a lifetime considering what had already happened, she didn't want to imagine going back to fighting alone again. Monty and Jasper had each other after all, Bellamy would have his sister back and she would be the only one left. She bit her lip, deep in thought she had not been paying too much attention to the road and was only pulled back into reality by Monty's scream: "Clarke! Watch out!"

A little girl was kneeling on the road, only a few yards ahead. To avoid running her over Clarke had to step on the brakes hard and the car came to an abrupt stop, waking Bellamy up and making them all yank forward.

"Jesus!" Bellamy growled while blinking and looking over at her. "What's…?" He stopped when he followed her glance and saw what had caused their sudden stop. "Oh my God…" He opened the car door without hesitation but Clarke grabbed his arm. "Wait! What if this is a trap?"

Bellamy frowned but Jasper was already jumping out of the car. "She is a little girl, Clarke. Calm down." Monty didn't look as relaxed as Jasper did but reluctantly got out as well.

Bellamy freed his arm and sighed. "He is right, Clarke. I doubt she will be able to do anything to us."

Unease made its way into her stomach as she watched Bellamy follow Jasper towards the girl, who was still kneeling on the ground, watching the two men approaching her with big eyes. The woods they were currently driving through offered way too much protection for whoever might have set this whole thing up and she wanted to get away as soon as possible.

The blonde girl took a deep breath before she let herself out of the car and took a few steps towards the others so she could hear what they were saying.

"Hey." Bellamy kneeled down in front of the child so they could see eye to eye. "My name is Bellamy and this is my friend Jasper." He explained. "Who are you?"

When she replied, her voice was unsteady and scared and Clarke had to focus to catch her words: "I – I'm Ch – Charlotte."

Bellamy smiled at her. "That is a very pretty name. What are you doing here, Charlotte? Are you alone?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "I'm scared…"

"You don't have to be anymore. We will help you, okay? Are you hurt?"

Tears started forming in her eyes and Bellamy touched her shoulder. "Don't cry. It will all be okay! You are not alone anymore, Ch…" His voice was cut off by a scream and they all jumped around. Monty, who was the only one still next to the car, was lying on the ground, a large man, wearing all black and a horror mask hovering above him.

"Hey!" Clarke yelled and without thinking about it twice started running towards him. Before she could reach them, the stranger had pulled out a gun and was pointing it at her. "Don't come any closer!" He warned.

Clarke stopped and raised her hands. "Let him go!"

"I have no interest in hurting your little friend!" He shot back, his voice still warning. "We just want the car!"

We? Clarke blinked confused before turning her head. Four more men were appearing between the trees, every single one of them masked. She looked over her shoulder, back at Bellamy who had gather up Charlotte, his back towards her, facing the strangers, and Jasper who had followed her, staring at Monty on the ground.

"Then let him go!" He demanded, narrowing his eyes.

"Give the girl back to us." One of them growled, pointing at Bellamy and Charlotte.

She winced and he shook his head. "No way!"

All of them raised their guns this time. "I'm not asking again!"

Clarke started walking backwards until the three of them were standing back to back, with Charlotte in between them. "Take the car and leave!" Bellamy replied.

"Not gonna happen." The one pointing his gun at Clarke spit, stopping right in front of her and cocking his gun.

Clarke swallowed and Bellamy growled. "Hey! Easy! We don't want any trouble! Just take the car and leave the girl and our friend!"

The one in front of Clarke shook his head. "Last chance if you don't want your girlfriend to die."

Clarke knew Bellamy was never going to hand a child over, so her mind started racing. Her mother once made her take a self-defense class which had already come in handy when facing the walkers. How much a difference could this guy make as an opponent? She took a deep breath and focused on his outstretched hand. There was no way these men would let them walk out alive if they denied them what they wanted. But she was not going to go down without a fight.

She didn't dare to look at Bellamy before she suddenly yanked forward and ducked to cling onto his arm. A shot went off and he growled angrily. Clarke could feel his fist collide with her jaw and pain shot through her. She blinked and raised her arms when she saw his fist coming down again. Her attempt in blocking his blow only resolved in her own hands crashing into her face. Instinctively she raised her leg and kneed him in the crotch. He growled in pain and she let go of his arm, hitting the asphalt hard with her head. At the same moment two more shots were fired. Who unloaded them and who they were aimed at, she couldn't tell, she was too busy trying not to die. Hurting her opponent had made him even angrier and he pointed his gun at her again.

"Say goodbye." He growled and pulled the trigger. She wasn't really thinking straight anymore and simply rolled to the side, which was senseless and she knew it. She couldn't possibly be fast enough. She waited for the pain, expected it, tried to prepare her mind but nothing happened. She blinked and they seemed to realize at the same moment that his gun was empty.

She tried jumping up but he was faster, kicking her ribs to keep her down before dropping on top of her. "No!" Clarke shrieked, trying to free herself but she stood no chance against his heavy weight.

When he was just about to take another swing at her face, a voice interrupted him: "Will! Look!" One of the masked men was pointing towards the woods and Will's face fell. Clarke couldn't see what was putting him in that mood since he was blocking her view but she didn't care either since it looked like whatever might be helping them get rid of the strangers. He growled and nodded. "Let's get to the car! Now!" He looked back down at her. "This time you were lucky. Or maybe, not so much." He sneered before jumping off of her and sprinting towards the car.

Clarke had to stop a second to catch her breath when Bellamy already appeared next to her, concern and a hint of panic in his voice and on his face. "Clarke!" He kneeled down next to her. "Are you okay?"

Even though her head hurt pretty badly, she nodded. She had no time for herself to feel pain, so she tried to push herself up, Bellamy immediately moving to help and steady her.

"What about you?" She asked, while studying his face. He looked pretty much unharmed.

"I'm fine." He pointed at the gun secured to his belt to clarify why. In that moment she felt relieve rush through her. At least they had one gun left, considering the strangers had just taken off with all of their supplies. "But you're not…" He continued, placing a hand at her cheek.

She bit her lip, tasting the blood that was already there. She wasn't sure of how much damage could be seen but considering the pain she was in, she was guessing her jaw was turning into a funny color and her lip as well as her temple were probably scratched, bleeding a little. "It's nothing." She still said, not wanting to worry him since he already looked pretty worried. She had not expected such a reaction from him but she had to admit that she was almost painfully aware of his hand placed on her face. "No, I'm sorry, I should have… I should have protected you…"

"What? No, Bellamy, it's fine. Really, this is nothing, I…"

"Guys…" Charlotte's voice interrupted her and they both turned to look at her. She was not facing them though but her eyes were fixed on a point behind them. When they followed her gaze, they made big eyes. A group of at least 15 Walkers was just crossing the border of the trees.

"Shit…" Bellamy cursed before looking back at Clarke. "Can you get up?"

Did she have a choice? "Yeah." He still took her hand and helped her get back on her feet, which she hated to admit but was glad about because for a second everything started turning around and she probably would have just hit the ground again if it had not been for Bellamy's steady grip on her.

"We have to run." He continued and Charlotte and Clarke nodded. When they turned towards Monty and Jasper, they stopped though. Jasper was kneeling on the ground, next to Monty who was not moving.

"Jasper?" Clarke asked.

"He is… He is unconscious…" Jasper murmured.

Clarke cursed before letting go of Bellamy to hurry to Jasper's side. Monty's eyes were closed and a big wound was visible at the back of his head. Clarke swallowed. She wasn't sure if Monty would make it and she wasn't sure what to do. Her own head was throbbing with pain which made it really hard to think straight.

"They're coming closer! We need to go!" Bellamy urged, taking Charlotte's hand and stepping closer to the three people still on the ground. Jasper grabbed Clarke's hand, desperation and tears fighting their way into his eyes. "Clarke… Please… We have to do something… We can't leave Monty behind… He is all I have left…"

She looked at the younger boy and she knew it. He was right. They were not going to leave anyone behind. A loud bang disrupted her thoughts again. Bellamy had fired his gun at one of the Walkers, who went down immediately. "We don't have any more time!"

He was right. They were already dangerously close. "We have to carry Monty." Clarke announced, getting up.

"What?" Bellamy looked disbelieving at her. "We already have a child with us! An unconscious person with 17 Walkers after us is going to slow us down! Are you trying to kill us?!"

Clarke narrowed her eyes. "No one gets left behind! Besides, they're not going to get to us. They're slow." She shot a glance at the group, reaching the other end of the street right now. They had to get going! "We just have to run away long enough! We can do this, Bellamy!"

He shook his head a little before he sighed. "Fine! Jasper, you carry Monty. Charlotte, you stay with Clarke." He let go of her hand and she immediately grabbed hers. "I'm going to hold them off."

"What?! Are you crazy? Bellamy, we don't have time for this! I said no one gets left behind, including you! We need you!" With her free hand, she grabbed his sleeve, not leaving him a chance to argue.

Jasper had managed to throw Monty over his shoulder and Clarke cringed internally. She didn't even want to think about what possible more damage was being done to the Asian boy by that but their first priority was to at least stay alive somehow. Everything else had to be figured out later. "Let's go!" She said before starting off into the woods.

"Where are we going?" Jasper asked.

Clarke shrugged. "Wherever we end up at."

She really had no clue where they were going and if she was right. If running away long enough would suffice or rather how long, long enough would be. Could they even make it? Bellamy had been right after all. Charlotte was already slowing them down now but Monty was a dead weight. It didn't take long until Jasper was falling behind, breathing heavily and panting. Clarke looked at Bellamy who had been suspiciously silent, just shooting a glance behind them every now and then. Even though they were extending the distance between themselves and the Walkers, they had to keep up their pace to be able to lose them.

"You need to help, Jasper!" Clarke said. Bellamy obeyed without another word, falling behind next to Jasper and helped him carry his friend. "Come on! We have to hurry!"

Hurrying over the bumpy ground in the woods wasn't easy and Charlotte stumbled over and over again but Clarke pulled her up by her hand, trying to encourage her time and time again. When they had finally more stumbled than walked down a small hill, Clarke spotted a cave and pointed at it. "Let's get in there! They're not seeing us right now so we might be lucky…"

Silent confirmation followed her words and they entered the cave, praying they were not going to disturb whatever animal might be living there. As soon as they could be sure, no Walker was going to follow them and no bear or wolf or any other animal was going to show up and rip them apart for stealing their home, Clarke turned towards Monty again to examine him. His head wound was still bleeding and he was starting to look concerningly pale. He was losing way too much blood.

"Seems like he has been hit with a stone…" The only positive thing was that at least there seemed to be no other objects in his wound. "We have to stop the bleeding…" She murmured, wishing they would still have the first aid kit of the car.

"Here! Take my shirt!" Jasper offered without hesitation, already stripping out of it. Clarke took it and carefully placed it on the wound. She was trying not to think about what other possible diseases she was exposing Monty to right now. But stopping the bleeding was the highest priority right now. What else could she do? She had to make sure he would make it! Jasper needed him! And she didn't want anyone to feel the way she had felt when she was forced to see her father on the ground in front of her, not sure if he still existed or if he was gone, in a state no one should ever have to see anyone in. Desperately she tried to remember anything she had studied for her medical classes but her head still hurt.

"I got an idea…" She suddenly murmured. Jasper looked at her hopefully. "There are some herbs with healing prosperities. We're in the middle of the woods. I should find something. Here, keep your shirt on the wound, apply some pressure but not too much, okay?"

Jasper nodded, replacing her hands with his while she got up, clearing the blood that had already made its way onto her skin on her jeans. "I'll try to get back as soon as possible."

Jasper nodded again and Clarke made her way for the exit when Bellamy stepped into her way. "What are you doing?" He had been sitting a few feet away with Charlotte, obviously trying to calm her down and learn what had happened with her and the men.

"I have to find some herbs for Monty. Besides, we all need something to eat. I'll just check out our close surroundings."

Bellamy narrowed his eyes and Clarke wondered what he was thinking.

"I'll come with you." He finally simply said but Clarke shook her head.

"You need to stay here. You have the only gun we have left and in case they are attacked, they need someone to protect them." She wanted to keep walking but Bellamy made a big step, blocking her way again. "What if you get attacked?"

She stopped for a second. She had not really thought about that situation. "I'll figure something out. I can take care of myself."

He shook his head. "I thought we said together. They are safer in here than you are out there."

She had to admit that he could have a point. This cave did provide some shelter after all. With a sigh she nodded therefore. "Fine. Let's go then."

He turned back to the others and said: "We are going to be back as fast as possible. In the meantime, you stay in here. Don't leave, don't do anything stupid and stay together." Before following Clarke outside.

She was already walking back up the hill and Bellamy had to jog to catch up with her. When he was next to her, she asked: "So, did Charlotte say anything about what happened to her with these men?"

Bellamy nodded. "Yes. Apparently she lost her parents in the chaos in her hometown when the apocalypse broke out, so she was on her own. Basically she had no idea what to do, so she hid in one of the shops in her street. They came in there, just two days later and when they found her, took her in, making her play the part of the little lost girl so they could rob helpful strangers like us. And they were threating her that they would kill her or abandon her if she didn't work with them so we made the right choice."

Clarke nodded a little. It was nice to hear that they seemed to have saved at least one life. "She is not hurt in any way, is she?"

"No. I made sure of that."

"Good." At the top of the little mountain, Clarke stopped and looked around. The more she thought about it, the more she convinced herself that she had seen some catnip before when they had been racing through the woods. She just couldn't remember where exactly.

"What are we looking for again?" Bellamy asked.

"Catnip or sage. Both of them could be really helpful."

Bellamy was silent for a moment before he carefully asked: "Do you think, he is going to make it?"

Clarke stopped. Yes was what she wanted to say. Yes was what she wanted everyone to believe, no matter what the actually circumstances where. She looked to the ground. "I don't know." She could be honest with Bellamy. She had to be. Suddenly she felt his hand on her arm again and when she looked up, she realized he had taken a step closer. "I'm pretty convinced with you as his nurse, he won't have any troubles."

Clarke managed a weak smile. He was trying to cheer her up and she was thankful even if he wasn't too successful. "Maybe." She shrugged and Bellamy seemed to sense that pressing the topic wouldn't bring him any more successes so he dropped his hand and changed the topic: "Anyways, what else should we be looking for? I'm assuming we're going to spend the night in that cave?"

Clarke nodded. "Yes, Monty definitely needs rest. So, food for one. Berries or… can you hunt?"

Bellamy nodded. "Technically I could but I only have three bullets left and I'm not sure if we should use them up like this."

"No, you're right. We probably shouldn't. So just berries tonight then. Maybe some mushrooms, I don't know what we can find around here."

He nodded. "We should just be on the lookout. Maye for some stream or river too. Some water would definitely be nice."

Clarke nodded in agreement.

"Oh, and some logs or branches, so we can make a fire."

"Oh, yeah. Have you been camping as a kid?" She was surprised by that question herself. It had popped into her head and she didn't think twice about it before asking. Maybe he didn't want to tell her any more personal information since he had already shared pretty much with her, considering that they barely knew each other for hardly two weeks now.

Grinning a little, he shook his head. "No. There was no one to go with me and I didn't really have time anyways."

"Mhm." Clarke nodded.

"Have you?" He asked.

"Not often. Until I was about seven or eight my Dad would take me on occasional trips but that's about it."

"Let's hope we won't mess this up then."

Silently they walked side by side for some time, Clarke on the watch out for the much needed herbs, Bellamy on the watch out for any possible dangers. For some reason Clarke really welcomed their silent company. It gave her some time to breathe and to calm down. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was nice, it was reassuring. It was really weird when she considered how their very first meeting had went down. How distrustful and aggressive she had been towards him, almost sure she was going to regret getting into the car with him. But she had been all wrong.

In close to no time Bellamy Blake had proven to her that sometimes the first impression she got of a person could be wrong, he proved to her that there were still some people on this planet that she could trust, some moments that were worth living for and not everything sucked as badly as she thought. Her former resignation had done her no good. She couldn't deny the fact anymore that she kind of liked him, like a friend she had not had in a long time. She felt like she could rely on him and trust him, which was something that was really necessary in their times. When she spotted the herbs, she stopped and pointed at them. "Look! I knew I saw something on the way here!"

Bellamy followed her and she stooped down to gather as much catnip as she could carry, storing it in her pockets and her hands. "That should be enough. Let's get back."

He nodded when suddenly they heard a rustling noise coming from the bushes to their left. They spun around and Clarke narrowed her eyes, trying to catch a glimpse of a possible source.

"Clarke, get behind me!" Bellamy commanded and she rolled her eyes but decided not to argue. Carrying their supplies wouldn't allow her to really fight anyways so she took a step back. Bellamy raised his gun, pointing it at the bushed, his whole body tensed. Clarke took a deep breath. Right now she was really glad that he had not let her go off alone. Having a gun did make her feel a little better. Seconds passed and no other sound could be heard.

Until suddenly, two chipmunks came racing out of the bushes, rushing past them and up the next tree. Clarke couldn't help herself but started laughing while Bellamy dropped his arms and joined her. "Chipmunks…"

She grinned and nudged his side. "Really, you need to calm down."

He raised an eyebrow at her, relieve and amusement visible in his eyes. "Me? You were the one who hid behind me without any resistance."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, because I didn't want to freak you out anymore."

He shook his head. "I wasn't the one freaked out."

Clarke shrugged. "Debatable."

He looked at her. "You just always have to have the last word, don't you?"

Grinning their made their way back. When they reached the mountain at which's foot their cave was located, Bellamy grabbed Clarke's arm. "Over there!" He pointed towards the horizon and Clarke squinted her eyes. It took her a second but then she saw what Bellamy had already spotted. "Water!"

He nodded, a proud expression on his face. She wondered how they could have missed that before but she guess they had been too preoccupied with getting away from the Walkers. "That's great! Before we head back, let's check it out first. The sun is already setting and we probably shouldn't walk around in the dark."

"You're right."

The walk to the water didn't take too long, approximately five minutes later they stopped in front of the shore. The water in front of them looked surprisingly clear and clean, way better than the one they had taken a swim in a few days ago. There was a little stream on the other side, refreshing the water and transporting it someplace else all the time. She had to admit, the urge to just jump in and relax was almost overwhelming but she had more important things to focus on.

So she dropped onto her knees and looked for some stones, which would allow her to transform the herbs into some sort of ointment she could apply to Monty's wound. According to her memory, catnip was helpful to stop bleedings, could break a fever and cure migraines. All of this would probably help Monty. While she worked, Bellamy stooped down right next to her and splashed some water onto his face.

"Do you think it is drinkable?" She asked and he shrugged. "It looks clean and since we don't really have much of a choice, I say we take our chances."

Clarke nodded a little. "Okay. When we get back, you should take Charlotte and Jasper down here and we should find some kind of container so we can bring Monty some water too for when he wakes up."

"Sounds like a plan. But first, you should drink something too."

"Later. I have to finish this first and get it to Monty, so…"

She stopped when Bellamy reached over to place his hand over hers. "Clarke. Please. Have some water now. You won't help Monty or for that matter, anyone else anymore if you dehydrate."

She had to admit she was surprised. She had not expected him to actually think that far and worry about her for whatever reason. She looked at him for a moment before she nodded a little and put the stone down to lean forward. As soon as she could feel the water enter her mouth, relief rushed through her. She had not realized how thirsty she had actually been this whole time.

"I'm going to collect some wood." Bellamy announced in that moment and stood up. "I'll stay close by, if anything happens, call for me."

Clarke looked up and nodded. That way they would be able to return to the cave sooner. "Okay. And do the same. Call me if you need anything."

He grinned a little before taking off and Clarke returned to her stone to keep working. The plants were already half smashed and turned into ointment. She was praying this was actually going to help. She didn't even want to think about a possible outcome where Monty was not going to make it, where she was not going to be able to save him. She didn't even want to imagine Jasper's reaction.

The way he had looked at her, when he begged her to not leave Monty behind was probably something she would never forget. She had never seen anyone's eyes in real life, filled with such terror and desperation. If she looked at it that way, there was a good chance she was going to see many more people with this look in their eyes from now on. Times and things had changed and if her deepest fear became true and no one would ever find a cure, this would never stop. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She couldn't think like that. They had to have hope. There was nothing else after all. Hope was the last thing that remained and until all of it was gone, she couldn't give up. She had to focus. She had to save a life. Monty's life and she was not going to give up on that.

As soon as she was satisfied with the way the ointment looked, she got up. Twilight was beginning to fall and she squinted her eyes. "Bellamy?"

Two seconds later he reappeared within her view, carrying several branches and logs. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm just done. Can we head back? Monty needs this."

He nodded so she started walking towards him. "Can you do me a favor?" He asked and she raised an eyebrow. "What?"

He pointed at the ointment, she had put on a large leaf she had found. "Safe some of that up for yourself, okay?"

Clarke couldn't quite fight the smile at his words. "If anything is left, I'll use it."

He rolled his eyes. "Not really what I wanted but I guess it's the best I can get."


	7. Could it be enough?

After Bellamy and Clarke had returned to the cave, he had offered taking Charlotte and Jasper down to the stream before darkness would completely fall to give the blonde girl some space and privacy to take care of Monty. Her small smile aimed in his direction had indicated that she noticed and was grateful. Since he didn't feel to content with leaving Clarke unarmed and alone in the woods, he hurried the other two down to the water source and back up again. Even though they had intended to bring something for Monty, they were running low on containers, just like on everything else. When they got back to the cave, they found Clarke just finishing bandaging Monty's head.

"Did he talk to you?" Jasper asked, dropping down next to the girl.

She shook her head and Bellamy sighed. This whole thing was not part of his plan. Staying in this cave was slowing them down too much. He needed to get to Brooks to find his sister but he felt like taking off was not really an option. He sighed and pulled his hair before grabbing the branches to try and start a fire. He had to do something to keep himself busy and not think too much about the time he was wasting.

"Can I help you?" Charlotte's voice was interrupting his negative thoughts and he looked down at her, blinking like for a moment he had forgotten she was still here. Looking at her made him take a deep breath and remember why they were here in the first place. It was a good reason. Freeing Charlotte from these men had been the right choice. She was just a kid after all and she deserved better than to be used by some strangers as a target. She reminded him of Octavia a little bit. Since he had been forced to raise her all on his own pretty much, he had always known how to handle little children. Especially since Octavia had been a handful with her own mind and strong will. He smiled at Charlotte and nodded before handing her his knife. "You can cut the mushrooms in half and check the berries and plants to see if they're fine and eatable."

The girl nodded immediately, obviously happy to be of help. When she was done, Bellamy had managed to start the fire, obviously impressing her a lot by doing so.

"You hungry?" He asked while taking the food from her to warm it all up a little over the flames.

She nodded. "Yes, really hungry."

"Let's hope then I won't mess this up, huh? Then you have to do it next time."

She giggled a little. "I can't cook."

"You probably won't be worse than I am." He argued and she shrugged. Bellamy winked at her before focusing back on the food. Burning their supplies would probably not help them too much.

"Thanks." He looked up at the voice to see Clarke, letting herself down next to him.

"What?"

"For making the fire and taking care of the food."

"Goes without saying." He replied, surprised at her words.

She shook her head a little.

"How is Monty doing?"

"Honestly? I don't know… He was half awake while you were gone but I lost him again…"

Bellamy sighed and put a hand on her arm. He didn't really know why he cared so much but he didn't like seeing Clarke all hopeless and sad. She was doing the best she could without any serious medical help. There really was no reason for her to beat herself up for it. "You'll pull him through, Clarke."

"I hope so…"

He studied her face. The dark bruise on her jaw, her split lip, the cut on her temple. It worried him a little, admittedly but he was no expert as to judge how serious these injuries were. "Did you use some of the catnip yet for yourself?" He asked, remembering his earlier request.

"I… I didn't have time yet…"

"Are you serious?" She couldn't keep taking care of everyone else, if she didn't start taking care of herself first! He didn't understand how she could be so reckless about her own health. He got up, ignoring her questioning look and grabbed the leaf with the ointment before sitting back down in front of her. "We have time now."

He was worried about her because she had medical abilities that no one else of them had and he needed her. She was of really good use, yes. And maybe he also kind of liked her but that didn't matter. That couldn't matter. He had one thing to focus on and that was finding Octavia. He couldn't let Clarke distract him. Still, the situation was just too tempting.

He tipped his finger into the catnip and then carefully started applying it to her jaw first. She had gone completely still, her eyes following his movements closely were now fixed at his face. He could almost feel them on him but he didn't dare to return the look. He didn't know why but maybe he was worried about what she could see in his eyes, what she could possibly find.

He made sure to cover every inch of her colored skin, while trying to fight the memory of the man hitting her. Still he felt a bitter taste in his mouth again. The same he had felt before and the anger rushed through him once more, at the men and at himself. He had tried getting to her, killing the man trying to hurt her but he was too scared he might actually hit her with his bullet instead of him and he had been too weak to fight the other two, blocking his way towards her.

When he moved up to her temple, she flinched a little and he stopped. "Sorry…"

She slightly shook her head. "No, you're doing a good job. You're… you're very gentle…"

He smiled weakly, still avoiding her eyes before applying what was left of the catnip onto the side of her face. When he was done, he almost regretted that he had to lower his hand and stop caressing her face. There was something very soft and nice about it. She was pretty, no one in their right mind could deny that.

"Thanks…" She murmured.

"You're welcome." When he realized how close they had been sitting for him to be able to reach her face, he cleared his throat and pushed himself back a few inches and when he turned his head, he found Jasper and Charlotte staring at them.

"What?" He asked sharply, disliking the way especially Jasper was studying him and Clarke. He was almost sure the boy was already imagine things that had not been there! Clarke was turning a bright pink color, when Jasper replied: "Nothing. Just… something I didn't expect."

Bellamy shook his head a little. "Whatever." It really wasn't any of their business what had just happened between Clarke and him. It was already awkward enough and he started to wonder how he was going to explain his move to her, if she ever asked. "The food is ready. Let's just eat…" He murmured, trying to make them all forget what had just happened.

After they had finished their small dinner, Charlotte had started yawning and Bellamy announced that they should all go to bed. The day had been exhausting and he wanted to get up tomorrow morning as soon as possible so they wouldn't lose any more precious time. If things went according to the plan he had made up in his mind, Monty would be awake and able to move, so they could keep going. Jasper volunteered as being the night guard at first since he thought he was not going to be able to sleep with Monty's fate still being uncertain. Since no one else had objected, Bellamy, Charlotte and Clarke had settled down next to the dying down flames to gather as much warmth as still possible. The few hours of sleep he had gotten in the morning when Clarke had been driving the car had not really been enough to make him feel rested and forget about the exhaustion still waiting in his body, so he fell into an uneasy sleep almost as soon as he laid down.

 

Clarke knew she was supposed to sleep. She had to be awake and ready as soon as the sun set, but not knowing if she would be able to safe Monty kept her awake. Especially since she was worried, she would fall asleep and not notice if he was suddenly doing worse. She sighed a little and turned over. Her eyes found Bellamy on the other side of the flames. His eyes were closed and his breath went evenly. He seemed to be asleep. That was good. He needed the sleep. The fact that he had not even been getting close to enough of it had started showing too much on his face. If he had been her patient before, she would have ordered him to stay low and just relax for a few days. But that was impossible now unfortunately.

Unaware of her action, she lightly touched her jawline, where his fingers had been just a few hours ago and then traveled up to her temple. Never would she have expected him to do that for her but it was... nice. She liked the way his fingers had been so gentle with her, despite their rough look. When she was with him, he could give her a feeling that she hadn't felt in a long time. Safe and protected.

"Can't sleep?" Jasper's voice broke her trail of thoughts and she looked up. While Bellamy and Charlotte were lying opposite her, Jasper had taken a seat next to Monty on the top side of the fire.

"No."

The boy sighed and pointed at his friend. "Do you really believe he can make it?"

Clarke bit her lip. Bellamy was the only one she had told about her doubts but lying to jasper now was not really something she wanted to do. So she shook her head a little. "I don't know. But I hope so."

Jasper nodded and Clarke sat up to put a hand on his arm. She felt like she needed to comfort him. "I'll give my best, Jasper! I promise!"

"I know! I'm not blaming you! I'm... it's my fault..."

Clarke frowned. "What are you talking about? That's nonsense!"

"No, it's not! I was the first one jumping out of the car to get to Charlotte even though you predicted it was a trap..."

Clarke shrugged. "So? Bellamy wouldn't have let us drive past her anyways! You couldn't have prevented this, Jasper! Don't beat yourself up!"

The boy pulled his hair. "It's more than that..."

"What are you talking about?" He looked torture, a look she thought she'd never see on his face. He was always positive, a little awkward but in a funny way. This was totally new.

"Monty and I grew up together in Florida. We were next door neighbors and born only a few weeks apart, so our parents put us together and we just... we clicked. We worked. He is like my brother, he is my better half, to be honest. He talked sense into me, when I was about to do something incredibly stupid and I made him loosen up a little when he was being his lame nerdy side too much. We laughed together, we cried together, there is almost no memory I have where Monty isn't present..."

Clarke had to smile a little. His description reminded her of Wells and herself a little. Immediately she felt a sharp pain shoot trough her. What had happened to her best friend? She never even tried find him…

"The day of the outbreak, I convinced Monty to skip school. He hated it but sometimes he let me win the arguments so every now and again we just took our day off from school. We took his Dad's car because he didn't have to work that day and drove down to the beach. It should have been a fun day, totally worth the trouble we would get into but... that's not really how it ended as you can imagine... when we realized what was going on, it was already too late. We sprinted back to the car to get back home but when we got there both of our houses were empty, our families were gone. And to this day, we don't know if they survived or not... and if Monty dies now, it will be my fault, that he lost his family, that he will never know about their fate for sure, that he dies, that his parents lost their son..." His voice had grown more unsteady towards the end and he buried his face in his hands.

Clarke bit her lower lip and instinctively put an arm around his shoulders. "Jasper..." There was no way in hell she could let Monty die. "Monty will make it. And in a few years you will look back at these days and laugh about it. It will be alright! We will find your families and all of you will be reunited again."

Jasper leaned into her, obviously trying to fight his tears but losing the battle with each passing second. "We have no idea where to look and Monty and I have no way of traveling far as soon as you and Bellamy are gone."

Clarke raised an eyebrow. "Why would we leave?"

"As soon as you find his sister, I was assuming our paths would split..."

Clarke shook her head a little. "No... I mean, I can't speak for Bellamy, but I can promise you, I will stay until we find your families, okay?"

Jasper seemed surprised at these words and looked at her. "What if he doesn't want to?"

"Then he doesn't have to. We can't force him." If she was honest, she was almost sure Bellamy wouldn't want to keep looking for the boys' families as soon as he was reunited with Octavia but she tried not to think about that too much.

"You're willing to let him go for us?"

Clarke blinked and looked at him before she realized their former interaction might have given them a wrong impression. "Oh, Bellamy and I are not... you know, together or anything."

Jasper raised an eyebrow while washing away his tears fast. "So I've been told but the longer I'm with you, I..."

"Jasper!" Clarke interrupted him, hardly believing what she was hearing. "Bellamy and I are..." What were they? Acquaintances? Friends? Finally she settled on: "Partners. We're partners."

"Sure. Platonically I put ointment on my partner's wounds all the time and get mad at him for walking into dangerous situation and try to protect her all the time too and not leave her out of my sight and follow her around and..."

"Enough, Jasper! I'm going back to sleep!" The only reason she didn't shoot a snarky comment at him was because she was glad he was grinning again and not crying anymore.

"Okay okay. Team " _change the subject as soon as someone brings up the truth I don't want to deal with_ "."

"Good night!" Clarke pressed and settled back down next to the fire. "And wake me up, if anything happens."

 

Nothing happened though and so both, Bellamy and Clarke could sleep through the night. When the sun started rising and the first rays made their way into the cave, they tickled Clarke's face and she started blinking. Her first instinct was to check for Bellamy. He was still on the same spot like last night, still asleep, Charlotte curled up to his side, probably due to the cold. She turned her head and found Jasper, still in an upright position, his head hanging forward though, asleep too.

Clarke sighed and sat up, her face feeling swollen, her back hurting from the hard stony ground, her muscles sour from their run and hike the day before, the freezing cold of the night had climbed into her bones and made her stiff. She stretched a little and winced. Bad idea. She tried not to think too much about what this life was doing to her body. She sat up and looked over at Monty. The only thing that's been calming her down since he was knocked out was the slight movement of his chest raising and falling, at least that way she could make sure he was not dead. She still wanted to check up on him and see if she should change the clothing around his head. To her relief the bleeding had already pretty much stopped the day before, so she hoped he would soon regain consciousness as well.

Quietly she got up and walked over to Monty's side. She touched his forehead and felt relieved again when she realized he felt much cooler than the night before. When she started untying Jasper's shirt, Monty started blinking and Clarke made big eyes.

"C… Clarke?"

"Hey! Monty! How are you feeling?"

He shrugged. "Like a bulldozer ran me over."

She suppressed a chuckle. "I'm really glad you're back…" She whispered.

He smiled weakly. "Where is Jasper?"

Clarke pointed over her shoulder towards his sleeping form. "Over there."

Monty nodded a little, his eyes falling shut again. "Hey Monty, please try to stay awake…"

"I will. I just… My head hurts so much… it's really hard to keep my eyes open."

"I'm trying to make it easier…" He just nodded and Clarke got back to work. When she had finished untying the piece of clothing, she checked his wound. It didn't really look better but for that matter, neither did it look worse.

"Hey Clarke? Do you have some water?"

"I'm going to get you some. Just don't move, okay?"

"Wasn't my intention."

She nodded although he couldn't see it. "I'll be right back."

She gather up the plants she hadn't used yet but found yesterday and left the cave. Everyone else was still asleep and she saw no reason to wake them up. After the short walk to the stream, she dropped the things she had brought with her. If she hurried up a little she would be able to get back before anyone else woke up. It didn't take her long to clean up Jasper's shirt and get rid of the blood soaked in it. She placed it on one of the stones so it could dry since the sun was climbing fast and the temperature was luckily finally rising again. Transforming the herbs she had left into ointment with the same stone she used the night before didn't take too long either and soon she could put the medicine on one of the leafs. Now all she needed to do was find some kind of container so she could transport some water from the lake and up to the cave. She had been counting on some kind of stone or anything that might help her. So she got up again and walked over to the shore to check the shallow water. It was so clear that she could easily see through the surface and check the rocky ground. Squinting she leaned forward, when all of a sudden, she could feel a gun's barrel be pushed into her back. She would have fallen forward if not for the arm sliding around her waist und keeping her upward.

"You're dead." Bellamy's voice sounded right next to her ear and she let herself fall backwards against his chest. For a horrific second she had really believed a stranger had walked up behind her and was going to kill her. The fact that it was just Bellamy made her knees go weak with relief. They stay like this for a second, his grip on her tight, leaving no space between them and she could feel his breath against her cheek, his heartbeat hammering against her back, mimic hers.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Clarke?" His voice finally made her regain her composer and she freed herself from his grip to take a step backwards and create her personal space again. "I made some more ointment for Monty and washed Jasper's shirt."

"You're alone out in the open. I thought we had an agreement?"

"I'm not too far away from the cave. Besides, when I woke up, you were all still asleep and I didn't want to wake you up."

He shook his head a little. "That's no excuse."

"Well, good thing I don't need one then."

For a second he just looked at her and she almost regretted saying it because she knew it wasn't fair. The longer she had watched Bellamy and Charlotte the more she had figured out that maybe Bellamy really wasn't trying to protect her because he didn't believe in her or though she was fragile. Maybe it was simply because he was wired that way. He wanted to help people, just like she did, just in a different way. Without another word, he turned and bend forward in front of the water to splash some on his face.

She watched his back and her eyes travelled from him to the water and back. He pulled off his shirt and threw it on the ground. Clarke cocked an eyebrow and her eyes travelled towards the muscles in his back working their way as he splashed some more water over his body. She bit her lip and couldn't help but wonder what his stomach might look like.

"I know you are staring." He commented dryly and she could feel the color rise back into her face.

"I… I am not!" She chewed on the inside of her cheek but he didn't react any further. She knew that he knew he was provoking her and she hated that. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction! It took her a moment but then an idea stroke her. Pretending to still be looking for a stone to bring some water to Monty, she came closer to Bellamy and just when she was in arm-length, she jumped forward and gave him a push. Due to his position it was impossible for him to keep his balance and he fell head first into the water.

Clarke started laughing when he came back up. His hair was almost completely covering his eyes and he had to push them back to see her again. Clarke didn't care about the look he was giving her. He had deserved being pushed into the water after his lecture. So she turned around to grab the leaf and his shirt but didn't come far since two arms embraced her body from behind and lifted her up. "Don't you dare think you will just get away with this, Princess!"

She shrieked when Bellamy sprinted back towards the water with her. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, they shouldn't be. There were too many other things waiting for them, urgent things but the way he was grinning again made it worth it. She clung onto him and held her breath when he jumped off the shore and into the water. As soon as they crashed through the surface, they let go of each other to swim up again. Clarke gasped for air when the coldness soaked through her whole body. But when she turned to be able to look at him, she had to suppress a laugh when she saw how his hair was blending his vision again. She hadn't even really realized how much it had grown since they met until now. He pushed it back and they grinned at each other.

"I'm sorry I just left on my own." Clarke felt like saying it was still necessary. After all Bellamy didn't mean any harm by wanting her to not wander around on her own, on the opposite he wanted to make sure no one else would have to suffer what Monty was suffering through right now. He would react the same way if Jasper or Charlotte would just leave on their own.

"You're forgiven."

"Thanks."

He winked at her a little.

"By the way, Monty was awake this morning."

"I know. He told me where you went."

She had expected him to be more excited about her success but thinking about it now made her wonder why she thought so. "Oh okay."

"How much longer do you think we have to stay here?" He asked, his tone casually but she had been waiting for this question. She had been dreading it, to be exact. He wanted to keep moving and Monty was slowing him down too much. "I don't know… He needs some more time to rest."

"Can we leave tomorrow?"

Clarke made a face. "That's too soon. I need to make sure he really is fine. Being knocked out cold by a head wound is nothing to be careless about."

Bellamy sighed. "I can't waste any more time, Clarke…"

"Monty is our friend and we are not wasting time. We are making sure he is fine!"

Bellamy pulled his hair and took a deep breath, when a breeze rolled over them. Clarke couldn't suppress a shiver and put her arms around herself. The water was already freezing cold and the wind was not making it better. Bellamy looked up at the sky and mumbled: "We should get back."

Clarke followed his glance and noticed the dark clouds starting to cover up the sun and dam the light. Let's talk about nice, warm weather. The last thing they needed was a storm, without any real protection but the cave.

Back on land, Bellamy grabbed his shirt und Clarke managed to gather some water up in a stone, resembling a small cup. The amount would probably not be enough but it was better than nothing. Another cold breeze brushed past time and Clarke shivered again. The wetness of her clothes was not helping to keep her warm now either. That was really bad timing.

Bellamy came up behind her and put a hand on her lower back. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, come on." Once again the blonde girl was grateful that the cave they were staying in was located so close to a stream.

"Hey Clarke." She looked over her shoulder at Bellamy, still more than aware of his hand on her back. "I knew he would wake up. Monty, I mean." He explained as if he had been reading her thoughts before. "You were the one taking care of him, so how could he not have made it?"

She laughed a little. Bellamy Blake sure did know how to surprise her. "Don't give me too much credit."

"I didn't see anyone else making sure he would make it." He looked at her in a way that made her believe that he was not just saying this to be nice but because it was what he truly believed in and that made her smile honestly. "Fine. Thank you."

 

When they reached the cave, the wind had already started to blow harder and there was no doubt anymore that a storm was about to come up.

"There you are!" Jasper exclaimed. "We already thought you got lost."

A low chuckled sounded from the back and Monty blinked at them. Obviously that was some joke that all three of them were part of because Charlotte was grinning too.

Clarke choose to ignore it though and kneeled down in front of Monty. "Hey, here is your water. It's not much but we might be able to take you down to the stream after the storm."

Monty took the cup and Clarke helped him, sit up a little so he could drink the small ration. "Thanks."

"Clarke." She looked up and saw Bellamy, standing there with his jacket. "Put this on."

"No. What about you?"

"My shirt is dry. I will be fine."

She hesitated. She couldn't expect Bellamy to give up his clothes for her. It was getting really cold after all.

"Look, really, I wouldn't be offering this if it wasn't fine. We don't need you to catch a cold. Just take it. Please."

She sighed but obeyed. He was right. Catching a cold would prevent her from being as helpful as she was up until now and since they were carrying zero medicine for colds with them, it would take forever to recover. "Okay. Thanks."

"Wait!" Jasper threw in, as Clarke took his jacket and put it on. "Did you take a swim together?"

"No!" Clarke immediately defend herself even though their wet hair and clothes were here enemies. "We… fell into the water."

"Right." Jasper grinned. "That's probably why Bellamy still had time to get rid of his shirt."

Clarke bit her lip but Bellamy simply rolled his eyes. "I'll start the fire again. You do what you can do then come to warm you up a little."

While Bellamy turned, she focused on Monty again to apply the fresh ointment on his wound and bandage it with Jasper's shirt. She didn't know why Jasper always had to hint at things that meant nothing and why Monty was looking at her with a mixture of amusement and pity and why even Charlotte was grinning a little as she watched Bellamy try to start a fire again. This was really unsettling and she didn't know what to make of it. At the same time, she tried not to let herself be distracted by the way his jacket smelled like him, like peppermint somehow and the woods they had been walking through. It was a good scent, a fresh one, one she had gotten way too used to. She bit her lip and snuggled a little deeper into the fabric. Which was of course because she was freezing cold and had nothing to do with anything else.


	8. Storms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and the bookmarks!   
> I'm really happy to see that you enjoy my story! :)

Since the first raindrop had fallen, it seemed like the next apocalypse was about to break down on them. The winds raged outside, monsoon like rain crashed to the ground, thunder and lightning lit up the sky. It seemed like the world was angry at all the destruction that had been caused and needed to let all this anger out. Bellamy wasn't really sure how long this had been going on but he felt like it had been hours. The fire was cracking next to him, Charlotte was curled up in his lap, hiding from the storm and Clarke was sitting on the other side of the fire.

She was staring out into the rain, just like he had been doing. His jacket was a little too large for her and he had definitely expected to be forced to argue with her a little more over whether she was going to wear it or not but the fact that she had accepted it so easily, made him feel good. She was really important to the whole group, to him personally, he just didn't really know how to express it all the time. Sometimes he seemed to bring it across wrong, judging from her reactions but he was just worried about her. Which should be understandable, considering he just didn't want her to be walking around in the open, unarmed and alone during a zombie apocalypse. She just made it very hard for him to keep her alive. And he didn't even really know why it was so important for him for her to stay alive.

But he had come to terms with the fact that he just didn't like the thought of her suddenly being gone. When he woke up just to find that she left on her own, he had this sinking feeling in his stomach. Sometimes he felt like she just didn't take this whole situation serious enough. She could defend herself, he knew that, she could fight, he was aware of that, she was stronger than she looked, yes, that was true as well but there were also some greater dangers out there. Greater than either one of them could know or even imagine probably.

"Do you like her?" He stopped dead in his tracks and looked down at Charlotte who had lifted her head from his chest and was now looking at him with big eyes.

"What?"

"Clarke. Do you like her?"

"Uhm… Yeah, I mean, of course I do. We've spent quite some time together now and she is alright."

"Do you want to kiss her?"

"What?" He laughed a little nervously. "No! I don't like her in that way!" Or did he? Did he want to kiss her? He didn't dare to look at her now, too worried what the others might see again. Clarke was pretty, yes. He couldn't deny that, he wasn't blind after all. But did he actively want to kiss her?

"Oh okay."

He frowned a little. "You sound disappointed."

"I just think you two look cute together. You remind me of a princess and her knight my Mom used to read to me about."

"Really? What happened in that story?" He would rather not talk about Clarke and himself anymore. It gave him a weird feeling.

"The princess was really cool. She always did what she wanted and didn't care if her dress got dirty or anything. She wanted to live an adventure. Just like Clarke. And the knight was always there for her. He supported her and went wherever she went and protected her, like you. They made a really great team and nothing could stop them. My Mom always said that the story was happy and sad at the same. She always said that being loved the way the princess was being loved by the knight was what everyone dreamed of, she said it was special and without conditions. It doesn't happen often but when it does, it's forever." Charlotte smiled a little. "But the problem was, the princess would always put her adventures first. She didn't want to settle down or fall in love. She wanted to have fun and see the world. She wanted to be her own hero."

Bellamy laughed a little. That sounded like one of the stories he would read to Octavia. He always preferred the ones where the princess saved herself. He wanted to make a point to his sister, to show her, that she didn't need a man or anyone else to help her. That she could be her own person without anyone else's validation. Now that he thought about it, that really sounded a lot like Clarke. "Yeah." He agreed therefore. "The only difference is that Clarke and I are not in love."

Charlotte seemed to think about his words for a second. "Why are you not?"

"What? In love?"

She nodded. "Clarke is pretty, especially her hair. She is nice and friendly. And you are pretty, too. And you are nice too. So where is the problem?"

"It's…" How was he supposed to explain something as complex as love to a child? Unfortunately it was never as easy as it was described in a book. "Complicated." He finally finished his sentence.

"It doesn't have to be."

"No, but it's also not as easy as you may think."

Charlotte half grinned. "Let me guess, I will understand when I'm older?"

Bellamy chuckled a little. She sounded like that's what she has been told countless times before. "Yes." He confirmed good natured. "You will."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and let her head drop back against his chest. She really reminded him a lot of Octavia. She asked so many questions and liked to discuss everything he said while she tried to learn as much as possible. The only difference was that his sister had always been more… fierce. There was almost nothing she was afraid of and she was one of the strongest persons he knew, despite her small frame and slim body type.

He found it hard to understand how these men could have wanted to do something bad to Charlotte. She was just a child and she was so innocent. Some people seemed to have no morals. When he thought about them, he could feel bile climb up his throat. They were probably the kind of men he would have arrested in a world before. Kidnapping a child, threatening Clarke, hurting Monty.

When he finally looked up again his eyes met Clarke's. Obviously she had been watching him and Charlotte. For a moment they just looked at each other and there were 1000 things going around in his mind. Would she stay with him? Did she trust him? Would she keep helping him, even if it would months until he was going to find Octavia? Too many questions he didn't even dare to ask, especially since he couldn't even explain to himself why he was wondering about these things. Her blue eyes were thoughtful, very different from the way she used to look at him. He remembered very well how suspicion and caution had always taken the best of her and how guarded she had always been around him throughout the first few days.

"Guys!" Jasper interrupted their moment. "Look! It seems like it's clearing up!"

He was right. The heavy rain had gotten lighter and the storm seemed to pass, lighting and thunder taking longer and longer to strike. Clarke got up and walked back over to Monty. "How are you feeling?"

"A little better."

"Maybe we can try to take you down to the stream in a bit. What do you think?"

Said, done and as soon as the rain had stopped, the five of them got up, Jasper supporting a still unsteady Monty. Clarke led the way, Bellamy and Charlotte walked behind them. At Monty's pace it took them longer than he had anticipated to reach the water and made him painfully aware of the time he was losing right now. What if Octavia would not be in Brooks? What if she was in danger, somewhere? Waiting for him to come and get her? She relied on him and he was letting her down.

While Jasper helped Monty to drink some water and Charlotte went to splash in it, he started pacing up and down behind them. He had been way too distracted and mostly because of… Clarke. She stepped in his way. "Bellamy."

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"What's wrong?"

He looked over at the other three near the water. "We need to get going."

"We can't. Have you taken a look at Monty? We can't make him move so far just yet!"

He pulled his hair. Without them, he would be on the move, he wouldn't be stuck here! Without them he would actually get closer to finding his sister! Dammit! "I never wanted to take him or them in! I wanted to reach Brooks as soon as possible! If Octavia is there, she will need me. And if she isn't, she needs me even more! I need to find her to make sure she is okay! I don't have any more time to waste!"

Clarke took a deep breath and grabbed his sleeve before pulling them away from the others a few feet. "Okay, listen! I know you want to go on but right now, I just can't be sure if Monty will be able to handle it. We can't just ignore him and what's important to keep him alive."

Bellamy shook his head a little. "You don't understand this…" He turned away. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting. It wasn't like he wanted to risk Monty's life but if he had to choose between Octavia and the boy, the choice wasn't hard for him to make. And if Clarke made hers, he had to accept that.

"Bellamy…"

He shook off her hand and stepped closer to the water. "Hey Monty!" The boy looked up. "When do you think you will be able to get moving again?"

Monty shrugged a little, shooting Clarke an insecure glance. "I don't know. When do you want to keep going?"

"As soon as possible. Preferably today."

"No way!" Clarke had stepped forward and stopped next to him, a disbelieving expression on her face. "I told you…"

"I know what you said, Clarke. But I'm talking to Monty right now! So, how are you feeling?"

"He is not well enough yet! Why can't you just accept what I'm saying?"

Bellamy decided to ignore her and just kept on staring at Monty, waiting for him to give an answer. "I… I mean, I could try to…"

"No!" Clarke was determined and stepped between him and the boys. Bellamy looked from one to the other, neither Monty nor Jasper meeting his eye, Charlotte staring at him out of big ones and Clarke glaring. Great! This was just great! They were all on one side, except for him. Growling he turned away. "Fine! Whatever." He started walking, not really giving a single care if they would follow him or not but if he was honest, he just wanted to be alone for some time.

"Hey!" Of course, Clarke wouldn't just let him go. "Where are you going?"

He stopped to take a deep breath and calm himself before he replied: "I'm going to explore the surroundings. I don't want to waste even more time by going in the wrong direction when we finally start moving again."

Clarke paused and Bellamy almost waited for her to object, the way he would have if the roles were reversed. But after a beat, she said: "Fine. Just be back before sundown, okay?"

Before Bellamy had never been exceptionally bad at directions but neither had he been exceptionally good. Maybe because this skill had never really been required until now. As he stalked through the woods, he glanced around, trying to remember anything remarkable so he would find his way back, or even better, know where to go when they would finally continue their journey. Taking off on his own was something he would have not agreed on usually, no matter who it was concerning except if it was inevitable. But right now he needed this. He needed to be away from the others, from Clarke, to be able to cool down. It was hard to determine what exactly she managed to unlock in him but the only other person who could really make him this angry was Octavia.

Sure, he had been a dick to many people before, just for fun and his own enjoyment but this anger he could feel raging inside of him was something he was only used to feeling concerning Octavia. Why was it so hard for Clarke to understand that he had to keep going? That he needed to do it? Why couldn't she see that staying here made him anxious and restless? She cared so much for Monty, maybe she should start thinking about him too. That would only be fair. Effortlessly he managed to ignore the part of his brain that screamed at him that she was, in fact, worried about him and cared for him, as she had proven before. He didn't want to listen to that part. It was easier to focus on his anger at the moment. After all, he needed something else than Octavia to focus on if he didn't want to go insane. He really didn't want to imagine any more scenarios of her being tight up somewhere, being trapped, being hurt or worst case scenario… Being turned. It was already hard for him to think about it. No. His sister was a fighter, that's what he raised her to be. She was not turned. She just couldn't be. It was too unlikely. She was a Blake, his little sister, she knew how to fend for herself. They knew how to survive.

He stopped his thoughts when a little hill appeared within his view. Maybe he would be able to see something that helped him from the top. With new energy he sprinted up the stoop hill and when he, slightly out of breath, reached the top, couldn't help but let out a relieved sigh. He had been lucky. The hill was high enough and he could overlook almost the whole forest. It didn't take long until he spotted the outlines of a city, 20 to 30 Miles east, if he wasn't wrong at all. Every other direction presented nothing but more trees and green to him. The eastern city would probably be their best shot. If only they could already go…

He swallowed. If he was being real for a moment, nothing was stopping him really. He didn't owe any of them anything. If he would start walking now at his usual pace he might even manage to reach the city before midnight, maybe find a new car there and continue his route to Brooks, without any other complications or delays. For a moment that idea sounded really tempting but there was something holding him back. Blue eyes. Blonde hair.

"Don't do it, Bellamy."

He spun around only to find Clarke coming to a stop at the edge of the hill. "What are you talking about? And what are you even doing here?" He asked, trying not to let on what had been going through his mind. She couldn't really know after all, could she?

"About just taking off on your own." She replied dryly, without leaving any doubt and ignoring his second question.

He shook his head. What the hell was she thinking? That she could just show up and change everything? "As I said before, you don't understand this."

"Yes, I do. I understand that you need to find your sister as fast as possible but do you really think that leaving all alone is the best way to achieve that? What if you get attacked? If you die, you won't be of any help to her ever again."

He made a face. He knew she was right, somewhere deep down but he didn't want to admit that. He didn't want to give that satisfaction to her. "I'm not leaving." Was still all he said after a moment. As soon as the idea of running away had entered his mind, he had already known he was not going to go through with it, for whatever reason.

Clarke relaxed visibly at these words before she continued: "Remember where you want to go. I talked to Monty and checked him up again. I think we might be able to leave tomorrow. Just give him one more night to rest."

One more night. He could do that. One more night was fine. It really seemed like she had made an effort. Like she wanted him to stay with them, which was a new feeling. Usually he was the one who wanted people who were leaving to stay. So that's what he had gotten used to. "Okay." She raised her hand and checked her wrist, where a watch was attached. He had never noticed that before. "We should still have enough time to collect some food on the way back. I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm starving and I have a feeling Jasper, Monty and Charlotte aren't doing much better."

He nodded shortly before pointing at her watch. "Where did you get that?"

She stopped and her facial expression hardened a little. "I've had it ever since we met. It was my Dad's." Her voice was way lower than before and Bellamy instantly felt bad. His death was something that still tortured her, especially in her dreams. More than once had he heard her mumble his name, followed by a million apologies and desperate pleas for forgiveness. How could he not have noticed this watch before? Sometimes he really felt like an idiot. Looking at her now made him rethink something else. Maybe he had been wrong before. Maybe she did understand what losing his sister meant to him.

"I'm sorry…" He felt like an even bigger idiot. These words were probably the least helpful ones.

"It's fine."

"No, Clarke, I'm serious…"

"Hey, don't worry about it." She gave him a weak and unconvincing smile. And he knew he should worry. She was beating herself up for something that she had nothing to do with. Shooting her Dad was probably the most dignified thing she could have done to him. "Clarke… I just want you to know that what happened, it wasn't your fault. You had nothing to do with… the incident…"

She swallowed hard. "I shot him, Bellamy. I'm pretty sure I caused his…" She couldn't even bring herself to say the word and Bellamy realized that no matter what he said, she wouldn't stop blaming herself.

So he took a step towards her and tried the next thing that came to his mind. "You're not a monster, Clarke. But if you need forgiveness, if that's what you need so you can stop relieving that moment over and over again, then fine, I can give that to you. You're forgiven, okay?"

She stared at him as if he had just told her he had invented a cure for the Walker's virus and cancer. To his relief her face got a little softer again and her smile a little more genuine. "I wish it was that easy… But thank you… It was… it felt really good, hearing that."

He returned the smile a little awkwardly. Who would have guessed that? When he woke up this morning, this outcome of the day was probably one he couldn't even have imagined in his wildest dreams. Maybe life still was about more than just getting through the day without being bitten. Because it were these small moments that somehow still gave him hope. Humanity wasn't entirely lost yet, there were still some people who needed him, there were still people who he needed.

"Come on." Clarke outstretched her hand towards him and he was surprised. This was something he had definitely not expected her to do. "Let's get back." Before he could come up with a good reason not to take her hand, he took a step forward and felt a strange but very good feeling flush through him when they intertwined their fingers. Clarke gave him a small smile and he let her guide him back down the hill and towards the cave. Maybe these things, the girl in front of him, his sister, the three waiting for their return back in the cave, should be his new reasons to hold on to and go on for.


	9. Out of the Woods

Just like she had promised Bellamy, the group packed up to leave the next morning. Bellamy led them confidently through the woods but Clarke had to admit that she felt kind of sad about leaving the cave behind. Sure, it hadn’t been perfect there but the whole apocalypse thing had seemed kind of less real. They hadn’t encountered any Walkers and it had been almost peaceful. But she knew that they couldn’t stay there, even if Bellamy wasn’t still looking for his sister. They couldn’t run away from reality forever and sooner or later it would probably catch up with them anyways.

“Hey Clarke.” Bellamy called for her. She had been walking behind the whole group to make sure no one got lost. Now she sped up a little though so she could be next to the young man. “I’ve been thinking.” He explained to her. “We’re heading for whatever city we saw last night on that hill. And as soon as we get there, I think we should just take a car.”

Clarke frowned. She knew the people who owned the cars or houses or whatever they found on their way were most likely never to return to collect what belonged to them but it had still been a kind of unspoken agreement between the two of them not to take what wasn’t theirs. She didn’t just want to ignore the law, even if no one was there who would enforce it now. These laws had been made for a reason and just taking people’s belongings felt so wrong. “Take a car as in…”

“Yes.” Of course he knew what she meant. “I know it feels wrong to you but… we don’t have time.”

She made a face but nodded. “Okay. Fine.”

“Good. I thought this was going to be harder.” He laughed and she raised an eyebrow. Did that mean that he would not have done it if she had kept on disagreeing? That was an interesting question but she didn’t dare to ask it. “When do you think we will get to the city?”

Bellamy shrugged and pushed his hair out of his face once more. “I’m not sure. I was guessing six to seven hours but at this pace, we might not make it until tonight.”

Clarke nodded a little. “Let’s just hope we’ll get there before it gets dark.”

“What?” Bellamy grinned at her teasingly. “Is the princess scared of the dark?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “No, I’m just not stupid. We’ll have a great disadvantage if we wander around at night.”

He nodded. “I know. I was just joking, Clarke.”

She didn’t know what to say to that so she just shook her head a little and fell into a silent walk next to him. It was weird, the bond that had formed between them but she kind of liked it. The deal they made a few nights prior, when they spend the night in the house, seemed to work out better than expected. She felt like they were actually working together, doing things together, respecting and listening to the other’s opinion. Just like the night before she had seen it in his eyes after their fight at the river. It wasn’t like she had known the young man next to her for such a long time but it surely felt like it. When he had stomped off, she just knew that he would consider leaving them behind, so she had followed him. And he had stayed, because of her. To be honest, their conversation afterwards helped her more than she thought at first. She felt lighter. It wasn’t like she would ever be able to forget what she did and how she survived but she looked at it in a different way now. Forgiveness was hard but it wasn’t impossible.

As Bellamy had predicted, they didn’t reach the city until dawn almost set. The sun was about to disappear, therefore giving beautiful colors to the sky, the trees and the road ahead. It looked beautiful and even though Clarke tried to stay focused, it was almost impossible to not look. The view was breathtakingly beautiful and the others couldn’t resist either. Somehow it was really good to know that despite all the damage and all the horrors that this world now consisted of, something as beautiful as this view was still possible.

“Welcome to Mission Bend.” Bellamy read the sign at the side of the road out load. Before any of them could react, Charlotte jumped forward. “This is my home town!”

Bellamy was the first to react of the others and jumped forward to grab her arm and stop her from running away. “Wait! Charlotte, we need to be careful!”

“He is right.” Clarke confirmed and stopped next to them. “We don’t know what might be awaiting us!”

She made a face. “I want to go home and see if my parents are still there!” She demanded.

Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a look. She was glad to find the same doubt and hesitation in his eyes. The likelihood of Charlotte’s parents still being at their house were slim to nonexistent. If they had returned and found their daughter gone, they probably had not stayed at their place but left to look for her instead. Bellamy gave her a small nod and kneeled down in front of Charlotte, while taking a deep breath and looking at her seriously. “Charlotte, we can’t go to your house. It’s too risky. I’m sure your parents will be out looking for you anyways. We can’t lose more time because we really need to be somewhere soon. And I’m sure our chances of finding them on the road somewhere around here are way more likely than at your house. Do you understand? We’ll keep an eye out for them inside the city though, okay?”

Charlotte stared at him. She didn’t look convinced but nodded reluctantly. “Great. I knew you would understand.” He ruffled her hair while standing up again. “Just stay close to Clarke and me.”

Clarke had to admit that she was impressed with the way he could handle Charlotte. He really seemed to have a way with children unlike many other people. “Let’s go.” He announced and guided the group forwards.

Approximately ten minutes later they had crossed the city’s border and buildings started towering next to them again, shops and housing residences. Most of them were huge apartment buildings and their surroundings were nothing like the impressive mansions and suburban regions they had crossed before. The people here seemed to have been poor, the lower class people, in a world before. But now, everyone was the same. The apocalypse and the Walkers didn’t care whether you were rich, had a good degree or the perfect family. Clarke couldn’t suppress a slight shiver when she imagined a time before. When the streets must have been busy, people rushing to work, students hurrying to school, people going to go grocery shopping. Now the streets were completely empty, the windows of some of the shops smashed. The only positive thing was that it was really silent in this city and no Walker could be seen.

“The cars look like they won’t even bring us one mile further.” Jasper commented.

Bellamy growled a little. “We just need to find one that still works!” Clarke looked at him. For some reason it was really hard for her to believe that they would find a working car but she could understand why he was so desperate to find one. They kept walking until four streets later Jasper randomly pointed at one of the cars which didn’t look too damaged. “What about that one?”

They walked closer to take a look. “What are we going to do without any keys?” Clarke asked a bit skeptically.

“I might be able to get this to work again.” Monty mumbled while making his way to the car’s front to open the hood. “I just need some time.”

“How much time?” Bellamy asked.

Monty shrugged. “If everything goes as planned we could leave here tomorrow.” He was about to argue but Clarke stepped in, touching his arm. “That’s good! We have been walking all day anyways. We need to get a good night’s sleep. All of us do!” Bellamy rolled his eyes but didn’t argue any further under Clarke’s warning eyes. “Good. I would say, Charlotte and I go and find some food, while you stay here and work on the car and get ready for the night.”

They all nodded in agreement and Clarke took Charlotte’s hand before smiling at her. “Let’s go then. You lead the way.”

“Stay close.” Bellamy said, looking back and forth between them. “And be careful. If you hear or see anything, you run. Don’t hesitate, don’t think twice about it.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll be back soon.”

Charlotte guided her through the streets, her eyes were wide open and she pressed herself against Clarke. They took the same way back they had come before until they had found the car. “So, have you always lived here?” Clarke asked, trying to get to know the little girl better, just like Bellamy did and distract her from her fear. 

“Yes.” She nodded. “We used to live in a big house when I was born but we had to move into a smaller apartment, when my father died…”

Clarke bit her lip. She knew just too well how Charlotte must be feeling so she put some pressure on her hand. “I’m sure your Dad is watching over you right now, Charlotte. And he must be so proud of you!”

Charlotte smiled a sad smile. “We didn’t have a lot of money after he was gone but my Mom found a new boyfriend soon, so we moved in with him. He was nice but…” The little girl shrugged a little. Clarke gave her hand another squeeze to let her know that she understood. Suddenly Charlotte pulled on Clarke's hand to make her cross the street with her.

“Look!” She pointed at the rooftop of one of the skyscrapers a few streets further north. Her tone had changed, she sounded excited. “That's where I used to live!” She explained, a longing expression appearing on her face. Clarke had to suppress a sigh and kneeled down in front of her while putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. She understood her but at the same time she knew Bellamy was right about this. Checking out the apartment would cost them too much time and it was way too dangerous, compared to how slim their chances of finding her parents there would be.

“Charlotte... look, I know you miss your parents but I can guarantee you they won't be at that apartment anymore. I mean, as soon as they figured out you were gone, don't you think they would have left to go and look for you? Doesn't that sound like a thing they would do?”

Reluctantly Charlotte nodded. “I guess it does...”

“See?” Clarke smiled at her. “That's why we need to get some food so we can all eat and then go to sleep. Then we can leave tomorrow morning and maybe find your parents sooner than you think! But not here, the city is empty, Charlotte. But you are a very brave girl and just think about all the exciting stories you can tell your Mom and your step-Dad as soon as we find them, huh?”

She nodded a little again. “Okay, maybe you're right...”  Clarke was glad that she turned away on her own and kept walking. “You can definitely tell them about how you made sure we would get our stomachs filled and how we survived out in the woods and how you helped me save a life. If that's not something your parents will be proud of I don't know what will be.”

At these words the girl started smiling. “And I can tell them about how we defeated those mean men and how you freed me!”

“Yes and how you managed to survive all on your own! I'm sure not everyone would have been able to do that! You are really special, Charlotte.” Relieved that she seemed to have convinced the younger girl of not going to her old home, Clarke relaxed.

“Thank you! I'm glad you found me!” Without warning Charlotte spun around and put her arms around Clarke. The blonde girl had to smile a little while she returned the hug. It was nice, somehow. It seemed like something very innocent in this cruel and horrible world.  And for once, she had saved a life as it seemed and that was a very good feeling for a fact.

 

As soon as they had collected as many items as they could carry and filled a shopping cart in the supermarket, they returned to the car. Monty was beaming and announced that he had already succeeded in getting the car to run and Clarke could tell from the look on Bellamy's face that he would love to just start driving again right at that moment. So while the others started stocking the trunk with their new supplies, Clarke took Bellamy aside, a serious look on her face. “Bellamy, you know that we all need to sleep tonight, right?”

He made a face. “I heard you before, yes. But now that Monty already got the car running, I could drive and...”

“No.” She knew she sounded irrational probably but she could see the clear signs of exhaustion and tiredness on his face. “The way I let you put that ointment on my face in the cave, I'm asking you to just give us all a break tonight. Is that a deal?”

He pulled his hair out of his face and she knew he wasn't too happy with this but arguing wouldn't be fair. After all she just wanted what was best for his health. “Besides, you could use a new haircut.” She grinned sheepishly. On the way with Charlotte she had already been considering offering this to him. It was like returning the favor of him taking care of her so it just made sense. Now it was another way to distract him from not wanting to rest ever. She pulled a hand through his hair in the front and continued: “You almost can't see anymore.”

He seemed surprised at her words. As surprised as she had felt back in the cave but still nodded reluctantly. “Okay.”

After looking through the car, she luckily found a pair of old scissor in the glove compartment and moved back to Bellamy with them. She nodded towards the open car. “Sit.” He obeyed without a word and Clarke stepped up behind him. It wasn't like she had done this many times before but really, she could do this. Wells hadn't been a problem before either and just because this was Bellamy and not her best friend wouldn't mean she had to be distracted. She took a deep breath and let her hand travel through his black hair.

It had gotten really curly, the longer it had grown. It was thick and Clarke really had to work her way through. She was glad the last rays of the sunlight where accompanying her so she wouldn't mess this up completely. Ignoring the glances the others were throwing them, she focused solely on her work, not on their eyes on her back, not on the fact that she was once again really close to Bellamy or that her hands were running through his hair over and over again. Finally she took a step back and examined her work. His hair was even shorter now than when they had first met and at this length his natural curls could only be guessed at. But he looked really good. The shorter hair actually made him look older and as much as she hated to admit it, really hot.

“Done.” He checked his look in the rear view mirror and Clarke held her breath but when he turned back, he was grinning. “I like it. Thanks princess.”

She rolled her eyes at the nickname but still accepted his own armed hug. “Figured I owed you one.”

He shook his head. “Like I said before, goes without saying. Come on now, let's eat.” He pulled her with him towards Charlotte, Monty and Jasper who had stared a small campfire and were nuzzled around it, ready to have dinner.

 

“Bellamy!” Clarke shook him. “Bellamy! You need to wake up!”

The boy started blinking before sitting up fast. “What? Are you hurt?”

She had to jump back to avoid his head crashing into hers. “No, I'm fine! But Charlotte's gone!” Her voice was panicky as she pointed towards the empty space next to her. After they had finished their food, Bellamy had ordered them all to bed. He wanted to leave as soon as possible the next morning and therefore there was no staying up late. “What the hell?! Where could she be?!”

“I might have an idea...” Clarke mumbled. “She probably went home to look for her parents...”

Bellamy made a face. “I thought we told her not to!”

“I know and she seemed like she had accepted it but… where else would she be?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know… But how do we know where her parents’ house is?”

“I know. She showed me when we left to get food.”

“Good.” His face was set. He was focused. She had noticed this before. When he was worried, when someone was in danger, he got this certain look on his face. It was a good look. It proofed that he took their situation seriously and was always ready to help. Who could have known that the asshole she had thought him to be at the beginning was actually a caring friend?

“What’s going on?” Jasper’s sleepy voice interrupted them and Clarke turned around. “Charlotte’s gone…”

Jasper’s eyes widened. “What?”

“We know where she could be.” Bellamy continued for Clarke. “Wake Monty up. We have to go get her.”

Jasper nodded while they already climbed into the driver’s and passenger’s seat. “I can’t believe she just ran away…” Bellamy growled.

Clarke took a deep breath. Granted she had not expected it either, especially after their talk before but on the other hand, she could understand it. “Think about it, if you knew there was even the slightest possibility that Octavia would be close by… Would you not take it?”

He looked over at her, like he had not looked at it that way yet. In fact he probably hadn’t. Sometimes Clarke felt like his mind was always preoccupied with his sister and finding her. That was also exactly what his eyes told her.  

“We packed everything.” Monty’s voice interrupted their moment and they both turned away from each other. “We can leave.”

Clarke guided Bellamy to the building Charlotte had pointed out to her before. As soon as they had reached it, Bellamy looked at one after the other. “We stick together. We walk in there, we look for Charlotte and get out. We don’t know who or what might be living in the empty apartments, so we attract as less attention to us, as possible. Got it?”

They all nodded. “Good.” He took his gun out and checked his ammo. “One more thing. I found something.” He reached forward and under his seat where a box had been sitting. “The former owner obviously knew what was coming.”

He opened it and revealed three more guns. Clarke bit her lip while Monty and Jasper made big eyes. Opposed to Clarke they were excited about having weapons again. Bellamy handed each one of them one. “Only use it when there is no other option. We don’t want to waste any ammo.”

The boys nodded while Clarke forced herself to take the gun out of Bellamy’s hand. It felt heavy in her hand, like it was going to drag her to the ground and suddenly she wasn’t sure anymore. Could she do it? When she looked at the black killing machine in her hand, she felt like she couldn’t. She felt like a little girl. She felt weak. She clenched her jaw. No! She had to focus!

When she looked up, she noticed Bellamy’s questioning glance on her but she shook her head. She didn’t want him to think she couldn’t do this. She wanted him to see that she was able to handle these situations so he would just quit worrying about her.

“Let’s go then.” They excited the car and walked towards the entrance door. It was wide open but the sun had not come up yet so everything still laid in darkness and gave the house a kind of creepy look. Just like anything else in this town, it was awfully quiet. The pressing kind of quiet when you felt like the quiet was weighing down on you, pushing you to the ground, daring to crush you.

Clarke took a deep breath and looked over at Bellamy. There was no hint of fear on his face, only determination. They entered the house and stopped a moment to listen but no sound could be heard. Clarke wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a bad one but neither one of them dared to say a word, so Bellamy nodded to let them know that they should keep moving. He led them up the first flight of stairs. The two doors that appeared before them both seemed to be locked so Charlotte wouldn’t be here. They had to climb up four more flights of stairs before two open doors could be seen. They exchanged a look.

Bellamy pointed at Monty and Jasper to enter the door on the right, while he indicated at Clarke to follow him. She watched Monty and Jasper slowly walk through the left door before she focused back on Bellamy. Her whole body was tensed. She had to admit, she was scared. Not only for herself but for Monty and Jasper, for Charlotte and for Bellamy. They had to expose themselves to so much unnecessary danger right now. Who knew what was waiting for them inside these doors?

Bellamy tightened his grip on his gun before he nodded at Clarke and started walking. She followed him right at his heels, ready to react at the slightest noise. Carefully Bellamy pushed the door open. They both paused, waiting for someone to jump forward. Nothing happened. Clarke let out a breath she had not realized she had been holding, when Bellamy had stepped forward and waved at her to follow him. They entered the hallway of the apartment. It looked destroy and broken, but at least it was empty.

Clarke could hear her own heartbeat in her ears as they stepped over the debris and the plaster that had fallen off the walls. At the first room he held up his hand to make her stop. Obviously he wanted to check out the room on his own. Clarke shook her head violently. She was not going to let him do this alone! He narrowed his eyes and mouthed: “I need you stay here and keep watch!”

She cursed silently. He had a point. If someone was in another room and would find them in there, there was no way out. He obviously saw her thoughts on her face and nodded. So Clarke pressed herself against the wall and held up her gun, while Bellamy jumped around the corner. Clarke couldn’t help it. As soon as he had disappeared out of her sight, her heart skipped a beat. She didn’t like this. Luckily it didn’t take long until he reappeared and shook his head. No sign of Charlotte or anything else. They had to check the other rooms. There still was the kitchen, a bathroom and the living room.

As they passed the room Bellamy had just checked out Clarke could shoot a glance inside. It seemed to have once been a bedroom and it made her heart ache, just imagining people once used to live here and call this building home when it looked like a Godforsaken horror place now. When they reached the next room, they stopped again. There were two passages, the doors ripped out of their hinges. This time Clarke wanted to be the one to check out the room but before she even got the chance to argue, a sound could be heard.

They both froze and spun around. Before Clarke could react any further, Bellamy had grabbed her arm und pulled her in one of the rooms with him, pressing her against the wall, a finger covering his mouth to make her understand she had to be quiet. She stared at him and could feel her fingers getting sweaty. The gun dared to slip out of her hand and she had to readjust her grip on it.

She didn’t even dare to breathe when the sound they had heard before sounded again. And again and again. Steps. These had to be steps. They were heavy and slow. They couldn’t belong to Charlotte or Monty or Jasper. Clarke swallowed. Bellamy’s arms were placed on each side of her body, caging her in, his body close to hers. So close that she could feel him tensing too. That was the only indication that maybe he was scared too. That maybe she wasn’t the only one. Her heart was pounding, so she tried to focus on nothing but Bellamy. His face was only inches from hers. _Bang_. Another step. She could feel his even breath again her lips. _Bang_. Another step. His freckles reminded her of the stars. _Bang_. Another step. Right outside their room.

His eyes were focused on her face. They were calm. Way too calm for this situation but it made her less scared too. She waited. No other step. The thing had stopped right on the other side of the wall. She closed her eyes when she felt Bellamy press himself against her even more. And she welcomed it. The warmth of his body was a strong contrast to the hard cold wall behind her. The seconds stressed painfully long. Why did it stop right there? Could it smell them? Their blood? Their flesh? Their fear?

She opened her eyes again and met Bellamy’s glance. His stare was intense but it still helped her calm down. They could do this. They could fight this thing. Nothing they hadn’t done before. Together. Suddenly a high pitched scream tore through the cold, still air, followed by two gun shots. Clarke jerked and Bellamy spun around. The things footsteps moved away faster than before, probably towards the sound. “Charlotte…” Clarke whispered and without any need of words or gesture, they started moving and followed the Walker.


	10. All is now harmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some kind of band aid for not getting a new epsiode last night, you recieve a new chapter. I know, it's not as good as a 4x06 but it's a start
> 
> Another hard week ahead of us until we get to see the babes on screen again, but recieving two new comments and new kudos made me happy and helped me keep going, so THANK YOU SO MUCH! xoxo

Even though Clarke could feel her heart pound against the inside of her rib cage, the adrenaline rushing through her veins suppressed the fear. Instead she felt awake, it was weird but for this kind of situation it was good. With Bellamy a few steps ahead, they entered the apartment next door and Bellamy shot.

Clarke couldn’t see who or rather what he hit. Her eyes focused on Charlotte. She was hovering underneath one of the chairs in the kitchen, her hands pressed over her ears. Although she couldn’t see neither Monty nor Jasper, she dived down and kneeled down in front of Charlotte, just noticing the high number of Walkers present out of the corner of her eye. “Hey.” She tried to sound clam and reassuring. “Hey Charlotte!”

“They killed Jasper! They killed him!” Clarke could feel her blood freeze and she swallowed hard. “Jasper’s dead…” She cried but Clarke tried to stay calm. This couldn’t be happening. Jasper couldn’t be dead. No way, he just couldn’t be…

“Clarke!” Bellamy’s voice urged her to keep going, as she heard him fire his gun again and again, trying to hold of the other Walkers.

“Come on, we need to go.” She grabbed Charlotte’s arm and the girl stumbled to her feet, clinging onto the blonde one. She looked over at Bellamy and wished she could just tell him what Charlotte had just told her but there was no time.

“Run!” Bellamy growled and Clarke nodded, tugging on Charlotte’s hand, heading for the door. Charlotte’s hand felt sweaty but Clarke tried to focus on something else. Their way out, for example. Not on the fact that Jasper was dead. That he was gone. And just because of something so stupid like Charlotte not listening to them. A loud non-human growl sounded just when they were about to round the corner and a huge Walker came trotting around it. His lifeless eyes staring at them and Clarke jumped backwards, missing his punch by a few inches. She stumbled to the ground, taking Charlotte down with her and groaned when pain shot through her body.

“Clarke! Gun! Gun!” She could hear Bellamy’s scream from behind and started fumbling for her weapon. Where the hell was it? The thing came closer again and Clarke tried to push Charlotte backwards, away from it. “No…” She had to find the gun and she had to shoot. She had to save Charlotte’s life and her own. Just when her fingers closed around the cold metal of the gun, two shots already sounded through the night.

At first Clarke was sure Bellamy must have fired them but Charlotte’s gasp made her follow the girl’s eyes. Monty and Jasper, covered in blood from head to toe, were standing in the doorway to the room on their right. Jasper was alive and well, as it seemed. While she was still staring at the men, Bellamy’s arms suddenly embraced her from behind and pulled her up to her feet. “We need to get away from here!” His voice was urgent.

He was right. She had no time to wonder how Jasper was still alive or why Charlotte had thought he was dead. They all just nodded in agreement and Clarke grabbed Charlotte’s hand again. Barely out of the front door, they had to stop short again. Two more Walkers came shambling up the stairs. Monty raised his gun but Bellamy stopped him. “No more waste of ammo! We move further up and try to lose them!”

Clarke didn’t like that plan too much. Who knew what could be awaiting them? But there was no time to argue so she just started to moving again, pulling Charlotte up the stairs with her. “I know these kind of houses!” Monty panted. “We used… to live in one… as well…”

“Is that good or bad?” Bellamy asked.

“At the very top… there should be a door… leading to the roof… and other one… leading into the stairwell of the… of the house right next to this one…”

Bellamy nodded. “Very good! We’ll use that!”

Clarke just wished the top would come sooner than it seemed because she noticed that she had to push Charlotte more and more than she was actually running and out of some apartments really weird noises could be heard. It was just a matter of time and she was very aware of that.

“Come on, we can do this!” She tried to push Charlotte but she was not the only one noticing that it was hard for her to keep up.

“I have a plan!” Bellamy suddenly announced and stopped dead.

“What?” Clarke came to a stumbling halt right in front of him. “What are you doing?”

“I have no time to explain! But I’m going to need another gun!” Without questioning him, Jasper handed him his and nodded. “Good! You just keep going, we’ll meet up again at the car!”

“Bellamy…” Clarke started.

“Don’t worry, Princess. Take care of them.” He winked at her, which was inappropriate concerning the situation but he didn’t leave her a choice, he turned right on his heel and headed for the first door, leading into one of the apartments.

“Come on, Clarke!” Jasper urged her. With a heavy heart, Clarke turned away from where Bellamy had disappeared and started running up the stairs again.

“How many more stairs?” Charlotte asked, out of breath.

“We should have to go up about three more levels!” Monty answered.

Clarke took a deep breath. “We can do this! Come on!” They turned the next corner and ran up the stairs of that one. Whatever Bellamy had planned, it seemed to have worked because the noises of the Walkers following them were gone. Clarke prayed that he was fine too though. She had a bad feeling that Bellamy didn’t care about himself too much if he knew there were other people’s life at stake too, especially children.

Just when they passed one of the next doors, it flung open, almost knocking them over. Charlotte screamed but Clarke prevented her from falling. “Hurry!” She still screamed at Monty and Jasper.

They nodded and immediately picked up their pace. In fact they managed to reach the top in less time than Clarke had anticipated, with the Walkers breathing down their necks. Monty reached for the door handle and turned it, to the left and to the right but nothing happened. Clarke swallowed. “Monty…”

“I… I don’t know… usually these doors just open…”

Clarke cursed and pushed Charlotte behind her, while checking their surroundings. They were caged. There was no other way out, it was either the door or back down the stairs, where the Walkers were coming for them. She could feel Charlotte digging her nails into her sides and made a face. She had no choice and reached for her gun. Somehow they needed to defend themselves. She raised the gun and tried to take aim which was harder than expected. It was dark and her hand was shaking. Monty next to her mimicked her movement and pulled the trigger. Once again, nothing happened. “Oh my God…” He breathed and stepped back. “It’s empty…”

Clarke bit her lip, pressing her back against the door, while trying to shield Charlotte. This couldn’t be happening. “Clarke…” Monty gasped. The Walkers were coming closer and closer. She had to do something. She raised her second arm to try and steady her shaking arm. Without giving herself more time to think, she pulled the trigger. And missed. _Damnit!_ Her breathing was way too heavy. Her hands were shaking way too hard. The Walkers were coming way too close.

“Got it!” Jasper screamed. The door opened and Clarke fell backwards when it gave in. Crashing onto the pebbles on the ground, feeling them dig into her skin. She hissed but reacted fast, so she kicked the door close and looked around. The sun had come up by now and made it easier to see.

“Over there!” Monty pointed at the door on the opposite side of the roof. “Go!” Clarke stumbled back to her feet and hurried over to the girl to help her back up on her feet. The door behind them burst open. Clarke’s heart started racing again, it was an up and down, between feeling totally numb and detached to feeling way too nervous and shaky. The first Walker let out a scream and reached for them.

“No!” Clarke kicked its arm which only seemed to make it more furious. She pulled her away from the Walker.

“The door is closed…” Jasper voice made her stop and look at him. “What?!”

“It’s locked...” Monty confirmed. The blonde girl gasped before looking back at the Walkers that were now coming towards them. Clarke walked over to the edge to look down but there was no way they were going to survive jumping. Her mind started racing. What could they do? Even if she was a better shot than before, her bullets would never suffice to get rid of the six, seven Walkers making their way towards them. There was nowhere to run and no way to safe them. _No_! There had to be a way! She knew Bellamy would kill her when he found out something happened to Charlotte, in case she would survive. Monty and Jasper were still working on the door, obviously not wanting to accept their situation. But if that wouldn’t work…

“Clarke…” Charlotte whined, adjusting her grip on the older girl.

“Don’t worry…” She tried to calm her down even though she knew how ridiculous she had to sound, how ridiculous she sounded to her own ears. How could she not worry in this situation? She fumbled for her gun again. Right now that seemed like the best option, to at least have something to protect them with. Her fingers were sweaty again so they were slippery and she had an even harder time to properly hold onto the gun. One of the Walkers let out another growl and threw a punch. Clarke ducked under it, pulling Charlotte down with her. This had seemed like a smart move before but it allowed the second one to jump forward and send them to the ground.

Clarke felt another rush of pain shoot trough her when she collided with the pebbly ground, her head starting pounding where it crashed into the ground and where the Walker had touched her. The breath was knocked out of her lungs and she gasped. For a moment she was disoriented. Someone screamed and Clarke wasn’t even sure who it was anymore. She couldn’t tell if it was Charlotte or Monty or maybe even herself. She blinked a few times, trying to regain her senses even though everything was still turning and she wasn’t sure where up and down were anymore.

“Clarke! Help me! Clarke! Please!”

 Ponderously she turned around. Charlotte was lying on the ground too, crawling back towards the edge of the building, one of the Walkers right behind her. “No…” Clarke murmured. She didn’t know where Bellamy was right now. Or Monty or Jasper but someone had to do something. Maybe that someone was her. She blinked again while Charlotte’s screams grew more desperate. And then she saw it. The gun. The gun Bellamy had given to her. She should be thankful. Yes, she really should. She crawled forward, grabbed the handle and pulled herself up.

“Shot them! Please! Do it! Shoot them!”

Clarke raised the gun and pointed it. She could save Charlotte. This time she would save someone, not kill them. This time would be different… No… The Walker turned around. It wasn’t a stranger’s face anymore. Clarke’s heart stopped. She blinked. It was her father. He was staring at her, his eyes empty and lifeless. He would not have wanted to live like this. Death is more dignified than that kind of existence. But could she live with that? Could she live with the knowledge that she had shot a bullet at her own father? Walker or not, he was the man who raised her and had given up everything for her. And that was how she thanked him? By ending his life? It was the right choice! Right…? Maybe it wasn’t… Could she really do it again…? Could she keep on living, knowing she had shot her own father two times?

“Clarke!” The voice that broke her out of her trance wasn’t as high pitched and female anymore. Instead it was dark and serious, a hint of anxiety within it too. Next thing she knew an arm closed around her hips and pulled her a few steps backwards, making her barely miss the sharp teeth aiming for her arm. She stared at the Walker one more moment, his face suddenly not her Dad’s anymore but the stranger’s again. When she looked over to the edge of the roof, her heart stopped. Charlotte was gone!

“It’s open!” Monty screamed from behind them. Charlotte had to be with them. There was no other explanation. Bellamy dragged her towards the voice and she stumbled along. Her breath still going heavy as if she had just run up the many stairs in the building again. She couldn’t help it. Her eyes flickered back to the creature once more. She just had to make sure. But every similarity she might had seen to her Dad before was gone. This was so strange. She tried to look closer but Bellamy slammed the door shot behind them, stumbling to the ground and Clarke could feel the air being pressed out of her lungs.

“Clarke!” Bellamy cursed. “What the hell?!”

She blinked when she detected the clear anger in his voice. “Why did I give you a fucking gun?! You need to use it!”

He was glaring at her but she was slowly coming back to her senses too. He knew about her father! He knew what a gun meant to her, what it could trigger! He had no right to talk to her like that! Besides, nothing happened!

“You don’t understand this…” She finally just murmured and rolled off of him to get up. Even though her vision was still blurry at the edges and there were black dots, she forced herself to not show weakness. Her eyes found Monty and Jasper who were standing close to the wall, staring at the ground. The blonde girl frowned. “Where is Charlotte?”

At these words they all looked at her like she had just gone mad. “Clarke…” Monty started. “She… she jumped…”

Her hear skipped a beat and she opened her eyes wide. “What…?”

“There was no way out of this if she didn’t want to turn…” He carefully continued but the girl didn’t really hear what he was saying anymore. She had messed up again. Last time she took a shot and she felt like hell. This time she didn’t and she wasn’t sure if she wasn’t even feeling worse. Without being able to say another word, she turned away and headed for the stairs. On her way down she had to hold tight onto the railing so she wouldn’t fall. Tears blurring her vision even more now. Bellamy had every right to hate her now. To hate her and never talk to her again.

 

When the others finally reached ground level, Bellamy and Monty walked over to the car, while Jasper came over to where she was sitting, on one of the little walls marking which parts of the garden belonged to which houses. “Hey Clarke… Would you mind if I take a look at your head?”

If it was only her head making her feel this dizzy and horrible, she would be grateful. “I’m fine.” She lied.

Jasper made a face. “I think we both now you are not.”

She rolled her eyes and looked down at her hands. Charlotte had trusted her to protect her and take care of her. Instead she was dead now. She was dead because Clarke had not been able to pull that stupid trigger. She let her die so she didn’t have to shoot a stranger who had been damned the second he had turned. If she was honest, she was surprised Jasper wanted to treat her wound. Did she even deserve this?

When she didn’t reply, Jasper sat down next to her, placing the first aid kid on his lap. “I found this in the car.” He explained. “It might be really useful in the future…”

Clarke took a deep breath before she whispered: “It’s my fault…”

“No, Clarke… This world is… it’s cruel and it takes and takes and takes. That’s what it does now and that’s no one’s fault… I mean, unless you are about to tell me you are the one who invited this virus, I don’t think you can take the blame for this one…”

“I could have saved her, Jasper! If I had just…”

“No, you couldn’t. Monty checked your gun. You had three bullets left. Three bullets and eight Walkers. Even if each shot would have been a fatal one, what about the other five? You couldn’t have saved her…”

Clarke disagreed with him but she didn’t have the energy to argue, so she shut up and instead focused on not starting to cry. The adrenaline was leaving her veins pretty fast and the numb feeling disappeared, making her feel all the dread and the pain and the horror she had suppressed throughout the whole encounter all at once.

“Okay, I’ll just do it now, okay?” Jasper said while opening the kit and getting out some supplies. Clarke didn’t really take any of that in. Her mind wandered back to the roof, to the little girl, to her inability. God, she… Her trail of thoughts was stopped when she felt a new wave of hot pain roll through her. Jasper had started disinfecting her wound. “I will be quick.” He promised.

Clarke closed her eyes and tried to focus on his hands on her forehead, to sense and check on each step he made. Surprised at how smoothly and easy he worked with the bandages and ointment, Clarke opened her eyes again watched his hands.

“My Mom was a nurse.” He explained with a half grin, when he noticed her staring.

“Oh okay…” She felt bad for not sounding more interested but compared to what other things she had done, this was probably one of the least bad ones. She barely dared to look over at the car, where Bellamy was hovering in the driver’s seat, throwing daggers at them with Monty in the back seat, looking pale.

“He doesn’t blame you for what happened up there, you know?” Jasper suddenly said.

Clarke blinked. “What?”

Jasper sighed. “He was simply really worried about you. I mean, we all were. This creature almost sank its teeth into your skin and you were just standing there, staring at it like it was one of the seven world wonders. I just thought you should know… He is upset and that’s why he is mad…”

Clarke could hardly believe his words. A child had died because of her. As far as it concerned Bellamy there was probably nothing worse. “I doubt it…” She admitted when Jasper finished bandaging her up.

“Trust me.” He simply said. “What about your other wounds?”

“They’re fine, really.”

Even though Jasper didn’t look too convinced, he let it go and got up again. “Okay, let’s head back then. I’m sure Bellamy won’t appreciate it if we lose any more time.”

“No, I guess not.”

The two of them walked back to the car and Clarke found herself almost wishing that Jasper would take the passenger’s seat but of course he didn’t. So that didn’t leave her any choice but to climb in next to Bellamy. As soon as her door was closed, he started the engine. “We won’t waste any more time from now on.” He announced, his voice hard and cold. “We will only stop to get food and use the bathroom twice a day. I want to be back in Brooks in two days.”

He didn’t say another word to her or so much as looked at her or acknowledged her presence in any way. All he did was stare straight ahead and chase the car down the lane. Never would she have imagined that being ignored by Bellamy Blake would bother her so much but here she was, apparently nothing but air to him and that simply added up to her already feeling like total crap.


	11. All the pain from yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new episode of the 100 is finally coming closer! I just can't wait to see where they are going with the plotline and what is going to happen between Bellarke!
> 
> But we do have a reason to celebrate this week: The CW renewed the 100 for season 5!
> 
> Still, as always, thank you for the reviews and bookmarks and kudos! You seriously make my day with your feedback! *-*

Three days had passed. Three days since they had lost Charlotte. Three days of not really speaking. Three days of speeding down high ways. Three days of nothing but occasional stops to sleep and use the bathroom. The sun had started setting for the third time when they passed the sign that read _Brooks County_.

Bellamy felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off of his chest. Even though he still didn't even know if Octavia was going to be here, he felt like he had taken a large step in her direction. Finding her didn't seem like such an unlikely scenario anymore. He slowed down the car when they left the highway and started driving on the small town roads. He knew his way from here. He grew up here. This was his home. It gave him a weird feeling when he looked around the buildings. Nothing had changed but at the same time everything was different.

They drove past his old high school and he had to swallow hard. He remembered how much he hated his time there but now he would give everything to go back to that time. It was much simpler. Two streets down, they passed a park. The same park Octavia used to spend so much time in whenever she felt like she just couldn't be at their house anymore. A time when he had always know where to find her. He bit his lip. To him, the city felt haunted with the ghosts of his past.

The supermarket reminded him of all the times his mother would send him there to buy something she had forgotten and how he would always sneak back some sweets to share with his sister, the corner in front of a convenience store made him remember the first time he had gotten into a fist fight with some random kid calling his mother a whore, the playground hit him with memories of a small Octavia, laughing and asking him to push her on the swing, catch her at the bottom of the slide, accompany her on the climbing contraption. It was almost too much for him to handle at that moment.

His knuckles were turned white when his grip on the steering wheel tighten. He had to find Octavia here. There was no other option. He didn't know how he was supposed to handle her not being here. He would be completely lost again, without a trail or any hint. He would be left with nothing once again. He drove through the streets, a way he had taken a million times before and had always thought he would take a million times more. When he stopped in front of his old house, he had to take a moment. This was what he had wanted. This was why he had kept hurrying them all. This was it. But still, now that he was here, his knees felt weak. What if he would just find nothing? Nothing but destruction and emptiness?

Monty and Jasper slammed their doors shut, pulling him back into reality. He eased his grip when he noticed Clarke's skeptical eyes on him.

"Are you okay?" She asked after a moment of hesitation.

These were probably the first words they had exchanged without them being out of necessity since that morning on the roof. He looked at her. He was still mad at her, not because they lost Charlotte, he didn't blame her for that one, but for risking her life and not firing this stupid gun. Or maybe he wasn't even really mad at her. He was mad at himself. He was mad at himself because the horror that had struck him the moment he had reached the rooftop and seen her on the ground, about to be bitten, was something he shouldn't feel. She was his partner, they took care of things together, at least for the time being, yes, but that was it. Nothing more. He couldn't get attached to her. Because sooner or later they would split up again and both go their own ways. Maybe they would meet a friend of hers or she would realize what a horrible person he was or she would simply find something better than him, which wasn't too hard and then she would leave. She would be gone, probably sooner than he liked, so the road he was going down right now was definitely the wrong direction.

"Fine." He simply replied. "Let's go." He didn't want to get into a deeper conversation about how he was feeling anyways. Sometimes Clarke seemed to be oddly well able to pick up on how he was really feeling so right now, she was the last person he wanted to talk to about that. He had to focus after all and not let himself be distracted by whatever she had unlocked in him. When he joined Monty and Jasper, he noticed their skeptical glances. "What?" He asked.

"This is where you lived?"

"Yeah." The house in front of them wasn't under the best condition but neither had Charlotte's apartment building been. He wasn't in the mood to explain anything to them and they seemed to sense that too because they simply nodded. It was true, they didn't have much money, they only got the house because they had inherited it from their grandparents. After his mother's death he only kept it because he didn't want Octavia to lose everything that was somehow familiar to her, no matter how hard it had been with the lack of money.

As soon as Clarke had joined them, he pointed at the front door. "Let's go." Ignoring the doubt that had also crept on Clarke's face by now, he walked towards the door. The house looked empty and deserted but would it make sense for Octavia to let everyone who walked past know that someone was living there? Probably not. So he was still convinced that she could be there.

The front door was still unlocked so she simply pushed it open slowly. It was completely dark inside. He took a deep breath. After driving so many miles and dragging the other three along, a little darkness wouldn't stop him. So he stepped inside, waving at them to follow him. From the looks of it, they seemed to be alone for now. Which was good because there were no Walkers or strangers trying to kill them, but it was also bad because it meant there was no trace of Octavia.

"We should check the rooms down here first." Bellamy breathed. He was close to calling his sister's name but he didn't want to attract any unwanted attention. He took a deep breath. Even though he had considered splitting up, he decided against it now. He couldn't risk losing any of them right now. In case Octavia wasn't here, they needed to keep moving. He led them through his childhood home, trying to block all the memories the place was triggering. He tried not to think about how Octavia took her first step in the living room, how she would sit on the kitchen counter and watch him make pancakes on a Sunday morning, how she fell down the stairs and asked for him to ride in the ambulance with her instead of their mother. She had always relied on him! He couldn't let her down now! It was his job to protect her and he couldn't fail her now! Not when it really mattered! But she wasn't here, at least not downstairs. So he pointed at the stairs and mouthed: "Let's check the upper floors."

Clarke, Monty and Jasper didn't object and so he started climbing the stairs, the others right behind him. Even though he had so many memories rooted here, he knew which steps to avoid to prevent unnecessary noises, knew his way around and where to go, he felt out of place. The whole house seemed foreign to him, even worse than it had in his childhood. The destroyed furniture, broken walls and the mess lying around just made everything feel so much more abstract. Like he knew this place so well and at the same time he felt like he didn't know it at all. Reaching the top of the stairs, he stopped to listen. Maybe he would be able to hear something. Just when he was about to point to the others to follow him, he stopped.

"Where the hell is Clarke?!" He asked, an urgent sound in his voice while he looked from Monty to Jasper and back.

They shrugged. "She was just right behind me…" Monty murmured while looking around.

Bellamy cursed under his breath. "Great! You two, stay out of trouble! I'll go looking for her! We don't know who or what might be living here now!" Without giving them a chance to response he pushed past them and headed back down the stairs. It was really hard for him to believe that this place once used to be his home. Where Octavia and he grew up, where their mother lived, where they had a normal life. Or at least the closest to normal they ever got.

"Clarke!" He hissed. He still didn't want to attract any unwanted attention but at the same time he didn't want to miss the blonde girl. Why was he even doing this? She got lost! It was her own damn fault! Just a few minutes ago he had decided to not worry about her so much anymore for obvious reasons and still, he was wandering through dark, unexplored territory, hardly armed, just to find her. He must be insane.

"Clarke!" He silently called again but was met with no answer. He crossed the entrance hall and was just about to enter the dining room when he heard noises from downstairs, where the basement was located. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.

"We don't mean any harm…" This is was definitely Clarke's voice!

Without even hesitating long enough to from a plan in his head, he made his way towards the basement. There he saw her, standing in the middle of the room, hands raised. Five or six people circling her, every one of them pointing a gun at her.

"Hey!" He called, attracting their attention, which probably had not been the smartest move but he couldn't stop himself.

"Bellamy…" Clarke started but he didn't let her finish.

"Leave her alone!" He demanded while reaching for his gun. The poorly lit room didn't allow him to make out any features of the men's faces and he wasn't sure which one to point his gun at first. A second of silence passed before one man stepped forward and into a stray of light, so Bellamy could recognize him. His skin was dark, he had black hair and a beard. Bellamy made big eyes. This wasn't exactly how he remembered the young man but still.

"Bellamy." He said, lowering his gun and outstretching his hand instead.

"Miller!" He started grinning before taking a step forward and taking his hand.

"It's alright!" Miller called towards the other men who some immediately, others reluctantly lowered their guns. "You're back!" He grinned before he pulled him in a hug.

"And you're alive!" He concluded, a warm feeling rushing through him. Nathan Miller had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. Some part of him had kind of already accepted that everyone he used to love was dead. He had not expected to meet anyone apart from Octavia here but finding Miller gave him new hope.

"Bellamy!" He let go of Miller and looked up. "John Murphy." The boys started grinning and they also hugged briefly.

"It's good to see you!" Atom was the next one in line. Bellamy remembered the last time he had seen him, they had gotten into a pretty violent fight because he didn't want the boy to date his sister but now, he even felt happy to see him. "You too!" He replied therefore and grinned once more before hugging him too, their grudge forgotten.

The last one to hug him was Bryan before Miller pointed at the two persons left who were still eyeing him and Clarke skeptically and as Bellamy realized now, were both female. "These are Monroe and Harper." He explained. "Guys, this is Bellamy. We can trust him, it's all good."

They gave him a short smile and Miller nodded towards Clarke, with questioning look. Bellamy cleared his throat. "This is Clarke, she is my… friend. It's all right. We met on the road and have been traveling together ever since. We got two more boys with us. You can trust them too. They're alright."

Miller nodded. "Okay, then let's collect them and move to the small hotel on Lincoln Street. All our people are there!"

Bellamy nodded, hope climbing up again. Maybe Octavia would be there too. He didn't ask though because he was too scared of hearing a no. Instead he waited for Clarke and took a deep breath. "Will you ever stop just running off on your own?"

She shrugged. "I heard something and I thought it could be Octavia so I went to check."

"And you didn't tell us because…?"

"I tried to but you were already halfway up the stairs and didn't hear me."

He sighed. "At least you found my friends." And at these words he managed to get her to grin a little, which was a small success. After all he had not seen her grin at all over the last three days.

As soon as they had reached the hotel, Bellamy was greeted by even more people. People he thought he would never see again. There was Miller's Dad, who had replaced his Dad in many ways over the years for him, Fox, who had always tried to help him keep up with his school work, Roma, who he had went to many times when he was down, and Gina, his ex-girlfriend. They all seemed really happy to see him well and alive and he couldn't say anything less about them. It was such a good feeling to see people alive instead of finding their corpses for once.

He introduced Clarke and Monty and Jasper to them and Miller's Dad gave them no choice but to sit down at the table in the old dining hall to have dinner. The hotel wasn't too big, considering Brooks County wasn't too large itself and the tourism wasn't really its strongest money income source. But for the approximately 40 people around here, it was more than enough. They had put wood over the windows and worked on strong locks for the doors. The hotel resembled a fortress more than anything else and it made him feel safe.

Sitting down at the table, Miller took a seat opposite him, Murphy and Bryan sitting down next to the boy. Clarke, Jasper and Monty were accompanying him on his side of the table. "So, tell me, what happened?" Miller asked and pointed at the four of them. "How did all of you meet?"

Bellamy wasn't paying too much attention to him though. He was looking around the room. Octavia didn't show up yet but he refused to let go of his hope that she was still here somewhere. Maybe she was mad at him because he let her get separated from him, so she was avoiding him. Since Clarke noticed his distraction, she answered in his place, telling the story of how he picked her up on the road and how they met Monty and Jasper a few days later at the gas station.

"Miller." Bellamy started, after having checked every face in the hall twice instead of paying attention to the ongoing conversation. "Is Octavia here maybe?"

Miller stopped and looked at Bryan for a second. "I'm sorry, Bellamy… I haven't seen her since before the outbreak…"

Disappointment made its way through his whole body and he felt his throat tighten. She wasn't here. Once again his whole hope was crushed. If she wasn't here, where could she possibly be? What if she didn't make it? What if he had failed her? If something happened to her, it was his fault. Suddenly he felt Clarke's hand on his leg, making him focus again and keeping his hold on the situation. They looked at each other and her eyes almost literally told him to stay calm. This wasn't the way he had planned it but it didn't mean that everything was lost yet. He gave her a small nod and took a deep breath. "Okay. What happened here then?"

"The day of the Outbreak, everyone around here just started freaking out, shooting each other, betraying each other, leaving. Everyone was just trying to save their own skin and they killed at first sight, most of them wouldn't even stop to check if you were human or Walker. At that rate everyone would have been dead within a few days. So my Dad came up with the idea of moving into this hotel with the more reasonable part of the people still alive. We renewed this hotel and made sure it would be Walkers-proof."

Bellamy nodded. Miller's Dad had definitely been right. This seemed like a pretty good solution for the problem for now.

"This was a really good idea!" Clarke voiced his thoughts too at that moment.

Miller grinned a little. "All credits go to my Dad. We're happy to have you guys here."

"That's really generous!" Clarke added.

They finished their food while chatting about everyday things, making it almost feel like they were back in a world where no Walkers existed, where no apocalypse was awaiting them and they could just be a group of friends, enjoying a night out.

At some point Clarke yawned and stretched a little. "If you don't mind, could you show me where we can sleep?"

"Yeah about that, we only got two two-bed rooms left which means you can't have single rooms. I don't know who is going to share with whom?"

Carefully Bellamy shot a glance at Clarke. He wouldn't mind sharing a room with her but he wasn't too sure about her feelings. She returned his look, a questioning expression on her face. "I mean, I'd be fine with sharing a room with you if…"

"Oh yes, of course. I don't care."

"Perfect. Murphy can show you to your room." Miller explained. The boy nodded and got up, just like Monty and Jasper who declared that they were pretty exhausted too. It wasn't until then that Bellamy realized how hard his routine may had been on the others. He had left them close to no time to relax over the last few days, always rushing them and trying to keep up a fast pace. Maybe he had been a little too harsh on them. After the four of them had disappeared, Bellamy turned back to the only two left, Miller and Bryan.

"I'll leave you two to catch up alone for some time." Bryan said suddenly and gave Miller a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks." Bellamy's best friend smiled at him and he couldn't help but feel even more relaxed. It was nice to see that the two of them had worked things out, came to terms with their feelings and were finally happy together. "So, what did I miss?" He asked.

Miller grinned sheepishly, something he hadn't seen on him since they were six years old and received a sticker for special work in Kindergarten. "Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I have to thank Bryan for having more balls than I did."

Bellamy laughed a little. "Yeah, you probably would have kept pining and complaining until the end of all days."

Miller rolled his eyes but didn't deny his words. "Anyways, he was the one to make the first move. He kissed me, in front of all these people and yeah, I guess I couldn't run away from my feelings for him any longer."

"Which is a good thing." Bellamy pressed. "You were driving me nuts with all this talking about how much you hated his wonderful brown eyes."

"That's not what I said!"

Bellamy raised his eyebrows, still having an image of a younger Miller in front of his eyes, saying exactly these words. Realizing that there was not such a great time difference between the Miller in his memory and the one in front of him, made him stop. He hadn't really noticed it until now but the boy had turned into a man. All the childish features seemed to have vanished from his face, his expression even more serious now, his posture seemed more powerful. He used to be that kind of guy that always looked his age, when he was 15 he looked like he was 15, when he was 17 there was no doubt he would be older or younger. But now, judging only from his looks, Bellamy would have easily guess his age to be 26, when he had hardly turned 21.

"And what happened to you? Why didn't you stay here?"

Bellamy sighed. He had expected that question. "When I realized what was going on, I wasn't really thinking straight anymore. All I could think about was getting Octavia and getting her as far away as possible. So that's what I did. I had no idea it would be so bad all around the country. And we didn't come back because I didn't really expect to find anything here… I mean, had I known about this place…"

Miller nodded a little. "Yeah, I guess I can't blame you. If the roles had been reversed, this hellhole probably wouldn't have been my first choice to go back to either… But, I hope you know, you and your friends are welcome to stay as long as you want!"

"Thanks." Bellamy smiled at the offer. It didn't seem like food and water was a superfluous good here either but they were more than willing to share. "I don't think I will take that offer but I will let the others know. I need to get going again as soon as possible to find my sister."

Miller frowned a little. "What happened to her, Bellamy? I mean, you don't have to tell me, of course, but…" He broke off.

Bellamy shook his head a little. He hadn't talked about that day to anyone so far but the young man in front of him was his best friend. There was nothing he had kept hidden from him about his life and not once had he judged. "We were driving through the woods when Octavia spotted a river and wanted to take a break so she could refill our water supplies there. I agreed, partly because I was just bone tired and wanted to relax for a moment. So I stopped the car and told her to hurry up. She talked me into resting for a few minutes, so she could wash herself in the water too. But I didn't pay enough attention and fell asleep. Next thing I know she is shaking me awake and we are circled by I don't know how many Walkers. Only God knows what they were doing out there. They looked really pale and it seemed like they had not had any human blood or flesh or whatever it is that is giving them life in ages. So I told her to run while I tried to attract all their attention to me by firing gunshots at them. And it worked, more or less, they were all coming for me and I ran in opposite direction. When I had finally put enough distance between myself and them, I returned to the car but she wasn't there. Or anywhere near the car, for that matter. I haven't seen her since and I don't know who took her, where she is, or what might be happening to her right now. So I really need to find her!"

Miller nodded. He knew how much Bellamy's sister meant to him and he was pretty sure he would also be the only one who really understood what losing her did to him. He reached over the table and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Octavia is one hell of a kid. She knows how to stay alive. She is a fighter. Besides, I am sure you will find her, Bellamy. I mean, you have found some pretty good help as it seems." He winked, obviously trying to lighten up the mood.

Bellamy was thankful for that but at the same time Clarke wasn't a topic he really wanted to discuss either. "Yes, they are." He kept his tone neutral and was careful to press the personal pronoun, as to not specify _her_.

Miller was not having that though. "Yeah, they are but what about her? Are you two… you know, enjoying each other's company especially?"

"What? No! We're just friends."

Miller raised an eyebrow, doubt creeping up on his face. "Oh really? Because the way you two look at each other and the way you came bursting into your basement earlier is not something I saw you doing with me at any point."

Bellamy rolled his eyes. "That's different. Besides, while we're on it, I should head up too now."

Miller laughed. "Really Bellamy? That's all it takes to get you to stop talking to me?"

"I'm not stopping talking to you. I just want to go to bed because I'm tired too." Miller was still laughing but raised his hands in surrender. "Fine. But I'm not done with you yet."

Clarke couldn't deny it. Taking a shower, having a full stomach and the thought of a real bed awaiting her were more than tempting. Staying here seemed like a paradise but leaving Bellamy alone to find his sister was off limits. She knew that but she felt like he did not. Knowing him he was probably expecting them to want to stay while he would go on alone, like he thought he deserved. As long as he didn't want her to stay behind though, she wouldn't do it. After all, he seemed to have forgiven her for what happened on the roof and now she was not going to just give up on him so easily. Clarke wouldn't call herself an expert on the subject of Bellamy Blake but from what she had seen so far, she was sure that he liked to blame himself for pretty much every bad thing that happened to the people around him. This asshole behavior he had put up during their first few days together was probably nothing more than protection. He didn't want to get close to people because he believed he would bring them nothing but pain and sadness. When he was probably one of the best people she had ever met. He had stopped to take her in without question and shared all of his supplies with her, took good care of Charlotte and was doing anything he could to find his sister. He wasn't a bad person, no matter how convinced he seemed to be himself. Clarke wouldn't have that. If he would keep beating himself up for whatever reason, she would keep telling him the exact opposite, if that was what he needed.

Wondering if he would already be back in their room, she stepped out of the shower. _Their_ room. It got a weird sound to it. Never would she probably have expected to connect Bellamy to that expression but here she was and she couldn't even say that she didn't like it. If she was honest, she didn't expect him to be back yet, since he was probably catching up with the people he knew. And he deserved it. A night of careless laughter and talking of old times. He needed a calm night without being scared and on their toes, waiting to be attacked every second. And she was glad he finally got that.

After she had dried herself, she got dressed again. And she had to admit, fresh clothes had never felt so great and soft on her skin. She would definitely never have imagined to find such great pleasure in simple pajamas consisting of shorts and a top. When she entered the bedroom again, Bellamy was already sitting on the bed to her surprise. She bit her lower lip. As long as she had denied herself these thoughts, she couldn't do that much longer. It wasn't just his character that had been drawing her to him, he did look good too. His hair, still really short from the last time she cut it, was starting to fall into small curls, his dark brown eyes just traveling up and down her body, an intensity she had never found in anyone else's stare, his freckles making up constellations she used to find in the sky with her Dad, his lips cracked in a half smile. And the fact that he was wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. Of course she had seen his upper body naked before but that didn't change the fact that it still impressed her.

"Hey princess." He finally said and made her break her trance.

"Hey." She replied and sat down next to him on the bed. She had to stop thinking like that. It was too dangerous. "It is really nice of your friends to provide us with all these things."

He looked down and nodded. "Yeah, it is…"

"I never thought something like this was still possible."

He shook his head a little in agreement.

Clarke sighed. This was kind of awkward. "So… how long do you want to stay?"

Apparently this had been the question the other one had been dreading because he slightly flinched as if she had hit him, just like she had expected him to react.

"I don't know yet… Three days at the most… But Miller said you are welcome to stay as long as you want to."

There it was. The fear she had been guessing he was feeling. So she grabbed his hands and took a deep breath before she could think twice about it. "Bellamy, when you leave, I leave, as long as you want to stay here, I stay here." She knew how weird that had to sound and she hoped he wouldn't think too much about where these words came from because she didn't even really know herself. All she did know was that right now Bellamy was the only constant in her life, she felt like she could rely on him and she trusted him. And she was not ready to lose him. He stared at their intertwined hands as if he could hardly believe what he had just heard and it took him such a long moment to respond that Clarke started worrying if she had said too much and he tried to come up with a good way to let her know he didn't want her around.

"Are you sure?" There was nothing but uncertainty on his face.

So she took another deep breath and nodded. "Together. Remember?"

"Together." He confirmed and gave her hand a small squeeze. His hand was warm and again she got that feeling only he was able to give her. Where she felt protected and safe somehow. His thumb started traveling up and down the back of her hand and when he finally looked up, she found a certain note of softness in his eyes. Something she had never seen there before. If it would have been up to her, she probably would never have let go of his hand again. It was so much gentler than one would expect. Sometimes she still remember the lingering feeling of his fingertips on her bruised skin. Without really being able to control it her eyes wandered over his face until they finally came to a stop on his lips.

She had to admit it, there had been too many times that she had wondered what it would be like, kissing him. Would it be soft and gentle or fierce and exciting? Where would he put his hands? How long would it last? What would he taste like? She hadn't even realized how close they were sitting until now, just like it had been at river. Sometimes they seemed to just move closer to each other without noticing it. She could already feel his breath on her lips and when she finally dared to look in his eyes again, she found them focused on her mouth. She barely dared to breathe. When was the last time she had been this close to anyone? She couldn't remember. She could feel her heart hammering against her ribcage. She would have given almost anything to know what was going on in Bellamy's head at that moment. His eyes were traveling up and down her face, all he needed to do was lean a little forward and their lips would meet. For some reason Clarke was too scared to cover the small distance by herself but she really wished he would do it. God, yes she wanted him to kiss her so badly in that moment.

He shook his head, all of a sudden and leaned back. "I… uhm…" He cleared his throat. "I was going to take a shower actually." He explained, carefully letting go of her hands. "You should try to get some rest. I'll sleep on the couch." He pointed at the very uncomfortable looking and way too small sized couch at the wall.

"What?" Clarke blinked, feeling like suddenly everything around her came back into focus. For the last few minutes everything she had been able to process had been Bellamy, so she felt shook and harshly pulled back into reality by his sudden movement. "No, I don't mind us sleeping in one… I mean, I'll take the couch. It fits me better than you anyways."

"No way!" He shook his head. "We'll share the bed then. Whatever."

"Okay." She nodded, for once glad he seemed to actually want to get away from her and therefore didn't argue any further either. As soon as he had closed to the door to their bathroom behind him, she let herself fall on her back on the bad and took a deep breath. What had just happened between them? Did she really want to kiss him there? God. The more rational part of her brain was screaming at her, telling her how stupid she had been. Kissing him… _Wanting_ to kiss him, actually… Would that change anything between them? Yes, of course it would. A kiss always meant something. There was always a reason for one. What could be theirs? Wouldn't a kiss mean that they finally had to deal with whatever it was that was there? She closed her eyes. Possibly, yes. But she had a feeling that neither one of them was ready for that yet.


	12. Hold onto this lullaby

When Clarke woke up next morning she found Bellamy still fast asleep next to her, his arm loosely around her waist, their faces only a few inches apart. Last night she hadn’t even noticed him coming back to bed since she had already fallen asleep but she was pretty sure he hadn’t consciously placed himself next to her like that. She didn’t mind anyways though.

For another moment she didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to face whatever was coming next. All she wanted was to crawl deeper under the covers and into his side. His body spend warmth and she felt too cozy, so she didn’t want to get up. Instead she let her eyes travel over his face. It looked so different from when he was awake and her fingers started itching. His features looked soft and young, innocent almost and peaceful. That deep frown he had worn ever since they had met and deepened every time his sister was mention, was gone and she really liked how relaxed he looked. The last time he had spent in a bed was probably ages ago and so Clarke was more than happy to find him still asleep. He needed this so much and he deserved it. But she knew she couldn’t stay in bed forever and it would be extremely awkward if he woke to find her staring at him, so she carefully untangled herself from his grip and slipped into the bathroom.

She checked her own reflection in the mirror and sighed a little. This world was wearing her out and it stared to become more obvious, her bones showing due to the lack of food, circles under her eyes due to the lack of sleep, scratches and bruises all over her body. There used to be a time when she had been happy with the way she looked but now she was almost glad she didn’t have time to look into a mirror too often or even a mirror at all most of the times. After judging her looks a little more, she started washing her face and brushing her teeth. It was a really good feeling to finally be able to take care of personal hygiene and looks more properly but she knew it wasn’t going to last for too long, so she was trying not to get used to it.

When she was at least a little satisfied with the way she looked or rather did as much as was possible under her conditions, she stepped back into the room. Bellamy had woken and was getting dressed. “Morning.” He greeted.

“Hey.” She smiled a little. “Did you sleep well?”

He nodded. “Yeah, it was good. What about you?”

“Pretty good too. It was nice laying in a real bed.”

“Can’t argue with that. I don’t think I can remember the last time I woke up without my whole body aching.”

Clarke bit her lip even though he was obviously joking. She really should have insisted more on them changing positions every now and then when they slept in the car. She made a mental note to press more next time. “I’m sorry.” She therefore also added while moving to put on the fresh clothes Miller had given her. A pair of skinny black jeans, new boots, a blue shirt and a dark jacket. She liked them while she also knew that it was anything but natural that they provided all of them with a stash of new clothes, food and a bed.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I made that choice and as I told you, there is no way, you will be the one sleeping while sitting upwards. I can handle it.” He pulled his fresh shirt over his head and winked at her. “Let’s go downstairs. Breakfast is probably already waiting for us and I’m starving.”

Okay, she knew she was not going to get anywhere right now but when they found themselves back in the situation, she wouldn’t let him put her off so easily. She only nodded because food was also one of the things that they wouldn’t have enough of once they were back on the road. So they should probably enjoy it as long as they still could.

 

As soon as they had entered the dining hall they had sat in the previous night as well, their plans were interrupted though. A dark brown haired girl jumped in their way and grabbed Bellamy’s arm. “Come on, Bell, we have been waiting for you! Sit with us over there!”

Clarke was pretty sure she was one of the girls that had greeted him last night too. One of his old friends probably even though the blonde felt like the other girl, whatever her name was, was eyeing Bellamy a little too much for just being friends. But who knew? Maybe she was just imagining things. And it was none of her business anyways. So without giving herself a chance to look after him any longer, she turned around and made her way towards Monty and Jasper who were sitting with two girls, one of them had been part of the party surprising them at Bellamy’s old home, the other one. one of his friends, if she remember correctly. She sat down next to Jasper, smiling a little.

“Hey sleepyhead!” Jasper grinned. “We thought you two were never going to show up.”

“What?” Clarke blinked irritated. Had they taken so long? It didn’t feel like it for sure.

“Well, we were feeling very generous though, considering you two were probably doing anything but sleeping last night, am I right?”

Clarke could feel the heat rise into her cheeks, when she remembered the moment they had shared right before Bellamy had went into the bathroom. “Shut up!” She growled at Jasper, trying to ignore the others’ grins. “Nothing happened between us and nothing will happen. We are just friends!”

“Right.” Jasper continued to grin in his special way so Clarke was relieved when the girl opposite her offered her a loaf of bread. “Here, have something to eat.”

“Thanks.” She smiled before taking the bread and then offering her hand. “I’m Clarke, by the way.”

“I know.” The girl laughed. “I’m Gina. And this is Harper.” She introduced the blonde girl next to her.

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, you were part of the armed group yesterday, right?”

Harper nodded. “Yes, sorry for being so suspicious. It’s just… there are not a lot of strangers passing through here and most of them aren’t as friendly…”

Clarke stopped her with a wave of her hand. “It’s fine. I understand.”

“It’s pretty brave though.” Monty noted. “We could have been dangerous, worldwide wanted serial killers.”

The girls started laughing. “You don’t really have that look, no offense.”

“What?” Jasper interrupted. “Would you say we lack of danger and threat?”

Harper shrugged but couldn’t stop herself from grinning.

It was really nice, Clarke had to admit. To meet some new people and just have a normal conversation without any talks about how to survive. “Have you decided whether you are going to stay?” Gina asked, sounding honestly interested. She seemed like a really nice girl.

“Well, we still haven’t found Octavia, so Bellamy doesn’t want to stay and I will stay with him, so…” Clarke answered, pointing towards the other table where he was sitting. The girl who came to collect him, was sitting next to him right now and had one hand placed on his thigh. He was just laughing, along with the group about something she had said and she grinned at him. Clarke narrowed her eyes. She was definitely not imagining things.

“We are going to stay with them too.” Jasper was just announcing and when Clarke turned to look back at Gina she noticed that she had followed her glance.

“I take it you have met Roma?” She asked. Roma? That was her name?

“Not really. She showed up when we entered and dragged him away.” Clarke explained. “Who is she?”

“She is… his friend, to say the most. I mean, it’s pretty obvious but she has had a crush on him since forever.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. So she had been right. “And how does he feel?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“He… has mixed feelings, I suppose. I mean, he likes her but not in that way. It’s still complicated. When we were together, I understood that I could trust him but she would just try everything to break us up.”

Clarke made big eyes. “You are his ex-girlfriend?”

“Yes…”

“Oh my God, please, what Jasper said before, these were just jokes. There is nothing between Bellamy and I.”

Gina started laughing and shook her head. “It’s fine, Clarke. Really. We broke up on good terms. It’s all settled and he is free to date anyone he likes.”

“Okay… but still, we are friends. Nothing more.” Gina just smiled at her before Monty interrupted: “So, is there anything we could do around here?”

Harper nodded. “There is always work. Someone needs to prepare food, repair whatever has been damaged, go out and get new supplies, assess the situation. If you want to help, I can show you around.”

“Sounds good!” Monty confirmed.

After they were done eating and just about to get up, Bellamy stepped in their way. “Hey guys! Come on over! I want you to meet my friends!” He was beaming and Clarke doubted she had ever seen him this happy and relaxed since they had met. But it was understandable. If she would run into Wells or Riley or her parents, she would probably not have reacted any different. He pointed towards the table Roma had taken him too. “Harper, Gina, you can come too!”

“I guess the tour has to wait.” Harper grinned. They all followed Bellamy except for Gina, so Clarke stopped. “Aren’t you coming?”

“No, I… I’m busy.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. Her lie was just too obvious. “Are you and Bellamy really on good terms?”

“Yes, of course! It’s not him.”

“What is it then?”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to be biased. Go over there and get to know them. Maybe I’m just too stuck up on things that happened in the past.”

Clarke wanted to ask her about it more, but Bellamy interrupted again, touching her elbow. She hadn’t even realized he had come back for her. “Hey, are you two coming?”

“Yes, Clarke is but I have to work. Maybe we can catch up later?”

“Oh okay, sure.” Bellamy smiled at her and she returned it before he finally pulled her to the table with him. She was really hoping they would get another chance to talk too.

“So, these are Clarke, Monty and Jasper!” Bellamy explained as soon as he had pulled Clarke down next to him. He introduced the group of people but Clarke had a hard time keeping up with who was who. She recognized Miller and his boyfriend amongst them, Murphy who reminded her of a rat for some reason and who had accompanied her to her room the night before and Roma. She was looking at the blonde girl with a pointed look and Clarke couldn’t help but feel guilty and uncomfortable even though nothing really had ever happened between her and Bellamy.

“So, are we going to do anything fun today?” Roma asked, putting an arm around Bellamy’s shoulders, obviously trying to regain his attention.

He shrugged a little. “Actually, I have some plans for Clarke and me.”

At these words the blonde girl raised her eyebrows surprised. “Really?”

Roma didn’t look too pleased with that answer. “What plans?”

“Gun training, for once. And we also need to go back to my old house. I need to check out a few things.”

Clarke swallowed at the glance Roma was giving her. “Why? We could do something else. Something more fun!” She winked at him and it wasn’t hard to understand what she really meant.

Bellamy smirked and Clarke was almost sure he would give in and change his plans but he shook his head. “No, I think I’m going to stick to my plan as long as you are up for it?” He turned around and looked at Clarke.

“Yeah, sure, why not?” Even though she wasn’t really keen on gun training, she looked at it as an opportunity to figure out what was actually really going on between them. She needed a definition and maybe some time alone with him would give her just that.

“Great. It’s settled then.”

Roma narrowed her eyes. “Do you need help with the training session? Or someone to accompany you to your house?”

Bellamy gave her a polite smile but shook his head. “Thanks but I think we’ll be fine.”

Clarke couldn’t help it but the other girl’s obvious attempts to hit on Bellamy and how he just kept turning her down were kind of funny to her. An awkward silence still followed until Miller cleared his throat: “So Clarke, did Bellamy ever tell you about the time when he had the biggest crush on this girl called Vivien who was two years older than…”

“Okay!” Bellamy interrupted him and shot him a warning glance. “Are you ready Clarke? We should go!”

“What?” She started grinning again. It was really nice to see that not all of Bellamy’s old friends seemed to dislike her as much as Roma did. “”I would love to hear some stories about you!”

“No, you don’t.” He pulled her up with him. “Monty, Jasper, you stay here, listen to Miller and do as he says. Maybe you can help if anyone needs anything, okay?”

The two boys nodded grinning and Jasper winked. “We get it, you want to do some private “gun training”.” He put imaginary quotation marks around the last two words and Clarke rolled her eyes. Bellamy did a good job simply ignoring his words and continued: “Great. Let’s go then, Clarke.”

She got up, half relieved to get away from Roma, half disappointed not to be able to listen to whatever story Miller had wanted to tell her. “We see you guys later.”

Placing his hand on Clarke’s lower back, he guided her away from the table and towards the door of the dining hall. The girl had to admit she was glad when they had left the room and thereby fled all of the staring eyes following them.

“Where are we going?” She asked as he led her towards the staircase.

“Downstairs. There is an improvised trainings room according to Miller where they train their people too. It’s empty now so we will have it all to ourselves.”

“Okay.” She followed him into one of the basement rooms which seemed to be once used for storing clothes but the boxes and containers had been moved to one side of the room, targets hung up or drawn on them. A table set up next to the door provided one with different kinds of guns which Bellamy was just examining.

Clarke bit her lip. Apart from the fact that there were a million other things she would rather be doing than holding a gun again and firing it, even if it was at some lifeless target, she was almost sure there was something Bellamy would give everything for to be doing right now. And that was finding his sister. “You know you don’t have to do this, right?” She asked carefully.

He nodded. “Yes, I know.” His tone sounded way too neutral, compared to how he reacted usually.

“But?”

He picked up a gun and turned back around to her. “But I don’t think you are safe out there right now, Clarke. And I… I don’t want to be too reckless. I told you, I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”

She shook her head a little. That answer just wasn’t enough. She was here to figure this weird feeling that had been between them out. “And I told you, I’m not her, I’m not your responsibility.”

He raised an eyebrow at that. “I saw you on the roof with Charlotte, Clarke… You can’t fire a gun if your life depends on it.” He took a step closer and for a second she was sure his eyes checked out her lips and she thought this time he was going to go for it and kiss her when he stopped right in front of her, just a few inches apart. “And in this world, your life may actually depend on it more than once. You can’t be scared anymore because that way you can’t protect yourself or for that matter, anyone else around you.”

He held up the gun and Clarke stared at it. Now that she could almost already feel the heavy weight of the black weapon in her hand, all thoughts of figuring out their personal issues was whipped out of her head. All she could think about was the sinking feeling it triggered, her rising heartbeat, the fear and guilt creeping up on her. “I’m not scared…” She still breathed in a desperate attempt to convince the young man opposite of her even though the truth was written all over her face again.

“Right…” He murmured. “Then… just take the gun, Clarke. We can do this.”

The blonde forced herself to raise her hand and take the weapon out of his hand, immediately letting her arm hang down her side,  the gun’s barrel aiming at the ground. She had to take another deep breath. After her father’s death she had sworn herself to never touch a gun again, yet here she was, feeling an odd, uneasy but almost familiar feeling making its way up her throat. “Okay…”

Bellamy’s eyes were scanning her face intently. She didn’t know how much of her real feelings were showing when he stepped behind her. “Okay, now. Try to hit the target right there.” He pointed at one of the boxes close to them. Clarke nodded. She could do this. She slowly raised the gun, trying not to shake too much while taking aim. This was just a stupid target. Whether she fired her gun or not, nothing would change. She couldn’t hurt anyone down here. Not her father, not Charlotte, not Bellamy or herself.

“Stay calm, Clarke…” He murmured behind her.

“I am calm!” She tried, knowing pretty much everything about her probably screamed tensed and nervous.

“Right…” Maybe the key was to stop thinking too much. Maybe she should just act. So she pulled the trigger and missed the target by several inches. She sighed, more of relieve than disappointment though and lowered the weapon again.

“Okay… You should…” He started, coming closer again and reaching for her. “May I…?”

Was he asking for permission to touch her? Who would have thought? Bellamy Blake being a real Gentleman. “Sure.”

“Okay. Take aim again.” He placed his hands at her waist which immediately made Clarke feel safer. He was there. She wasn’t alone. She tried to focus on the feeling of his hands instead of the weight of the gun. She waited for his next instruction but he was silent for a long moment. So she looked over at him. He was just shaking his head a little.

“Uhm… yeah, you… uhm…” He cleared his throat. “Just look at me.” He let his hands fall and took the gun from her. “Pay attention to my posture and my movements.”

Clarke nodded a little as he fired the gun twice, hitting two targets without any problems.

“Not bad.” She remarked. As he passed her the weapon again, she tried copying his stance.

“Good. Just…” He came closer again, placing his arms around her to be able to reach her arms and push them up a little. “A little higher…” She wasn’t sure what best to focus on in that moment. The gun, the target or Bellamy. Shooting would probably have been somewhat easier if he hadn’t been standing so close to her but at the same time she didn’t want to complain.

“Focus.” He continued. “You can do this.”

She squinted, aiming at the target. This wasn’t her Dad. Charlotte wasn’t standing at the edge of a building. No one was in danger. She just needed to shoot. She moved her finger towards the trigger. She couldn’t allow her mind to keep playing tricks on her. She breathed out loudly and pulled the trigger. This time she hit the target but she didn’t feel happy or proud or relieved. She felt nothing. Opposed to Bellamy who was beaming at her. “I knew you are a good shot!”

She nodded slowly, not sure how to respond.

He seemed to notice her hesitation because his face fell. “Clarke… you remember what I told you, right? What happened with your Dad wasn’t your fault! You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it from happening! You can’t blame yourself.” He placed his hands on her arms. “Being able to use a gun is important and in this world, it’s not a bad thing. Focus on what is ahead of us and not what happened in the past, okay?”

Looking at him almost made her open up. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him about how she felt because of what happened to Charlotte on the roof, she wanted to cry her eyes out about how she lost her father and she wanted to scream at him about how guilty she felt because she didn’t even try to find Wells. She was so young but there were already so many things she had messed up, people ended up dead because of her and that was something you could never forget, things that haunted her, demons that screamed at her. She wanted to hide in his arms and not face the world for some time, she didn’t want to fire another shot or deal with staying alive. She wanted to hear his soothing voice and feel his arms around her again. But she knew they weren’t ready for that kind of situation. And they didn’t have time. So she just swallowed her tears and forced herself to nod at him. “You’re right.”

He looked doubtful at her words but simply mirrored her nod before lowering his hands again. “Good. We should practice a little more…”

With each shot she took, it got easier. Or maybe it didn’t get easier but she got used to it again. Holding the weight in her hands, feeling the cold surface of the metal against her skin, forcing her finger to pull down the trigger. Facing the targets made it easier to not see someone’s face in front of her eyes. She could distant herself and imagine it was all just a game. Bellamy helped, no question. He could sooth her and calm her down in ways she had hardly ever experienced. She didn’t know how much time had passed when he cleared his throat again. “I think that’s enough for today.”

She couldn’t lie. She was glad when he decided they were done for the day. As much as she tried to fight her mind and memories, it exhausted her and she felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders when she finally put the weapon down. Even though she noticed how Bellamy was still watching her, like he was somehow waiting for her to break down or anything like that, she tried to ignore it. She was strong. She could handle shooting a few targets. And she would proof him just that. “Are we going back to your house now?” She asked, as they left the basement room and headed for the stairs again.

“As long as you don’t want to take a break, I would be up for it.”

“I’m fine. We can leave now.”

 

Just approximately half an hour later, Bellamy and Clarke stood in front of his old home again. The afternoon breeze was a little chilly so Clarke nuzzled deeper into her jacket. She watched Bellamy inspecting the house. She didn’t know when he would be ready to enter again but she didn’t want to press. He should take as much time as he needed. When he finally moved again, he didn’t say another word. He just walked towards the door and held it open for the blonde. They entered it together.

The first thing Clarke noticed was how much brighter everything was during the day. Now she could actually see the picture of possibly his grandparents on the wall, she could see the red carpet masking the stairs and the dark wood of the door leading into the basement.

“I’ll be upstairs.” Bellamy noted, heading for the stairs.

Clare nodded a little. They shouldn’t expect any dangers in here now. According to Miller close to no activity at all happened within the city and if anyone crossed the border like they did, it didn’t go without them noticing. So they should be safe and fine. Still, she had not been able to prevent Bellamy from carrying a gun and handing her one too. If she was honest, she still didn’t know what would happen next time she had to aim it at a person and not at a lifeless target but she didn’t want to think about that too much now. If she was lucky, the next time would be way off in the future. So while Bellamy left, she turned to the right and entered the living room. Everything was held in warm colors, red and gold. It looked welcoming and Clarke imagined a younger Bellamy, playing with the girl she had only seen picture of so far, a young woman, their mother, sitting on the couch and watching them. They could have been happy. They could have stayed happy.

If not for what Bellamy had told her. If his father hadn’t left them all alone, if their mother hadn’t overdosed, if he could have had a childhood. Life wasn’t fair. The truth behind these words was thrown at her once more. When she walked closer to the fireplace, she spotted another picture. It showed a young boy, grinning at the camera, his front teeth missing. Clarke took the frame into her hand to examine the picture closer. The boy had unruffled, curly black hair, countless freckles and his grin seemed way too familiar to her. This was Bellamy, aged 7, if she had to guess, and she was almost sure she had never seen anything more adorable. It was a strong contrast to the young man she knew today. All his childish features were gone, he looked way more serious all the time and his eyes didn’t shine as bright anymore. It was almost sad. The little boy in the picture would have deserved to survive. Bellamy would have deserved him to survive but he must have been forced to grow up so quickly that he had no choice but to kill that child immediately and entirely. Clarke was tempted, just taking the frame with her so she would always have a picture of baby Bellamy with her but she resisted. Maybe he wouldn’t want her to have it.

So she put the frame back down on the shelf and looked at the picture next to it. It was of Bellamy and Octavia together, him wearing his graduation cap, and his sister a short dress. Even if she had not known about them being siblings, she could have said they were related. They looked so much alike. The next picture was one of Octavia alone, on a summer’s day in front of the house. She looked very pretty, Clarke couldn’t deny that.

The last one in line was one of the three of them together. They were sitting on the couch, their mother in the middle, Bellamy on the right side, Octavia on the left. It had to be taken not long before her death because Bellamy looked about fifteen or maybe even sixteen and Octavia didn’t look too young either. The question where the Blake siblings got their looks wasn’t one she would have to keep wondering about now. The older woman in the picture looked beautiful and Clarke could feel her throat tighten when she thought about what Bellamy had told her.

An overdose. What could have made her commit suicide and leave her children alone? Could their life have been so hard? But killing herself and leaving her children, or especially Bellamy to deal with the aftermath didn’t sound really fair to Clarke either. She took a deep breath before deciding that she had looked into Bellamy’s past without his permission enough for one night so she turned on her heels and headed upstairs instead too, to find him.

On the upper level she saw only one door cracked open a little bit so she headed for that one. And she was right. Bellamy stood, his back facing her, next to the bed in the room. From the looks of it, it could have been his old room. It was simple. A bed with dark blue sheets, a desk and a chair, one drawer and a wardrobe. The colors were blue and white, a poster supporting the Pittsburgh Steelers hung over the bed and a window showing a small garden could also be seen. Bellamy still hadn’t turned around to her. Instead he seemed to be looking at something and Clarke frowned. She didn’t want to startle or disturb him, so she cleared her throat and reluctantly asked: “Bellamy…?”

“What if I can’t find her, Clarke?” His voice was low and she had to concentrate to catch his words.

“We will find her, Bellamy. If she is anything like you, there is no way she isn’t alive anymore and just because she isn’t here doesn’t mean we won’t be able to find her ever… The county is large, it will just take time… You can’t lose your faith!”

He was quiet for a moment. “My sister, my responsibility…” He murmured. It sounded like a chant, something he had said a million times before, something he kept repeating to himself over and over again. “I have to find her… I can’t let her down…”

“I know!” Clarke immediately responded. His voice sounded raw, almost like it hurt him to speak. So she stepped closer. “And you won’t be by yourself. I will be there, every step of the way.” Her words sounded more confident than she actually felt but she knew that was what he needed to hear right now. He wouldn’t need her telling him how hopeless the situation was because he was already very aware of that himself. To support her argument and she wrapped her arms around him from behind and hide her face in between his shoulder blades. It provided him with just as much comfort and a feeling of protection as it did to her. It was a risky move and she knew that but sometimes she had found that when words couldn’t give the necessary comfort, actions could take that place. And for a fact she could feel Bellamy relax in her arms a little bit. “Together?” He asked silently, mimicking her words from the previous night.

She had to smile a little before she nodded against his back. “Together.”


	13. Don't get too close, it's dark inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I wanted to express how happy I am about your feedback once more!   
>  The kudos and comments make me really happy!  
> You are great! xoxo

Despite their plan to go to bed early to be as rested as possible for when they would be back on the road, Miller talked them into staying downstairs with the rest of his old friends to drink Moonshine and pretend like they were just teenagers again. It was more of a challenge after Clarke’s: “I can be fun!” directed at Miller’s: “Do you guys even still know what fun is?”, so there was really no choice. Right now Bellamy was standing with a beer in his hand, watching Clarke and Jasper play the next round of Quarters and Clarke getting progressively drunker.

After she managed to bounce her quarter into her glass once again and therefore got to drink the next shot of Moonshine, she came stumbling towards him. Her cheeks were a little flushed, her walk a little unsteady, her mood lighter than he had ever seen it. She put a hand on his shoulder while he grabbed her hip to make sure she wouldn’t just fall over. “You should play a round!” She grinned but he shook his head.

“I suck at that game.”

“Whatever! Just try it, Bellamy. Don’t be a spoilsport.”

“Wow.” He started laughing. That was funny coming from her. “I’m a spoilsport because I know my limits?”

She rolled her eyes. “Are you trying to say I don’t?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m actually really enjoying myself just standing here and watching you.”

She narrowed her eyes a little. “Are you making fun of me?”

“Never in a million years.”

Her expression stayed serious so he started laughing again. Right now it was just too hard to buy her act. That face just didn’t fit her. “Clarke, you deserve to have some fun, a few drinks, it’s alright. I’m fine here though.”

She gave in and nodded. “Okay, fine then. But we’ll have a drink together later, okay?”

“Okay.” He agreed even though he wasn’t too sure if she would still be able to do that or if he wouldn’t rather be forced to carry her up to their room. While she grinned and pecked his cheek so quickly he didn’t even have time to react before she turned around and walked back towards Jasper, Murphy, Miller, Bryan and whoever else was standing around there. Perplex he touched his cheek. Did this mean anything to her? Was it possible that this moment the previous night between them wasn’t something he had simply imagined because he had wished for it so badly? He wasn’t so sure right now anymore. Could it be that she had felt something too? No, he shook his head. She was drunk. She probably would have kissed Murphy on the cheek if he had been standing in front of her.

Hastily he looked around to make sure no one had noticed how flustered he had gotten over such a stupid and simple thing like a kiss on the cheek. Automatically he also looked for Monty to make sure he was doing okay too and in fact he was, sitting next to Harper at one of the tables, sharing a drink, talking, laughing.  They seemed to get along especially well. He didn’t get too much time to think about that though because an arm was placed around his shoulders and a weight pushed against his side.

“Roma!” He caught her before she could hit the ground and raised his eyebrows. Obviously Clarke wasn’t the only one who had no idea about her limits. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“I was looking for you!” She answered, beaming at him.

“Oh really? Where are you friends?”

She shrugged. “Not here. They are all dead.”

He swallowed. Yeah, maybe alcohol was good to distract themselves from reality but it also made most people brutally honest. “Right. But you have friends in here too, people who care about you.” He tried but she wasn’t having it.

“No. They all dislike me. I was not a kind of person a lot of people ever really liked, was I? I suck…”

“No! Roma, don’t say that…” She was right though. Her parents never really gave a crap about her, she had been into drugs and alcohol ever since he could remember, she didn’t have a lot of friends and was really rude and snappy to most people.

“But it’s the truth, Bellamy…” She looked at him now, a bitter expression in her eyes. “People hate me and I’m pretty sure everyone in here is mad because I’m alive but their mother, their sister, their girlfriend is not… Because why on earth would I deserve to still be alive, right?”

“Hey!” He placed both of his hands on her hips and turned her around, so she had to face him entirely. Even though she might not have been the best person, he had always gotten along with her and no one deserved to die. “Stop thinking that! You don’t deserve to die! You’re in here for a reason, Roma. Miller told me that they only took in the people who they believed wouldn’t go all nuts and were reasonable and responsible. So they don’t think badly of you.”

She studied his face during his speech, a soft expression replacing the bitter one and she raised her hand to push his hair out of his face gently. “You have always been different, Bellamy. I know that. You would always care about me, talk to me, be there for me, even when everyone else hated me… And I missed you. I missed us and… I missed what we had…” She leaned forward in an obvious attempt to kiss him but he held her back.

“No, Roma! Stop! That’s… it’s not a good idea. I like you, I really do but we… we shouldn’t do that anymore.” Their relationship had never been exclusive and always been mostly physical, at least on his behalf. She had always denied having any feelings for him either but sometimes that was really hard to believe.

“We shouldn’t do that anymore?!” She repeated his words, a hurt expression on her face. “Why? Am I not good enough for you anymore? Is it because you are fucking that blonde whore you brought here with you now? Is she so special to you now?! Come on, Bellamy! You are a fucking…”

“Hey!” He interrupted her and grabbed her hands which were pointing violently in Clarke’s direction while shooting her a warning glance. People were already looking at them and the last thing he needed was Clarke noticing. He exactly knew this show. It was the same she had pulled when he told her they had to stop messing around because he had started dating Gina. He wasn’t having it again, especially not concerning Clarke. “I don’t know what you are imagining, but there is nothing between Clarke and I.”

She snorted. “Keep lying to yourself but everyone can see it. You and your beautiful little angel! Everyone just loves her, am I right? She is the perfect person and…”

“Roma!” He grabbed her arm and turned around. “Come on.” He pulled her behind him and out of the dining hall. The last thing he needed was her having a breakdown with everyone else watching. Their physical relationship had after all not been such a big secret and he didn’t need anyone else getting the wrong idea. “You need to calm down, okay?” He looked at her, tears were now streaming down her face. He sighed deeply. “Roma…” He took a step closer to her again. “I don’t want to hurt you but look, we are not going to stay here and I don’t know what is going to happen.”

“So let me come with you!”

He made a face. “No… that’s too dangerous.”

“For me it is but for Clarke it’s not?”

“Please stop it with Clarke. You don’t understand that. I can’t do anything about this, Roma. I need to find my sister and I’m sorry, I never meant to get your hopes up. I haven’t forgotten that you have always been there for me and that still means so much to me! And I also still like you, as a friend and I care about you and that’s why I think we just shouldn’t sleep together anymore. It’s not going to do us any good, neither you nor me, okay?”

She stared at the ground in front of her. “I really thought you were different…”

“Roma…”

“Bellamy?” Miller came stumbling through the doors, looking around. “There you are and… she is with you. Interesting. Anyways, maybe you should come back inside. I’m afraid Clarke had a tiny little bit too much to drink because she just told a group of guys about how she shot her father and killed a little girl?”

Bellamy cursed. He should have known, damn it! He lightly touched Roma’s arm. “Are you going to be okay?”

She shrugged his hand of. “Whatever, Bellamy. Go save your princess.”

He rolled his eyes at her tone but since he didn’t really have time to worry about her even more right now, he decided to just let it go and followed Miller back inside. In fact Clarke was sitting at a table with people Bellamy didn’t know, except for Murphy who was watching the whole scene with a half amused, half disgusted expression. Typical Murphy.

He growled. “Clarke.” He put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up.

“What do you want?” Her former happiness and light mood vanished.

He sighed. “I think we should head up.” He pointed towards the doors but she just rolled her eyes.

“Thanks but I think I might stay a little longer. See you tomorrow then.” She raised her glass but he stopped her by taking it out of her hand and emptying it himself. The moonshine burned in his throat but he kept his face straight. “No. You also had enough to drink.”

“Who are you? My mother?”

Really? That was original. He shook his head a little. “Seriously? I’m really not in the mood to discuss this. Let’s just go!” He pressed his last words but she was resistant.

“No!”

He groaned. The alcohol was making his brain fuzzy too and he hated how everyone seemed to be watching them closely.

“Let the girl stay and have some fun, Bellamy.” Murphy threw in, taking a step closer. Bellamy threw him an annoyed look. He was not helping and also most likely one of the last persons he would leave a drunk Clarke with. “Forget it!” He therefore spat in his direction. He never trusted Murphy around anyone he actually liked since he had seen what this boy was capable of.

“Why?” He grinned a little, obviously enjoying the situation while leaning towards them. “Clarke, you know, if you want to stay, you can. I’ll take good care of you.”

“You still want my fist to get to know your face?” She returned without even blinking. Bellamy had to suppress a chuckle. Murphy definitely deserved that one.

“Cute. I see you like it rough.”

“Let’s see about that.” She got up as if she was ready to get into an actual fist fight with him.

“Okay, that’s enough! Come on, Clarke.” He put his hands on her hips to pull her backwards and almost expected her to protest but to his great relief she didn’t. Instead she just stumbled backwards a few steps and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Fine, he could deal with a moody Clarke, nothing he wouldn’t have had to confront before.

“Let’s go.” He put his hand on her lower back to guide her out of the room and towards the stairs, but not without shooting a warning glance towards Murphy. He knew Clarke was very capable of defending herself but that didn’t mean he would just let Murphy threaten her or make any sick comments. Still, it also wasn’t like he was done with her yet but he wanted to make sure they were safe inside their room before he would start talking to her.

 

As soon as they reached their room, Clarke let herself sink onto the bed. Okay, maybe Bellamy had been right. Sleeping sounded like a really good idea right now. Her head felt dizzy, her eyelids heavy. Alcohol was poison. Now she knew again why she had mostly avoided to drink it when she was in College. She didn’t care when people called her boring or prude. At least there were no horrible drunk pictures of her somewhere on the internet and she didn’t wake up with a throbbing head and puking her insides out each Saturday and Sunday morning.

“Clarke.” Bellamy’s voice was stern and cut right through to her. Slowly she turned back around. He was standing in the middle of the room, his arms crossed, and a frown on his face. He looked like a Dad who was just about to lecture his child.

“What?” Great! And she just sounded like a rebellious teenager who had snuck out to a party and got drunk.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about…” And she really didn’t. Was he referring to drinking too much; to threating Murphy; to spilling her guts?

“Oh really?” He sounded disbelieving. “I thought we had that conversation before. I know it’s hard for you and easy for me to say but what happened with your father, Clarke, wasn’t your fault!” He didn’t know what else to say, how to make her see that.

“Stop it, Bellamy! You don’t understand this!”

“You know what? I do! Because I lost people, too! This apocalypse forced me to do things I never wanted to do, too, okay? I had to kill, I had to rob and beat people up! Do you think this person is who I want to be?” She blinked a little. How could he look at it that way? When she couldn’t find any words to say, he continued. “There is one thing you need to learn. Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two different things.”

She swallowed a little. Did she want to be that person who survived? Wouldn’t she much rather die than harm anyone? She studied Bellamy’s face as if she was hoping to find an answer on it. He came a step closer and took a deep breath, like he was trying to calm himself down before he started talking again:  “And I am sure your Dad would be proud of you now. You are still alive and without you, I wouldn’t be, Monty wouldn’t be, Jasper wouldn’t be. You save lives, Clarke, you…”

“No, I don’t.” She interrupted him. Her head was spinning from all of his words but if she knew one thing it was that he was the one who saved lives and she was the one to take them. “I couldn’t save my Dad, Bellamy… Or Charlotte… And neither did I save Wells… I didn’t even try…”

He looked confused before sitting down next to her. “Who is Wells?”

“He is… he was my best friend… And I didn’t even go looking for him, I ran the first opportunity that I got…”

“He could have come looking for you too, Clarke. This…”

“No!” She put her hands to her head. “You don’t understand this. We grew up together in Phoenix and because both of my parents had to work a lot, I spend so much time at his place… he was like my brother… We went to Kindergarten, to elementary school, to Middle School, to High School together, he was always there for me, no matter what, I could always rely on him, and he never let me down, no matter what I asked… And then when I got into a program in Washington for medical training, he even moved to New York so he could still be with me… And I didn’t even go up to find him and if he is dead, it’s on me too…”

Bellamy was shaking his head and reached for her hands. “You need to stop this. I don’t know what exactly you are trying to do but you can’t take responsibility for this either. And maybe he is not even dead, you don’t know what. Maybe we’ll find him somewhere on our way…”

His eyes were serious but she still felt like he didn’t understand. She closed her eyes for a second. Why was he even here for her right now? She didn’t deserve it. How on earth could he have forgiven her for what she did? With a sudden movement she pulled her hands free from his grip. “Why are you doing this?” She whispered, opening her eyes again.

Now he looked even more confused. “What do you mean?”

“You hate me…”

“What?!” His eyes widened.

“I killed Charlotte and you hate me for that…”

He took a deep breath. “You got a totally wrong idea there, Clarke…”

She raised an eyebrow. What would he try to tell her now? That it wasn’t true? She had seen the way he looked at her afterwards. How he had not talked to her, acknowledged her or anything.

He pulled his hair and sat up straighter again. “When I reached that rooftop and I saw you on the ground with that Walker who was about to sink its teeth into your arm, taking you away from me forever… I can’t even explain to you how that made me feel… At first I was mad, you are right. I was insanely mad, to be honest but not because I blamed you for what happened to Charlotte at any point, okay? So you can’t blame yourself either! I was mad at you because your life was endangered and you didn’t do anything about it. And I was mad at myself because…” He took a deep breath. “I’m not used to feeling like this about anyone except Octavia… She was always the only one I really cared about, the only that really mattered to me, you know? And now, here you are and…” He shrugged and it was obvious how he was looking for the right words. “I don’t know… you matter to me, Clarke. You matter to me more than you should and the thought of losing you on that roof was nothing that I knew how to handle…”

Clarke bit her lip. Could she believe his words? Was it possible that she really wasn’t the only one who realized that there might be something, whatever that was between them? Her mind still clouded from the alcohol had a hard time processing the whole situation but Bellamy didn’t falter. He placed one hand on her hip again, the other reached for her hand. “I could never hate you…”

She couldn’t help it any longer. In that moment her mind travelled back to the night before when they had been so close, when the desire to kiss him had been so great, it had almost consumed her. And now, sitting here the desire was climbing up again. It was like a fire and her skin where Bellamy’s hands were placed was burning. He had just spilled his guts to her. He didn’t hate. It was rather the opposite. He cared about her too much?

She looked into his eyes, a darker shade than usually, probably due to the alcohol he also consumed or could it be something else as well? She wasn’t sure. And how could she be? This was Bellamy Blake, she was talking about. Who could treat her and make her feel like she was a queen and just seconds later push her down from the edge of the earth. Still she couldn’t help it when her eyes travelled down to his lips. This wasn’t the first time. This wasn’t the first time that she wondered what kissing him would be like, what his lips would feel like against hers, what he would taste like. When she forced herself to look up again she had to admit she was a little surprised to find his eyes focused on her lips too.

“Bellamy… I…” She breathed, letting her hands travel up his back and dig into his hair. When their eyes met again there was a careful and questioning expression in his. He didn’t want to push her, to make her do anything she didn’t feel 100% content with and that made her sigh. Why did he have to be such a sweetheart in disguise? It was up to her, as it seemed and this time, she didn’t want to let her opportunity pass, so she pushed herself up to cover the last piece of distance between them and press her lips against his.

Admittedly she had always imagined kissing him would be great but none of her imaginations could ever have compared to the reality. It was like fireworks went off, it was like that moment when you had been underwater for too long and could finally breathe again, it was like coming home. And she never wanted to stop. He returned the kiss passionately, his grip around her waist tightened. It was like in that moment Clarke lost all ability to think straight. All she could see, taste, hear, smell and feel was Bellamy. Nothing else seemed to exist anymore.

She pulled herself up even further so she managed to climb onto his lap. Obviously he welcomed that too since his arms immediately closed around her, pulling her even closer to his chest. Their lips seemed interlocked, never parting and Clarke was grateful. He seemed to feel the same way. Her hand dug into his hair and she started moving her lower body against his, moaning slightly against his lips. She wanted him. And she didn’t want to wait anymore.

He seemed to sense that because he turned them around and pushed her down on her back, climbing on top of her. This was the perfect opportunity for her to put her legs around his waist and pull him closer to her. He didn’t even try to resist and just started kissing her again, tugging on her lower lip with his teeth a little and then traveling lower, kissing her neck and her collarbone. The feeling of his mouth on her bare skin made goosebumps appear on her whole body and she couldn’t keep in another satisfied moan, her eyes falling close.

She started tugging at his shirt too, pulling it up and he helped her getting rid of it entirely. This time she didn’t have to be embarrassed. This time she was allowed to look at his abs and touch his muscles and look at his body. He grinned a little. “Do you like what you see, Princess?”

She rolled her eyes. Bellamy Blake had seriously mastered the art of annoying her and turning her on simultaneously. She pulled him down to kiss her again while he let his hand find it’s way under her shirt, stroking her stomach. This wasn’t exactly where she wanted his hand to be though and he luckily didn’t spend too much time there until his hand wandered further up. He started cupping one of her breasts and she couldn’t suppress a low gasp when he pinched her nipple.

Her tongue slid into his mouth at the same time as they deepened the kiss. As soon as her shirt had followed his and found its place on the ground, Bellamy pushed himself up a little again, his eyes taking in the sight of her. “You’re beautiful.” He murmured and she had to fight a wide grin from her face. “Sycophant.”

He laughed, his chest vibrating a little so Clarke pulled him down again, kissing him passionately. He moved further south after just a few more moments, kissing her neck, breasts and stomach again until he hover above her jeans, his hands dancing around its button. “Are you sure about this?” His voice was low and there was no doubt whether this was what he wanted.

She nodded without hesitation. Right now she felt like there was nothing she wanted more in this world. “Yes.” A small smile reappeared on his lips as he opened her jeans and pulled them down, her panties following only seconds later. While his hands travelled upwards again, he let his body fall flat on top of her and she could feel his erection press against her.

“Bellamy…” There was an urgent edge to her voice and he chuckled.

“Someone’s impatient.” She had already started fumbling with his pants and he helped her, stripping them down. The only thing between them now were his boxers and to make him want to lose them fast too, she let her hands slip into them and started massaging his dick. A low growl left his throat as his lips found hers again, biting her lightly before moving down once more so he could start sucking at her neck, possibly even leaving a mark. In that moment Clarke didn’t care though, she didn’t worry that others might see it and realize what they had been doing. Instead she leaned her head to the side to give him even more room and intensified the movements of her hand. She could feel him grow harder as she proceeded.

Finally she wrapped her legs around his waist again and started grinding on him. In that way she managed to eventually make him give in and get rid of his last piece of clothing too rather quickly even though she didn’t leave him too much room, with her legs still around him. When he came back down on her, she placed her hands on his cheeks, while he positioned himself at her entrance. His eyes asking her permission again which she gave by simply kissing him. So he pushed forward and both of them moaned in pleasure, as they felt him enter her. For another moment he didn’t move, so she could get used to him, his forehead resting against hers, both of them breathing heavy.

“You okay?” He asked silently.

She smiled again. Who would have expected him to be so gentle? “Of course.” Slowly he started moving, carefully at first but it didn’t take long until he picked up some speed, making Clarke moan in pleasure. She dug her nails into his back, his hands still mapping out her body, touching her breasts, caressing her tights, tracing a scar when he found one.

“Oh my God…” She gasped for air, feeling the tension inside of her grow with each of his movements. “Bellamy…”

He growled a little while adjusting his angle to be able to move even deeper into her. Their eyes locked as his hand found hers as well, pinning it over her head to the mattress. And she had to admit, compared to all the times she has had sex before, this was by far the best one. It almost seemed like Bellamy already knew her body, knew were to touch her and kiss her to make her go crazy and she had to admit she loved it.

His steady and strong rhythm made her insane and she knew that he knew it. When she realized she was close to her climax, she closed her eyes, not wanting anything to distract her from that feeling. “Bellamy!” She almost screamed out his name when she felt her orgasm roll over her like a wave, a shudder running down her spine, only a few moments later.

“Fuck! Clarke…” He gasper for air, as he thrust into her two more times before she could feel him come inside of her too. His head fell down to rest on her shoulder and she let her hand travel through his black curls for a moment before she decided to stroke his neck gently. They were both still trying to catch their breaths, when he finally rolled down off of her again. His eyes were focused on her face for some more time, the alcohol meanwhile taking an effect on his brain and mind too. He felt heavy and tired but good and comfortable at the same time. When Clarke reached for his hand, he brought it up to his mouth to kiss her knuckles and she smiled.

“This was great…”

“So I’ve been told before.” He teased and she hit him lazily against the shoulder. “Don’t be such an asshole.”

He smirked a little when he noticed her eyes falling shut again. So he leaned over to place one last kiss on her forehead. “Are you tired?”

She nodded. “Yes…”

“Sleep then.” He was tired too, he had to admit and couldn’t really keep his eyes open any longer. But for the first time they fell asleep, consciously holding each other close and it made both of them feel a little safer.


	14. Ashes on the Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First: The thing I forgot to announce last week, the updates will from now on be reduced to one time a week because I don't have enough chapters already written, sorry...
> 
> The next bummer: The 100 hiatus without a bellarke reunion but what else is new?
> 
> But, good for me: I was really happy about the kudos, bookmarks and the new review! Thanks a lot!

The throbbing in her head, succeeded to wake Clarke up pretty early the next morning. She groaned without opening her eyes. God, what had happened? Her memories were affected by the amount of liquor she has had too and she found it rather hard to focus on anything. She tried to remember what happened but the last thing she knew for sure was how she managed to beat Jasper at every round of Quarters and one drink after the other. She squinted. How did she even get up here in her bed? Maybe…

She stopped when she realized something else. What was she wearing? Carefully she lifted the covers just to let them fall down immediately again. She was, in fact, not wearing anything. A low grunt sounded next to her and her head shot to the side. The first thing she saw were untidy black hair and her breath caught in her throat as her memories came rushing back.

His lips on her skin, his hands electrifying her, his voice breathing her name. For a second she was unable to move. Did they really have sex? She could hardly believe it. Before she could come up with what to do next, he started blinking.

When he recognized her, a crooked grin appeared on his lips. "Hey."

How drunk had he been? Maybe he couldn't remember. No, even if that would be the case, he didn't need to be a genius to put the pieces together and figure out what happened. What if he was going to freak out? What if he, in a sober state, would never even have touched her? Wait. What about herself? Would she have done anything like last night, had it not been for her intoxication? Realizing Bellamy was still waiting for her reaction, she cleared her throat. "Morning."

He sat up, showing off his chest again and Clarke couldn't stop her eyes from dropping down for a second, remembering what she did last night.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. If he was as shocked as she was by what obviously had happened, he didn't let it on.

"I… my head hurts."

He nodded slowly, his eyes traveling around the room. "I was guessing. I'm gonna go and ask Miller for an Aspirin real quick. Then you can get dressed while I'm gone. I don't want to waste too much time anymore."

Clarke nodded. She honestly didn't know what else to do or say. He obviously had no trouble forgetting what had happened or rather pretending nothing had happened. Maybe because he was used to this, according to Gina. He used to sleep around with Roma so maybe that was how it went down each morning. They woke up and pretended like nothing had ever happened. As he got up to collect his clothes and get dressed, Clarke tried hard not to watch. Instead she stared at her hands, pretending to be very interested in her nails. As soon as she heard the door fall shut behind him, she let her head fall back into the pillow though.

She shouldn't dwell on this. No, she should act just like he did. Like last night never happened. After all they had other, more important things to worry about, like the apocalypse and staying alive and finding Octavia. Besides, sleeping together could possibly even have been a good thing, right? Maybe this was exactly what she had needed to get him out of her system. Maybe she could feel better now and whatever weird thing they had going on was over.

After she had taken her medicine and Bellamy announced to her that they were going to pack up and leave after breakfast, Clarke decided to have one last shower before heading downstairs. After all she didn't know when the next time, they would find a place like that would come. When she had stripped down her clothes in the bathroom, she stopped dead in her tracks.

Her eyes were focused on her collarbone and the skin right above her breasts where Bellamy had left hickeys. Her memories of last night were holey and unclear and she couldn't quite remember what he had told her except for the bottom line: Stop blaming yourself.

How they had gotten from that to what she was looking at right now, she had no idea. She bit her lip while her fingers traced the bruised skin. Last night she had been way too distracted to really spend too much time thinking about whether he would leave any marks for others to see. She was simply grateful he had placed them where her clothes covered them and no one would see, she simply knew and so did he and that was about it. She took a deep breath and turned away from the mirror. She shouldn't worry about this. The hickey didn't change anything about what happened last night after all.

When she headed downstairs for food, almost everyone was already present. The only free seat amongst her friend was one between Gina and Jasper, close to Bellamy, which was the first thing she noticed. Maybe this getting him out of her system part had not worked too well but they had not talked too much either so, she couldn't know for sure. She let herself down, smiling at them for greetings. While she grabbed some bread, Gina leaned towards her and murmured: "What Bellamy did for you last night definitely send Roma a message."

Clarke almost chugged on her coffee and stared at Gina. How could she possibly know? "What he did for me last night…?" Clarke asked carefully.

Gina nodded, her eyes on him. "Yes, it was what Roma needed to see that you were more important to him when he left her outside so he could take care of you and guide you upstairs."

Clarke relaxed. She wasn't even talking about them having sex. She hoped her relief wasn't too obvious or could rather be taken as confirmation. "Yeah, I was glad that he was there for me when I needed him."

She smiled. "You two definitely look cute together."

Clarke shook her head. "You know it's not like that."

"Never say never, Clarke."

She shrugged before returning to her breakfast. He had left Roma's side for her? She couldn't even remember seeing them together and she couldn't stop a slight unease creep up on her. "Do you think they were going to…"

"Fall back into old habits?"

Clarke nodded, glad Gina understood, even without her saying it. She didn't know why it bothered her so much but she just disliked the idea of them being together in that way again. "No. From what I heard, Roma was wasted and she tried to talk to him about their… relationship or whatever you want to call it. He was trying to let her down easy when Miller interrupted them because of you."

"Really?" This time Clarke couldn't fight the surprise in her voice and turned to look over to where Bellamy was sitting with Miller and Murphy, only to find him already staring at her. She raised an eyebrow questioningly _, what was up?_

He simply shook his head a little, _nothing._

"Really." Gina's voice made her look back at the girl next to her.

"Did you two get a chance to catch up at any point?" Clarke asked, remembering what they had said.

"Just briefly. We talked last night."

"Oh, how did it go?"

Gina took a deep breath and paused for a moment. "Clarke, you need to promise me something."

"Okay?" The blonde had to admit she was a little confused by the sudden change of tone in her voice, from light and conversational to all serious.

"You can't stop until you find Octavia. If he loses her, I'm not sure what will happen."

Clarke frowned. "What did he tell you?"

"He… It's all very complicated. I mean, I don't know how much he told you about his past but… Life has never been easy on him…"

"Yeah, he told me his mother overdosed when he was fifteen and he had to practically raise Octavia on his own."

"Yes." The other girl nodded. "He blames himself for many things that aren't his fault which happened in that time… True, he made mistakes but who doesn't? Everyone still kind of believed that he would get on the wrong track but he didn't, Octavia kept him in line and look at him now, he became such a wonderful man… but I think if he lost her now, he wouldn't recover from it…"

Clarke nodded slowly. "We will find her. Don't worry." She looked back over to him. Of course, he tried talking her out of blaming herself when he wasn't even better. The mere thought of a younger version of him, broken and devastated made her heart ache. He cared so much about the people he loved, he would anything for them and it seemed like all he ever got was negativity, no one believing in him, people leaving him. She felt really bad for him.

"He cares about you, Clarke." Gina suddenly continued. "Knowing him he is too self-destructive to tell you, he thinks he doesn't deserve you sticking with him, but he is not a bad person. And I think, you're good for him. You might be able to make him see a few things that I couldn't make him see."

Clarke didn't really know what to respond so she looked down to the ground. "I… I hope he will see how special he is."

Gina lightly touched her arm. "I'm sure you can convince him of it, even if you don't believe me."

Clarke gave her a small smile. "Thanks for telling me these things."

"Clarke." She turned around, Bellamy standing behind her. "Jasper. Where is Monty?"

The boy on her other side shrugged a little. "I don't know. He wanted to come down after showering."

Bellamy sighed. "Okay. It's time to say goodbye. You should go get him."

Jasper nodded and obeyed. Clarke took a deep breath before she turned around fully to face him. His eyes travelled her body up and down with a new intensity, one she hadn't noticed before.

"Come on. I want to show you something." A small grin dancing around the corner of his mouth.

She got up but stopped to look back at Gina. "Gina…"

"Go on." She grinned. "I'll come to say goodbye when you leave."

"Okay. I see you then." Bellamy gave her a smile too before guiding Clarke towards the doors. Maybe he hadn't really been avoiding her this morning and she had just been overreacting because everything seemed normal right now. "Where are we going?" She asked.

"Miller has a little present for us and I wanted you to see it first." He was beaming and Clarke had to laugh a little. Now he reminded her of a little kid who was just about to show her his new favorite toy and it was more than amusing. She kind of liked this look on him.

"Here we are." He opened the door for her and they stepped into a garage, four cars inside. He stopped her in front of a black SUV. "May I introduce you to our new car?"

Clarke made big eyes, looking back and forth between him and the car. "No way! They're giving us a car?"

Bellamy nodded. "Yes. Say goodbye to uncomfortable seats and aching backs."

"Oh my God…"

"Sit inside!" He offered and she ran to the passenger's side to climb in. "Wow." The seats felt soft, almost embracing her back. The car looked clean and almost completely new. "This is insane…"

"I know." He walked around the car and leaned against the open door on her side. "This will make our life so much easier."

Clarke grinned a little. "I really like your friends."

He laughed. "They seem to like us too."

They were silent for a moment, both just admiring the new car until the blonde looked at him again. "How are you feeling by the way? I never asked you about your hangover."

He grinned sheepishly. "I didn't have nearly as much to drink as you did."

"Obviously enough though."

He paused and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Oh oh, she shouldn't have said that. Enough to do what exactly? To have sex with her? "Enough that you managed to crack a smile." She teased.

He rolled his eyes, visibly relaxing a little. Maybe he wasn't as untouched by the situation as he pretended to be. Or maybe she was just imagining things again. "I smiled quiet a lot lately."

"Yeah. You did. You seem very happy here."

He shrugged, like he was embarrassed by her observation. "It's my hometown…"

"I know. It's a good thing, Bellamy. You deserve this."

He shrugged a little, so Clarke decided to change subjects. There was still something else bugging her about last night. The conversation they had before what had happened, happened. Something she wanted to know but couldn't really remember. "Hey Bellamy, about last night… What exactly did I tell you?"

A teasing grin made its way onto his lips. "What? Are you scared you confessed your undying love for me?"

She rolled her eyes a little before pushing his shoulder. "You're a dick sometimes."

He laughed. "I think I've heard that before."

She shook her head. "I'm still waiting for an answer."

He sighed, getting more serious as he pulled his hair. "You were… you were a little upset and you talked about some things."

Clarke made a face. That was not very detailed. "Like what?"

"Why does it matter? I' not going to use it against you, don't worry."

She sighed a little again and shook her head. "That's not what I'm worried about."

"What is it then?"

"I don't know…" She shrugged. "I just… Did I talk to you about my Mom?"

He frowned a little. "No…"

"Okay… Good…"

"Why?" He leaned his head to the side a little, his eyes studying her.

She hesitated though. Should she tell him even more about her dark past? Didn't he already know enough? Remembering Gina's words then, made her reconsider. Maybe this would help him. She took a deep breath before looking down and said: "Well, I just wanted you to know that she died without me ever having a chance to tell her things and sort stuff out… I left to live my Dad, as you know and I was with him when the outbreak happened, so my last words to her where something along the lines of: You don't care about me and so I stopped caring about you too. I was so mad at her and now, I regret it so much, she died believing I didn't give a crap about her anymore…"

"Clarke…" He took a step closer and placed a hand on her thigh.

Her gaze dropped to his hand and she swallowed. "I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel too… Losing a parent sucks so much… And it wasn't supposed to be this way, we were supposed to have more time with them…"

"I know…" His thumb moved in small circles over her leg and they looked at each other in silence. She didn't know why but she felt comfortable telling Bellamy about her problems. She felt like she could trust him.

"Guys?" Jasper's voice could be heard, making them break apart.

Bellamy cleared his throat before taking a step back again. "We're here."

He appeared, accompanied by Monty around the corner, grinning as he saw them. "Sorry to interrupt your car sex session but you wanted to leave soon, right?"

Bellamy pointed at the car, ignoring Jasper's innuendos as usual. "Get in then."

"Wait, what?"

Bellamy grinned. "This is our car now."

"Awesome!" While they made their way to the back of the car, Bellamy gave Clarke one more smile before he rounded the car and climbed into the driver's seat.

Clarke followed his movements with his eyes. She was really glad, honestly. Everything between them still felt simple. Even after what had happened, it wasn't awkward or weird, like she had feared. She could still look into his eyes, he could still touch her and most importantly, they could still talk. Maybe having sex really wasn't the worst idea they ever had. Granted it probably hadn't been the best yet either but at least nothing between them had really changed. As he started the engine, the huge door to the garage opened and he guided the car to the front of the hotel, where he stopped again, looking at his friends. "It's time to say goodbye now. Let's go."

He opened his door and jumped out first, the others following him. Miller was just leading a small group out of the building, including Bryan, Murphy, Atom, Gina, Harper and Monroe. He grinned a little when Miller reached him and pulled him into a hug. "It was good to see you, man."

"Won't be the last time." Bellamy tried, not sure if he believed his own words.

Bryan was the next one. "I hope you find Octavia soon!"

"Thanks!" Bellamy gave his best friend's boyfriend a smile before he turned to Murphy who offered nothing more than a handshake. He had never been a friend of intimacy so Bellamy accepted it. "I was glad to see your ass still alive."

He joked and Bellamy rolled his eyes. With Murphy it had always been a thin line between insulting each other and being good friends. But they grew up together so they always stuck together.

Atom also received nothing but a handshake. Even though there was no more bad blood, Bellamy wouldn't forget what happened between him and his sister.

When he reached Gina, he pulled her into a warm hug. Seeing her again had been such a pleasant surprise and he was glad there were no hurt feelings between them anymore and they got along again. "I was really happy to see you again." She murmured next to his ear.

"Can't say anything else." He replied.

"Promise me to take care of yourself and of Clarke and your friends."

He grinned. "I will, don't worry."

"You need each other, Bellamy."

"I know." He nodded "I won't let anything happen to them."

She smiled a little and nodded before taking a step back and heading towards Clarke to hug her next. Bellamy watched them. No, he was not going to let anything bad happen to her. That was a promise he would do anything for to keep.

Harper just let go of Monty, a sad smile on her lips before she came to hug him goodbye. Even though they had just gotten to know each other, Bellamy kind of liked her. She seemed like a good girl, same went for Monroe.

"Good luck!" They said, when the four of them stepped back into a line, facing his old friends.

"Thank you for everything!" Clarke just said and Bellamy nodded, in agreement.

"You're welcome!" Miller answered. "Take good care of each other, please."

"This won't be the last time we see each other." Clarke mimicked his earlier words and he smiled a little before they all turned around to enter the car. He had just opened his door when a female voice stopped him.

"Bellamy, wait." Roma came running towards him and he suppressed a sigh. It wasn't like he disliked her, just the way she had been acting lately was a no go for him and so he was still pretty pissed about last night. He turned back around. "What?"

"I wanted to apologize."

Now he was surprised. "What?"

She grinned a little. "You're repeating yourself."

He rolled his eyes. "Sorry but you and apologizing is nothing I'm used to."

She sighed and looked to the ground.

"I know… I'm sorry…"

He shook his head a little. "Whatever."

"No, I'm serious, Bellamy. I'm sorry about everything. About what happened before all of this and about what I did last night. I shouldn't have said what I said and I know that."

He hesitated. Clarke's words from earlier still in his head. Parting during a fight could have fatal consequences, just like it had been with her and her mother, so maybe he should just accept it for now. "Fine. Forgiven and forgotten, alright?"

"Thank you." Roma smiled, a more genuine and less seductive smile than she had since they had gotten here before taking his hand and squeezing it a little. "Good luck. I'm sure you will find Octavia and you got great help by your side."

This time it was up to Bellamy to smile and he nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Thank you for your words. I appreciate it."

She bit her lip as if she was about to say anything else but just stopped herself there and he let go of her hand.

"I'll see you then."

"Yeah, I think so." He agreed, the optimism from before still in his heart. He turned to climb into the driver's seat but turned back to Roma before he closed the door. "And Roma, don't be such a pain in the ass to everyone all the time, then they will start liking you too."

She stuck out his tongue in his direction. "Right back at you, Monsieur!" She commented and he laughed before shutting the door. Maybe these small moments could be enough for now.

"Where to now?" Clarke asked as he started the engine again.

"North. Miller said he heard there were some cities like this one and we might be lucky and find some help and hints up there."


	15. A Whisper of Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first morning for me without a new episode, I gotta say it's really heartbreaking not seeing the babes... xD
> 
> Therefore at least you get a new chapter which I hope will help you a little bit throughout the hiatus! :)
> 
> Again thanks A LOT for the new reviews and kudos, they keep me really motivated and I managed to write 3 new chapters this week! :)

Pretending the drunk night in bed hadn't happened was harder than Bellamy had ever expected. Because now he knew what Clarke's skin beneath his fingertips felt like, he knew how she tasted, how she sounded when she moaned his name. In a total sober state, he probably would never have allowed himself to go that far with her. It wasn't safe and there was too much to lose. Still, he didn't want to say he regretted it or thought it was wrong, no, hardly had he ever felt so… alive. Being so close to her and so intimate genuinely made him feel good. She was soft and warm, opposed to the lonely and cold world they were facing every day. She made it easy for him to forget and hide, like a safe place. And maybe the best part was that being around her still wasn't awkward. If he was honest, he felt even more relaxed around her. He didn't feel like he had to get away from her or act differently now that they had seen each other naked. Granted, it was harder now not to take a peek at her cleavage every now and again, let his gaze linger on her lips or resist the temptation to accidentally touch her but who could really blame him? Clarke was amazing and he wasn't superhuman. The lack of sex over the past weeks only contributed to him feeling that way. And he had to admit he was glad somehow that it was Clarke who was the first woman he had had sex with again, and not Roma or anyone else.

When they stopped the car for the next bathroom break, he watched Clarke open the car door and hesitated for a moment. They barely got any time alone when they were on the road but he still felt like he should talk to her. Just to make sure she felt the same way, right? That was what he should do. So he jumped out of the car and followed her to the trunk. She was just about to drink some water, when he stopped next to her. "Hey Clarke?"

"Hey, we should stop at some grocery store soon." She commented, pointing at their left over supplies. Even though Miller had stocked them up with food and water, it wouldn't suffice forever. "We're starting to run low."

So he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we'll make the stop as soon as we find the next one."

"Great." She smiled, closing the trunk again. "That shouldn't take too long. We're heading for a city center."

He nodded again as she wanted to pass him but he grabbed her arm. "Hey, I just… uhm… I wanted to talk to you for a second about something else too..."

She looked surprised, which made sense. They had just spend almost two days together in a car again and he hadn't hinted at anything. "Okay, what's up?"

He waited until Jasper and Monty disappeared into the bathroom before he turned back to the blonde in front of him. "This is about… uhm… what happened the other night…"

Clarke bit her lip. Of course she immediately knew what other night he was referring to. "What about that?"

"I just wanted to make sure… I mean… We're cool, right?" He felt like some stupid 15 year old boy who talked to a girl for the first time. What was wrong with him? This was Clarke, for God's sake. Exactly, a small voice in his head answered. It was Clarke.

"Oh, yeah, of course we are!" She laughed a little and shrugged. "I mean, it was good and now we're good too. It was fun, actually, right?"

He felt relief rush through him. She enjoyed it apparently as much as he did. It could be easy with them. There didn't have to be any complicated relations or awkward situation between them. "Yes, it was. I'm glad you see it that way!" She smiled and that was when a sudden thought struck him. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself or even really think about what it would mean: "I mean, we don't actually have to stop having fun, you know?"

She faltered, like his words had to sink in and it took her a moment to grasp the real meaning behind them. Still, Bellamy was about to backpedal when she said: "You mean like… friends with benefits?"

He nodded slowly. Her face didn't let anything on about how she felt but he was guessing that her mind was racing. He shouldn't have asked. It was stupid. Besides, he knew that having sex might not be the best idea but he couldn't deny how much he had enjoyed it and if they had already crossed the line once, did it really matter if they would do it again once or twice? "Forget it." He shook his head, a little embarrassed. Couldn't he have been more subtle? Of course Clarke would never agree on this. He turned around and started walking towards the doors. "As soon as Monty and Jasper are back, we take off again."

"No, wait!" She took a step towards him but Bellamy simply shook his head again. "No, I'm sorry. Really, I shouldn't have asked…"

"No… I mean, you were talking about casual sex, right? No attachments, no feelings, no responsibilities. Just sex."

He nodded slowly, not sure what she was thinking. Was she actually going to agree to this? He couldn't really imagine it. "Yes, that's what I was talking about." He still confirmed.

"Okay, why not then?"

Wait, what? He could hardly believe his own ears. "Okay.", was all he managed to say in respond.

They looked at each other for another moment, neither one of them saying another word. Had she actually said yes? Did that mean that he was going to see her naked again? He would be allowed to kiss her again; to touch her? Her gaze dropped to his lips and he swallowed. His memories of her underneath him still more than vivid. Wait. When did they move so close? He blinked. She was only a few inches away and he had to fight to keep his hands to himself and not touch her to pull her into him. God, what was she doing to him?

They stayed liked that a few more heartbeats until a slamming door could be heard and snapped them out of their moment. Bellamy cleared his throat as the other two boys reproached them. "Ready to go?"

 

* * *

 

 

_Why not then?_ What the hell? Did she actually agree on having casual sex with Bellamy Blake? What was wrong with her? No. She wasn't the type for casual sex. Maybe it had happened before, yes but only once or twice. And it had always been due to certain circumstances, like her being a little drunk and not knowing the other person at all, but having a friend, someone she also spent time with without the sex part? No. That wasn't her. Sex was for someone special. Someone you were in a relationship with and the term boyfriend and Bellamy Blake just didn't match, at least not in her head, or rather not in their world and under their circumstances. Maybe they could have been perfect for each other in a different life time but right now, Clarke was almost sure they wouldn't ever work out.

Yes, she had spent quite some time, which she had had plenty of during the car ride, thinking about this now. They were both headstrong, they wanted to be right all the time, and they could fight so well. He had nothing on his mind but his sister, she once had nothing on her mind but Med School. They were both determined people and they wanted to be in control, it couldn't work between them. They would simply destroy each other, given everything they had to deal with too.

"Here we are." Bellamy's voice interrupted her thoughts and she blinked, realizing they had just reached a parking lot of a huge supermarket.

Clarke turned around towards Jasper and Monty. "We grab whatever food and drinks we can find. We stick together and if we see anything, we run."

Bellamy nodded, handing both of the boys a gun. "As always, don't shoot unless it is inevitable. No waste of ammo, no unnecessary risks. And stay sharp."

They all got out of the car, Bellamy stepping next to her, holding out a gun. "Take it."

She knew he was trying to test her if she was really okay with it. So with a deep breath she took the gun and placed it within the bundle of her jeans. She didn't need to carry it the whole time, the weight of it only going to make her realize how weak she was.

Entering the building made them see how big it actually was. It looked like one of these markets where families would go to shop for the whole week, where you could get anything you needed, and had to wait at least 45 minutes in line. Exactly the kind of supermarket where a mother would take at least two hours to shop, dragging the whole family along, who while there lost each other at least five times, lost orientation and the sense to go on. Clarke had clear memories of shops like this one. When Well's family or her parents would take the two of them, they would always get excited. There were so many different kinds of things, sweets, cereals and all sorts of treats and they would always be allowed to each chose one they liked. She had to smile a little at the memory. These used to be really good times and she found herself missing them more and more.

"This way." Bellamy led them down the main aisle, passing multimedia, cat food and a clothing section. The variety of products seemed endless and it surely would have been a pleasure to shop here in a life before this one. At least they seemed to be lucky today since apparently they were the only ones currently inside of the hall. Obviously people had been here before, looking for food and water supplies and whatever else due to the destruction and the mess lying around but it was quiet right now.

"Look!" Jasper pointed down the next aisle where refrigerators containing all types of drinks could be seen.

Bellamy nodded. "Go collect some, we keep moving but we'll stay within shouting distance."

Jasper took off, Monty at his heels. Bellamy motioned Clarke to keep following him. His gun was still in his hands, like he was ready to shoot at any moment, opposed to Clarke who felt more relaxed. "I'm pretty sure we're alone in here." She noted.

Bellamy shrugged a little. "Maybe. Or maybe someone is hiding out here, waiting for people to stop by and rob them, just like it happened with Charlotte."

Clarke swallowed. Of course that was a possibility but one she didn't really want to consider. She didn't want to be forced to use her gun again, to shoot at somebody and find out if she was actually as cool and cured as she pretend to be. The sign hanging above the aisle to their left announced medical supplies so she stopped. "I'll check that out. You keep looking for food."

"You got your gun?"

She sighed before lifting up her shirt a little to expose the weapon's handle.

Reassured Bellamy nodded. "Good. I'll still stay close."

She turned to their left and slowly walked down the aisle, packed with band aids, antiseptics and all sorts of pills. They would probably need all of these at some point so she grabbed a few boxes of the first two items. As far she had seen there was a first aid kit in the car but the supplies in there weren't endless either so collecting some things wouldn't hurt. She grabbed one of the pill bottles and started studying the description on the back when a voice interrupted her. "Hey Clarke."

She looked up and saw Jasper standing at the end of the aisle, a condom in his right hand, a pregnancy test in his left. "Which one do Bellamy and you need? The condom or is it already too late for that?"

For a second Clarke just stared at him, her eyes slowly shifting between the condom and the test. _Oh my God_. Her heart skipped a beat but her mind started racing. A realization hit her. Something she hadn't even really thought about before, too many other things preoccupying her mind to let her be bothered with something apparently as small as this. But now shock and disbelief were raging inside of her. They hadn't used protection. God fucking damn it! Bellamy and she had not used protection! No. This was impossible! How could they have been so reckless and irresponsible?

"I…" What was she supposed to say?

Jasper started laughing, pointing at his own neck. "You know, next time I would advise you to wear a scarf or something." He winked before tossing both items at her, without knowing what a mess he had just caused inside of her head.

Out of reflex she dropped all of the stuff she was carrying to catch the pregnancy test as well as the condom. She swallowed. She had not really thought of the hickey Bellamy had left when she got rid of her jacket earlier or rather about if someone would be able to see them. She had her answer now. And she felt like dying. She felt hot and cold at the same time, her breath caught in her lungs, she felt sick. She couldn't be… No way in hell, she just couldn't be… No, not under these circumstances, not only concerning the world they now lived in but also their relationship status.

She felt like the walls were closing in on her and she wanted to start screaming. She knew her luck and she knew the odds. The possibility of her being pregnant wasn't too slim. How was she supposed to tell Bellamy? What was she supposed to tell him? What if this would turn out to be true? How was she supposed to go on?

"Clarke, I think we sh…" Bellamy, who just came walking around the corner, interrupted himself, his eyes fixed on the pregnancy test in Clarke's hand. "Wow… What… what is that?"

Of course it didn't take him too long to put the pieces together and his eyes widened. "This is impossible." He murmured.

Clarke swallowed. "You know it's not."

"You can't have symptoms yet, we had sex like three days ago…" His voice sounded stressed, almost panicking as he stepped closer as to keep it down as much as possible so neither Jasper nor Monty would hear them.

"I don't." Clarke spat back, her voice just as tensed. "Jasper just gave this to me as a joke…"

Bellamy's eyes immediately landed on her neck and she exactly knew what he was looking at too.

"This is your fault!"

"Mine?!" He snorted. "You seemed to be quiet enjoying it when we were in bed!"

"Because I was drunk and not thinking straight!" She tried to defend herself. Deep down she knew she was just as guilty as Bellamy was but right now she was also so mad and scared. She didn't know what else to do.

"Neither was I, Clarke! In case you don't remember anything but I had alcohol too, okay? Do you really believe I would have let it get that far if I had been sober?!"

She stopped, suddenly feeling like a heavy weight settled on her chest. "What?"

Bellamy seemed to be realizing his hard words at the same time because he made a face. "Clarke…"

"No, so that's it? You had to be drunk so you could fuck me? Because in a sober state, I'm not good enough for you? Not pretty enough?"

"No, of course not! You know that's not true…"

She rolled her eyes. Why did he have to be such an asshole all the time? She shook her head. She wasn't in the mood to talk to him or about what huge new problem might be coming their way now, so she just thrust the pregnancy test into his hands as she walked past him and back into the main aisle.

"Clarke!" He followed her but was stopped by Monty's and Jasper's reappearance, both of them carrying bottles.

"Have you found anything to eat yet?" The boys asked, looking back and forth between the other two. But Clarke was now empty handed and Bellamy hastily hid the test he was still holding behind his back. "We're still looking."

"Okay, I think we might have seen something eatable over there." Monty pointed in the same direction they had just come from.

Clarke nodded. "Great. Then let's take a look."

"Hey!" Bellamy grabbed her arm as they started walking again. "We need to talk about this!" His eyes flicking towards her stomach for the split of a second.

"No." Stubbornly she shook her head. "We don't have time for this now. Besides, we don't know anything for sure yet, let's just go."

Bellamy cursed but Clarke pulled her arm free and kept walking. She tried to fight her upcoming fear. Maybe she wasn't pregnant. Maybe for once life wouldn't punish her. She was praying for it. A baby was the last thing she needed right now. How could they have been so careless? If she had just stopped to think for a second, if he had just stopped to think, then they wouldn't be in this situations.

"Most of it is already gone." Jasper's voice pulled her back into reality. "But it's better than nothing." They stood in front of an aisle filled with some leftover nutrition bars, nuts and raisin and different kinds of chocolates. From the way the things were positioned, it looked like whoever had been here before them had been in a hurry and just hastily grabbed what they could reach before taking off, possibly even fighting others in a rush. Clarke looked around, remembering Bellamy's earlier words. Who knew? Maybe they really was someone hiding out here somewhere.

"We take what we can carry, then we leave." She announced, grabbing as much food as she could possibly carry before she turned back around, the others right on her heels. She didn't know why but she suddenly felt caged inside the big building. Doubt of them being alone started to creep up on her and she just wanted to get out. So she hurried down the main aisle, almost breaking into a jog. She couldn't help it. Her breath was going heavy as they stepped outside again, the car still where they left it, unharmed and not one shot had been fired. The blonde gasped for air, trying to calm down her heart rate and the panic that had risen. - confused where it came rom

"Clarke, are you alright?" Monty asked, stopping next to her.

She forced herself to smile a little. "Yes, of course."

Monty didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, really. Let's just get this to the car and get moving." She pointed towards the trunk where Bellamy and Jasper were already stocking the supplies they had collected. Jasper and Monty couldn't know about her possible pregnancy, it would be best if they kept it a secret for as long as possible. After all they had enough problems already and having to travel with a pregnant woman wasn't one they needed on top of the rest.


	16. Bleeding in vain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks (as always) for the nice feedback, I'm always really happy to recieve it and trust me, it motivates me a LOT!
> 
> Anyways, all I'm going to say now: This chapter a new character will make his or her appearance, as to who, you'll have to read and see ;)
> 
> Enjoy xoxo

Over the past 12 hours Clarke had more or less successfully managed to avoid speaking to Bellamy, having direct eye contact with him or dealing with the thought of her possible pregnancy. She figured that as long as she didn’t have a confirmation she didn’t have a reason to spend any energy on the problem. There was nothing much she could really do anyways but wait. Wait for a week and see if her period would come. Yes, postponing the dreading certainty that could hit her felt better than just opening the glove compartment and making use of the next bathroom break, as she had watched Bellamy throw the test in there when they had reentered the car.

A street sign caught her attention right then, announcing the _Comanche Country Memorial Hospital_ 50 Miles ahead. After they had just passed the border between Texas and Oklahoma this morning, Lawton was the first city they drove through in their current state.

“Let’s check out the hospital.” Clarke remarked to no one in particular since she was still trying not to talk to Bellamy. After she had dropped the medical supplies she collected in the supermarket, they still were in need of new ones. Therefore a hospital was the perfect opportunity, it might even provide them with shelter or some friendly individuals.

Bellamy nodded in agreement, following the sings leading them to the medical center of the city. Maybe they would find some answers here.  

“We need some medical supplies, so I’d say it would be best if you follow me. I have worked at hospitals before so I know my way around. Basically most of them are built the same way.” She explained while Bellamy parked their car in the protection of some bushes and trees. No other vehicle was in sight so either, they were alone or people were staying there permanently. “And if you see someone.” Bellamy added. “Don’t shoot. Hospitals are usually peaceful territory.”

They exited the car just moments later, each one of them carrying a gun. “Check if the coast is clear, we give you back up.” Bellamy called towards Jasper and Monty, grabbing Clarke’s arm to hold her back.

She was about to protest but was silenced by Bellamy’s stare. She still growled internally. She knew why he did this. He wanted to talk to her and she hadn’t given him any chance so he was leaving her no choice anymore.

“What are we waiting for?” She still asked, pretending like nothing had ever happened, after all she was still strong on the not dealing with what was possibly their next huge problem part.

“I’m not letting you walk into that hospital without making sure it’s safe.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that you don’t have to let me do anything. I can make these decisions for myself.” She yanked her arm free to start walking but he was faster, grabbing the other one and turning her back towards him.

“Clarke! Be reasonable! If you’re pregnant, I…”

“Please! Speak a little louder! I think whoever is hiding in there, might not have heard you!”

He narrowed his eyes but lowered his voice. “If you are pregnant, you need to be more careful.”

“We have been through this. I’m not going to stay back and let you do the dirty work. That’s not what I’m like.”

“I know, okay? But it’s not just about you anymore. If my baby is…”

“Don’t!” She raised her hand. “Bellamy, we don’t know anything for sure yet! I don’t have any symptoms yet and without Jasper’s stupid joke, we wouldn’t even be considering this possibility, so please, just stop.”

“You need to take the test.”

“I don’t need to do anything, thank you for your concern.”

“Don’t be so stubborn! You need to be sure of…”

“I need to be sure?” She made big eyes. “I? Are you serious?! You are just as responsible for this as I am, okay? Just because I will be the one carrying the child doesn’t mean that you can just weasel your way out of this!”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant, come on, in case you are pregnant, we need to know, so we can handle the situation accordingly.”

“Forget it!” She yanked her arm free for good this time. Rage and fear waging inside of her once more. Why was he so set on her being pregnant? Why couldn’t he just let it rest? She didn’t want to think about it or even consider the possibility of carrying his child inside of her right now. That was just too much. She wasn’t ready. They weren’t ready.

“Let’s just go! Monty and Jasper will be waiting!” She turned around, this time not letting him stop her. It was her body they were talking about and he had no right to pressure her into doing anything. Maybe if he was in her place, he would understand why she wanted to procrastinate finding out the truth.

As soon as they had reached the boys who seemed to have found nothing of significance, Clarke took a deep breath but failed to calm herself.  “Jasper and I will check the upper floors! You two stay down here, look around for bandages, pills, whatever you can find.” Without waiting for so much as a respond she turned on her heels and headed for the stairs, generously ignoring Bellamy’s burning eyes in her back. She needed some space, some time apart to fully cool down. It was insane what he could do to her. He could make her the angriest person on earth but still, he had this grip on her. He had gotten under her skin, there was no denying anymore. And that was exactly why she had to put the distance between them.

“Did you fight?” Jasper asked, his voice was careful as he studied her from the side.

“No.”

“But?” Jasper raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“Your immediate order of you and me staying together and Bellamy and Monty? You guys usually do this stuff together unless you fight.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. Jasper definitely spent too much time thinking about Bellamy’s and her relationship. “We had a bit of a disagreement, that’s it.”

“What was it about?”

“Jasper, that’s between him and me. We’ll figure it out though, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, do I detect some awesome make up sex in the near future?”

Clarke gasped for air. This boy was unbelievable sometimes. He needed to stop with these comments. “Bellamy and I are not having sex, for the last time, okay?”

“Right. You also probably gave those hickeys to yourself.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not discussing this with you any longer!”

They turned a corner and saw a bunch of walkers, aimlessly wandering though the hallway. Jasper made a face and Clarke sighed. “Great.” Well, at least this gave them a plausible reason to change the subject and make Jasper stop questioning her about Bellamy for now. “Let’s head back so we can tell the others about this.”

They turned back around, Jasper kicking a piece of debris out of his way, which hit the wall and bounced off of it with a surprisingly loud sound. Before either of them could have reacted any further, the Walker closest to them turned with a surprisingly fast movement. Clarke and Jasper exchanged a look of uneasiness, when suddenly it let out a high pitched scream, nonhuman and bone shattering. It made all of the other Walkers turn towards them as well and as if there had been an invisible sign, they came towards the two of them all at once. Their walk faster and steadier than either of them had seen before.

“Run!” Clarke gasped and turned back around. The possibility of the Walkers catching them was still slim since they were still far from running as fast as a human could but it was still unnerving to think about the fact that they weren’t just stumbling around anymore. The first one let out another scream, almost like it was calling for someone and as it turn out only seconds later, it did. The door to their left flung open and a group of three Walkers blocked their way.

Jasper cursed colorfully while they came to a sudden stop. Walkers coming at them from both sides. “We split up.” Clarke ordered, thinking fast.

“What?!” Jasper made big eyes. “Have you ever seen a movie? Splitting up is literally the worst th…”

“Jasper! If we split up, they might only follow one of us. I’ll try to get their attention. Hide and then go downstairs and warn Bellamy and Monty!” She didn’t even leave him a choice to argue before kicking open a door and upon realizing it was a passageway into another hallway, pulling him along with her.

“Go that way!” She commanded, pointing to the left. “And find your way back downstairs as fast as possible!” Then she took off in the other direction, making noises along her way by opening doors, screaming for the Walkers to follow her and hitting the wall with whatever got in her way. At the same time her mind was still racing. She needed to come up with a plan. Fighting them wouldn’t be an option. They were too many and even if she was as good of a shot as Bellamy always said she was, she wouldn’t nearly have enough bullets. So she needed another plan. For now running seemed like her best option if only she knew her way around here better. More Walkers could be surprising her around each corner. Her best shot was probably at hiding out and hoping for the best right now so she jumped into the next room after having put some distance in between herself and her pursuers, praying their brains didn’t work well enough to find her yet.

Inside she looked around. She seemed to have entered an old waiting room, chairs still standing in two U formations in the room, a wardrobe where patients could have hung their coats at the left wall. It was either that or hoping for better luck in the next room. Since she could already hear the loud thuds of the Walkers approaching her, she didn’t have much time left!

At a venture Clarke dove for the wardrobe, closing its door behind her, in hopes the Walkers wouldn’t be able to smell her. She pressed her back against the wall, trying to calm her breathing so they wouldn’t hear her either. She could hear the door swing open and hit the wall with a loud bang. They were here. She was listening hard, trying to make out where they could be right now, where they could be looking for her or if they had lost her trace. She could hear her blood rush in her ears and felt her heart hammering against her rib cage.

In case they found her, she needed to be prepared to fight. Her eyes hastily studied her surroundings. It was too dark to see anything which didn’t leave her too much of a choice, her hand finding the gun. This time, she would have to shoot. And she would have to hit her target if she didn’t want to die. It was just so quiet outside. Compared to the heavy steps and loud breathing and grunting noises she was used to the Walkers making, it was just too damn quiet out there. What were they doing? Could it be a trap? Had they developed so much mentally? Did they have an ability to think now? Were they consciously communicating? Did that make them less monster and more human?

Before she could spend one more though on it, the doors hiding her from view were ripped open. She raised her gun but stopped when she recognized a young man in front of her, he was just raising his hands frantically when he realized she was pointing a gun at him. “Wow! Easy there! I’m trying to save you!”

Clarke gasped for air. Where did he come from now? “What? Who are you?”

He grinned a little before outstretching his hand to help her get up. He had brown eyes and brown shoulder long hair, self-confidence and a certain hint of arrogance she felt way too familiar with from somebody else seemed to be radiating off of him. “I’m Finn.” He answered while pulling her out of the wardrobe and on her feet. “But I think we should delay the getting to know each other. This will only hold them off for a few moments.” He pointed towards the door which she had just come through and which was now blocked by a chair right beneath the door handle.

“Right.” She nodded before Finn pulled her behind him into the next room, which in fact turned out be an examination room, just like she had expected. He slammed the door shut behind them and Clarke swallowed. What was his plan? They were trapped now! There was no other way out!

He didn’t seem too worried though, the ghost of a grin never leaving his face as he made his way through the room and started fumbling at the window.

Clarke made big eyes. “What are you doing?”

He stopped a second to look at her. “What do you think? We have to get out of here somehow and since on the other side of that door, there are about eight killers just waiting to rip us apart, I don’t think we have too many options left.”

Clarke shook her head. “You’re insane! We’re on the third floor, we can’t jump!”

He laughed a little as he managed to open the window. “I don’t want to jump. I just want to climb!”

She kept shaking her head. Something had to be wrong with this guy. They were going to die. For real this time.

“Come on!” He outstretched his hand towards her again. She hesitated. “Trust me!” He said. “I know what I’m doing. We are going to survive this, but only if we act now. We don’t have time.”

The chair in the other room gave in and the Walker’s cries could be heard.

“Damn it!” Clarke grabbed his hand. If she knew one thing, she would rather die by falling down than be bitten and turn into one of those creatures. Finn grinned triumphantly when she reached him and he helped her up on the windowsill. “Go!” He urged her. “Try to reach the room next to ours! I’ll be right behind you!”

Clarke nodded. She knew she couldn’t waste any more time or her savior may die thanks to her. So she forced herself to step forward and through the window. For a second everything around her started turning when she realized how high up they actually were, the ground good thirty feet away.

“Don’t look down!” Finn warned her and she forced herself to focus on how to get to the window next to theirs. As it turned out that wasn’t much better. There was no way in hell they were going to get over there. Even though a rain gutter was leading right above their heads, the lug Finn probably expected her to balance on to the window approximately five feet to her left was no more than two inches wide. The door to their room swung open and the first Walkers came stumbling in, screaming as they spotted their prey.

“Go! Go! Go!” Finn pushed her, while jumping up one the windowsill behind her and she knew she had no choice so once again against her better judgement, she straightened up and reached for the rain gutter above her head. It felt far from secure but she had no choice. She turned backwards, so she was facing the wall and took a step to her left, her foot finding the tiny lug. She slipped and had to tighten her grip on the rain gutter as to not fall backwards. “Fuck!” She cursed. This wasn’t going to work. But it had to!

“Come on, you can do it!” Finn urged, sounding more panicked than before. She tried again, this time, her foot found a steady hold and she pushed herself to the side. Her knuckles stood out white against her skin due to her way too tight grip on the gutter, she pressed her body against the stone wall, her knees shaking a little. She couldn’t believe she was actually standing out here. She turned her head to look for Finn who had followed her but took off in the other direction since there was hardly any room to get far enough away from the window and out of reach next to her. His movements looked smoother and it looked way too easy when he did it.

“Finn…” She cried when one of the Walkers reached for him. It was going to get his leg! “No!” Before she could think twice about it, Clarke shifted her weight on one of her legs before kicking at the Walker who lost its balance and fell face forwards out of the window. Clarke screamed at the same time as she realized that she was losing her balance too.  She regained her grip on the rain gutter while trying to find a steady step on the lug again. She was swaying dangerously. For a horrible moment she could almost feel herself free falling downwards, her heart leaping into her throat when she could feel her boot find foothold. She gasped for air, pressing against the stonewall once more.

“Jesus… Are you okay?” Finn called, who had moved a little further away from the window by this point.

She nodded shakily. “All good.”

“Good… Thank you!”

She smiled a forced smile.

“We’re going to make this, okay?” He tried to reassure her even though his voice sounded far from as confident as it had before. It wasn’t all good for her though since the Walkers obviously decided that if they couldn’t reach him, they should try and get her. The next one was leaning out of the window, further than common sense would tell you to and stretched his clawing fingers towards her.

“You need to get moving!” He urged but she shook her head.

“I can’t, I’m going to fall.”

He took a deep breath. “You don’t have a choice. They’re coming for you! You have to do something!”

Clarke growled. She had known this was a bad idea. She leaned a little to her side, further away from the Walker’s hand, trying not to lose her balance. The creature let out a frustrated scream, pulling itself up on the windowsill.

“No…” Carefully she made herself slide her feet a little further to the left, the rain gutter above giving a creaking noise. She swallowed. If this was going to give in, she was dead. The Walker growled once more, leaning even further out of the window. It wouldn’t be able to keep its balance much longer and Clarke knew that but her heart was still racing and her mouth dry. What if it would be able to keep its balance exactly long enough? What if it would drag her down with him?

“Hey!” Finn called, his voice coming from beneath her now though not from the other side. She blinked, a little confused. “Down here! Hey!”

She lowered her glance. “What the…?!” Finn was leaning out of the window right underneath her. “Don’t move further to the side! Come down here!”

“How?” She asked, desperately. This was crazy. She would never be able to get down there, it was also a mystery to her how he had managed to pull that off. “Hold onto the lug, then it’s only a jump of a foot, I’ll catch you, don’t worry.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. She was almost 100% sure this wasn’t going to work. She was going to die. This would be her death. She had to accept it. It was still better than being bitten by that creature still reaching for her. So she opened her eyes again, forcing herself to slowly loosen her grip on the gutter.

“Just bow down carefully!” He guided her and she took a deep breath. “Come on, you can do this! As soon as you reach the lug with your hands, just straighten out your legs and it will be fine!”

She let go of the gutter with one hand, shifting all her weight forward, pressing her whole body against the wall. “It’s not so hard. Don’t do this too slowly, or you’ll lose your balance. And don’t worry, I will catch you! I will!”

She nodded even though she wasn’t too sure about this. How the hell would he catch a falling person? She took one last shaky breath before she started going down, concentrating on her balance. As she was halfway down, she stopped for a second. This wasn’t going to be as easy as Finn pretended. After she had found her balance more or less in this position, she let go of the gutter with her second hand too, reaching with both hands for the lug.

“I can’t get a hold of it!” She screamed as felt herself falling backwards. “Finn! I can’t…!” She grabbed at it, trying to dig her nails into the dirt there, trying to get a steady hold to prevent herself from falling but no chance. “Straighten your legs! Straighten them now and lean forward!”

She didn’t know what else to do, so she just listened to him, her feet slipping off the lug, her face crashing forward against the wall, hitting the lug as she went down, her hands scratching along the bricks but not being able to hold onto anything. Her fall could only have lasted about two or three seconds when she felt her feet hit something hard but it felt like forever. She cursed as pain shot through her ankles and her weight started shifting backwards. That’s when she could feel arms wrap around her legs, steading her and pulling her forward again, inside the building and through the window. _Finn had caught her!_

He stumbled backwards, falling over and pulling her with him but she didn’t mind. As they hit the ground her head hit his shoulder, his arms still tightly wrapped around her had moved further up and were now placed around her lower back. Her landing was soft on top of him but she could hear him gasp as the air was knocked out of his lungs. For a second they didn’t move. They just stayed like that, both gasping for air, their hearts racing, their minds still spinning.

The whole situation took some time to sink it. They made it. They both made it out alive. She had just jumped out of a window. But he had caught her. They were both alright. She slowly looked up to meet his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He sounded concerned but she nodded.

“You?”

He mimicked her nodding and she felt relief rush through her. They were both alive. They were unharmed. At that she couldn’t help it as a laugh escaped her mouth. She couldn’t even really say why but she was just so happy and relieved that she couldn’t help herself. At first he looked confused but then he joined her in her laughing, letting his head fall back and she let hers sink back against his shoulder. The tension was starting to leave her body when the door to the room swung open.

“Clarke?!” Bellamy stood in the doorframe, Monty and Jasper at his sides. Jasper had made it too!

“Bellamy! Hey!” She grinned sheepishly, not even really perceiving the edge to Bellamy’s voice and his skeptical glance. “Jasper! You made it!”

The boy grinned a little. “Yeah, I’m glad to see you did too.”

She nodded, finally rolling off of Finn. Bellamy frowned a little, his eyes not leaving her. “You okay?”

She nodded. “Yes, nothing happened. Thanks to him.” She pointed towards Finn who was just getting up now too, the other boys’ attention now focused on him.

“Hey guys, I’m Finn.” He introduced himself. Monty and Jasper shook hands with him before Bellamy gave a short nod. “Great, yeah, we saw you hanging outside the window. We should get out of here now before the Walkers figure out where we are and we have to pull another stunt.”

Clarke turned towards Finn, motioning towards the window one last time. “Thanks for saving me, really.”

He winked at her. “I guess that makes us even, right?”

“Clarke.” Bellamy had one eyebrow raised. “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay.” She touched Finn’s arm one last time before turning to catch up with the other man.

“You sure you’re okay?” He asked.

She rolled her eyes a little. “I am, Bellamy. In fact, I’m actually feeling pretty good even.”

He studied her skeptically but nodded. “Fine. Can we trust him?”

“He just saved my life, Bellamy.”

“There would have been no need for him to save your life in the first place, if you had just let me come with you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, raising her eyebrows. “I’m not discussing this with you. I already told you, I don’t need you to protect me. I can take care of myself.”

“Oh really? Is that why he needed to save your life today?! You could have died, Clarke!”

“But I didn’t! And I really don’t know why we have to talk about this right now! We don’t know if you know what is even real, so you need to take a step back, Blake!”

“Are you serious right now?!”

“I am. Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about or was it just to keep on arguing?!”

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself down. “Yes, actually.” His voice was still tensed though.

“Okay, I’m listening?”

“Monty and I found some medicine downstairs and we brought it to the car. You can check it out and see if that’s what you were looking for.”

Honestly, she had already forgotten all about why they had even entered the hospital in the first place with the whole commotion going on but nodded, happy that the two of them had achieve something. “Great! Yeah, I’ll do that!”

“It’s in the trunk!” Bellamy explained when they reached the car again and Clarke headed straight for it, looking through the box they placed there. It contained several band aids, bandages and pain medicine.

“Good job!” She praised them as she turned back around. “It was worth the stop.”

Bellamy nodded at her. “Good. Then we can keep going.”

Clarke agreed. She knew he didn’t want to waste any more time and she couldn’t blame him. “What about you?” She questioned Finn.

He shrugged. “What?”

“I mean, do you have somewhere to be? Is anyone with you?”

He chuckled a little and shook his head. “No, not really. I mean, as long as you don’t count my friends in there as company.”

“You want to come along then?”

“Clarke…” Bellamy murmured.

“What? It can’t hurt.” After all taking in Monty and Jasper had turned out be the exact right choice.

Bellamy didn’t look too happy though. “Do you want to invite every single person we meet on the road to come with us?”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course not. But he saved me, so why not? Maybe he can help us again at some point.”

Bellamy shook his head a little and Finn sighed. “It’s okay, Clarke. Really. If you don’t want me to come, I can just stay here or whatever. I’ll manage. It was very nice meeting… most of you though.” He grinned a little, winking at Monty and Jasper behind her.

“No, wait! I say we take a vote.”

“What?” Bellamy snorted. “Clarke, this isn’t some stupid class president thing.”

“Exactly! If we leave him here, he might die.”

“Hey, I won’t. I’ll be fine, seriously.”

“There, you hear him.” Bellamy sounded convinced but Clarke wasn’t having it.

She turned back towards Monty and Jasper. “We vote. Those in favor of Finn coming with us.” She raised her hand, watching Jasper do the same. Monty hesitated though, looking from Finn to Bellamy and back again. Finn seemed like a survival expert and the logical thing was to take him with them. So the boy sighed, raising his hand as well. “Sorry Bellamy.”

He growled and pulled his hair. “Fine!”

“It’s decided then.” Clarke announced, looking at Finn. “If you want to, you can come with us.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to cause any trouble between you and him.”

“You’re not. It’s all good.”

Finn smiled a little. “Okay then. I guess, I’ll take the offer.”


	17. It will be alright

Sometimes you meet someone and they don’t have to say anything or do anything, they just have to look at you and maybe smile a little, and you know that this person could be someone important to you at some point. You just know that you can trust them and that you could become friends easily. This person just gives you an overall good feeling and you are excited to get to know them better. Yes, these moments are awesome but there are also people who give you the exact opposite first impression. You see them and you just don’t particularly like them. It’s nothing personal really, it’s a feeling you get. And it might turn out to be completely unnecessary and wrong but as Bellamy had to realize with Finn, it was exactly right.

The moment he had seen Clarke hang onto that rain gutter, thirty feet above the ground and fall down towards that guy and then walked into this room just to find Clarke lying on top of him had gotten them off on a bad start, granted. And he had really tried not to dislike him for that too much since yes, Clarke would maybe not have made it without him and he was thankful that Finn had saved her life, but he just couldn’t help himself. 

After six days of watching him flirt with her, make her giggle like some stupid girl and appear out of nowhere whenever Clarke showed the slightest sign of discomfort or needed anything, almost as if he could read her fucking mind, he was a goner. He didn’t like Finn Collins and he be damned, if that boy was a saint and tried nothing but to help them, he was still trying to hit on her every chance he got. Of course it hadn’t taken the other boy too long to figure out that Clarke wasn’t his girlfriend and they weren’t committed to each other. The worst part about this was probably how Clarke reacted. She didn’t even seem to mind, no, on the contrary, she seemed to be enjoying it.

The other thing still always present in his mind was Clarke’s possibly pregnancy. With his child, just to be clear. Not fucking Finn Collins’ child. But she acted like nothing had ever happened between them. Sure, he had clarified that that’s the way they should keep it but only to protect her because he had been assuming that she didn’t want anyone to know. Obviously he had been right.

With the pregnancy scare still on, Clarke didn’t want to keep up their casual sex agreement though and he hadn’t protested. He accepted it, even told her she was right. It was better to not get anything started while who knew what could still happen. After all, he still couldn’t magically conjure up some condoms so having sex again would just put everything at risk and he knew she wouldn’t want to take that risk. What wouldn’t surprise him though would be her screwing spacewalker (as he had started to call him in his head when Clarke told him how admirable she thought it was that he was training to be an astronaut) now. The way he seemed, he was probably always carrying at least five condoms in his pockets and they had sneaked off together during the night two days ago.

So engulfed in his inner rant, he didn’t even notice Monty approaching him until the boy tapped his shoulder. He flinched and turned around.

“Sorry.” Monty murmured. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Bellamy shook his head. “No, you didn’t… I was just… thinking about something.”

Monty nodded. Bellamy had really grown to care for him. He was quiet but seemed to sense and understand much more than he let on. Bellamy was pretty sure he didn’t buy his lie either but he accepted it. He accepted that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about whatever was bothering him and he wasn’t going to push, unlike what Jasper would have probably done. The two of them were so different but got along so well. Opposites attract seemed to be really fitting their relationship.

“Did you want to talk about something?” Bellamy asked and pointed towards the chair next to him.

Monty took a seat. “I just wanted to inform you that Jasper and I double checked every room. We should be fine.”

Bellamy nodded appreciatively. “Good. Thanks.”

Monty smiled a little before pointing at the map spread out in front of him. “Any progress?”

After they had more or less spend the last few days driving around the country aimlessly and spend each night in the car they had decided to make use of a house again this night. Because first, Bellamy had declared he was going to work out a plan for them to cover space more effectively in less time, his patience was really starting to run low, and second, because of the number of people their group now consisted of, sleeping in the car was uncomfortable for everyone involved.

The house they finally settled on wasn’t as big as the ones they had stayed in before but still nice enough. It had two levels, downstairs there was a TV room, a bathroom, the kitchen and the living room, where Bellamy and Monty were currently at, while upstairs four bedrooms as well as one more bathroom and some kind of storage room could be found.

“Not really.” He confessed, his eyes scanning the map in front of him. He had managed to mark their current location, Sharon Springs, Kansas, his hometown, as well as the spots where he had met Clarke, Monty and Jasper later on and lastly Finn and where he had lost his sister. Apart from that his mind had been pretty preoccupied. Monty trailed the spots with his fingers before he said: “So the South East seemed to be pretty fruitless, right?”

Bellamy nodded. “Yeah, no one around had even seen her. “

“Okay, and up here not much either.” He gestured towards Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, New Mexico and Colorado, the States they had been driving through throughout the last few days, where they had hardly met anyone and if they did, the person wasn’t too friendly and never had they seen the girl on the picture before.

“Which still leaves a lot of space to cover.” Monty concluded, his eyes narrowing as he was thinking about the solution Bellamy had promised to come up with. “But since the west is supposed to be a dead zone, I’d say we head straight back towards the east coast and from there we go further north and check out the western parts at last?”

Bellamy nodded slightly. “Yes, I guess that makes sense.”

“Yeah, you just need to figure out which states and cities we should drive through and which we should avoid, and kind of plan our journey so we’ll have a place to stay for the night and can get gas and snacks every now and then.”

Just at that Jasper walked in. “Did I hear someone say snacks? I’m starving.”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. “I thought Clarke said she was going to take care of the food?”

Jasper shrugged a little. “I don’t even know where she is.”

Bellamy narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?” He looked at Monty. “Do you know where she is?”

He shook his head slowly. “No, I just…”

“What?”

Monty hesitated and Bellamy sighed. What was he waiting for? If Clarke decided to leave them, he needed to know that. “Monty.”

“I saw her go upstairs with Finn, I don’t know, I guess they’re up there together.”

Bellamy set his jaw. Of course. Her hero and savior Finn Collins. Who else would she be with? This was really starting to get on his nerves. He changed her for the worse and he disliked it way too much for his own liking. “Well, we better not disturb the new found love then.” He couldn’t quite fight the bitterness in his voice. It was crystal clear to him now. They were screwing each other and keeping it a secret because Clarke didn’t want anyone to think she was a whore. He got up abruptly from his chair. “Well, then, we don’t need her anyways. We just check out the kitchen and I’ll cook you guys whatever.”

“You can cook?” Jasper asked, laughing a little.

“Of course, I had a little sister to raise after all.”

Just as they left the living room to enter the kitchen, steps could be heard coming down the stairs and Clarke and Finn reappeared. “Hey, where are you going?”

“The kitchen.” Monty answered. “We were about to get some food.”

“Oh, perfect. I actually came down here to look around the kitchen for whatever is available and cook something for you.”

“No need.” Bellamy cut in. “I’ll take care of it.”

Clarke frowned. “But you should rest.”

“No, I don't. I'm fine.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Okay but I still want to cook.”

“You can’t always get what you want.” He shot back and Clarke narrowed her eyes and was about to return a snarky comment when Monty stepped in.

“Okay, guys? How about we leave everything as we originally planned it? Clarke cooks and you, Bellamy, can keep working with the map. I mean, you’re not done yet, are you?”

He hesitated. He didn’t want to let Clarke win this argument but at the same time Monty was right somehow and he gave him an easy way out. He wouldn’t have to totally accept the defeat, only his reasoning and that would be okay, right? So finally the young man nodded. “Fine.” He turned on his heels and headed right back to the living room.

His blood was still boiling for some reason. Lately Clarke could just make him so angry so easily. Or maybe it wasn’t really Clarke who was making him so furious. It was himself and the way he just couldn’t stop himself from caring about her. All his life he had always been convinced he would never meet someone who he could grow to care or worry about apart from Octavia but Clarke was occupying his mind so much lately, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Whatever it was about her, he felt like she could keep him centered, sane, calm but at the same, she was the only one who could make him this angry and furious and irritated. It was weird and new and strange but not necessarily bad, as he had to admit.

With a deep sigh, he ran his hands over his face. He had to focus on his work and in order to do that properly he seemed to have to push Clarke to the back of his mind for the time being. In theory that was a really good plan but as it turned out it was harder to execute than he had expected. After almost 30 minutes of work, he hadn’t gotten further than drawing a few lines to connect the dots and recreate the way they had already put behind them.

Finally he gave up and dropped his pen on the table. This wasn’t going to work. At least not until he had talked to Clarke again. There was something he wanted to ask her and he knew if he wouldn’t do it soon, he would explode. So he got up from his chair and headed for the kitchen. Clarke was standing in front of the stove, stirring a spoon in a pot. She was alone, to his relief, spacewalker nowhere in sight. He leaned against the doorframe and watched her for some time, his mind taking him back to his doubts and conflicted feelings.

“Are you going to say anything or just stay there and glare?” Clarke finally broke the silence.

Bellamy sighed. “I’m not glaring.”

“Well, in that case, you can come here and help me.”

Obediently he pushed himself off the wall to walk up to her. “What are you making?”

“Pasta. I found three boxes of noodles in the basement and two glasses of tomato paste. You can take care of the sauce.”

He nodded, grabbing the two glasses that stood on the counter and looked around. “Where are the pots?”

She pointed towards one of the shelves and he opened it, finding what he was looking for. While he placed the new pot on the stove next to hers, he couldn’t really stop himself from saying: “I was actually surprised to find you here without spacewalker.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. He knew she didn’t like that nickname but it fit and he wasn’t going to stop using it. “Why would he be here?” She asked back.

Bellamy shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe because lately you two seem to be glued at the hip.”

She raised an eyebrow at that and stopped to look at him. “No need to be jealous, Bellamy.”

He snorted. “I’m certainly anything but jealous.”

“Why do you care then?”

“I don’t!” He growled, his voice sounding all defensive. “I was just saying!”

“Right.” She shook her head, turning back to the noodles in front of her.

Internally Bellamy cursed. He wasn’t here to keep arguing about everything, he actually came to make it up. They got along before so why did that have to change now? He took a deep breath as he opened one of the glasses to fill the pot with the first load of tomato paste. Silently Clarke opened one of the drawers next to her and handed him a spoon.

“Thanks.”

She nodded, not saying anything else. He started stirring the soon to be sauce when Clarke murmured: “You should add some water to it.”

“Okay.” He did what she told him and went back to stirring until he cleared his throat. “Clarke, there is actually something else that I wanted to talk about.”

“What is it?”

“I…” He was looking for the right words. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore. We’ve been on bad terms ever since we figured out that you might be…” He nodded towards her stomach, not daring to say the word because he knew how she reacted upon hearing it. “But I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I want us to go back to… being friends.”

Clarke was looking at him again now and he swallowed. For once it was hard for him to read the expression in hers. “I’d like that too.” She finally said and he smiled a little, glad when he found her returning it.

“And as a friend, I want to ask you something. I’m not trying to be offensive or blunt or anything… I just… I need to know the truth so I can just stop assuming and guessing at it, okay?” He continued, finally getting to the bottom of his issue.

She nodded slowly, skepticism obviously rising inside of her. “Okay, I’m listening?”

Bellamy took a deep breath, very aware of the fact that he was risking another argument but his need to know was bigger. “Are you sleeping with him? Spacewalker, I mean.”

Clarke stopped in her tracks. “Excuse me?!”

Bellamy gritted his teeth. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked but the question was bugging him so badly.

“That’s none of your business!”

He growled. “So that’s a yes.” He balled his fists, anger rising inside of him. How could she actually have sex with that guy? He had been sure her taste was better than what spacewalker had to offer.

“God Bellamy! Are you serious right now? Is that what you think of me? I sleep around like some whore, jumping onto every guy I see?!”

He blinked a little. How did she manage to turn this around? “No! But the two of you are…”

“There is no the two of us! Enough! Okay? You come here and apologize, just so you can make it even worse two seconds later? Accusing me?! Seriously, I don’t want to and I don’t need to listen to this! Just leave me alone!”

“Clarke!” He urged. How could she let some stupid guy she had just met a week ago get between them? He stopped himself there. _Them_? Was there even a ‘ _them_ ’ to begin with? They hadn’t met until the apocalypse started either and lately they had been doing nothing but bicker and fight. He shook his head, unsure of what to say next when Jasper walked in and saved him from any further confrontations for the moment.

“Hey.” He greeted, oblivious to the tension between the other two. “Do you need any help? I’m starving and I…”

“Dinner is ready.” Clarke cut him off, turning away from Bellamy. “You can set the table and Bellamy can get the others, then we can eat.”

 

Returning from the bathroom, Clarke looked around the room, searching for Bellamy's figure. After an awkward and silent dinner, they had decided it would be best to go upstairs and call it a night. Everyone except for Bellamy, of course, who had insisted he still had work to do and would follow them in a bit.

Finn, who had been sleeping next to her, was just sitting up. “Hey, are you alright?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I just… Where is Bellamy?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. She knew Bellamy’s dislike towards the newest member of their group wasn’t one sided but she was fed up with it. Especially after he had accused her of having sex with Finn. After all she was the one who always defended him when Finn started complaining about him. If she was honest, she didn’t know why she wasn’t taking his side. After all Finn was nice. He was sweet and easy, he was handsome and supportive, he paid attention to her and listened to her, she could talk to him and everything could just be simple. He seemed like the exact opposite of Bellamy. They were always fighting, hardly agreed on anything, they were so different and sometime she felt like things would always be complicated and hard with him, no matter what was to come. Still, if someone left her a choice she would choose the latter one, without doubt or hesitation. She didn't know why really but she would rather fight with him than laugh with Finn. Finn was good for her probably and she enjoyed his company but he just could not compare.

“I guess he is still downstairs then.” She remarked.

Finn nodded. “He has work to do. Let’s just go back to sleep.”

“No, I’ll check up on him.”

Finn raised an eyebrow and she almost expected him to protest but he simply nodded again and laid back down. “Okay.”

She turned back around and headed for the stairs. It wasn’t like she just forgot what an asshole he had been but maybe she had been overreacting a little too. And she really needed to talk to him after all too. Carefully she walked down the stairs and made her way to the living room where she guessed he was. And she turned out to be right. He was still sitting at the table, his head resting on the map in front of him, his eyes closed. Once again Clarke had to stop and watch him a second. Whenever he slept, it was easier for her to blind out the bad parts. He looked so innocent and pure that she could hardly believe the feelings he could give her.

She walked over to him, careful not to make any noises and sat down next to him. This time she couldn’t resist to outstretch her hand and touch his face lightly. She stroked his cheek and then moved further to the side to let her fingers push some of his hair back behind his ear.

“Bellamy...” She whispered, failing to wake him up carefully since he jerked awake, sitting up straight, his eyes frantic.

“Easy, it's just me.” She took one of his hands and he visibly relaxed when he recognized her.

“Clarke... what are you doing here?” With his free hand he rubbed his eyes before looking at the map. “Did I fall asleep?”

She nodded. “I found you down here fast asleep.”

“Man.” He growled while suppressing a yawn. “What time is it?”

“Almost 2:30.”

He leaned his head to the side. “What are you doing up then?”

She bit her lip a little. “That's what I’m here to talk about. Let's just...” She looked around and finally pointed at the sofa. “Sit over there.”

He was too tired to argue or question her more, so he simply nodded and let her pull him up and guide towards the sitting accommodation. Before she got a chance to talk though, he stepped in. “Clarke, I’m sorry about… what I said earlier. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I am sorry.”

She smiled weakly. “I know. And I’m sorry too. But you’re still an idiot!”

He rolled his eyes, visible relaxing a little more at them making up so easily. And she had to admit she was glad too somehow. She was tired of always fighting with him.

“I know. So, what else did you want to tell me?”

She took a deep breath before looking him in the eyes. It would probably be best to get straight to the point. Besides, her news were good ones, right? “I’m not pregnant!” Then she started grinning.

As her words seemed to think in in his still dazed mind, he felt relief rush through him as he let himself fall backwards against the back rest. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I woke up to go to the bathroom and I’m on my period, so... we’re safe. When I got back, I was looking for you because I wanted to tell you and I realized you weren’t there. That’s why I came downstairs.”

He nodded slowly as her words kept echoing in his head. Now that the first wave of relief and happiness was leaving him, his face changed a little. He didn't look sad but happy was definitely different too.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know... I mean, it’s still kind of bittersweet, right?”

Clarke shrugged. “What? Did you already start collecting baby names?”

He rolled his eyes at her. “No, of course not. I mean, I want kids at some point but not now, not in this world.”

Clarke nodded. “I know what you mean. Being a parent holds enough responsibilities, we don't need even more by having to make sure they survive the apocalypse.”

Bellamy smiled a little. “I'm sure you still would have made a great Mom, Clarke.”

She let her should bump into his. “And I’m sure you would have been a cool Dad. I mean, you know what to do obviously, looking at your sister you have done everything right before.”

“Yeah, I guess...” He looked down and Clarke felt like he actually wanted to say more so she waited. “You know, I had to spend so much of my youth actually raising her that... I don't know, I really want to live first before I have children of my own. Like while my friends were out partying, having fun, just practically being teenagers, I had to stay in, tug Octavia in bed, read her a story, cook for her... I didn’t mind too much, she was my sister and my responsibility after all but... I don’t know, raising her makes me not wanting to have children for a while... I feel horrible for saying this...” He finished, his voice growing lower towards the end of his words.

Clarke placed a hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. She hadn’t spent too much time until now thinking about what Bellamy’s apparently happy time could have been like for him. That maybe raising a child wasn’t on the bucket list of a teenage boy and she felt rage rise inside her against his mother. How could she have not seen what an amazing son she had but instead burdened him with a whole life?

“You're not horrible for saying that!” She therefore pressed. “You're being human. I would love to see any other guy staying home and doing all these things for his sister. Most of them are total losers who couldn’t keep a child alive for one night, while you had the courage to raise one almost all on your own. You deserve to have some fun now and just live! There is nothing bad about that!”

He nodded a little but Clarke could still see a hint of doubt in his eyes. “Your Mom would be really proud of the man you have become, Bellamy.”

At that he looked at her, the doubt was now replaced with surprise. “I lost Octavia, I couldn’t keep Charlotte alive, I almost let you get killed, I…”

“Hey!” She interrupted him and shook her head a little. “You need to stop beating yourself up about that! We will find your sister! Charlotte’s death had nothing to do with you! And I am alive, am I not? We’ll be fine, Bellamy! Trust me.”

He sighed and she scooted a little closer to him, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “Together.” She whispered, barely audible. This closeness to him she felt right now was more emotional than physical but she felt 100% content and calm with it. She enjoyed it. Hardly had she felt like that over the past few weeks. It was only him that she felt like she could let her walls come down around, who wouldn’t judge her and stay by her side. They had differences, they fought and argued a whole lot but in the end, she knew she could rely on him and trust him more than anyone else in her life right now. And that was what mattered to her.

“Together.” He replied just as quietly, settling back into a more comfortable position. He didn’t seem to want to move anymore and neither did she. So they stayed like that, in silence since there was no need to talk, both in their own minds but still not alone thanks to the person next to them. They simply enjoyed each other’s company. Neither one of them aware of the time that passed until they fell asleep just like that.


	18. Tragedy will find us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me tell you: I AM EXCITED! I am just about to watch the new episode, finally! I know, you will probably already be done by the time you read this but trust me, this whole prospect is giving me life! (Let's all hope my hopes won't be crushed tho lol D:)
> 
> Now, no long talk, I just want to post this and then start watching 4x09! *-*
> 
> Still, thanks a lot for the new comments and kudos! They made my days! You rock!

Whether it was them finding out she was not pregnant or actually talking about what bothered them or the night they spend together on the sofa, just sleeping, Clarke didn't know. All she knew was that whatever had made them so tensed and touchy around each other was gone. It was almost like they had gone back to their old ways. They still had their disagreements, no question, but they also worked together again. They made decisions together and talked about stuff.

Concerning Clarke, they were finally good again. She just hoped Bellamy thought so too and wasn't simply putting on a show. Because she had noticed him shooting angry glances at Finn every now and again, his dislike for the other boy hadn't decreased in the slightest and how he avoided addressing, acknowledging or even looking at him was no secret to her either. Maybe this was just one of these things were two persons disliked each other and there was nothing more to it and no matter what she did or either one of them, nothing would change. And she had to accept that she wouldn't be able to make these two work things out and that was that.

"There is a car!" Bellamy pointed towards a red minivan which was parked on the parking lot of a gas station.

"Let's stop." Clarke agreed. A car would most likely mean other humans and no Walkers, a chance of new information concerning whatever and some news about Octavia. Bellamy pulled up the car close to the one already there. They still stayed in the car for a second.

"Where do you think they are?" Jasper asked when they realized the red minivan was empty.

"Maybe inside the store?" Finn guessed. "They could be looking for food or something. It would make sense."

"Yes." Clarke agreed. She had a bad feeling about this for some reason but she tried to push it back. She couldn't let a possibility of finding something out about Octavia pass and she knew that. "We should check it out."

"Have your guns ready." Bellamy instructed, snatching the picture of his sister and opening his door. "We don't know who might be awaiting us and what they'll think."

Clarke was still averse to guns but knew Bellamy didn't leave her too much of a choice. It was either carrying a gun herself or standing behind him and not leaving his side. Since she didn't want him to protect her, she had to force herself to fire a gun. "Let's go."

Bellamy led them towards the entrance. After they entered the small shop, they looked around, finding it to be empty too. The counter on the other side of the room was ripped apart, the boxes that once contained chewing gum and chocolate bars and all types of snacks empty. Most of the aisles didn't look much different. It seemed to be like a usual gas station you stopped by on a long car ride but still, Clarke felt like there was an edge to it. Where else could the people who owned the red minivan be? Just when Finn was about to open his mouth, a dark skinned boy jumped up from behind the counter, a rifle in his hand. "Intruders!" He growled. "Give me one good reason not to kill you!"

Bellamy, Jasper and Finn had reacted at the same moment, rising their guns to point them at the stranger. "It's five on one. You need any other reason?" Bellamy growled.

"Who says I'm alone?" The boy returned and three more boys, each heavily armed showed up out of their hiding place behind the shelves. They were pretty much circled. "At least four of you will go down." He continued.

"Wait!" Clarke held up her hands, stepping forward. "We're not here to fight!"

The boy's eyes focused on her, taking her in in an almost scrutinizing way, while he pointed his rifle at her.

"Clarke!" Bellamy started to follow her and the stranger let the safety of his gun of.

"Don't come any closer!"

"Calm down!" Clarke pleaded, turning around to look at Bellamy. "Trust me. Nothing will happen." He looked doubtful but to her relief stopped a few feet behind her.

"We're not here to steal your supplies or anything. We just have one simple question about a person we're looking for. Then we'll be off again." She explained to the stranger, trying to reason with him.

"You people show up suspiciously often looking for someone."

Clarke frowned. What was he talking about? Before she got a chance to question it any further, the boy already continued after exchanging a few looks with his fellows: "But whatever. Lower your weapons. We'll do the same. Then we talk."

Clarke nodded, turning back towards the boys. They were reluctant and she sighed. "Guys, please. We're not here to fight!"

Bellamy closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before murmuring some curse word and letting his gun drop to the ground, Jasper following suit. It took Finn another second but after a stern look from the blonde girl, he obeyed too. The stranger nodded shortly and in one motion, they all lowered their weapons.

Bellamy stepped forward, grabbing Octavia's picture from his jean's pocket. "Any chance you or your friends have seen her?"

He outstretched his hand to look at the picture for a moment, studying it but finally shaking his head. "Sorry, no. Spencer, Lee, Jordan." He motioned at them to come closer to him but they all shook their heads when they saw the picture. Clarke couldn't suppress a sigh.

"Who is she?" The dark skinned boy asked. "Your girl?"

"My little sister." Bellamy explained, taking back the picture.

"What happened?"

"We lost each other about three weeks back."

"Three weeks? That's a long time for such a young girl to be out there all alone."

Bellamy set his jaw. "She is tough."

"Maybe. But this world is crueler than what any film or game ever made you think, isn't it? I mean, I don't want you to lose hope, man, but maybe you should start letting it sink it that you won't see her again."

Clarke shook her head stubbornly when she saw Bellamy's face set at these words. "No. We will find her. Thank you for your concern though." She put a hand on Bellamy's arm to make him turn around and leave the building. The last thing any of them needed right now was Bellamy losing all his hope and giving up. After what Gina had told her, Clarke was even more determined to find Octavia.

"Bellamy…" She started when they were back outside and far from earshot of the others but he shook his head, walking past the car and heading towards the woods that grew on the opposite side of the road. "No."

"Hey! Bellamy! Wait!" She reached for his arm but he avoided her.

"Leave me alone, Clarke!" He growled before picking up some pace. She stopped to turn around and look at the others. Finn had his arms crossed over his chest, while Monty and Jasper looked just as concerned as she felt. Opposed to Finn, the two of them had already picked up on how much Octavia meant to her brother and they didn't need Gina telling them.

"You wait here." Clarke ordered. "I'll go get him."

"You can't be serious! Clarke, the woods are dangerous! If he is willing to risk his life, fine, but you don't need to follow him!"

She rolled her eyes. "You don't understand this."

"You're right. I don't." He stepped a little closer and lowered his voice before grabbing her hand. "I like you, Clarke. You know that, right? And he is not your boyfriend, not your brother, not even really your friend, considering all of your fights. Without this apocalypse, the two of you wouldn't even be talking to each other. So don't risk your life trying to save his…"

At these words the anger rose inside of her. This just proved to her that Finn really had no clue and she shook her head. "Oh, but we would be?"

With these words, she turned around and followed Bellamy. Finn was charming but he could also be an asshole. The exact opposite of Bellamy, who was an asshole but could also be charming if he wanted to. Who was he to judge anyways? He didn't know anything about Bellamy and her and if she chose to stand by his side, then it wasn't up to Finn to have an opinion on it. Besides she had the bad feeling that he only liked her because she was the only girl of the group.

When she broke through the tree line, she pushed all of her thoughts about Finn and his stupid behavior to the back of her mind. There were more important things she had to focus on now anyways. She spotted Bellamy leaning against one of the trees, his face spoke of defeat and pain and Clarke felt her heart sink. She slowly walked towards him and his eyes flickered towards her for a second but he didn't react in any other way.

So Clarke kneeled down in front of him, placing a hand on his arm again. "Hey Bellamy… These people don't know Octavia. They can't know if she is alive or dead and as long as otherwise proven, I won't believe she is dead. And neither should you!"

He shook his head. "And what if he is right? Octavia is a 16 year old girl, out there, somewhere, all on her own, how the fuck is she supposed to survive, Clarke, when we are even struggling?"

Clarke bit her lip. "You don't know if she is alone. Maybe she found someone, just like I found you. You can't give up now."

He closed his eyes and swallowed. Clarke could tell that the only thing he really wanted to do right now was giving up but she wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't just let him give up. "Bellamy!" She pressed. "Maybe she will be waiting for us in the next city we enter and maybe she will be in the 21st one from here on but we won't find out if we quit now. Imagine her, sitting somewhere in Ohio maybe or Montana or Maine or wherever, waiting for you to show up because she knows that you are her brother and that she can always rely on you and that you won't stop looking for her until you know what happened to her. So the only way for you to really let her down is if you give up now."

A few moments passed until he opened his eyes again and he looked at her. "If you are so convinced of that, then why did you never go looking for your Mom?"

Clarke stopped. She had to admit. He had a point. She didn't have any proof that she was dead, yet she was convinced and never even tried to find her. She shook her head a little. "That's different."

"How? The only difference is that you parted on bad terms, which should make you want to find her even more. So you either don't believe in your own words or you kept something from me."

Clarke looked down on the ground. She couldn't even explain it to herself. Maybe she was scared of finding out for sure that both of her parents were dead. And maybe she was even more scared of the other possibility, of her still being alive which would lead to her having to face her again after all these horrible things she said to her, things no child should ever say to her mother. She took a deep breath before outstretching her hand. "Fine. We'll make a deal. I'll start looking for my Mom again but that means, that you don't get to give up until we find out what happened to Octavia, no matter how long that might take."

He hesitated for a moment looking back and forth between her face and her hand but he finally took it, shaking it. "Deal."

She grinned a little. Even if it was just out of spite that she could keep him going, it didn't matter as long as he wouldn't stop. "Then let's get back to the others." She pulled him back up on his feet but he held her back when she wanted to turn around.

"Clarke, wait… I…" He cleared his throat. "Thank you."

She smiled a little. "You're welcome, Bellamy."

When they reached the gas station again, the others were nowhere in sight. Clarke frowned. "Where are they?"

Bellamy shrugged. "The car is empty."

"Do you think they went back inside?"

"Possibly. Or maybe they went to the bathroom?"

"Maybe the other boys know. They seemed okay after they figured out we were no threat."

"I guess. Let's check."

They reentered the small shop and were once again met with emptiness. "This is…" Bellamy started but was interrupted by the dark skinned boy who reappeared through a back door.

"Welcome back!" He greeted them, a different edge to his voice. It was hard to detect what it meant, some sort of confidence and amusement. Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a look. "Let me guess, you are looking for your friends?"

"What is going on?" Bellamy asked suspiciously.

"Come on out." He exclaimed and the other boys from before followed him, one of them guiding Monty and Jasper who were both chained, a knife to their throats, the second one dragging an unconscious Finn.

"What did you do them?!" Clarke growled and Bellamy reached for his gun.

"Easy kid!" He warned, directed at him. "Nothing will happen to them." He assured stepping forward. "Don't worry." He was obviously enjoying their anger. "As long as you give me what I want."

Clarke narrowed her eyes. What could they possible have that he wanted? "And what would that be?" She asked through gritted teeth.

The boy smiled coldly before pointing his finger at the blonde. "You." Dread spread through her while horrible scenarios flashed in front of her face of what they could possibly want with her.

"No way!" A dark expression crossed Bellamy's face and he position himself in front of Clarke.

The dark skinned boy narrowed his eyes. "That's too bad because we know what she can do! She is a doctor, just like her mother!"

"You know my mother?" Clarke took a few steps forward, totally taken aback. How was that possible?

"Clarke!" Bellamy growled, warning her not to step closer to the men but it was too late, the first one had already gripped her arm and pulled her towards him.

"Hey! Let her go!" Bellamy started forward but was stopped by the third one, who apparently had just been waiting for him to make a wrong move and wrestled him to the ground, a knife in his hand.

"No! Don't hurt him! Or any of them! I'll help you! Please... Just... What do you know about my mom?" Clarke turned her pleading eyes towards the dark skinned boy again who reminded her of Wells so much. He hesitated a second before he replied: "She came here looking for you, just a few weeks back."

"She's alive?" Clarke couldn't quite believe the words coming out of her own mouth. Her mother was alive! Or at least she was a few weeks ago. A few weeks equaled years nowadays but she didn't care. She didn't want to believe that she was dead now. No, if Abby Griffin had made it that far then she would surely still be alive. There was no other way. She looked at Bellamy, for some reason expecting to see just as much amazement on his face but she found nothing but anger.

"Whatever. He's in there!" The boy grabbed Clarke's arm and pulled her with him through the store and through a side door. Usually she would have tried to fight him but her hope of him knowing more about her mother than he let on won so she simply followed him, trying her best to ignore Bellamy's angry screams behind her.

The room the stranger led her into was small, cold and dark. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the new lighting conditions. The ground was covered with some weird fur blanket, a few empty shelves with candles placed at the metallic walls and there was nothing else except a four poster bed. At first Clarke couldn't even make out a person in there. It all looked like a mess of blankets but then she could see a slight up and down movement, which was clearly someone breathing.

"Please, you need to help him..." The boy next to her suddenly didn't seem so frightening anymore but more like a little kid, scared for his life himself. "He needs to survive... I can't lose him, okay? He's my best friend... Please! Just do something!" He shoved her forwards a little and she almost stumbled but caught her balance just in time.

"Okay..." She couldn't say she didn't feel sorry for him. She was pretty sure if she had had any chance of saving Wells or her Dad, she would have taken it too. Carefully she got closer to the bed and gulped. The young man lying there looked more like a ghost than a human being. He was pale like she always imagined a vampire to be, he had dark purple circles under his eyes and his hair looked greasy. Despite the cold in the room, there were water pearls on his forehead and when she carefully placed a hand on his head, she could feel his skin burn. She had no clue how to save him. If there was a way to save him at all. She looked him up and down before she turned back to the other boy. "Where was he bitten?"

"His side." He replied, pointing to his right side. Carefully even though the bitten one seemed to be unconscious she pulled the blankets covering him down and his shirt up. There it was. A deep, ugly bite wound, teeth marks still visible on his skin, a dark purple line leaving it and clearly going straight for his heart. There was not a lot of time left, as she could watch it move forward and move through his bloodstream.

"Okay..." She breathed.

"Save him! Do the same your mother did!"

Clarke frowned and turned around. "What do you mean? The same my mother did?"

"She saved me! Now, do the same for him!"

Clarke couldn't believe her ears. "She... How?"

"I don't know! I ain't no doc! But you are! So do it!"

There was a cure... She couldn't believe this! There was a cure and her mother had it! "Where were you bitten?"

"Why does it matter?"

Clarke growled. "Remember? I'm the doctor, not you! So just show me what I need!"

In fact, without arguing any further he pulled up his sleeve and showed his arm to her. There was nothing left but a faded scar, teeth marks to be exact. But no clue to how her mother had done it. She cursed internally before just turning back to the boy lying in bed.

"I need some cold weather." She finally said to buy herself some time. This time, the dark skinned boy simply obeyed and slipped out of the room. Clarke investigated the wound again. It was a bad spot, not like a limb you could simply cut off, no matter how much it hurt, it was better than turning. On the other hand, the infection had already spread far too wide to be stopped by simply getting rid of a limb. The other reentered the room with a bucket of water and some clothing in it. "Here."

Clarke nodded before grabbing the cloth and touching his forehead with it. At least she was doing something that way. "What's his name?"

"Alexander."

"Okay, hey Alexander, can you hear me? We are going to fix you up, okay? It's all going to be alright."

She checked the purple line, aiming for his heart again. "When was he bitten?"

"Five, maybe six days ago."

Clarke frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Of course!"

Five to six days and he still was so human? The venom still hadn't reached his heart? That was impossible. There was no way for him to still be that human... Usually the transformation took 3, maximal 4 days.

"Are ya gonna do anything now or just watch?" The other boy growled.

Clarke knew she had to improvise if she didn't want her friends to be killed. "Relax, I'm on it." She didn't want to let too much on since she was guessing the boy's reaction to her cluelessness wouldn't be the best. But what could she possibly do about this? Her mother was a great doctor. She had always wished she would one day be as good as her but when the apocalypse broke out, she had hardly started her training. So how was she supposed to do what Abby Griffin could do?

Slowly she touched the wound with the wet clothing. The only thing she knew how to do was lowering his temperature. She grabbed one of the blankets and soaked it in the cold water before wrapping it around his legs. Her mind was racing. What could she do to make it at least seem like she knew what she was doing? She took extra-long in wrapping the cold clothes around his legs. Suddenly the boy gasped for air and his eyes shot open. Clarke swallowed. What if he… wasn't human anymore? She hesitated, studying him, waiting for a reaction. His eyes were scanning the room frantically until they settled on her, confusion visible. Clarke forced herself to smile. "Hey Alexander… I'm trying to help you…"

"Peter…" He croaked, almost incomprehensible.

"I'm here!" The dark skinned boy jumped forward, grabbing Alexander's hand and kneeling down next to the bed. "It's all good", he tried to calm him down. "She is going to save you, okay? Do you remember how this woman saved my life? Yeah? She is going to do the same for you!" While he talked, Alexander's eyes fell close again.

He managed a weak nod before he drifted out of consciousness once more. Clarke bit her lip. Despite what these boys had done to Finn, Monty and Jasper, she couldn't help feeling endlessly sorry for them. She wished so much she would know what to do.

Peter looked over his shoulder at her again. "Come on, keep going, girl!"

Clarke swallowed and looked down at her hands. "I… I can't… I don't know what my mother did with you… I…"

"No!" Peter had jumped up, a dagger in his hand. "Don't fucking lie to me, Clarke!"

She raised her hands, slowly getting up. "I'm not! My mother is a fully qualified doctor! I'm not. What reason would I have to not want to help?"

He shook his head, coming closer to her. "I'm done with your games! Do something!" His voice was desperate and Clarke was almost sure to see tears forming in his eyes, whether that was of anger or sadness she couldn't tell. Maybe it was a bit of both.

"Please…" Clarke started. "Don't do anything stupid now…" Her eyes were fixed on the blade that he was swaying dangerously close to her throat. The door flung open and they both turned around.

Bellamy stood in the doorway, his gun pointed at Peter. "Stay away from her!"

Peter reacted quickly though. He jumped forward, grabbing Clarke and pushing her in front of him, putting the blade to her throat.

Bellamy set his jaw. "Let her go!"

"Sorry man, no can do. I need her to save him." He nodded towards the bed and Clarke swallowed. He was insane. Even if he could bring Bellamy to leave them alone, which probably wouldn't work anyways, there was no way she could save Alexander. "Lower your weapon!" He demanded.

Bellamy shook his head. "Forget it!"

The boy pressed the blade harder against Clarke's skin and she could feel pain shoot through her as he dug through the first layer of skin, drawing blood. She hissed. Bellamy cocked his gun, growling. "Stop it!"

"I made myself clear!" Peter shot back. "You help or you die."

Bellamy's eyes locked on Clarke's. It was only a matter of a few seconds and she reacted, ramming her elbow into his abdomen. He groaned in pain, his grip slipping. Clarke managed to push his arm away and jump to the side, at the same time Bellamy shot once. Another scream left his mouth and he bended forward, falling onto his knees. "No…"

Clarke turned away, not wanting to see if Peter was dying and made her way towards Bellamy whose gun was still raised, his eyes fixed on their opponent, his face chalk white. "Hey…" Gently Clarke touched his arm.

He blinked, shaking his head. "You okay?" His voice sounded hoarse suddenly.

She bit her lip and nodded. "Don't worry, I'm fine…"

"Your neck…" He placed a hand at her cheek.

"It's fine… We should just get going…" Trying to blend out the other man's heavy breathing was getting harder and ignoring her instinct to just turn around and try to save his life was pressing on her too much too. Bellamy simply nodded and Clarke took his hand to guide him outside. It took her all her strength not to look back herself.

What choice did they have? If Bellamy would have spared his life, he wouldn't have stopped. He would have tried to kill him or her or Monty, Jasper or Finn, until he finally got what he wanted. She was sure of it. She had seen the desperation in his eyes, the desperation and the insanity that went along with it. People could do unimaginable things if it was about saving someone they loved. They didn't have a choice. Back in the shop, they found his friends unconscious and chained up.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Monty jumped in their way.

Clarke nodded. "Yeah, we're fine. What happened here?" She nodded towards the chained boys at the ground.

Finn was beaming at them. "They're not half as strong as they look." He explained.

Clarke nodded shortly, shooting Bellamy a sideways glance. He was staring at the ground, frowning and she could tell there were a million things on his mind. She didn't like it since she was guessing most of them were dark and untrue. So she took a deep breath, deciding to give him some time, in hopes that would help him deal with what he just did for her.

"Okay, then let's just get out of here."


	19. Light carries on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After watching 4x10, I am sad, like really sad. In case not everyone who reads this, has seen 4x10, I'm not going to go into detail but if you have seen it, I'm guessing you know what I am talking about...
> 
> And some more bad news are coming unfortunately. There will be a hiatus of this story (I'm really sorry) since I will be on vacation in New York. There will be one more chapter next week and then there will be a break until the 1st of June, just to give you a heads up.
> 
> But for now, let's focus on this chapter and not think about anything in the future, haha.
> 
> And as always, thank you so much for your reviews and kudos and bookmarks, I'm always so happy to recieve and read them! You keep making my day, people!

Since the group had left the previous city, they had gotten forward quite a bit, passing the border of Indiana, without any other interruption or attacks or anything along the lines. On the opposite, luck had been on their side. The other day they had found an abandoned truck, loaded with different types of food and drinks and from the looks of it, they had been the first ones to discover it so they were able to fill up all their supplies without any complications.

At one gas station they had talked to a group of girls who told them about a safe place that they heard of and apparently they were heading right for it. A safe place which hosted a large amount of people so the odds were that they would find Octavia there. Unfortunately the girls didn’t know too many details and only knew the vague location, somewhere around Washington D.C. and New York but at least that gave them a destination.

Clarke had hoped these perspectives would lift Bellamy’s spirits again but in vain. He had been extraordinarily quiet and thoughtful over the last few days, just following their decisions instead of making a point himself. He accepted what they wanted and didn’t lead them anymore. Clarke wasn’t sure how much more time she should give him before talking about what happened.

He looked at her and she started blinking, only now realizing that she had been staring at him. He cleared his throat a little as she could feel the heat rise to her face. Great Clarke, really, she told herself.

“We should stop for the night.” Bellamy suggested, his voice low. They weren’t too far from the city itself anymore but driving in during the night wasn’t necessarily the smartest idea. Being in an unknown, hardly assessable territory during the dark was risky. So staying outside for the night was the smartest move. So everyone agreed.

Getting ready for the night was done fast. Everyone had a small snack, something to drink and they settled down in their seats. It still wasn’t any more comfortable than the previous nights but for now their choices were limited. It took Clarke some time to fall asleep in her position but at some point exhaustion won the better of her and she couldn’t keep her eyes open much longer. She fell into a dreamless sleep until a hand started shaking her shoulder gently.

“Clarke… hey… Clarke…”

She jerked awake, blinking and finding Finn looking at her. It was still dark outside and she frowned when he placed a finger over his lips, signaling her to be quiet.

“What is it?” She mouthed. He pointed at the door and opened it before slipping outside. Clarke sighed but after making sure Bellamy next to her was still asleep, just like Monty and Jasper on the backseat, she followed him as quietly as possible. A warm late April breeze brushed past time but Clarke still shivered a little.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, determined to return to the car as fast as possible and go back to sleep.

Finn was grinning at her though and offered her his hand. “Let me show you something?”

She sighed. “Finn, it’s the middle of the night. We should be sleeping! We need to be awake and alert tomorrow.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re all wrong. First of all, it’s almost morning. And second of all, you need to relax a little. I know you’re always serious but for once, let’s just… pretend we could be average, normal teenagers, like we don’t have to fight for our survival and our future is doomed?” He put on his irresistible look, which she had seen him doing quite a few times.

This time she gave in with a slight groan. “God, fine. You’re unbelievable.”

He laughed as she took his hand. “You’re not going to regret this. Trust me!”

“We’ll see about that.” She teased. She was pretty sure she wouldn’t exactly regret it. Even if whatever Finn wanted to show her would be boring, spending time with him was nothing she didn’t like doing, opposed to what Bellamy thought about it. He guided her through the trees of the small forest they had parked next to. It had provided them with just enough shelter without giving possible attackers too much of a hiding place.

Finn led her on top of a small hill where he stopped to look back at her. She raised an eyebrow and he pointed skywards. “The view out here is unbelievably clear.”

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh. “Really? You took me here for stargazing?”

“What?” He asked, almost seeming a little insulted at her laughing. “It’s romantic.”

She snorted. “It’s cliché, Finn. Besides, I have already spent quite some time looking at the stars.” Granted, he couldn’t have known about how often she had gone outside in a life before this one with her Dad. The only one who knew about this was Bellamy.

He looked at her for a moment before stepping closer and putting an arm around her shoulders. “Even better. Because I am clueless when it comes to star signs. You can show me some then!”

She looked at him but his eyes were directed at the sky. She couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. Had he actually just woke her up and taken her all the way here to look at the sky with her? He was right, that was kind of romantic if one could believe in what all the books and movies were telling you but why did he want it to be romantic between the two of them? It didn’t have to be! It shouldn’t be even! Sure, now that the whole pregnancy situation was out of the way she knew there would be no strings attached between Bellamy and her and Finn definitely knew how to charm her and make her all flustered but was that what she wanted? She liked him and, as he had told her, he liked her. But could it be enough?

“I’m waiting.” Finn grinned, looking back at her.

She cleared her throat, a little embarrassed before hastily checking out the night sky. Maybe she shouldn’t spent too much time thinking about this whole situation and just let it unfurl for itself. That would probably be best. “There is… the classical, the big dipper and the little one.” She pointed towards the direction of them.

Finn squinted. “Where?”

“There are like four stars making up a square, and three more, forming a line right over there.”

It took Finn another moment but his face light up when he spotted what Clarke was pointing at. “You’re right, I see it.”

She smiled a little. “Okay, well then there is Cassiopeia.” She moved her finger a little to the right, pointing at the constellation she was all too familiar with.

“What does she look like?” Finn asked.

“She is made up of five stars, the kind of zig zag line over there.” He leaned his head to the side and Clarke laughed.

“You don’t see it, do you?”

“Honestly?” He grinned sheepishly. “No.”

“Okay, wait.” Carefully she put her hand to his cheek and moved his head a little more to the right and up. “The bright stars there. You can’t miss them.”

Finn still looked lost and they both started laughing. “Okay, whatever. Mhm…” Deliberating she looked around. What else could she show him? “Oh right!” She suddenly exclaimed. “Do you see Pegasus? It’s the huge constellation right there!” She took his hand without thinking and pointed it towards the stars making up the winged horse’s sign. “It used to be my favorite one whenever I was outside at night with my Dad.”

“I think I see it!” Finn confirmed even though his eyes were focused on her again and not on the sky anymore. “Your Dad must be a real cool guy if he went outside with you all the time to look at the constellations with you.”

Clarke could feel her throat tightening as memories of her younger self, sitting on the ground in the woods, her Dad next to her, an arm put around her shoulders, tucked deeply into his side and stories about ancient creatures and heroes in the air. It wasn’t fair. Why on earth did he have to die? “Was.” She therefore simply corrected Finn.

He stopped. “What?”

“He was a cool guy.” She whispered and he bit his lip. “Oh… Clarke, I’m sorry… I should have…”

“No.” She interrupted him. “It’s fine. It’s not your fault.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, his voice careful.

Immediately she shook her head. Talking about it would require her thinking about it and she really wasn’t in the mood for something that depressing.

“Okay…” He seemed to have sensed how touchy Clarke was concerning the topic of her Dad since for the first time since they had met he actually shut up and let her have some time. She was grateful for that. For a second she needed to close her eyes, trying to repress all the memories, all the images and sounds, scents and feelings that dared to surface again. The whole thing with her Dad would probably be something she would never get completely over and maybe that was okay. Maybe that was even the way it was supposed to be. She had killed him, even if it was mercy killing and what he would have wanted and the right thing to do. She killed him and now she got to live with that. And somehow she had to figure out how to do that exactly. It wasn’t going to be easy and she didn’t expect it to be but she had to start somewhere.

When she opened her eyes again, she had to realize that Finn had been right about the time of day. The sky was losing its dark shade, the stars starting to disappear and a red morning shimmer could be seen at the horizon.

“The sun is rising…” She whispered.

Finn nodded slowly. “Yeah, that is the other thing I wanted to show you. The sunrise can actually be quite beautiful if you just pay enough attention to it.”

She smiled a little. She kind of would not have expected Finn to be that kind of guy who could enjoy things like stars and constellations and sunrises. She had looked at him like the kind of guy who liked cars and rock bands and big cities. Maybe she had been all wrong. He liked the little things just like her.

“I always liked the way the sky looked when it was changing color.” She added.

“Yeah, it has something… breathtaking to it, doesn’t it?” He asked. “It makes you feel really small and realize how big this whole world is. It’s fascinating.”

She looked at him, almost surprised. Now he had managed to totally take her off guard. Never in a million years would she have expected Finn Collins to say words like that.

“What?” He asked, laughing a little.

“Nothing.” She shook her head, laughing too but stopped herself to turn around. “Do you hear that?” She breathed. She could hardly believe her own ears.

“Birds singing.” His face mimicked her wonder. The last time she had heard real birds singing in the morning was forever ago. Even before the apocalypse happened and the Walkers had either driven away the animals or killed them, New York City wasn’t really the country side, to put it nicely. There were no birds singing to wake up to.

“This is impossible…” She whispered and he laughed again, carefree, almost happy, it made him look a lot younger. She smiled at that again and suddenly his arms were wrapped around her and he pulled her into a hug. She returned it without hesitation. In that moment it just felt right. Everything just felt so perfect and in place. With the sunrise, the colorful play of the skies, the birds singing, the peaceful nature around them. Clarke knew that she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else in that moment. When Finn pulled back to look at her again, his grin still hadn’t left his face, just like she was still smiling. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had been smiling this long and this honestly.

As they stood there, just looking at each other, a sudden though struck her. Was he going to kiss her? His eyes travelled towards her lips. She didn’t move. Did she want him to kiss her? Was that how it was going to be now? A million thoughts, a million questions were racing through her mind, as she waited for him to do anything. It was either let her go or make the move now. It felt like there was no other option for them at that moment.

“Hey, I hate to interrupt whatever is going on here but I think we have a problem.” Bellamy’s voice cut through the air like a knife and Clarke could feel her whole body tensing.

Finn kept his arms around her as he turned to look at the other man. “What kind of problem? So important that you couldn’t wait for us to come back on our own?” He sounded annoyed and irritated.

Bellamy raised an eyebrow and Clarke almost expected him to start arguing because that was exactly their kind of thing but his answer was simply. “The car might be broken, so yes, I’d say it’s kind of important.”

Finn groaned as Clarke pushed him off of her to get closer to Bellamy. “What? How is that possible?”

Bellamy’s eyes were critical, shoving back and forth between her and Finn. She could almost feel him disliking what he had just witnessed. “Well, while you two were out, having fun, doing whatever, we already worked on it. It’s probably the car’s battery that needs recharging.”

“The next city isn’t too far.” Finn threw in who obviously had realized that glaring at Bellamy wasn’t getting them any further right now. “It shouldn’t be over a five hour walk.”

Bellamy nodded in agreement. “I had the same calculations. I think it’s our best shot to go there and try to find help in whatever form.”

“I agree.” Finn said. “A car, a person, a new battery, whatever.”

“Yes.”

Clarke could hardly believe it. Were these two actually agreeing on something for once? Miracles did happened, as it seemed. “Great.” Clarke said, not wanting to give them a chance to destroy their new found agreement. “I say, let’s get back to the car then and get everything ready.”

The blonde girl was eternally grateful that it took them only about fifteen minutes to get back to their parking spot because she couldn’t remember anything ever being more awkward. Walking through the forest in utter silence with Bellamy on her one side and Finn on the other was just cringe worthy, both of them looking annoyed and despite their agreement on how to handle the situation, still with a great mutual dislike.

When they broke through the tree line, Monty and Jasper were already awaiting them. Apparently they had come to the same conclusion as the three of them did.

“I think two of us should stay back.” Clarke suddenly said. During their silent walk back, she had come to the realization that it had been far too long since the thing at the gas station happened and Bellamy was still brooding. She needed to talk to him in private. Being alone with him was so rare that she wanted to use this opportunity because the others didn’t need to know. Besides, she still also hadn’t talked to him about what Peter had told her about her mother and the apparent cure there was. Before she told Finn, Jasper and Monty, she wanted to check in with Bellamy first. It just felt right that way. “I mean, if someone comes along while we’re gone and finds the car, they might just take it.”

“How?” Jasper asked. “It doesn’t start.”

Good point. “Well, fine but there is still a lot of supplies in the trunk. We can’t take it all with us and I’m sure whoever comes along won’t just leave weeks’ worth of food and water behind.”

“That’s true.” Finn agreed. “Who is staying then?”

“I am.” She answered. “I have to sort out some of the medical supplies and arrange them, just in case anyways.”

“Okay, do you want me to stay with you then?” Finn asked.

Clarke shook her head hastily. “No, you should go. As you mentioned before, you’re very good at tracking and orientating yourself, so you will be more helpful down in the city so you’ll find your way around. Monty, Jasper, you go with him. Bellamy and I stay here.”

For a moment they all just looked at her. “No.” Bellamy finally said. “I want to go too. Monty can stay with you.”

Of course, avoidance. That was so like him. But she wouldn’t just let him get away with that. “No, you have to stay because in case whoever might find us and the car up here, we will need a professional shot and someone who knows how to combat fight!” She looked at Monty, realizing her own words. “No offense but…”

“No, I get it.” He didn’t really look hurt but she still felt bad. The way everyone, especially Finn, was eyeing her, told her that they had easily looked through her. Her reasoning wasn’t totally transparent but it was weak, even she had to admit that.

“Fine.” Bellamy finally agreed through gritted teeth when no one kept arguing. “We stay here, you go.”

“Take some food and water!” Clarke said, glad no one else questioned her. After the boys had packed up and while Bellamy was still handing Monty and Jasper their guns, Finn took Clarke’s arm to pull her to the side. “What is your plan?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why do you want to stay here with Bellamy so badly?”

She sighed. “I… I need to talk to him.”

Finn raised an eyebrow. “About what? You can talk to him all the time. Why do we need to be gone?” His suspicion towards Bellamy was really bugging her.

“That’s between him and me, Finn.”

The boy made a face but luckily didn’t push any further. “Fine. Just one thing, Clarke.” He leaned a little closer to her and murmured: “Don’t forget I was the one who showed you that rad sunrise this morning and he was the one interrupting us, okay?” He grinned a little and for a second she was almost scared he would do what he had wanted to do this morning obviously and kiss her goodbye but he turned around and joined the other two. “We’ll be back as soon as possible.”

She nodded, still a little flustered. “And we’ll make sure no one takes what is ours.”

Bellamy and Clarke watched the three of them march off before he turned around to look at her. “You can get straight to the point but I can almost already assure, I won’t be interested.”

She swallowed. Had she really been this obvious? God damn it. But it wasn’t like she couldn’t play games too. Besides, if their calculations were correct, they would have at least six to seven hours all to themselves up here. So she could let him wait some time. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” She turned on her heel and headed for the trunk. “I have supplies to arrange and I strongly believe you should be on the lookout for whoever might find their way crossing ours.”

 

As it turned out, organizing the pills, bandages and ointments was more than overdue. Since they had left the hospital, Clarke didn’t really spent time thinking about what exactly they had gathered and it was all scattered around in the first aid kit. In case of an emergency she would have had to look through all the stuff, to find what she needed. When she was done and at least somewhat satisfied with the result, she was sure almost a whole hour had already passed. And her stomach started growling. So she grabbed two protein bars, some bread and a water bottle before making her way around the car. Bellamy was leaning against the hood, his stare set off into the distance.

“Hey.” She called, trying not to startle him.

He turned around, blinking and she was sure she had interrupted his thoughts. “Hey.” He still greeted.

She stopped next to him and handed him a protein bar and some bread. “I thought you might be hungry.”

“Yeah, actually. Thanks.” She smiled a little and they started eating.

“Anything interesting to look at?” She asked, trying to keep the conversation light for as long as possible.

“Not really. Trees and trees and more trees over there.” He returned. “And the beautiful skyline of Evansville, of course.” He pointed towards the direction the others had disappeared towards earlier.

She cracked a half grin. “Sounds great.”

“Totally.” He nodded while ripping open the paper of his protein bar. “What about you? Much progress with the new order?”

“Yes, I’m done.”

“Nice work. So, time for our talk now?” One of his eyebrows was raised as he bit into his bar.

Clarke stopped. Of course she hadn’t been able to fool him. It was way too easy for him to look right through her. What did it matter now anyways? “Yes, I guess.”

“Okay. I’m listening?”

She didn’t really know where to start. None of the things she wanted to address were topics she particularly enjoyed. Finally she settled on the least hard one, starting easy would probably help. “It seems like you have been right.”

 At these words he actually grinned. “I am quite often. So what case exactly are you referring to?”

“About my mother. She wasn’t killed when the first wave of the outbreak hit us. Peter said so!”

Even though she noticed him flinch a little when she used the boy’s name, the grin didn’t fade entirely. “Told you, didn’t I? You shouldn’t have given up hope so easily.”

“Maybe I will really find her. Maybe she’ll be at that place with Octavia together. That would be… just wow.”

He nodded a little. “Yes, maybe we are both going to be lucky.”

“I really hope so.”

“I’m glad we found out about that.” He continued after a moment of silent chewing.

“Me too. And I’m glad you made me have hope again.”

“Right back at you, Princess.”

She smiled a little. This nickname had really grown from something he used to tease her to a gentle, comforting, almost complementing tone. “And there is something else he told me!” Clarke suddenly remember. Something that wasn’t all that bad at all. Bellamy looked at her, waiting for her to continue. Her wide grin was obviously confusing him. “There is cure and my Mom has it!”

Bellamy’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What? How do you know? What did he say?”

“As you know, he asked me to save his friend’s life and as he was telling me about my mother, he said, that he wanted me to cure Alexander just like my Mom had done for him! And I have seen his scar and it’s just crazy! I mean, he couldn’t tell me how it worked but apparently it did! He stayed human!”

Bellamy shook his head. “This is impossible.”

“Trust me.” Clarke agreed. “If I had not seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it either.”

He pulled his hair. “That is awesome!”

“I know, right? It means, this can all end someday without all of us dead.”

“That sounds calming actually.” He agreed and she chuckled.

“Couldn’t have said it better.”

They were silent for the next moment while Bellamy finished his bread and reached for the water bottle. Now there were only unpleasant topics left. She bit her lip and studied his face for another second before she simply started. “I never really said thank you, did I? For saving my life in there.”

He shrugged. The happiness immediately gone, like someone had blown out a candle and the light had disappeared. “The others helped.”

“I bet they did but you were the only one who came inside and stopped Peter from hurting me.”

A bitter expression crossed his face. “Yes, by killing him…”

“You know you can’t keep beating yourself up about this, right?”

He snorted. “I’m a monster… I saw the light leave his eyes and I… I just left him there to die…” His voice was hoarse again, cracked and only now did Clarke see how much damage pulling that trigger had done to him.

“You’re not a monster, Bellamy. You kept me alive and Jasper and Monty, you raised your sister, I saw the way Gina talked about you, the way these people were so happy to have you back. You’re not a bad person, Bellamy.”

He looked at her, his eyes almost screaming and it broke her heart. “It’s because they haven’t seen my dark side like that… I took someone’s life! I am a murderer! A monster!”

“Is that how you see me?” The question was out before she could stop herself. But maybe turning the situation around was the only way to make him see he wasn’t half as bad as he thought. “I killed my own father and you told me not to blame myself.”

“Because that was different.” His answer came fast, he didn’t even need to think about it and it made her heart ache even more. “He was already turned. There was no way of saving him. While… he was human. He even survived being bitten just so I could shoot him later…”

Clarke bit her lip and then she just took his hand. She felt like she wouldn’t be able to talk him out of blaming himself. But maybe she could make it at least a little more bearable for him. Just like he had done for her. Without him she wouldn’t know how she would be feeling right now. “Killing is not supposed to be easy, Bellamy. This reaction just proves how human you are. I’d be more worried if you had just forgotten about it already…” She tried this time. Because this was truer than anything else. Taking a life happened so fast, in books, in movies, in fiction, it seemed like ending someone’s existence could be done just like that. It wasn’t hard. Anyone could practically do it. But what these stories kept quiet about were the demons haunting you afterwards, the fear and the panic, eating away at you. The burden on your shoulders and the thoughts of the person’s beloved ones, mourning because of what you did. No, the act of taking a life should never be easy.

“I wish I could…” He still whispered. He reminded her of a little boy in that moment and she felt the overwhelming need to wrap her arms around him and to protect him.

“Hey… Look at it that way, he wouldn’t have hesitated to kill us… You saved my life, Bellamy… Without you, I wouldn’t be here anymore.”

“I know. And I know I’d do it again and again, if I had to. But how do I justify that? Why do I get to live and he doesn’t? Who decides that I deserve to survive while he didn’t?”

Clarke swallowed hard. “I don’t think this is about deserving to survive. You simply do or you don’t. Our only justification will always be saving each other. It’s all we have.”

“It’s back to survival of the fittest.” Bellamy said, a bitter note to his voice.

“For now, it is.“

He nodded and Clarke squeezed his hand a little. “Bellamy, the things we’ve done to survive, they don’t define us.”

At these words, he even managed to give her a weak smile as he remembered how he had told her something quite similar some time back. “That sounds smart. Where did you get that from?”

She was glad he was the one turning the conversation back into a little lighter direction. “Oh, just some really nerdy guy I once talked to.”

He snorted. “Nerdy? Seriously?”

She shrugged laughing. “What? He can’t deny it.”

“Oh, but maybe he will.”

“That would be an argument already lost.” He rolled his eyes but let her have this one.

They stayed like that for a few more seconds, leaning against the hood, their fingers intertwined and just relaxed. Until Clarke suddenly tensed a little again. There was one last thing. It almost felt stupid now after what they had already discussed but she still didn’t want it to go unnoticed. “One more thing, even though it feels pretty dumb now, about what you saw this morning with Finn and me. We…”

“Okay, I’ll stop you right there.” He let go of her hand to raise it and she hesitated, uneasiness creeping back up on her as she could also see the tension return into his muscles. “I don’t care what’s going on between you. If you like him, then that’s up to you. He wouldn’t be my first choice, if I had a say in who you should date but since I don’t, it doesn’t matter. And I don’t want to talk about it.”

Okay, this answer just confused her more and made her want to ask even more questions. Before Clarke got to ask who he would rather see her with then though, car sounds could be heard and they both tensed even more.

“It’s way too soon for the others to return…” Clarke murmured.

Bellamy nodded, grabbing his gun before pointing at the car. “Get inside. I’ll take care of it.”

“Bellamy!” She warned. They had agreed on handling things together and that wasn’t going to change again now.

“What?!” He shot back, irritated.

“I’m not hiding!”

He cursed but knew they had no time to finish that argument since a black SUV was already pulling up right in front of them.


	20. There is a shining in the Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what to say about last night's epsiode. I'm really hoping for Bellamy and Clarke to finally get a grip in the last two epsiode which I will luckily finally be able to watch live on CW during my vacation! Wuhu! *-*
> 
> Speaking of which, this will unfortunately the last chapter before my depature. I will be back on June 2nd tho and that's a promise! I hope you will still be reading this story then and not abondon Clarke and Bellamy!
> 
> Also, thank you for the last reviews! As always, they made me really happy!
> 
> I hope you have good two and a half weeks and stay safe! xoxo

Ignoring Clarke’s protest, Bellamy stepped in front of her when the car slowed down and came to a stop just a few feet away. The windows were darkened and the sun was blinding so it was impossible for either of them to see who was sitting inside. Another tensed, silent moment passed before the car door on the passenger’s side opened and Finn jumped out. “Guys, I think we have found a solution!”

Bellamy growled a little while relaxing and stepping aside. “You couldn’t have made your reappearance any more dramatic, could you?”

Finn just rolled his eyes but before he could answer, a dark skinned woman with short hair rolled down the window on the driver’s site, sticking her head out. “I heard someone called for a mechanic?”

Clarke who was glad for the opportunity to avoid another showdown between the two boys, nodded. “Yes! That would be awesome! We have a problem with our car.”

“Yes, Finn here already told me all about it. I’ll tow you down to the city. I have a friend down there and we’ll take care of it.”

“Perfect. That’s so nice. Thank you.”

The woman nodded. “Close the door boy.” She ordered towards Finn before she started the engine again to back up against their car so she could attach them to one another.

“Monty.” Bellamy knocked against the window while the woman was working.

He opened the door.

“You ride with Clarke and me.” He ordered. “Jasper, Finn, you stay with her.”

At these words, she raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Most people were used to this amount of distrust now, not taking it personally anymore. As soon as everyone was seated back into the right cars, they took off. “Can we trust her?” Bellamy fixed Monty in the rear view mirror.

The boy shrugged a little. “I think so.”

Bellamy frowned, looking at Clarke to ask her for her opinion. She sighed. “I say we take our chances. I mean, what other choice do we really have?”

Bellamy nodded slowly. “How did you find her?” He asked.

“We were halfway down this hill already when her car showed up. She introduced herself as Nigel and asked us what we were doing, Finn explained it and she offered her help.”

Bellamy narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know. We need a mechanic and all of a sudden one shows up and knows exactly how to help us?”

“It sounds a little strange…” Clarke agreed.

“Or maybe this time we really were just lucky.” Monty threw in. “I mean, I don’t know, but sometimes coincidences like this happen.”

Bellamy still didn’t look too convinced and Clarke had to admit that she also didn’t have the best feeling about this. But their options were limited right now and if they didn’t accept Nigel’s help, who knew how long it would take them to get the car running again or if they would even manage it at all.

“I just think it’s weird she doesn’t want anything in return.” The youngest one remarked.

Clarke sighed. “Just because she didn’t say anything about payment yet doesn’t mean she won’t ask for something once they’re done with the car.”

Monty looked like he hadn’t considered that possibility yet. Bellamy nodded. “Yes, I doubt she will do it for free. So, what do we do?”

Clarke bit her lip. Granted Nigel’s appearance just at the right time seemed a little sketchy and off but without their car they had no way of getting around, it would slow them down immensely. “I’ll stick with my opinion. We take our chances.”

Monty nodded slowly. “I guess, what else can we do?”

Bellamy took a deep breath. “Yeah, I agree with you. In case she’ll start causing trouble, we’re still five on one or two, if her friend is loyal. It shouldn’t be too hard.”

It was settled. Despite their situation, Clarke couldn’t help but feel a little relief. Bellamy had actually taken things back under his control again. He had given orders and taken care of things, the way she had wanted him to and that made her feel at least a little bit optimistic.

 

Approximately two hours later, they stopped in front of a big red house. While they all got out, Nigel called: “Little bird, I have a surprise for you!”

Clarke frowned at these words, unsure what they could indicate when the front door opened. A young woman stood there, with bronze skin, dark long hair that were pulled back into a pony tail and a red bomber jacket. She appeared to be their age, looking each one of them up and down, a sassy, fiery look on her face. Until her eyes found Finn. They widened and she gasped for air, almost disbelievingly. Finn wore a matching surprised but happy expression.

“Raven?” He asked and the girl let out a quirk before sprinting down the steps leading up to the house and jumped into his arms. He hugged her tightly, swaying backwards a few steps of the force of Raven’s whole body.

“Finn!” They parted slightly, just enough to be able to look at each other before she leaned in and kissed him. He returned the kiss passionately. Clarke couldn’t help but suck the air in abruptly. _What the hell?!_ Bellamy turned to look at her at the sound, a torn expression on his face. It was something between pity and I told you so. He reached for her arm but she pulled it away and shook her head slightly. No, she was not going to give Finn the satisfaction of knowing that this image hurt her for some reason. She felt betrayed, cheated on. He had been flirting with her this whole time, even wanted to kiss her just today even though he was taken? When they parted their lips after what seemed like forever, Nigel chuckled. “I thought his face seemed somewhat familiar.”

Finn looked questioningly at her. “I have seen pictures of you, kid.” She clarified and Finn smirked.

“So, who are your friends?” Raven finally asked, looking at the other four who were standing around looking rather lost.

“Uhm…” Finn turned around, blinking as if he had forgotten all about them up until now. When his gaze met Clarke’s, she found an unspoken apology in it but she didn’t react. She didn’t want any apologies. “These are Monty and Jasper.” He pointed at the two boys who waved at her shortly. “And these are Clarke and Bellamy.” He continued, pointing at the other two.

Raven gave them a short smile. “Hey.” After her reunion with Finn, her sassiness seemed to be gone and be replaced with something much softer. “This is crazy. How did you find me?” She asked, looking back at Finn.

“Well, actually, it was more of an accident. Our car broke down and that’s when Nigel showed up and brought us here.”

Raven grinned a little. “I’d say it’s fate but you know how much I hate this romantic bullshit.”

Finn laughed a little. “How could I forget? Don’t cry, get shit done.”

“Exactly. So, what’s wrong with your car?”

“We think it could be the battery.”

“Oh okay, yeah, that shouldn’t be too hard. Let’s get them in the garage so I can work on it.”

Nigel cleared her throat a little.

“Sorry, so we can work on it.” Raven corrected herself, rolling her eyes at Finn to express how much she didn’t want to work with the older woman.

“I’ll need a hand then.” Nigel said, climbing back into the car.

“Monty, Jasper.” Bellamy nodded towards their vehicle and the boys obeyed without any protest. Even though Clarke didn’t want to admit it, she was glad Bellamy decided to stay with her right now.

“Okay, come on.” Raven took Finn’s hand and guided them inside the house. It was big, probably enough space to host at least seven people. She led them into the living room. It looked like there had once been a big façade made of glass so the owners could look out into the garden but Raven had adjusted it with metal. For protective reasons Clarke guessed. There was a fire place and a TV, a large sofa which looked more than inviting and the girl was tempted to just throw herself on it and relax a little.

“This is huge.” Finn commented and Raven laughed. “Welcome to the life of rich, pretty, dead people. It’s all ours now.” She winked at him and pointed towards a door. “The kitchen is right there. We have a second living room and a bathroom down here, as well as two bed rooms. Then there is a door leading right to the garage from the hallway. Upstairs you’ll find two more bathrooms and three bedrooms, as well as some play room or whatever for the kids that once used to live here.”

“And this is all just for you and Nigel?” Clarke asked, quite impressed by the whole scenery. Living here had to be paradise. Everything was held in bright, warm, welcoming colors, the technology seemed to be up to date and from the looks of it, Raven wasn’t starving and looked clean and neat, opposed to them, all sweaty, with greasy hair and dirt all over them. No wonder Finn had been so happy to see Raven, on second thoughts.

“Nope, Nigel lives four houses down the street, luckily. This is all just for me.”

“What’s wrong with Nigel?” Clarke asked.

Raven sighed. “She is alright but… you know, she is complicated and a little bitter… She wouldn’t be my first choice in company but the options are limited.”

“How did you end up here with her?” Finn asked.

The girl smiled a little. “Do you know what city is really close by?”

Finn stopped for a moment to think. “Columbus?”

“Exactly. Where we used to go to College. So I was actually heading right there because I hoped to find you…”

Finn smiled at these words, reaching for her hand and Clarke swallowed. If Raven only knew how little Finn had cared about her over the last week.

“When I got here, I met Nigel. She was responsible for my internship at [some mechanical stuff] in our hometown. She was alone and she offered me to stay here. At first I was suspicious but it was actually pretty smart. We work well together and she assured me that I’d find out if you ever came close by due to her patrioulles and the location of the city and this suburb. Our survival chances were higher when we stayed together insetad of both of us being alone so I agreed… She hasn’t change much since my internship though. She is still really hard to get by.” The girl rolled her eyes.

Clarke nodded at her story, her eyes fixed on their surroundings again though so she could avoid looking at the two love birds. “The house is pretty impressive indeed. I guess that’s what makes it worth it dealing with her every now and then.” She had already had a weird feeling about the older woman and Raven confirmed it. Maybe they shouldn’t trust Nigel too easily.

Raven laughed again. “It’s true, everything here is really nice. We are safe and no one can get in thanks to my newest invention. It’s like a high class security system and it covers the whole street so we never have had any uninvited guests we didn’t know about. The Walker’s rate is pretty slime here anyways but yeah, you get the idea.” She grinned and Clarke didn’t have a hard time understanding what Finn found appealing about her. She was smart and pretty and enthusiastic and nice. A rare combination.

“So do you need anything?” Raven asked, looking from Finn to Clarke and Bellamy and back. “There will be food soon, so anything else?”

They were just shaking their heads when Monty walked in. “Bellamy? We need you for the car real quick.”

“Okay, I’m coming.” He looked at Clarke, the unspoken question if she wanted to come along in his eyes but she shook her head. She didn’t want it to be too obvious. It was already bad enough that Bellamy knew. He nodded shortly before turning around and following Monty.

Maybe her distraction crush from Bellamy on Finn had been more than she had anticipated. She always thought it would be easy to just get over it as soon as she wanted to, which would mean as soon as she could be sure she wouldn’t fall right back to Bellamy. Maybe there had been a little more though. The feeling she got when she saw him with Raven together equaled a certain tightness around her chest. Like it wasn’t already bad enough that seeing them together made her feel anything at all.

“I think I should take a look at your car too.” Raven commented. “See if I can do anything.”

“Okay, should Clarke and I take care of food then?” Finn asked.

The prospect of being alone with Finn right now seemed even worse than being alone with Finn and Raven so Clarke reacted fast. “Actually, I’d like to take a shower, if that was possible?”

“Sure.” Raven smiled. “Upstairs, second room on the right. There is a drawer there too, filled with clothes. If you want to, you can take whatever is in there and what fits you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Well, Finn, I guess this means you’re responsible for meal all on your own, have fun.” She winked at him but he grabbed her waist, pulling her back into his side. At that Clarke turned away, heading for the stairs. Seeing Finn and Raven be all lovey dovey was nothing that she wanted to witness in particular right now.

Food still wasn’t served until the sun was starting to set again. It took them more time than they had anticipated to fix the car since they found some more things they wanted to take care of with complicated technical terms which Clarke couldn’t remember. Jasper and Finn had finally decided to take care of their meal together and were just serving a large pot filled with fries, one with Ravioli and some sauce that Jasper claimed was his secret recipe. Clarke couldn’t quite stop herself from laughing. That sounded just like him.

She set the table, Monty helping her. Just when they were about done, Finn and Raven entered, Bellamy followed only a few seconds later and she was glad he took the seat next to her, therefore stopping Finn from moving there, and Nigel was the last one. Each one of them had taken a shower and their stomachs were growling empty.

“I hope it will taste better than it looks.” Nigel commented as she started shoveling food on her plate and Clarke couldn’t suppress a slight chuckle. When she finally put the first fork filled with food into her mouth, all her troubles seemed forgotten. After weeks of protein bars, dry bread and whatever disgusting canned food they could find every once in a while, simple fries and Ravioli with sauce tasted like heaven to her. She closed her eyes for a second. “Wow, this is really good.”

The others around the table agreed in a humming noise and the two cooks grinned. “Thanks.”

“Well, now that we are all gathered here, you kids could tell us your story.” Nigel remarked. “How did you end up with that one?” She nodded towards Finn. “And then end up in a hell hole like this?”

“It was more of an accident, really.” Clarke answered. “We’re actually on our way to the east coast.”

“What?” Raven interrupted. “But you are going to stay, aren’t you?”

Bellamy shook his head. “I can’t.”

Finn shrugged a little. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

Raven raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Yes, Finn? What is that supposed to mean? You can stay here, really. We don’t mind, we can go on without you.” Bellamy said.

He shot a glance towards Clarke. “I mean, we could stay for at least few days.”

Raven wasn’t stupid, as Clarke had noted before. Of course she had noticed where her boyfriend’s eyes had wandered. She cleared her throat. “We’ll talk about it.” She touched Bellamy’s arm to make him calm down. There was no reason for them to start another argument right at the table with everyone watching them.

Nigel was looking back and forth between them. It would have been hard for anyone to miss the obvious tension between the two boys and with Clarke and Raven next to them, the room for interpretation was huge. Clarke just hoped the old woman wouldn’t be too interested in some teenager drama.

“What do you hope to find around the east coast?” She asked, changing topics to Clarke’s great relief.

“We talked to a group of girls the other day.” Monty explained. “They told us about some safe place up there and we hope to find some of our family and friends there.”

Nigel raised her eyebrow at that. “A safe place? You’re not talking about Mount Weather by any chance?”

They all shrugged. “They couldn’t tell us the name.” Jasper added. “There didn’t give us too many information but it was enough to go by.”

Nigel nodded slowly but Clarke disliked the way she looked now. “Why are you asking? What do you know about Mount Weather?”

“Oh. Not much, just some rumors. You know how the people are talking.”

“Well, what are they saying?” Bellamy asked, he seemed to have picked up on Nigel’s behavior too.

She dabbed her mouth with her napkin to buy some time before she said. “I have heard good things and bad things about that place. Which ones are true and which ones are fake though, is something I am not able to tell.” Now they were all looking at her expectantly and she sighed. “Well, I have heard the same things you just told. That it’s a safe place now, a government facility taking everyone in who isn’t infected and helps them, takes care of them and makes sure nothing happens. But… I have also heard of methods they use, experiments they do and stuff like that. Some said they would rather die out here than live with what’s going on in there.”

Clarke frowned. “You mean, they are experimenting on people to find a cure?”

“That’s what it sounded like, yes. But I cannot tell you what is true.”

Clarke shook her head a little. “But there already is a cure. We met someone who was bitten and didn’t turn. There was just a faint scar on his arm!”

Nigel snorted. “There is no cure, kid. If there was, do you really think the news wouldn’t travel fast?”

“No, there is no TV, no radio, no one to write newspapers anymore to give updates. How would the word come around?”

“Then tell me, how did you find out about Mount Weather even though you have never been there? How have I? How have these girls, huh? Word still travels fast and something like a cure wouldn’t stay a secret for long. This boy might just have been lucky. Or maybe he was lying to you. Teeth marks can also be left behind by an animal attack or anything like that.”

Clarke shook her head. “No, I don’t believe that. I have seen it.”

Nigel was quiet for a moment, just studying Clarke’s face. She gave her best to keep straight face, not letting any emotions on. If Peter had been lying, maybe what he had said about her mother was bullshit too then. But how else could he have recognized her? Or maybe he had just guessed. She had seen how desperate and angry the boy was. He probably would have done and said anything to save his friend. She swallowed.

“Why are you so sure that there is no cure?” Bellamy asked therefore.

“Well, because the eastern area, right where you are heading right now, kids, is dangerous. The Walkers there and up in the northern states have developed. They adapted to their prey and the way they have to live. They are different already from the first ones. It’s an evolutionary process that usually takes several centuries to happen. They are faster, smarter, and stronger. You should watch out when you’re up there.”

“How would you know?” Raven cut in. “We have been in this town for at least the last month.”

“I have my sources. You should know that better than anyone else, little bird.”

Raven raised one eyebrow, still looking doubtful.

“I don’t want to destroy your hopes.” Nigel continued. “But it looks like your scientist are exactly on the other side. Instead of creating a cure, the Walkers are developing.”

The topic of their conversation left a dark mood hovering in the room. The silence seemingly with a crushing weight pressing down on them. They finished eating in silence but it was harder now to enjoy the warm dinner.

“The car isn’t fully restored yet. The battery still needs charging and some other minor fixes should be made.” Raven said when she was finished with her food. “So, even if you don’t want to stay here any longer than necessary, I don’t think you really have a choice but to stay at least for one night.”

Bellamy sighed but nodded. Even with what the older woman had told them, Clarke’s mind was still set on continuing their way, with or without Finn. Even if she liked him a little too much for her own good, her loyalty still laid with Bellamy and that wouldn’t change. “Good. Then I’d say we get back to work tomorrow morning.” Nigel said while rising from her chair. “I’ll see you kids then.”

After she had left, the others started to clean up, wash the dishes and get ready for the night. Clarke had given her best to ignore Finn but it was hard to do so for Raven. She was such a nice and funny girl and Clarke felt even worse. Eve though nothing had ever really happened between her and Finn, she felt like the thought of it was already bad enough. Just looking at them was enough to see how much Raven loved him and he had been flirting with Clarke without even thinking of her once probably. When she announced that she wanted to go upstairs to sleep, Raven nodded. “Of course. Since Finn will be staying with me, each one of you can have their own. So just choose whichever room you want.”

“Thank you.” Clarke gave her one last smile before she said her goodnights to everybody around and headed for the stairs. Even though she couldn’t help it that she liked Raven, she had still had enough of her being with Finn for one night. Randomly she choose the room on the right side next to the bathroom and stepped inside.

It looked nice, just like the rest of the house. It was big and in bright colors but the wall made of glass was boarded up. The four poster bed that was standing in the middle of the room and taking up most of the space looked pretty comfortable. Clarke walked over and let herself sink on it. It felt as soft and pleasant as she had expected. Her original plan to look around the room and think about what the person who once used to live could have been like was crossed by her exhaustion.  Once she was lying flat down, she didn’t want to get up again. And since she saw no reason to fight to stay awake any longer, she simply let her eyes fall closed and wiggled out of her jeans.

Just when she was about to dose off, someone knocked on her door. Her eyes snapped open again. If this was Finn trying to talk to her about today and Raven, she really wasn’t in the mood. Maybe she should just pretend that she was already asleep. Finn didn’t owe her anything if she was totally honest and she would prefer it if he would just agree with her and leave her to be. Another knock. “Clarke?”

She sat up straight. This wasn’t Finn. It was Bellamy. “Come in!” She called out on instinct. She hadn’t expected him to show up but felt happy he did. It was reassuring. She knew she could rely on him.

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, frowning when he saw her in bed. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Well, kind of but not really. I was just relaxing.”

“Oh okay, do you… do you want me to come back later? Or tomorrow or whenever?”

“No! Stay. Come here.” She scooted over to make room for him.

He nodded, sitting down but stopped for a second when he realized her lack of clothing. When she realized that, she reached for the blanket to cover her legs, even though she thought it was kind of ridiculous, considering which parts of her he had already seen. “What did you want to talk about?” She asked, trying to shift the focus back on his reason for showing up in the first place.

He cleared his throat, his eyes traveling back up to her face. “Right, I found this in my room and I thought you might enjoy it.” He reached into his jacket pocket and handed her different kinds of crayons. She made big eyes. When was the last time she has had time to paint? Or rather had the opportunity to?

“No way… How did you know?” She asked while reaching for them.

He smiled a little at her excitement before he shrugged. “You mentioned it a few times.”

“This is actually really awesome! Thank you, Bellamy!”

“You’re welcome.” He answered. Without even thinking about the fact that she was still not wearing any pants, she got up and walked over to the desk to look for some sort of paper so she could use the pencils too.

“Your room is pretty big.” Bellamy commented, his eyes checking out the rest of their surroundings to keep them from fixing on Clarke. Next to the door a huge wardrobe could be found, the bed, the desk and a sitting area in front of the former window. Absentmindedly Clarke nodded. “I guess. Which room do you have? Is it small?”

“I got the one down the hall.” He answered. “Monty is staying up here with us while Jasper took the other room downstairs.”

Clarke nodded. “Okay.” She straighten up when she found a blank sheet. This would do. She returned to the bed, Bellamy’s eyes watching her and she grinned a little. This was one of the things she always enjoyed about his company. His eyes on her made her feel good about herself, powerful, confident. Hardly did she find any doubt or criticism in them. She settled back down next to him, taking in his features. She exactly knew what she wanted to draw. His face had always appealed to her artistic side, from the very first moment they met. His cheekbones, his freckles, his hair, his eyes. Drawing him would be a real pleasure. But what would he think? Did it seem weird? Creepy? She was unsure and apparently that was showing on her face because he raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

She shook her head a little. “Nothing, I just… How long do you want to stay here?”

He tensed a little at these words. “I need to leave as soon as possible. Even if what Nigel said is true, I can’t quit now. I have been thinking and I realized how right you were.” He sighed a little. “I can’t give up until I know for sure what happened to her.”

“Okay.”

“If you want to stay here, I understand.” He added after a beat.

She rolled her eyes. “When will you understand? I’ll stay with you, Bellamy. And that’s a promise.”

He smiled a crooked smile. “That’s nice but… what if Nigel is right and the Walkers up there are seriously killing machines? If something happened to you…”

“Bellamy!” She interrupted him. “Stop it! What if something happens to you? You need some back up. You can’t do this all on your own. I’m sure Monty and Jasper agree with me.”

He bit his lip. “What if Finn wants to stay here?”

Clarke swallowed. There it was again. His fear of her choosing someone else over him. He barely showed it but in moments like these Clarke saw it. She would never directly address it and she doubted he would, it was way too scary what this fear could mean. They would keep dancing around it. She took a deep breath and looked down on the blank sheet. “Then he will stay here.”

“And you won’t care?”

“It’s his choice.”

Bellamy nodded slowly. “Clarke… I… I just want you to know that he is an idiot. You know I disliked him before but now, he is just being stupid if he chooses her over you. You deserve someone better. Someone who always puts you first, the way it should be. You shouldn’t have to compete for someone’s love.”

She paused again. What was that now? Was he giving her the big brother speech he was so well practiced at because of Octavia? Was this a best friend giving her advice? Or was this a boy telling a girl how much he liked her without really saying it? Why was she being so stupid herself though? Crying over Finn when she had Bellamy? Bellamy who took her in without receiving anything in return. Bellamy who wanted to protect her. Bellamy who listened to her dark stories, saw her fucked up side, Bellamy who didn’t care. Bellamy who was there for her when she needed him. Bellamy who agreed to all her twisted wished. Bellamy who showed up just to bring her some crayons because he thought they might make her happy.

For a second her mind just stopped working and she pushed the sheet away to lean forward and press her lips onto his. And there it was. That feeling again. She could breathe again, feel again, live again. She found herself actually missing his taste. He returned the kiss and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Why was she running from him? What was she scared of? She didn’t really want to think anymore. After all, all of her sense were focused on the boy in front of her again. Just like last time, he consumed her. All she could hear, smell, see, feel, taste, was him. She felt on fire as his hands settled on her hips, one of them travelling further down over her naked leg, gently stroking her soft skin there.

When she wanted to climb on his lap, he stopped her though and she broke the kiss. They were both still trying to catch their breath as she leaned her forehead against his. “Bellamy…” She whispered. It was a question more than anything else. _Are you okay?_

His eyes were closed, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “I’m sorry…” He mumbled while he slowly backed away. “But I don’t want it to be like that…”

She still waited, not sure what he meant.

“I don’t want to be some rebound of spacewalker for you.”

She opened her eyes wide. “What? No! Bellamy, you are…”

He stopped her with a motion of his hand. “I know, I know. That’s not what it’s like. Maybe you don’t even know it yourself, Clarke. But deep down, right now, that’s all I will be for you if we do this now. I’m sorry. I hope you understand that is not how I want it to happen.”

Wow, so did that mean he wanted to sleep with her again too? Just not while she was still in the process of getting over Finn? Did that mean that this attraction she couldn’t deny wasn’t one sided? She didn’t really know what to say so she simply nodded. An awkward silence spread until he cleared his throat. “I should probably go back to my room… We should sleep and… and we need to be awake tomorrow.”

“Yeah, right, you’re right.”

“Okay.” He got up and walked towards the door where he stopped once again to look back at her. “Uhm… Good night.”

She smiled at him a little. “Good night. And thanks again, for the crayons. I really appreciate it.”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing. See you tomorrow.” He slipped out of the room and Clarke let herself fall back on the bed, releasing a breath she hadn’t even been aware of holding. God, how did Bellamy Blake mange to mess her up all this time so badly in a good way?


	21. Let's not give the game away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I'm back from NY and ready to start posting again! I gotta say even though my trip was pretty fun, I really missed this story and you guys! :)
> 
> Also, I just realized in the last chapter's A/N I said that I was going to start updating on June 2nd again even though I meant June 1st, so today, idk how I managed to mess that one up, haha.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you didn't forget about me and this story entirely during the horrible hiatus I put you through (which I will be forever sorry for ;D) and will keep reading what is going on with our faves. Enjoy this chapter :)

After a restless night and an exhausting day, Bellamy returned to the living room to find some food. This morning Nigel and Raven had told him that they needed at least one more day to fix their car. Apparently it hadn't been in the best condition when they got it and the way they had been driving around and using it, had not helped in any way. They couldn't do magic and he needed to stop hovering and pushing or it would just take even longer, to quote Raven. So he had decided to kill some time by looking around the area, practicing his fighting skills and making a trip to the local farm house which was surprisingly still intact to refill Raven and Nigel's fruit stock.

After what had happened the previous night, Bellamy had decided that putting some distance between himself and Clarke would be best for both of them. Especially since he had not been able to get the picture of her out of his head. The way she had walked around the room without any pants on had already been tempting him. And then when she leaned forward and kissed him all of his rational thinking had stopped working. What she could do to him was insane and he was completely helpless. The way his heart beat when she was so close to him was nothing he had ever felt before around any girl. His words afterwards could definitely have had her taking it in the wrong way. He sounded like some dumb founded love sick twelve year old who wanted his crush to love him for who he was and not simply take him because her crush didn't want her.

Dammit. It made him sound way too vulnerable. She already sensed and noticed too many of his emotions and it seemed to be way too easy for her to be able to look straight through his mask. Just like now, he was already spending too much time thinking about her again. Bellamy Blake didn't stay up late, thinking about a girl, he didn't go about his day with a girl always in the back of his mind. What the hell was wrong with him?

He shook his head while going through the shelves, looking for some snack he could eat before returning to his room to go to bed.

"Clarke! Wait!" Bellamy stopped. Finn's voice sounded from the hallway.

"I really don't have time to talk right now." Clarke answered, her steps coming towards the living room.

"Hey! Are you serious? It's almost ten at night and literally everyone is in their rooms. What is there that is so important that you can't spare me five minutes of your time?"

She groaned. "Okay, maybe I don't really want to talk to you right now."

"Listen, I'm sorry, I…"

"Spare me with the apology, Finn. We weren't committed to each other, nothing happened between us, so you don't owe me anything."

It wasn't like Bellamy to eavesdrop. He knew he shouldn't do it either. He should grab some food and then leave but the temptation was just too high. Maybe spacewalker would give him an acceptable excuse to punch him in the face now? If he hadn't dislike him before already, he would have started after what he did to Clarke.

"Please… I don't even want you to say anything, I just want you to listen to me…"

Clarke sighed but apparently gave in since after a few seconds of silence, he continued: "I honestly thought I would never see Raven again, okay? If I had had any idea that she was still alive, I would never have… You know?"

"What? Flirted with me? Tried to kiss me? Pretended to like me?"

"What? No! Clarke! I really like you! No lies, no secrets. And I know that if anything, I wouldn't regret anything with you…"

Bellamy had to fight to keep himself from making a gaging noise. What the hell was going on in this boy's head?

"Finn…"

"Hey…" He sounded softer now and Bellamy guessed he had stepped closer to her. "I don't know about you, Clarke, but I can't get you out of my head just like that."

"I'm sorry, Finn, but I can't."

"Why? Is it because of him?"

Bellamy tensed. It wasn't hard to imagine who spacewalker was referring to.

"What do you mean?" Clarke sounded reversed, careful almost. Bellamy didn't know what to think of that.

"I saw Bellamy leave your room last night."

"So?"

"So?! What is going on between you two now?"

"Why do you care?"

"I just… Just tell me, Clarke."

"It's none of your business, Finn."

"Bellamy is bad for you!"

That almost made Bellamy jump around the corner but he forced himself to stay calm and simply balled his fists. Who the hell did he think he was?!

"Oh really? That's funny coming from you!"

"Oh come one! You know him! He is unpredictable! He is impulsive, irresponsible, self-serving. He cares about no one but himself, he is…"

"Oh my God! Would you listen to yourself?! Shut up!" Clarke defended him. To be honest, he hadn't expected that but it made him feel good. It gave him a warm feeling and he grinned a little despite himself and the situation.

"I'm just trying to be a good friend."

"No. You know what you are being right now? A jealous boyfriend!"

"Clarke…" Finn started again but Bellamy had heard enough. He didn't want to wait any longer and leave Clarke in such a situation. Spacewalker was a pain in the ass and he prayed she was actually starting to realize and believe it now too. To make his presence known to the two arguing in the hallway, he made a point in opening the door and stepping outside. Both of them shut up immediately, jumping around. For a moment Bellamy's eyes locked with Finn's, a silent warning, or was it a threat, exchanged between them before Bellamy focused on Clarke. "There you are. I was looking for you."

"Yeah, I was just going to…" She trailed off, making a vague hand movement. "It's not important."

"Okay. Well, I actually need to talk to you in private, so if you're free…" He motioned towards the stairs and obvious relief showed on Clarke's face as she nodded. "Yeah, sure."

"Great." Bellamy moved to put a hand on her lower back before she looked at the other boy one more time. "Would you mind if we talk some other time?"

Even though the disapproval was clearly visible on his face, he shook his head. "No, of course not."

"Great. Let's go." Bellamy didn't remove his hand while he guided her upstairs and towards her room.

As soon as they were inside, Clarke let out a deep breath and fell face first onto her bed. "Thank you."

He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched her. "You're welcome."

She turned back around just to be able to look at him again. "Did you listen long?"

He shook his head instinctively. Surely Clarke wouldn't appreciate it if he was eavesdropping. "Just tuned in at the part of me being impulsive, irresponsible and self-serving." He was meaning to bring it across as a joke but he couldn't quite keep all the bitterness out of his voice.

Clarke sighed, sitting up straight. "Then you also heard that I disagreed. You are neither of these things."

He shrugged a little. "I don't really care what spacewalker thinks anyways."

She sighed but obviously decided to drop the topic which he was glad about as well. Talking about the other boy or his opinion of Bellamy or anything alike could never bring anything good. "So, was there actually something you wanted to talk to me about or were you literally just saving me?"

He paused to watch her. The images of her of the previous night were still something he couldn't get out of his head. He still had a very clear view of her dancing around him in her underwear, at least partially. The closeness between them was still lingering on every inch of his skin. He had left last night because he wasn't sure how strong he could have stayed if she had kept kissing him, and kept touching him, and started grinding on his lap. He bit his lip. Hell, as badly as he had tried to fight these feelings and desires, as badly had he failed. His fingers were twitching to touch her again. His ears wanted to hear her moan his name again. His lips wanted to taste hers against them again. He closed his eyes for a short moment. Was it really Clarke who was putting spacewalker in between them? Wasn't it rather himself who kept throwing stones in their way? Maybe for now all he could have with her were silent nights together and at daylight they would just go back to being friends, partners. He should take what he could get.

"Actually…" He started walking towards the bed again, his eyes never leaving her body. He wasn't sure where this was going right now or in general but for once, he wanted to stop thinking. He wanted things to not be complicated. He just wanted her. He dropped down on his knees in front of her, their eyes still locked. He couldn't keep the ghost of a grin of his face entirely at her expecting, almost careful eyes. She was probably as torn and scared as he was but sometimes the only way to get forward was to do the thing you were most scared of.

"There is something I wanted to do…" He whispered before leaning forward and kissing her. Without any hesitation she started returning the kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck. He grinned wider into the kiss. Tension he hadn't even been aware of holding fell of his shoulders as his hands found their way around her legs to push her up a little on further back onto the bed so he could fit on it too. Just like last time, once he started kissing her, he never wanted to stop. Or for that matter, ever kiss anyone else again. When he was with her, it just felt so different. It felt special and as cheesy and cliché as it sounded, he was glad it never worked out with anyone else before.

Their kisses grew more passionate, tongues involved and low moans every now and then. When he finally broke the kiss to get some air, he let his hand travel further down from her side to the button of her jeans. He wasn't sure how far Clarke was willing to go but he was ready to test the limits. While fumbling with the bottom, he let his head drop towards her neck to place kisses there, remembering just too well how she had reacted last time. Even though her breath quickened and she couldn't hide her enjoyment at all, her hands caught his at her pants.

"Wait…" She breathed and he stopped, looking up at her. "I thought you said…" She didn't finish the sentence but there was no need to. Both of them were still more than aware of his latest words.

"Screw what I said, Clarke. I want this. I want you. As long as that's what you want too… I don't want to waste any more time…"He admitted. He wasn't entirely sure what she wanted but he didn't want to have any regrets anymore. He wanted her and there was no reason to hide it. If she wasn't ready, he would accept it but he didn't want to be the reason they couldn't do this anymore. To his relief, a happy grin spread on her face and she nodded. "Of course, this is what I want."

She placed her hands at his cheeks and he leaned into them almost instantly. "I want you too." At these words he leaned forward again, their lips meeting and his hands continued their work. It didn't take him too long anymore until he had finally succeeded and she helped him getting her jeans off of her. It was a relief to be able and allowed to touch her naked skin today and he was immediately making use of that. His fingertips trailing over her legs, drawing shapeless patterns on her thighs. Her fingers dug into his hair and she moaned against his lips.

It was easy, almost too easy and his movements were almost too steady, too knowing as his second hand found its way under the hem of her shirt, lightly touching the line of her panties. She gasped for air a little, like she already knew what was going to come. Both of them were growing more and more comfortable with their position, calmer and steadier in their actions. Bellamy leaned over a little, so his mouth was right next to her ear. "Spread your legs, Princess."

She didn't need to be told twice as her thighs moved away from each other. Bellamy couldn't stop himself from grinning. Seeing her like this was making his blood flow somewhere else than his head too though. Everything about the blonde girl in front of him was just so appealing. Starting from her hair, moving on to her face, her blue eyes, her tiny nose, her rosé lips, further down covering her breasts, her stomach, and her legs. There was nothing about her he disliked and if he could, he would have placed kisses on every little bit of skin on her body, just like last time. A woman like Clarke deserved to be worshipped.

"Bellamy…" There was an urgent edge to her voice, pleading him to keep going since he was taking his sweet time just enjoying the sight of her.

"Easy, Princess. There is no need to rush this." His lips made their way from behind her ear further down until he dropped them down on her shoulder, his hand still stroking the soft skin beneath her belly button. This time he wanted things to be slower, more intense, especially if they couldn't really have sex again.

"Don't you think we should get rid of this?" He asked, as he pulled Clarke's shirt even further up. She nodded hastily. They pulled her shirt over her head together. The only pieces of clothes left on her now were a black bra and matching panties. Bellamy hovered above her once more, just taking in the sight of her.

"What? You like what you see?" She teased, mirroring the words he had said to her during the first time they have had sex.

He laughed a little while nodding. "I guess you could say it like that."

She rolled her eyes before he started kissing her again. Her mouth, her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone. The way her breathing changed turned him on so badly and this time he was the one who couldn't suppress a moan. Finally his mouth found her breasts. With his hands, he pushed away the fabric. At first he was being gentle, placing innocent, light kisses on her skin, breathing out warmly against it but soon enough he started sucking on her skin there, letting his tongue dance around her stiff nipples and enclosing his lips around them too. Clarke's louder moans at that made him keep going as she rolled to the side a bit to remove her bra as well. When he finally moved up again to kiss her lips, she stopped him, a challenging grin on her face.

"I want some equality and justice!" She demanded, her hand tugging at his shirt. "I'm almost naked and you're still fully clothed. That's not really how it works, you know?"

He chuckled but obeyed and stripped out of his shirt, tossing it carelessly to the ground.

"Still too much on." She commented but he just rolled his eyes.

"Patience, Princess." She growled. They had waited long enough for this in her opinion. But Bellamy obviously enjoyed teasing her too much since he ignored her words and instead kissed her again. This time he didn't linger on her mouth for too long but soon moved further downwards. On his way he left a trail of kisses over her jawline, her neck, her cleavage, her breasts, her belly and finally stopped at her waistline.

Her hands had found their way back into his hair and were clawing at it. When he looked up at her, he found his desire mirrored in her eyes. So he let his hand trace over her leg before grabbing it and putting it over his shoulder. She pushed the air out of her lungs loudly as she growled his name one more time.

"What?" He asked, as innocently as possible while leaning forward and breathing out hot air against her core. Her eyes fell closed, a silent plea lingering on her lips and he finally gave in. He pressed a few kisses over her panties before he grabbed them with his teeth and pulling them down and off her feet completely. She kicked them away and he quickly managed to adjust his position, so he could start placing kisses where she most wanted it.

A loader moan this time left her lips and she arched her back, her eyes falling close. He grinned at her reaction before he made use of his fingers as well. At first only one entering her, while his mouth kept working on her clit, rubbing with his tongue in circles around it and sucking on it. When she started moving her hips against him, to get even more friction he added a second finger, making her moan a little louder again. He kept going like that until she pulled on his hair and screamed out his name, cuming thanks to his mouth and fingers.

He couldn't suppress a grin as he slowly moved up higher again to look at her face. She returned the glance before placing her hands at his cheeks and pulling him down towards her so she could kiss him. He wrapped his arm around her to turn them around and fall flat on his back. Clarke seemed to take this as an invitation because now she was the one kissing his jawline and his neck, sucking on his skin lightly, careful this time not to leave a bruise. Meanwhile her fingers were hovering over his bare chest, just lightly touching him and he could feel goosebumps on his skin. She knew what she was doing, no question.

Opposed to him she didn't take too much time which he gratefully accepted until she moved down to his pants and started undoing them. She still wasn't fast enough in his opinion but when he finally could kick free of his jeans and boxers that she had pulled down together, he couldn't hold in another moan. Going down on her had made him pretty hard already, hearing her moaning and screaming his name, feeling her rub against him and seeing her cum. Now she was kneeling between his legs, grinning up at him and he felt like he was about to go insane. She really knew how to make him crazy.

He cupped her cheek for a second and she smiled, almost innocently. She really reminded him of an angel. With her golden locks, her blue eyes, her innocent look. And she could have convinced him of it too if it hadn't been for her moans before and for what she was about to do. She closed her hand around his cock and slowly but determinedly moved it up and down. His eyes fell closed and he leaned his head back as his breathing quickened. She kept going like this for a little while before she leaned forward and suddenly her hands were replaced with her lips, sucking on his tip while looking up at him. His hand found her hair again, stroking it before carefully he started guiding her. He needed her to pick up some pace and she obeyed, taking more and more of his shaft into her mouth, sucking and cupping his balls with her hands. His eyes rolled back into his head. He knew he wasn't going to last long at this rate but…

She had stopped. His eyes snapped open as an unsatisfied noise left his throat. How could she just stop? That was so not fair. But she moved up to him again, her lips tracing a short path from his neck towards his ear where she whispered: "I want you inside of me, Bellamy…"

"Clarke…" He was hesitant. It wasn't like he didn't want it too. God, in fact right now there was nothing he would rather be doing but what had resulted out of them going this far last time was probably something they were both still more than aware of. "Are you sure about this?"

She nodded, an unwavering expression on her face. He watched her as she sat up straight again and reached for the drawer in her nightstand. He made big eyes as she drew out a condom. A mischievous grin appeared on her lips. "I found a bunch of them here today." She explained before ripping the package open. In that moment Bellamy thanked God or the universe or whatever higher being there was and took care of things like that that they had led Clarke to find protection.

She rolled the condom over his dick without much trouble. As soon as she was done, he adjusted his grip on her and rolled them over, so he was hovering above her once more. She giggled, wrapping one leg around his hips and her arms around his neck. He let her bring him down for another kiss, their tongues almost fighting as fiercely and passionately as they always did, while his hand found its way in between them and finally her thighs. He couldn't suppress another low moan as his finger entered her once more just to find her still dripping wet.

"Come on…" Clarke urged against his lips and this time, he gave in. Opposed to him she had already come today and still was as impatient as all hell. So he position himself properly at her entrance before pushing forward and inside of her.

"God!" He let out while she gasped for air, her nails digging in his back. Even though he felt like his penis was pulsing, he was holding back. He was not going to let himself come until Clarke did a second time. Staying still wasn't possible though, his muscles almost forcing him to move. So he started rolling his hips against hers, pulling out almost completely just to push his full length into her again. And it made her moan his name again and again and curse at him and the whole world colorfully. He didn't feel much different though. His heavy breathing soon turned into low moans and groans as well. Their kisses grew sloppier, her nails digging into his back, his fingers teasing her nipples, massing her breasts, his teeth pulling on her lip, her teeth finding their way into his shoulder, their tongues kept fighting. It was like some kind of game to them. A game that they played together and both were winning.

When Clarke finally felt a warm shudder run down her back, her abdomen contracting and for a second her mind went blank, Bellamy couldn't stop himself one second longer and he almost immediately followed her into her orgasm before collapsing on top of her. Just like last time, she gently started stroking his neck after a second, while he placed a few tired kisses on her collarbone where his face was resting. It took him another moment before he finally rolled off of her but they stayed close to each other.

While they were both trying to catch their breath again, they just stayed like that, looking at each other. It felt weird but in a good kind of way. It was like that moment after you did something that you wanted to do for a really long time but you were scared of, like skydiving or bungee jumping, and right after it, this small moment when there is nothing else but the fact that you made it. It was a special, private moment, filled with peace and bliss and all of your other problems disappeared. There was nothing else but this amazing feeling that spread through your whole body and lifted you up.

Clarke couldn't resist it anymore but outstretched her hands and traced the lines on Bellamy's face. His brows, his nose, his lips, his cheeks, his freckles. His expression was one she barely got to see on him. Calm, relaxed, content. It was a good look. It managed to make her feel swollen with something like happiness too. Her mind traveled back to the previous night when he had brought her crayons.

She could draw again! Something she used to enjoy so much in her life before but she didn't get to do anymore today. Without thinking too much about it, she pushed herself up on her elbows, looking around. It didn't take her long to find what she was looking for. She got up to walk over to her desk and collected the items she had stored there last night before returning to the bed.

"Stay like that." She ordered while grabbing the black crayon. This wasn't going to be a masterpiece but her fingers were itching to at least do a sketch of him for quite some time now.

"What?" He chuckled a little. "Don't tell me you're going to draw me."

She paused. Was that weird? Did he think that was creepy? At her face, he laughed a little louder and reached out to put a stray of her hair behind her ear. "If you want to, do it."

"Okay." She smiled a little before she got more serious in order to concentrate properly and started sketching his outlines. He watched her as she did so, grinning a little even though he could feel his eyelids starting to feel heavy. It had been a long day for him with hardly any sleep the previous night. So staying awake was a challenge for him and when Clarke finally turned her sheet around to show him her sketch, he was almost a goner. A sleepy grin still appeared on his lips as he saw it. It looked better than he had expected and his heart ached at the thought of how much Clarke must have liked to draw before. It was probably one of her passions and now, it was just one of the many things this world forced her to sacrifice.

"It looks amazing…" He murmured before simply wrapping his arms around her again and pulling her into his chest, his face nuzzling into her hair.

She giggled softly. "Bellamy…"

"Mhm?" His tiredness was winning the better of him and she sensed that too.

So she simply rose her head to place one last gentle kiss at his jawline. "Nothing. Let's get some sleep."

A soft knock on her door woke Clarke up the next morning. "Clarke?" Monty was standing right outside! She jerked awake, looking around frantically. If he came inside, there would be no denying of what had happened between them last night. Their clothes were scattered all over the floor, they were lying tightly wrapped up together in bed, both still naked. She cursed, shaking Bellamy next to her. "Monty's outside!" She mouthed at his sleepy and confused eyes.

"Clarke?" His voice sounded again and she pulled her hair, while realization seemed to hit Bellamy and his eyes widened.

"Yeah?" She called towards Monty. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I mean, kind of… Can I come in?"

"No!" She answered a little too fast. "I'm… I'm getting dressed. I'll be there in a second."

"Okay." He sounded unconvinced but luckily didn't argue any further. So Clarke jumped out of bed and started searching for the clothes Bellamy had stripped her down from last night. He watched her and to her great disbelief there was a certain note of amusement on his face. "I really don't know what you think is so funny about this!" She hissed.

He rolled his eyes. "You need to calm down. It's not like we committed a crime last night."

She shook her head a little. "I know that, okay? But I still don't think what we are doing is any of their business. So we should stay low on this."

He opened his mouth again but Monty interrupted her. "Are you okay? Who are you talking to?"

Clarke shot him a warning glance. "No one. All good." She turned around to check her appearance in the mirror on the wall one last time. Her hair looked a little disheveled but her clothes were fine. She tried combing her blonde hair with her hand a little but stayed rather unsuccessful. That's when she remember the hair bands she had discovered at the desk, so she grabbed them, pulled her hair up and turned around towards Bellamy one last time. "I'll go downstairs with Monty right away so the coast should be clear for you in about two minutes, okay?"

He nodded, without any further discussion to her relief. So she finally slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her immediately. Monty had one eyebrow raised as he looked her up and down. She cleared her throat at his skeptical eyes. "Hey."

"Hi. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, of course. What's going on?" She asked, eager to shift the topic away from her and towards whatever reason had made the boy come up to get her in the first place.

Luckily he just responded to that. "Nigel might not be as nice as we thought."

Clarke raised an eyebrow, while motioning towards the stairs. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"The car is repaired, apparently. But Nigel is convinced she did more work than Raven who, to quote her, was busy screwing Finn most of the time… Sorry…" He interrupted himself. Had their little problem been so obvious? She shook her head to let him know that she didn't really care anymore and that he should go on. "Well, anyways, now she wants payment for her work."

Clarke cursed. She should have known. Especially after what Raven had told her the first day about the old lady. "What does she want?"

"I don't know yet. She said she wanted to talk to all of us." Just as he had finished his sentence they reached the bottom of the stairs, Jasper joining them from down the hallway. "Bellamy is not in his room." He called out. "Do you know where he is?"

The boys both looked at Clarke but she shook her head without letting anything on. "No idea. Maybe he went out for a walk this morning?" She suggested.

Jasper sighed. "Possibly. Do we wait for him?"

Clarke shrugged a little. "He should be back soon anyways, right? I mean, there isn't that much too explore around here. So we should just get started."

As they entered the kitchen, they found Raven and Finn standing in front of the couch, on which Nigel was sitting, a satisfied, almost evil expression on her face. "Hey there kids." She greeted but no one returned it. Clarke exchanged a look with the other two, neither looked too pleased with the whole situation.

"So, what's the problem?" Clarke asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest and taking a step forward in front of the other four.

"Well, you didn't expect me to just do all of this for you for free now, did you?" Nigel asked, leaning forward.

Clarke narrowed her eyes. "Money has lost its worth. So what do you want?"

A slime grin appeared on Nigel's face. "I found quite the amount of supplies in your trunk." Clarke bit back a snarky comment and waited for her to continue. If she just wanted a few chocolate bars, she could have them. "I want 95% of what you got."

Clarke snorted. "Forget it."

"Then you can forget your car. And if I might note, your supplies as well."

She gritted her teeth. "You get 10%, not more not less."

The woman started laughing, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, kid, but there is no way in hell I will let you leave at that ratio."

Clarke narrowed her eyes. She could already see that this was going to be hard. The older woman didn't seem like someone who would just back down and Clarke knew if she agreed to that deal, they would have to go back to starving and dehydrating almost daily. Finding supplies was getting harder each day after all.

"Clarke." Finn had walked up behind her and touched her elbow. "Nigel is stubborn. This is not going to get us anywhere."

 _Us?_ Clarke had to suppress a snort. There was no we or no us for him anymore. There was _them_ , Finn and Raven, and there was an _us_ , Bellamy, Monty, Jasper and her.

"What do you care?" She growled. After what he had said to her about Bellamy, she found it easier to be mad at him. He had had no right to talk about the other man like that. At her obvious anger towards him, he stopped before pulling her to the side a few steps to get away from the others watching them. "What do you mean? Of course I care!"

"Right. Is that why you are going to stay here?"

He blinked. "I'm not… I wanted to stay with you."

Clarke made big eyes at that. "What? But what about her?"

"We are both coming. She hates being trapped here with Nigel. She is willing to come along with us…"

Clarke bit her lip to keep herself from another snort. Of course, he wouldn't leave his precious girl behind. Had she really believed for a second it would be different? "Oh, so you get to decide who joins us on your own now?" She knew it wasn't fair. Without the whole situation going on, she wouldn't even question this. She probably would have suggested to take Raven in herself. She was smart, funny, and energetic. She could help them and leaving her behind would be dumb. But unfortunately the whole situation between them was going on and Clarke wasn't sure if she was too keen on seeing them holding hands and kissing all the time.

The door to the kitchen opened again before Finn could say another word and Bellamy walked in. "What did I miss?" His eyes scanned the room before they finally found Clarke and Finn, his eyes shifting back and forth between them until they settled on her, a questioning look on his face. She shook her head slightly to let him know it was okay.

"I want what is due to me." Nigel cut in, getting up from the sofa. "Payment for my services."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure without Raven you wouldn't even be halfway done yet."

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about, boy." She growled before crossing her arms.

"Whatever. You are not going to get 95% of our supplies." Clarke intervened, coming closer to Bellamy.

"Kiss your car goodbye then."

"The car belongs to us. You can't take it."

Nigel narrowed her eyes. "Don't test me, boy."

"It's six on one. What do you think?"

"You think I'm scared?" Nigel asked, reaching behind her back. She was carrying a rifle. Their rifle, to be exact. Of course, most of their weapons were stored in their car that Nigel has had free access to over the last two days. And they believing in their safety here were not carrying any weapons on them at the moment. "So, do we have a deal or do we have a deal?"

Bellamy growled. "You can't shoot all of us."

"Maybe you're underestimating me, kid. Besides, even if I couldn't, are you willing to lose… let's say her?" She pointed her gun at Clarke. "Over something as stupid as this?"

Bellamy set his jaw.

"It's 50/50." Clarke suddenly said.

"I made my demands clear."

"95%, yes. But then you can also just shoot us. You said the eastern parts are killing zones. There is no way we are going to make it with just 5% of what we have left right now."

Nigel looked from one to the other before she spat: "10%."

"40." Clarke immediately retorted.

"Stop dreaming. 15."

Clarke shook her head. "30."

"20."

"25."

Nigel narrowed her eyes as if she was contemplating it. "25 and I get to choose what I take. And you leave today."

Clarke hesitated, looking at Bellamy. It was obvious he disliked it as much as she did but what choice did they have? If they wanted to take her down, who would they sacrifice? Monty? Jasper? Raven? Finn? One of them? They couldn't risk it. "Fine."

The evil grin on Nigel's face reappeared. "You got yourself a good deal there, girl."


	22. Tired soldiers in this war

"Fucking bitch!" Raven cursed, giving one of the wheels a good kick before turning around and pulling her hair.

Clarke who had just taken a look around the city turned back. "What is it?"

"She fucked us over!" Raven sounded outraged, her face angry.

"What do you mean?" Bellamy was sitting in the driver's seat, the door open, and his feet hanging out.

After they had left Evansville and Nigel behind the previous morning, they had gotten on pretty well and put 200 Miles behind them. The only problem was with six of them present right now, their supplies went down quicker than anything else and when their car had started making weird noises and smoke came out of the hood, they stopped. After checking the engine, Raven didn't sound too hopeful either.

"She made some special adjustments, to put it nicely…" The anger in Raven's voice was undeniable.

"Meaning?" Finn asked. "The car is scrap?"

Raven nodded bitterly.

"What?! We left her three quarter of our supplies!"

"Well, I guess that wasn't good enough for her…"

Clarke suppressed a groan. That was the last thing they needed right now. "Can you fix it?" She asked, believing in Raven's abilities, especially with Monty's help. But Raven shook her head. "I would need some parts to replace the old and broken ones she installed. Without them there is not much I can do…"

"So we need a new car?" Clarke concluded and Raven nodded.

"You can forget about this one."

"Great." Bellamy jumped out of the car, sounding like he found this anything but great. "Grab what's left of the supplies and let's get going."

"I might know a place where we could find one." Finn suggested as Monty and Jasper headed for the trunk.

"How?" Clarke asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Well." He grinned at her. "Believe it or not but I once did an internship right here in this city."

Clarke laughed a little. She had decided to quit being mad at Finn. She couldn't change the way things had unfurled and she just liked Raven too much. The girl just had something about her that stopped her from disliking her. Instead she had decided to come to terms with what had happened. Finn had charmed her and made her crush on him, only to return to Raven the first chance he got. It sucked but they had bigger problems than teenager drama. Finn had been way too happy as he realized that the blonde was talking to him again, even without necessity and so, things were cool between them. At least, for now. Unfortunately nothing between him and Bellamy had changed so far. "You interned somewhere? What did you do?"

"Yeah, I did, as surprising as this might sound to you." He shrugged. "I worked at a computer simulation program for astronauts and right next to it was this car repair shop. I guess we could either find the missing parts there or a new car all together."

Clarke nodded, delighted at that prospect. "Sounds like a plan."

Since no one else objected, they grabbed all their stuff and started walking, Finn and Clarke in the front, having a light conversation. Their new found friendship was way more to her liking than whatever it was that had been there before. The walk to the city didn't take too long anymore luckily and it took them less than an hour to walk through the streets of the small town. Clarke looked around. Nashville, as the sign at the border had announced, looked less rural than the ones they had been in before. With high apartment buildings, many stores and modern architecture.

"It's not far anymore!" Finn declared at some point. "Just two streets down and then a left turn."

"Uhm… guys?" Jasper suddenly said, his voice quivering.

Clarke turned around. He looked a little scared which was weird, concerning the emptiness and silence of the streets, the shining sun and the at least somewhat positive prospect of their destination.

"What?" Raven asked at the same time.

Jasper pointed upwards towards one of the roofs of a shop. Clarke's heart skipped a beat. There was someone luring there. A creature, hurled over, his small, watery eyes watching them, like a hunter eyeing its prey. It was clearly a Walker but how the hell had it gotten up there? It leaned its head to the side as the small group instantly moved closer together.

"How did it do that?" Finn asked confused, voicing Clarke's thoughts.

She shook her head. "No idea…"

"Nigel spoke of better developed creatures, didn't she?" Bellamy growled.

"There are more of them…" Monty breathed and he was right. Three more appeared behind the one on the roof and at the end of the street.

"Maybe if we just slowly leave we'll be fine?" Jasper suggested. He didn't sound like he believed his own words.

"Just staying here is definitely not an option…" Raven remarked while reaching for Finn's hand.

"Okay. We run." Clarke confirmed. "But we have to stay together."

"Where to?"

She shot a quick glance around. There actually was nowhere to run. All of the buildings around them looked easily accessible and not suitable for a hideout place.

"I think there might be some safe places if we go back." Bellamy suggested and Clarke nodded. They needed a place like the houses they had stayed in before. Something safe or at least something that they could make safe fast. Nothing like these shops surrounding them with huge glass windows.

"Move!" Clarke ordered and they started walking. Fast but not running, in hopes that wouldn't attract the Walker's hunting instinct.

"Come on!" Bellamy waited for them all to pass him, so he could walk in the last place, Clarke right in front of him. He placed his hand at her lower back, a subconscious movement as she guess but she was more than aware of it. She bit her lip. Now was not the right time, she had to focus. They had barely moved a few feet when one of the creatures on the roof let out a scream, similar to the one Clarke and Jasper had heard in the hospital and they started coming towards them, all at once. Fast, way too fast.

"Fuck!" Jasper cursed and they broke out into a sprint. The Walkers were catching up unnervingly fast though.

"Hurry!" Bellamy urged from behind. They ran down the street, the creatures letting out unhuman screams and noises behind them. Clarke could feel her heart race, her breathing going heavy. After everything had seemed so clam and relaxing here, this attack was even worse.

"Forget about the houses!" Finn called. "There is another building down there!" He pointed westwards and since they had no better option and even less time to argue, they just followed him. Speeding past multiple shops providing zero shelter was really frustrating. Suddenly Jasper let out another scream and when Clarke turned to see what was causing it, she gasped for air. Another Walker had shown up, speeding across the roofs right next to them. Before she could even curse, it dove down, aiming right for the boy, both falling to the ground.

"No! Jasper!" She wanted to stop but Bellamy crashed into her. "Keep moving!" He growled, pushing her in the opposite direction of Jasper. "No!"

Finn had grabbed her arm before she even got the chance to protest any longer and pulled her along with him, Bellamy heading in the other direction. No! This was not happening! How could he make her get to safety while he was risking his life again?!

"Monty! Go!" He urged the second boy who had stopped as well. The Walkers from behind where only a few feet away now. Clarke's blood was running cold. They were going to get Bellamy and Jasper! "No!" She struggled against Finn's grip.

"Stop it!" He warned her.

"Clarke! Monty! Come here!" Raven stood in front of a wooden building, which really looked out of place here, the door obviously just cracked open. At the same time Bellamy reached Jasper, raising his gun. The Walker who had went down with him was just stumbling back on his feet and screaming, his eyes frantically checking his surroundings until they settled onto the two men. Bellamy shot. Once. Twice. He hit both times but the monster was still standing.

"Bellamy!" Clarke called in desperation, still struggling against Finn's grip. The oldest one tried to shoot again but there was nothing but an empty clicking. He tried again and again. Unsuccessfully. His gun was empty. He was backing away now, Jasper crawling backwards at his feet, while the Walkers were coming towards them. Spit was dripping out of their mouths, their claw like fingers outstretched towards them, their grunts loud. They looked less human than ever. Clarke shook her head slowly. "No… They're going to kill them…"

For a moment everything seemed to stop. It was quiet. There was no way out. She was going to lose them. Over something as stupid as this. Her eyes were fixed on Bellamy. So, this was the last time she saw him? She swallowed, she should have… That was when Finn released his grip on her and shot, three times, each one hitting the Walker closest to the other two in the head. Then it just went down. Clarke gasped for her, as all of the other Walker's attention was now back on them.

"Get inside…" Finn rushed, backing away now too. Bellamy had already picked up on the situation, pulling Jasper to his feet and running towards them.

"Hurry!" Clarke screamed, as the Walkers seemed to have caught up on what was happening and started chasing after their prey. Finn pulled her backwards through the doors, where Raven and Monty were already hovering, ready to shut them close as soon as their friends were through. Bellamy and Jasper stumbled through the gates just seconds later and the door was halfway closed when the first walkers crashed against it. Clarke jumped next to Raven instinctively, trying to get more force behind the door to close it. Finn reacted fast too, shooting at the Walkers who howled, backing away a few feet, enough for the rest of them to seal the door.

For a second they all stopped, just looking at each other and gasping for air. Until Clarke broke the silence, glaring at Bellamy. "You complete moron!" She moved towards him and pushed his shoulder.

"Hey!" He grabbed her arm when she lounged again. "Calm down! It's all good!"

She shook her head but the anger was already dissolving inside of her. He was right. He was fine and Jasper was fine and without him, he wouldn't be. So someone had to go back for him, she just wished it hadn't been him. He seemed to see her fury disappear on her face since he let go of her hand and instead pulled her into a hug. She breathed out against his shoulder, feeling herself relax a little more. The thought of losing him after everything that had happened was just a little too much.

When they pulled away again, everyone else was watching them and Clarke could feel the heat rise into her cheeks. Her anger had blended out everything before and she had almost forgotten that there were four more people with them in the room. Bellamy cleared his throat, obviously a little embarrassed too.

"Hey Finn." The other one raised an eyebrow questioningly. Bellamy outstretched his hand. "Thanks for saving us."

At these words, Finn started grinning a little and took Bellamy's hand. "You're welcome, man."

Clarke smiled a little at the interaction. Maybe things could be better from now on. "I mean, your gun being empty right then was just unbelievably bad luck."

Bellamy nodded a little and turned around towards Jasper. "Anyway, where is your gun?"

The boy was leaning against the wall, next to Monty, and still looked pretty shaken, his face white. He shrugged at Bellamy words. "I don't know, I must have lost it when I fell…"

Bellamy growled and Clarke knew that was bad. Still, she kneeled down in front of Jasper. "Are you okay?"

He nodded slowly, outstretching his arms towards her. "It didn't get me but… it was close…"

Clarke let her eyes travel across his skin which looked unharmed except for a few scratches every so often due to his fall. Clarke nodded and touched his shoulder. "Don't do that again, okay?"

He laughed a little at these words. "I'll see what I can do."

"So, what is this place?" Bellamy asked, regaining their attention.

"It's supposed to be a replica of an old bar, that's why it's all wooden. It's supposed to give you the feeling of being back in the Wild West. I've never really been here but according to my old boss, it was pretty popular around here."

The bar certainly reminded Clarke of one that could be seen in wild western movies. Everything was made of wood, tables with chairs were spread across the room, a bar at the other end, a piano in the corner right next to another door and staircase leading upstairs. The question now was how to proceed since she was pretty sure the Walkers were still waiting for them outside and their ammunition was extremely limited.

"What do we do now?" Raven asked before turning to look at Bellamy. Finn, Monty and Jasper did the same so Clarke followed suit. To her surprise, Bellamy was looking at her, a grin appeared on his lips when their eyes met. "Looking to you, Princess." He said and she bit her lower lip.

She wasn't exactly sure how it had happened but at some point between driving the car and planning supplies, they became some kind of leaders. And they worked extremely well together, there was no denying. "Okay." She finally said, after turning things around in her head and got up. "We should stay here overnight and just wait the whole situation out. Finn will lead me to the closest shop or gas station or whatever and we'll take what we can get. While you stay here, check the house for food, make sure we are really alone and no one can get in tonight."

"Good plan." Finn agreed immediately.

Jasper, who was getting over his shock relatively fast now, got up, grinning a little and wiggling his eyebrows. "Very dramatic, you two out there, all on your own…"

Clarke rolled her eyes but Finn joined his laughter even though he was shaking his head. "Trust me, we know what we are doing."

Raven and Bellamy wore matching cold masks by that point and Bellamy took a step forward before clearing his throat. "It's a stupid plan!"

"Why?" Finn growled. "Because you cannot watch Clarke every second? She is…"

"Finn!" Clarke warned since Bellamy's eyes were already throwing daggers at the other man. Let's talk about them making peace. She took a deep breath before stepping in front of Bellamy and placing a hand on his arm to get his attention.

"Why not leave now? We don't have to stay, especially not overnight."

"Look, if we leave now, we'll get to Mount Weather during the night probably and I really don't want us wandering around there when we can't even see five feet wide. Besides, we have close to no way of defending all of ourselves against I don't know how any Walkers are out there. Finn knows this place better than anyone and we need to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Besides, the less we are, the least attention we attract. You take care of the rest of them, prepare the house for the night and make sure they don't do anything stupid."

He still looked unconvinced but her logic was hard to deny. It wasn't like this plan was what she liked best but they didn't have too many other options. Letting Finn and Bellamy leave would probably only make both of them end up dead while competing. Some more time passed until he gave in and simply mumbled: "Just be careful, okay?"

To Clarke's great surprise, for once, their plan actually worked out. Apart from Finn trying to half apologize, half flirt with her almost the whole time, nothing happened. They managed to leave the building through a back door, make their way to a small supermarket close by, collect as many items as they could carry and return to the house without anyone trying to stop or attack them. When they returned, Bellamy announced that they had cleared everything and that they were alone. So they should be good for the night. Apparently upstairs more rooms could be found where the employees could have spent their breaks and relax after a long shift and it didn't even look close to old anymore but was just as modern and developed as the rest of the city.

So after a quick dinner, Bellamy ordered for them to rest. He wanted to leave as soon as possible the next morning. After some discussion, they decided to all sleep together downstairs and since Raven had found a pile of blankets and pillows upstairs it could easily be done. Clarke accompanied her to go collect them. She wanted to talk to the girl anyways. After all neither one of them was stupid and while Raven obviously had caught onto the tension between her boyfriend and the blonde, she had noticed Raven's reaction, her suspicious stares, her angry eyes, and her hurt expression.

When they started climbing the stairs, Clarke took a deep breath. "Raven, I just… I want you to know that here is nothing going on between Finn and me…"

The girl stopped for a second and looked at her, disbelieve in her eyes. "Seriously? I know that. I'm awesome. Who wouldn't choose me?"

Clarke was taken aback. When she thought about that conversation, she had imagined many scenarios, from Raven crying over her pretending not to care up until getting into an actual fist fight. But this? She blinked a little but nodded. "Okay." She had no idea what else to say. This was just really confusing. Maybe she had misinterpreted everything? Without speaking another word, Raven led her into the second room on the right and headed for the drawer right away, pulling it open and revealing what she had predicted. "Grab as many as you can, Griffin."

Clarke obeyed and stepped forward, collecting the items before turning around and heading for the door, expecting Raven to do the same.

"Clarke." Her voice stopped her. She was still standing there, empty handed, a torn expression on her face. "You know I really hate being lied to."

The blonde raised an eyebrow. So she had been right and the whole thing hadn't been as easy on her as she had pretended before.

"I'm not lying." She still confirmed and Raven made a face.

"I'm not blind, Clarke. I noticed the way you acted around us when we first met and the more time I spend with you, the more I see how Finn feels about you."

"I don't care how he feels about me, Raven. I don't like him in that way."

She sighed. "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course! I mean, I… it's true. There was something…. There that I can't explain but nothing ever really happened. He didn't cheat on you."

Raven took a deep breath. "That doesn't make it any better…" Clarke waited for her to explain, for the first time seeing a hint of pain in her eyes. "Finn and I grew up together and fell in love… We have been together for 6 years, our friendship goes back to ever since we were born and then you come along and suddenly all he sees is you and I don't matter to him anymore… I just…" She stopped, looking to the ground. "I don't know…"

Clarke felt bad for the girl in front of her. She really seemed to love Finn sincerely and whole heartedly while it seemed like for him it was no problem to just get over her. "I'm sorry, Raven…" She knew her words probably meant nothing to her but she didn't know what else to say.

Raven shook her head a little. "Yeah, whatever, let's just go." The moment of vulnerability was over and Clarke sensed that. Trying to talk about it more would probably lead to nothing but an argument so she decided to let the topic drop. For now. But that didn't stop her from feeling bad about it already even more.

As soon as they had prepared their beds for the night, Bellamy settled down next to her. It was weird but he really seemed to sense it whenever she was feeling low, so she sent him a thankful smile and he understood. He took her gratitude with a short nod. He didn't ask her any questions or demanded to know what exactly was upsetting her, the way she had encountered many times before. He just accepted that she was not feeling good and was there for her.

"Okay, everybody." He raised his voice, addressing all of them. While Finn and Raven had made their beds at their feet, Monty and Jasper were lying opposite them. "We rise at first light. We check if the cost is clear. If it is, great, we'll continue our way from yesterday, if it's not, we'll have to find a way around it."

Clarke let herself sink back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. The conversation with Raven had really hit her for some reason. What the other girl had with Finn was in no way comparable to what she and Finn have had or might have had or whatever.

She took a deep breath, turning to face Bellamy but he was already looking at her. She knew he probably didn't need her telling him what had happened or what caused her to feel like this. And she was glad about that. They didn't need words and she silently reached for his hand. He gently squeezed it and she relaxed a little. Knowing he was there for her was really assuring. He let his thumb travel over the back of her hand and she smiled at him. Even if they had wanted to talk, they couldn't have done so without the others listening, so they both simply enjoyed the closeness to each other. It was easier for Clarke to close her eyes like that and fall asleep.

Just when she was about to doze off, a sound upstairs jerked her back awake. She sat up straight. Darkness had fallen all over the place so more time must have passed than she had thought. Her eyes were checking the room but it was hard to see anything. She listened closely. Maybe she had just imagined things since everybody else seemed to still be asleep. She took a deep breath and waited for one more moment but nothing else happened. Shaking her head slightly, she laid back down. It was all good. _Bump_. No! She was definitely not imagining things! She sat straight back up, reaching for Bellamy next to her. "Bellamy! Bellamy, wake up!"

He groaned but started blinking. "What?" His voice sounded confused when another noise sounded. Clarke swallowed. Someone was inside here with them! "Did you hear that sound?!" She whispered, as an uneasy feeling made its way into her stomach.

Apparently he had since all of his sleepiness was immediately gone and he sat up straight next to her. "It's coming from upstairs…" He murmured before turning around to shake Jasper and Monty awake. "Hey! Hey! Get up!"

The boys both groaned sleepily but Jasper opened one eye. "Mhm?"

"There are noises upstairs!" Bellamy growled which made both of them open their eyes entirely.

"What?!"

"I thought you made sure that it's safe and no one can get in!"

"We did!" Monty protested, his eyes traveling towards the stairs. "We locked everything up. There is no way…"

"Well, apparently there is a way!" Bellamy interrupted before reaching for his gun. "Wake up Raven and Finn and stay down here together. I'll check what's going on."

"No!" Clarke grabbed his sleeve. "Are you crazy? What if it's a Walker up there?"

"Then I'll shoot it."

"What if it's more than one? I say we all go."

"Clarke…" He started but he was cut off by a shattering sound upstairs. They all jumped and Bellamy cocked his gun, aiming at the staircase. Whoever or whatever was inside with them now had to show up there. Clattering and stumbling could be heard and Clarke balled her fists. Her heart was racing. She hoped their lack of guns wouldn't doom them. A figure appeared at the top of the stairs, hurrying towards them. It was too dark to make out any details but Clarke thought she saw a gun in its hand. Bellamy didn't react even though his gun was following the person's movements closely.

"Bellamy! Shoot!" Finn, who had put himself in front of Raven, urged. Honestly she was wondering herself what he was waiting for. A deep frown had dug itself into his forehead. The stranger jumped down the last few stairs, almost falling over. It seemed like he hadn't even noticed the group of people also present yet. He looked back over his shoulder, anxious like he was being hunted.

"Bellamy!" Finn growled one more time when he still didn't do anything. His voice seemed to attract the new comer's attention who spun around, facing them now and Clarke stopped. Was this…?

"Murphy…" Bellamy lowered his gun, taking a step forward.

"Bellamy?" Relief sounded in his usually monotone voice.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"You know that guy?" Raven sounded suspicious but Bellamy just nodded towards her.

"He is alright…" Clarke murmured.

"That's a long story." He replied, coming further towards. "But first we might should deal with our little Walker problem we now have."

"What?! All of the entrances were safe!" Finn threw in, obviously not liking Murphy any more than Raven let on. "Well, I had to get in somehow, didn't I?"

"Are there many Walkers still outside?" Clarke asked.

"You could say that. I was running away myself when I discovered the nice surprise camping outside this building."

Bellamy growled before pointing at the gun in his hand. "At least you found Jasper's gun."

"Yeah, it was laying around there so I picked it up."

"Can we talk about this later?" Jasper asked, an anxious note to his voice. Clarke followed his eyes and got why. Two Walkers came creeping down the stairs! "We need to leave!" She pressed but Murphy shook his head. "We're never going to make it! There are too many outside!"

"But they are coming in now!"

He turned around and raised his gun but Bellamy stopped him. "Save the bullets in that one!" Before he took aim himself and with two almost flawless shots their enemies went down.

"Great, we still need a plan!" Finn said.

"A back door maybe?"

"Or we just take our chances and make a run for it? Shoot as many as possible while we're on it?"

"We wait it out in here and just get rid of whoever comes inside?"

None of their ideas sounded like something they wanted to try. "No, I have an idea." Raven who had been exceptionally quiet up until this point suddenly said. "This house was built with a million special effects, I'm guessing to give the audience a real feeling of the Wild West, so there is a lot of technique here. I could auto seal every entrance."

"There would be no way for them to get inside anymore?"

"No." She shook her head. "I checked it out when we were making sure we were alone before."

Another shattering sound came from above. "It's the best shot we have, so let's do that." Clarke agreed and the others nodded.

"Where is the generator or whatever?" Jasper asked and Raven sighed before pointing towards the stairs. Of course.

"Then let's go before it swamped with Walkers up there."

While they started for the stairs, Murphy said: "I broke through a window so I guess that's what gave them the idea how to get inside now… Maybe we should bolt the door to the room I got in through because the window there is not really protecting us anymore…"

Even though Clarke could feel a flame of anger climb up in her, she didn't comment on it. Murphy hadn't known they were in here and if she had been in his position, making sure the window was sealed shut after her wouldn't have been her first priority either probably. When they reached the top of the stairs, two more Walkers were already awaiting them.

"Great…" Bellamy growled before raising his gun and firing. Two precise shots and they both fell to the ground. Clarke had to admit, his gun work was improving with each day, if that was even still possible.

"Let's go!" They made their way towards the door but one look inside was proof enough that closing the window wouldn't even have been a possibility anymore. Murphy had shattered the glass to get inside and there was no way of fixing that fast and effectively.

"Lock the door!" Clarke therefore ordered as more Walkers came climbing up the roof on the building next door in order to reach the window and get inside. Finn slammed the door shot and him, Jasper and Monty threw themselves against it. That wasn't a solution for long either.

"Maybe if they all try to get in here, the coast outside will be clear." Monty suggested.

"Or we just stop them from getting inside." Raven said, pointing towards the other end of the hallway. Right there next to the window was the generator she had been talking about. Clarke nodded. She was with her on this one. Staying inside, locked away for at least a few more hours would be better than testing if they would survive outside. Especially since they still lacked of a running car.

"Do it!" She said and Raven started running. She hadn't even made half the way when something crashed against the window. It didn't immediately shatter but it started to crack. Clarke made big eyes, taking a steps forward while Raven faltered for a second. Moments seemed to pass, silently and agonizingly long while no one reacted until a second hit, brought them all back to reality.

"Raven! Come back!" Finn shouted but the girl had already picked up more pace, speeding towards the generator and the cracking glass. Clarke swallowed, looking at Bellamy for help. He turned towards her too but just as he was about to say something, Walkers obviously had reached the room they were currently blocking and smashed against it. Immediately the three of them left jumped to support the boys already in front of the door. Clarke's mind was racing, trying to come up with a solution. Even if Raven succeeded before the window right next to her broke, they would be locked in with however many were already inside. Another hit against the window and the first few pieces started to shutter.

"This is it!" Murphy growled, pushing himself upright and raising his gun.

"Are you insane?!" Finn shouted, glaring at Murphy.

"I'm not going to die in here!" The other one returned.

Clarke shook her head. "No! Don't shoot! You could hit Raven!" She had to act, she knew that. The window wouldn't last any longer and the next hit would probably break the whole glass. "Raven!" She screamed, stepping away from the door but before she could take one step towards the other girl, Bellamy jumped after and grabbed her arm. "Clarke! No! It's too dangerous!"

She bit her lip. "She needs help! The glass is about to break! We can't just let that happen…"

"Guys!" Jasper cried as the Walkers on the other side managed to push the door open an inch before it fell shut again. They jumped back to help them block the door once more just when the glass at the end of the hallway entirely shattered.

"Raven!" Finn screamed as the first Walkers were already climbing in. She was stumbling backwards. Clarke's heart stopped. They were lost. They were going to die. There was no way…

"I'm not dying in here!" A voice next to her growled before shots sounded and Raven went down.


	23. A Trick of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the responses this week! They make me really happy and keep me motivated! :)

Murphy's hand wavered for no more than second when Raven hit the ground before he pulled the trigger again and again, killing the Walkers following her. Apart from him everyone else seemed to be paralyzed, neither one of them moving or saying anything or reacting in any way. At the same time, a beeping noise sounded and blinds started rolling down, protecting them from whatever would try to get inside now. Raven had done it! She had saved them but… sacrificed herself.

Another blow from behind made Clarke stumble forwards and crash to the ground. This moment of shock seemed to have everyone stop for a moment, not putting any pressure to the door anymore that now flew open. Two Walkers were standing there but Bellamy regained his composer quick and fired. Clarke couldn't focus enough even to see if he had succeeded or how many shots he took before she stumbled back on her feet and made her way towards Raven. She still felt like she was in some kind of trance as she kneeled down next to Raven. And the girl looked right back at her. That was all it took. Her eyes were like some kind of hammer shattering the bubble that had formed around her and numbed everything. Raven's usually so happy and fierce eyes filled with fear, panic, and pain. "Clarke…" She mouthed.

"It's all good…" She tried to reassure her when she saw a red puddle from beneath her lower back. That was not good. "Tell me where it hurts."

"Everywhere…" Raven gasped.

Clarke nodded. That was probably due to the whole situation. "Do you have a feeling like the pain has a source? Is it coming from somewhere?"

Raven pressed her eyes shut, taking a few deep breaths like she was trying to calm herself down and focus. Clarke had to admit, she admired her in that moment. She wasn't entirely sure how she would react if someone shot her. "It's my lower back…" She finally whispered when Finn appeared next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Hey Raven…"

She looked up at him and a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips.

"Can you move?" Clarke still asked but Raven shook her head. "No…"

She knew moving her might cause even more damage but staying here wasn't an option either. She wouldn't be able to take a proper look at the wound, let alone treat it. The others approached them as Clarke's mind was racing.

"How is she doing?" Bellamy asked, his face as white as she had barely seen it before.

She looked up at him, not really sure how to reply. "She'll make it." She didn't really know what else to say but didn't have time to worry about that either since Finn jumped up with a scream, lunging at Murphy.

"Finn!" She warned, getting up too, as he wrestled the other boy to the ground. "You fucking bastard!" Finn was just cursing, ignoring Clarke entirely. "I'm going to kill you!"

He pinned Murphy to the ground, taking a few good hits at his face before he stroke back. Bellamy growled, grabbing Murphy from behind, as they rolled over. Monty and Jasper each grabbed one of Finn's arms, holding him back before Clarke stepped in front of him. "Hey, you need to calm down!"

Finn narrowed his eyes. "You can't expect me to just not do anything! He shot Raven!"

"I know that, okay? Look at me!" She hissed when Finn kept glaring at the other boy. "Finn, you're not helping Raven by hurting Murphy, okay? I need you to focus! Can you do that for her?"

He looked like he would rather do anything else than that but nodded after a few seconds.

"Good. Jasper, can you get me some of the pain medicine? It's still in my backpack downstairs."

"Sure." Without any hesitation, he turned around and left.

"Finn, where is the closest hospital? Raven is going to survive this. There is no exiting wound, which means the bullet is still inside of her and might not have caused any serious, life threatening damage. But I need to look at it and have the right tools and items ready. Please, concentrate. How far? Can you carry her there?"

He pulled his hair, thinking but he finally nodded. "Yeah, it's not too far…"

"Okay, I'll give her the medicine, as soon as it kicks it, we leave. We have no time to waste."

Finn nodded and Clarke turned away towards Bellamy, motioning him to take a few steps to the side with her.

"What is it?"

She shook her head a little. "How are we going to get her to the hospital without risking all of our lives again?"

He shrugged. "I guess there is no way we can do it without a little risk…"

"How many bullets do we have left?"

"Five. One in this one." He raised the one strapped around his shoulder. "Four in that one." He pointed towards the one attached to Monty's belt.

"That not enough…"

"I know that. But what are we going to do?"

Clarke felt like her head was about to explode. It seemed like with each problem solved, three more appeared. "What about that backdoor Monty mentioned earlier?"

Bellamy nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess it's worth a shot. I'll check it out."

She nodded, relieved at this prospect. "Murphy, you come with me." Good thinking. She smiled at him one last time before he took off, accompanied by the other one. Jasper was reappearing at the same time, handing her the medications. She bent down next to Raven again to tell her what was going to happen. "We'll ease the pain a little for now, Raven. Then we'll take you to the hospital and fix you up, what do you say?"

She nodded slowly and Clarke handed her the pills, along with the cup of water Jasper had thought to bring. "You need to swallow these." To her great relief, Raven, despite her usual self, simply obeyed. Finn took Clarke's place at the girl's side, holding her hand and trying to sooth her while they were waiting for the pills to take their effect. Meanwhile Clarke walked up to Murphy and Bellamy who reappeared at the top of the stairs.

"So? What do you think?"

"It should work." Bellamy replied but there was an edge to his voice. So Clarke raised an eyebrow.

"But?"

"The Walkers are creeping around out there, so we need to be careful. But if we do it right, it shouldn't be a problem." Even though that didn't sound as easy as Clarke had hoped, she nodded. It was their best shot for now.

"Where is the hospital?" Bellamy addressed Finn who looked up.

"It's in that direction." He pointed eastwards.

"We have to walk for a bit too but yeah."

Clarke bit her lip. Walking wasn't really an option she liked. With Raven as dead weight as she was right now, they would be slowed down extremely and if attacked, stood almost no chance of surviving. Bellamy's face mirrored her concern but they both knew this wasn't really up for debate. They couldn't just let Raven die.

"Monty, Jasper, I need you with me downstairs. Get moving and take Murphy with you, I'll be there in a second." The boys who looked happy to be of use, nodded and made their way towards the stairs before Bellamy turned back to talk to Clarke privately. "I think if we watch the walkers outside now, we might be able to detect some kind of pattern or whatever and figure out how to get away from here best."

Clarke nodded slowly. "Yeah, good thinking."

"Okay. You stay with them and as soon as we can leave, you just come down to the basement."

"Alright."

With one last look at the two on the ground, Finn just gently stroking Raven's check, Bellamy sighed. "Will you be okay?"

"Of course!" Clarke cracked him half a smile. Things had gotten easier. It wasn't like it stopped feeling weird entirely but it didn't really hurt anymore. And she knew who she had to thank for that, even though she didn't want to admit it yet.

"Okay. If he is a dick to you again, just call me and I'll beat him up, alright?"

At these words, the blonde laughed a little and shoved him towards the stairs. "Go Bellamy! I'm good!"

"Fine! Fine!" He raised his hands in surrender even though there was a grin plastered on his face too. "That's what you get for being nice nowadays..."

She shook her head a little before leaning backwards against the wall and then sliding down to the ground. Honestly, she was glad Bellamy took things under his control and gave orders. It gave her a moment to take a step back and breathe, something she desperately needed right now, especially in face of what was expecting her next. Who knew what she would have to do with Raven? Looking at her and Finn right now, made her feel really uncomfortable though, like she shouldn't be there, like she was invading some private moment between the two of them. But what else could she do?

She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around it before burying her face within her hands. Maybe the terror and panic gathering at the pit of her stomach were stupid and pointless. Maybe there wouldn't even be something seriously wrong with Raven. Her strong reaction could have been caused by a panic attack, a shock, the low after the adrenaline rush she had probably been experiencing. She had been hit by a bullet after all so any scenario seemed likely and understandable. Yes, for now she shouldn't just assume the worst.

"Clarke." She looked up. "She fell asleep." Finn informed her.

"Okay, that might be best for now. Let's get going. The sooner we get this over with, the better."

He nodded before wrapping Raven up in his arms. She looked very small and vulnerable in his arms, two words she never thought she would associate with the girl. "Be careful." She warned even though she was pretty sure Finn was treating her like glass already.

When they reached the basement, Bellamy took a step forward. "So, here is the plan. Monty and Jasper go first, Clarke, you stay with Finn and Raven, Murphy and I stay back and watch your back, so we will all get out of this alive."

Clarke nodded shortly. Even though the plan didn't seem flawless to her, she knew it was probably the best they could have come up with in such a short time. "You stay close to Monty and Jasper too though." Bellamy continued. "For once, they're armed and they need you for navigation, Finn."

"Okay." They stepped closer to the door and Jasper reached for the handle. "Are you ready?"

No, but could anyone ever be really ready for something like that? Probably not, so she still nodded. Jasper opened the door and at least for now, no Walker was in sight. "Go!" Bellamy therefore urged and they started running. Monty clasped the gun so hard his knuckles were white against his skin. Clarke looked around but they seemed to be fine, even as they got further away from the building. It was almost too good to be true. They followed the street up until they came to a cross road.

"To the left!" Finn called, a few feet behind. "We need to slow down!" Clarke could understand why Monty and Jasper were hurrying ahead, being out in the open while knowing how many Walker were out there made her feel uncomfortable and exposed but they couldn't leave Finn and Raven behind.

"Clarke! Watch out!" Bellamy suddenly screamed and she spun around. A Walker was flying right towards her. She opened her eyes wide, opened her mouth to scream but before any of that could happen, a shot sounded and the monster fell face first to the ground, just a few inches in front of her. She gasped for air, stumbling backwards as Bellamy lowered his gun. "Keep moving!" He urged from behind.

Clarke gasped for air. That had been close, way too close. Where had it come from anyways?

"They're following us over the rooftops!" Monty cried as Clarke picked herself up the ground to start running again. To her great horror Monty was right. The Walkers that had most likely camped outside their old building were now chasing them down the street. Up there they had a great advantage and Clarke couldn't help but wonder how much further they must have developed. Nigel had been right. The east coast meant death. There was no way they were going to survive this place if they didn't step up their game.

"It's not too far anymore." Finn panted, out of breath from running and carrying Raven's extra weight. She just hoped he would last until they reached their destination.

"Hurry! Hurry!" Jasper screamed from the front. Clarke tried to force her legs to move even faster but that seemed impossible. Her lungs were already burning from the lack of oxygen and sprinting such a distance.

"We can't stop!" She still urged towards Finn when he started slowing down. Judging from the Walker's intelligence up here, they would probably figure out that they'd soon lose speed and they could catch them. And they couldn't hide out too long if she wanted to treat Raven properly. Finn's face looked red and his breathing went heavy. Even though he seemed like the sporty type, Clarke could imagine how hard it must be, carrying the extra weight. "Jasper!" She therefore called. "Help Finn!" Without thinking twice about it, he stopped to come to Finn's side and help the boy.

Meanwhile Clarke kept glancing towards the rooftops, ready to notice any attack the Walkers might lead on them. "It's not too much further..." Finn panted as they caught up with Monty.

Clarke nodded. "Good." She was pretty sure they wouldn't last much longer anyways. "God damn it, guys, get going!" Monty murmured as he pointed his gun. Clarke didn't even stop to check what was upsetting him. She didn't need to, really, this whole situation was bad enough on its own. Two shots sounded from behind them but Clarke still didn't turn. They had to focus on their destination if they wanted to make it. Looking back wouldn't help right now.

"They're getting closer..." Monty commented as he appeared next to them again.

Clarke frowned a little. "Where is Bellamy?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure he'll make it!"

"What?!" Clarke stopped to spin around but Monty who had anticipated her movement had already grabbed her arm and kept pulling her forward. "Clarke! He can take care of himself!"

Yeah, he could but what about Murphy? What if he was slowing them down and Bellamy being his fucking self tried to stay behind and save his ungrateful ass? Clarke wanted to scream at the whole word but her breath was nearly enough to keep her going.

"The red building at the corner..." Finn cried, sounding relief as it was only a few yards away now. A few seconds later, they bummed against the wall, Monty frantically working at the doorknob. More Walkers than Clarke wanted to count were creeping up the roofs, coming for them. And neither Bellamy nor Murphy were in sight.

"No, no, no..." She whispered as Finn nudged Monty's side. "Come on, man! Hurry up!" The sound of the lock giving in was like music to their ears and Monty pushed the door open. They stumbled inside but before Finn could shut the door, Clarke stopped him. "No! Bellamy is not here yet!"

"The Walkers are about to get down here and kill all of us, Clarke. Be reasonable! Do you want all of us to die?!"

She bit her lip. She knew she was not being reasonable but the thought of Bellamy being locked outside with all these Walkers scared her, probably more than it would scare even him. "No… I… I just…" She needed a good reason to keep this door open until Bellamy would show up. "We need him. You know that."

The other boy kept shaking his head and Clarke turned towards the other two, hoping to find support with them. "Guys… Come on, what are we supposed to do without him?"

"The Walkers won't stop, Clarke! They'll come in here and either turn us or rip us to the pieces! Step out of the way and let us close that door!"

Clarke knew she couldn't do it and her weak argument was not convincing them. "Please… We just wait a little longer, the Walkers aren't even attacking yet…"

"Maybe we can give him another minute…" Jasper murmured, Monty nodding slightly.

Still, they didn't look too happy with that open door perspective but Clarke knew if she closed the door now, she wouldn't be able to calm down and survive. Not if Bellamy was outside and god knows what was happening to him. She turned around, grabbing the door handle so she would be able to shut the door as soon as they would be attacked. Her eyes were frantically scanning their empty surroundings. This was impossible. Bellamy and Murphy had been right behind them…

Suddenly a horrible thought struck her. What if Murphy had something to do with it? She didn't have too many chances to really get to know the boy but from what she had seen so far and heard of in Brooks, she knew he wasn't to be trusted. And now he was out there with Bellamy somewhere. She should have said something before. She should not just have accepted them to run together. It was stupid. If something happened to Bellamy now, it would be her fault…

"Clarke!" Jasper's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she blinked. The first Walkers had jumped down the roofs and were coming towards them.

"Close the door!" Finn commanded. No… No, no, no! Where the hell was Bellamy?

"Clarke!" Monty was pushing her now too. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Right now she couldn't do anything about this… If they died they wouldn't even be able to help Bellamy at all and knowing him, he might find a way to survive out there on his own. When she opened her eyes the again, the Walkers had gotten unnervingly closer and Bellamy was still nowhere in sight. So she did what she had to do. She had to protect the other four so with a heavy heart, she closed the door.

"Wait!" Suddenly Monty's hand clasped her shoulder, right before she did so. "Look!" He pointed towards one of the houses on the right side and her hear skipped a beat. Black, untidy hair that really needed another cutting soon, brown eyes, a scratched face but still, unmistakably it was him. Automatically she pushed the door wide open again as his eyes locked with hers, relief rushing through them as he realized she had noticed him. Now all he had to do was find a way here before the Walkers did. Clarke turned towards Monty, pointing at the Walkers. "Shoot them, Monty!"

"What?! No, that will attract too much attention!" Finn intervened.

Clarke shook her head. "Most of them already know where we are anyways! And we need to buy Bellamy some time!"

This time Monty luckily seemed to be on board with her since he raised his gun, shooting. After the three on the ground went down, the boy cursed. "I only have one bullet left…"

Clarke bit her lip. Bellamy had to act if he wanted to make it! What was he waiting for? She was worried that screaming his name might attract the Walker's attention towards him, which was the last thing either of them needed right now. Still, she was begging him with her eyes to just get up and get his ass over to them.

"Come on, Bellamy…" She murmured and as if he had heard her, it was exactly that moment that he jumped up and started sprinting towards them. But that seemed to be like some kind of wakeup call for the other Walkers who came after him like they were the lions and he was the prey.

"Run!" Jasper screamed next to her. As one of the Walkers got dangerously close to Bellamy, Clarke could feel her heart beating in her chest. "Monty, be ready with that last bullet…"

"Clarke… You know I could hit…"

"No, you won't!" She stopped him. He needed to believe in himself at least. "You will only hit the Walker!" She said one more time, whether it was to calm herself or the boy next to her, she couldn't say. "Monty…"

"Yeah…" He murmured, right next to her, his gun raised. The Walker reached for Bellamy who dived just under his arm and rolled forwards.

"Monty!" Clarke screamed.

"They're moving too fast…" He sounded desperate, his arm swaying as he tried to refocus on his aim. Clarke was tempted to just run outside herself, flung herself in front of Bellamy and help him. Finn seemed to sense what she was thinking since he grabbed her arm and shook his head slightly. How could he expect her to just stay calm?

The Walker launched forward again but missed as Bellamy rolled to his side just at the right moment. Crashing into the ground, it took the creature a second to regain its balance which seemed to be all Monty had been waiting for. He fired his last bullet and hit its shoulder. The collision made it stumble backwards enough for Bellamy to get back to his feet and start running again. He wasn't too far away anymore, 100 feet at the most… 80… 50. He was getting closer and closer. 30… 20… 10… Clarke outstretched her hand and he took it finally, letting her pull him inside. Jasper slammed the door shot as Bellamy slumped down on the ground, trying to catch his breath.

Clarke felt relief rush through her, once again against all odds, they had made it. She kneeled down in front of him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay? What happened to your face?" She touched his cheek to be able to take a better look at the wound above his eye.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." He gave her a small reassuring smile before nodding towards the entrance. "Thanks for not closing that door on me."

She returned the smile but before she could say anything, Jasper stepped in "Where is Murphy?"

Bellamy made a face before getting back on his feet. "Murphy is gone…"

"What? What do you mean?"

"He bailed on me. All of a sudden he decided to take a left turn and I followed him but he started fighting me. So I came back."

Clarke didn't want to sound mean but she was honestly glad the other boy had gotten lost, more or less. Granted she probably didn't know him well enough to really be able to judge but from what she had taken in, he meant nothing but trouble and trouble was something they had more than enough of already. Starting with Raven who just started coughing. Clarke took a deep breath before getting up and hurrying over to her. "Hey Raven, how are you feeling?" She asked while placing a hand at her forehead to check her temperature.

"I'm awesome." She replied even though it was obvious how she was anything but awesome.

Clarke still gave her a weak smile to let her know she appreciated he girl's spirit. "I'll make sure it stays that way then." The blonde nodded towards Finn. "Let's get her to an examination room."

When Finn wanted to help her, Raven pushed his hands away. "I can walk by myself."

"Raven…" Clarke started but the girl was determined as she pushed herself up on her feet, grabbing on the wall for support. Clarke wasn't too sure if her walking on her own wasn't doing more damage than good but knowing Raven there probably was no way in hell she would let them carry her, being conscious. "Okay, fine. Finn, stay next to her, in case she needs you."

The boy nodded as he led them down the floor and through a door on the right, Raven more jumping on her right leg than really walking but her willpower made her keep going. The whole building reminded her more of a doctor's office than a real hospital but it should still be enough. While she pointed Raven to take a seat on the examination table, Bellamy raised his voice again: "Monty, Jasper, I need you to check the other rooms and the rest of this building, make sure we're really alone, you know the procedure by now. I'll stay with them, in case anything happens." They nodded but Bellamy stopped them before they could take off. "Be careful! We don't have any more guns left, so if you see anything, don't attract attention, just run and come back here right away, got it?"

Jasper saluted with a grin. "Copy that, boss."

Even though Bellamy rolled his eyes he couldn't quite keep himself from grinning either. When he turned back, he found Raven lying on her side, Clarke hovering above her back. Her face was hidden behind her hair so it was impossible for him to say if what she was seeing was good or bad.

In fact, it was neither of these things. It was worse. When Raven had managed to walk here on her own, Clarke had started to believe that maybe the fracture was really just superficial, that nothing was seriously injured and that besides from a little pain Raven would be able to make a full recovery. When she had pulled up the girl's shirt though, the first thing she found was a huge part of bruised skin and dried blood. Maybe it wouldn't look too bad anymore once she cleaned her up but when she started touching her, to find the source of pain, her mind was changed. From the looks of it and the reactions or rather the lack of reaction Raven showed her…

Clarke swallowed. She had to get the bullet out. If she was correct it had fractured her spine or moved there due to the movement they were forced to inflict on her and had caused nerve damage.

"Raven…" She slowly started. "Is there anything else wrong with how you feel?"

The girl looked up at her. "I don't know… I can't… I can't really feel my left leg…"

Clarke nodded. "Okay… Don't worry about that. I'll just get some… some things and then I'll get you fixed up."

She gave her a small smile before exiting the room without giving neither Bellamy nor Finn another glance. She was scared she would lose it. There was no way in hell she could do this… She felt tears from in her eyes. Her heart started racing once more. She felt hot and sick. Her chest tightened and gasped for air as she stumbled into the next room, not really paying attention to anything else. She leaned against the wall there and bit her lip, trying to fight the sobs climbing up her throat. She was scared. So much had been happening over the last few weeks rather than days and they never got a moment to breathe, to take a break or do anything but run and scream and hide.

A great hopelessness came creeping up her back. Getting the bullet out of Raven without damaging her health even more, possibly even killing her, seemed impossible. One more life that would weigh on her consciousness, more guilt and more pain. Her hands were shaking. No, she couldn't do this. Her mother might be able to if she was only here right but not her. She wasn't trained enough, she had no idea what she should do. She wasn't even a real doctor. She was just a kid.

"Hey Clarke… Look at me!" Bellamy's hands wrapped around hers and she blinked, torn from her rapid thoughts. When did he get in here? But she felt relieved that he was there, almost thankful. "What's wrong?"

The girl closed her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts and explain to him what her examination had shown her. "I need to take the bullet out of Raven… Her nerves might be damaged and if I don't do that, she might lose the ability to walk entirely forever…" She whispered making her horrible result reality. There was no turning back.

Bellamy frowned as his hands around her tightened. "Okay, so you do it. Save her, I know you can."

Clarke shook her head. "No… no, no, I can't…"

He placed a hand at her cheek to make her keep looking at him. "Stop it, Clarke Griffin. If anyone can do it, then it's you…"

She wished she could believe in that as easily and honestly as he did. "No… you don't understand… This operation is… it's so dangerous, even with modern technology, pain medicine, a fully trained doctor and nurses, it would be risky but now? I could kill her… I…"

"Hey…" He gently interrupted her. "That won't happen, Clarke. Tell her about all of this beforehand so she knows. You'll do your best, there is nothing more she can ask for…" He made it sound so easy, so bearable but if it went wrong... It wasn't like Raven would simply have a nasty scar or a longer recovery, she would be dead. She bit her lip and he pulled her into his chest. "No matter what happens, I'll stand by you. I promise. I need you…"

His confession made her stop and she looked up at him. Whatever had shifted between them, she could feel it. Something was different and it was a good thing. It gave her strength. It made her believe in something, in him and in them. It made her feel safe, knowing someone was there for her and would support her, no matter what. She wanted to let him know how she felt but she didn't really know how so she simply stood on tip toes to place a light kiss on his cheek. In that moment this kiss felt more intimate than anything they had shared before. "And now, you go out there and you save her life, okay?"

Clarke nodded before Bellamy released her from his grip. She wiped away the tears on her face, hoping no one else but he would find out about her minor break down before she started looking around. They seemed to be in another examination room but for people with more serious injuries since she found a scalpel, syringes and heavier medication on the shelves.

"I need a bucket with water and some clothing." She told Bellamy as she shifted back into doctor mode. If she was doing this, she was going to give 100%. As they stepped out of the room, Monty and Jasper were coming down the hallway.

"Are we good?" Bellamy asked and they nodded. "Yeah, we checked every room and every corner. We're all alone."

"Good."

"Any progress here?" Monty asked, looking back and forth between them.

"Kind of." Clarke murmured. "I need to talk to Raven." Reentering the first examination room, they found Finn sitting next to the table, holding Raven's hand and talking to her silently. If Clarke wouldn't know better, she would say Raven had been crying too, just now wiping away the tears as the others came in. "So, what you got, Griffin?"

"I have to cut the bullet out." She said, trying to keep her voice as calm and steady as possible as to not scare Raven anymore since this possibility was worse for her than it was for Clarke. "It's risky, we don't have any pain medication left and without all the modern technology, it won't be easy but… if we let it inside of you, you might never be able to walk again."

Raven set her jaw at these last words. "Take it out!"

Clarke took a deep breath. "I just want you to know about the possible risks, Raven. I'm not…"

"Can you do it, Clarke, or can you not?"

"I…" What was she supposed to tell her? She hoped she could do it but was that enough? Was that really something someone who was about to get surgery by her wanted to hear?

"She can do it." Bellamy said.

Raven nodded. "Good enough for me. I believe in you, Griffin."

"The pain is still going to be… it will be a lot to take."

Raven nodded. "I'm tougher than I look. Just take the damn thing out!"

"Okay… I'm going to get everything ready then."

Clarke had to admit, she admired Raven's determination. There was less insecurity and fear in her voice than in Clarke's even though she would be the one, experiencing extreme pain. "We won't disturb you, let's go." Bellamy said, motioning the others towards the door.

Clarke swallowed. "Bellamy, can you please stay?" In that moment, all she knew was that she was going to lose it if he wouldn't stay with her. He seemed surprised at her request but nodded. "Sure, if that's what you want."

"Yes…" Her voice was barely audible anymore but to her relief, Jasper nudged Monty's side and they kept walking, pulling Finn along with them.

"Can't Finn stay here too?" Raven asked.

Clarke nodded. "I'll get him before I start, okay?"

"Thanks." There it was. A soft note to the other girl's voice, a crack in her armor. Maybe she wasn't as tough as she pretended to be. Clarke started by cleaning up Raven's back and realizing that even without all the blood, it still looked concerning bad. Maybe if she was done, it would soon start to look better. Hopefully it would. She placed the tools she would need within reach, put some disinfectant on her back too and then looked up. Bellamy's eyes had been resting on her the entire time, making her calm. His looks were never doubtful or scrutinizing and it really made her feel good. When their eyes met, he nodded at her. Another conformation. His words still counted. He would stand by her. She gave him a weak smile before turning towards Raven. "Okay, Raven, I'm going to get Finn now, okay?"

She nodded and Clarke made her way towards the door before silently slipping out. "No wonder it happened!" Finn was just ranting, his back towards her while he leaned against the wall in the hallway, Monty and Jasper facing him. "That guy, Murphy, Bellamy's friend, what else did you expect from that? Nothing good can ever come from anything regarding Bellamy and his…" They appeared to not have noticed her yet but his words almost made her make her appearance painfully knowable.

"Hey!" Jasper interrupted him suddenly before she got a chance to do so. "That's not cool, man! This is not Bellamy's fault. He has nothing to do with this! You know I like you, Finn, I think you are a great guy and everything but you seriously need to stop messing with Clarke and him. They're in love with each other and I'm pretty sure you have realized that by now too. So just stop it and don't let your anger out on him just because Clarke likes him more than you. Which shouldn't even concern you by the way, since you're still with Raven, or am I wrong?"

There was a rather long pause. "It's more complicated than that…"

And that bullshit was enough for Clarke. He had made clear that his feelings for Raven hadn't vanished and she had merely been a distraction to him. While she had more or less gotten over him now anyways because of… Bellamy, yes that was something she couldn't deny anymore. So she cleared her throat pointedly, making them all jump around. "We're all set." She said, pretending to not have overheard the last part of their conversation. "Monty, Jasper, would you mind staying here? I don't want you to feel excluded but too many people in there might be too stressful for Raven. Besides, in case someone gets in here while the surgery isn't done yet, we would need people here to buy us some time."

The boys nodded but Clarke couldn't help but feel bad for them too. Lately it seemed like all Bellamy and her had been doing was ordering them around but for now, it was what needed to be done.

"Thank you!" She said before turning back around and returning to Raven's side. Finn had reclaimed the chair next to her head, holding her hand and smiling at her reassuringly. Bellamy was leaning against the wall, right behind where she was going to stand, which was good. He would be there for her.

"Finn…" Raven whispered as Clarke took her place, trying to calm herself one last time before stepping into action. "I'm scared…"

Clarke swallowed. She had always believed hell would rather freeze over before Raven Reyes would admit she was scared.

"You're going to be fine." Finn answered and Clarke bit her lip. She was sure these words weren't meant for her ears so she pretend like nothing happened as she reached for the scalpel. Her hand was still a little shaky but she knew, there was no turning back anymore. "I'm starting now, Raven." She informed the girl before placing the blade at her skin and applying pressure to it.


	24. Stuck in reverse

Raven’s screams was probably something Bellamy was likely to never forget. It had been earth shattering, bone cramping cries. She had been admirable quiet at first, concerning the amount of blood Clarke had had to deal with. Only a few whimpers left her mouth but at some point she obviously couldn’t keep it in anymore. But who could blame her? Bellamy was sure the pictures he had seen would haunt him in his dreams. All the blood, the open flesh wound, and her bones. He had seen more of the inside of a human than he had ever wanted to.

So he also had to admit he admired Clarke. He had no idea how she had managed to stay so calm and focused through it all but when she threw the bullet onto the table next to her, he couldn’t quite fight a proud grin, despite the situation. He had known Clarke would do it and he had never been prouder of her. Just shortly after the surgery Raven had passed out, from pain and exhaustion probably. It was better for her anyways, he figured. The pain she was experiencing was probably unlike anything any of them had encountered before. Finn had carefully carried her into a different room so that when she woke up, she would have different surrounding.

Surprisingly good thinking on his side. Clarke was still cleaning up the tools as a thought stroke him. There was a reason all of this had been happening in the first place. Their broken car. So he got up from the chair he was sitting on right outside the room Clarke was still working in since he had wanted to give her some space.

“Clarke.”

She flinched and he shot her an apologetic look. Her face was like a mask even though her eyes were still swollen. She probably had been crying again. For a second he considered addressing her feelings but from the looks of it, she probably wanted to be alone with that for now. So he just moved on to his idea: “I’m guessing we all want to leave this place as soon as possible?”

She nodded.

“Good. So, what do you say? Finn and I get out, find whatever car repair shop he was talking about before, fix the car and get back here.”

“I’ll come along.”

“No!” He shook his head. “You need to rest.”

“Bellamy, I…”

“Nope, I’m not talking about this. You stay here.”

She could argue all she wanted, this time he wouldn’t let her have a chance. His mind was set and she needed some time to recover and relax. She had been on her toes for days now. “Fine. But take Monty with you. He will know what to do with the car.” The fact that she just gave in and didn’t even try to change his mind was just another proof for him that he had made the right decision.

“We will. And you rest, got it?”

She rolled her eyes but to his great relief, the ghost of a smile appeared on her face. “As soon as I’m done, okay?”

“Fine.” He knew getting Clarke to stop working right away and rest was an impossibility so he left it at that. “I’ll see you later then.” He turned to leave but before he could do so Clarke stopped him at the door one more time. “Hey Bellamy…?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being there for me today and… please be careful, okay? Because I… I need you too.”

He couldn’t suppress a small smile at her words and nodded. “No worries, Princess.”

Monty and Jasper were still sitting opposite each other, trying to throw nuts into each other’s mouths for the past two hours. Bellamy slightly shook his head before addressing them. “Hey Monty, we got a car to fix. Jasper, you stay back here, make sure nothing happens to Clarke and Raven.”

Jasper nodded. “Are you taking Finn with you?”

“Yes, we need someone to guide the way.”

“You think he will leave Raven’s side?”

Bellamy sighed. No, or at least he didn’t expect it to be easy. “Clarke will be here too to make sure nothing happens to her so yes.” As predicted, as soon as Bellamy had slipped into the room, Raven and Finn were currently occupying and given Finn the information about his plan, the boy was shaking his head. “I’m staying with Raven until she wakes up and I can know for sure she is alright.”

Bellamy cursed under his breath. “You’re not helping by being here, Finn. We need to get going and fix that car! How much longer do you want to stay in this God forsaken place?”

“No longer than you! But if she wakes up, I want to be here!”

“Be reasonable, Collins! It won’t make a difference whether you see her right away or fifteen minutes later.”

A coughing sound interrupted the two boys and they turned around to find Raven blinking at them. “No one can rest for a second with the two of you around.”

“Oh my God, Raven!” Finn jumped back towards her and took her hands to place a kiss on her knuckles. “I'm so glad to see you... I'm going to get Clarke, okay?”

While he left to do as he said, Bellamy took a deep breath and moved closer to the girl on the bed. “Hey... how are you feeling?”

She looked up, one eyebrow raised. “Don't pretend to care.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “I'm not but if you don't want to talk, fine.” He wanted to get up again but Raven reached out for him. “No! Wait... I'm sorry.”

“Are you?”

She rolled her eyes and let her arm sink. “If you want to leave, go.” Raven was really hard to deal with sometimes, she was hot headed, guarded and touchy but he knew she had a good heart so he stopped.

“I've been better.” She finally admitted when Bellamy didn't move.

“Clarke will make sure you will get better soon.” He tried to sooth her.

Raven snorted before shaking her head slightly. “Yeah, right, Clarke, our hero.”

At the bitterness in her tone, Bellamy stopped. He knew the girls' relationship hadn't been easy from the start and they had gotten off on a rough patch but after today's events, he thought they'd be resolved. “What's wrong?” He therefore asked.

It took Raven a moment but she finally said: “Apart from the obvious? It's just... the reason behind it, kind of, I guess. And the fact that I can see just how much Finn likes her even though all she can see is you... and I know you don't want to believe it, but you like her just as much and... It’s stupid, really, I know, but I'm jealous of her... she's got everything, everyone just loves perfect little Clarke, including you and Finn. And the sole reason for her to destroy my relationship was to get over you which didn't work at all... so, no, I'm not really fine.”

That was definitely one way to look at it. He had always assumed Clarke had just fallen for Finn because he was charming around her, filtered with her all the time and made moves he was too afraid of making. Raven's perspective of the whole scene was different but he didn't know if he could trust her on that one. Before he got the chance to say anything else though, the door opened again and Finn followed Clarke back inside. Bellamy watched the blonde for a second. Was it possible? Did she like him in that way and had simply been trying to suppress that? He shook his head. Even if that was the case, it wouldn't change anything. Obviously she didn't want to be with him and she was right, there were too many other things on their minds and too many risks.

He nodded at Finn. “Raven's awake, so let's get out of their hair and get going.”

Even though Finn didn't look too happy about that, he didn't argue any further and they left the room together to collect Monty and then leave the building together. Bellamy's mind was still spinning though with what Raven had just told him. Could it actually be possible? Was there anything Clarke felt for him? God, it wasn't even too much of a big deal but it was just messing with him already, just as always when something was up with Clarke.

He shook his head a little to clear it. Keeping thinking about it wasn't going to help at all for now. He couldn't change the situation or start to read Clarke's mind or figure out how much of what Raven had said was true and he had to focus on their mission. That was most important for now.

“We need to make sure the area is clear before we go outside.” Bellamy noted, coming to a stop in front of the doors. The other two nodded in agreement before Monty leaned to the side to look through the small part of the window that wasn't barricaded. It took him a moment but after some time he mumbled. “I can't see anyone. If we make a run for it, we might be fine.”

Might wasn't really perfect but probably the best they could get for now. So Bellamy nodded and grabbed the door handle. “Finn, you go first, make your way straight to that car place and go into hiding there, Monty and I stay right on your heels. If we get attacked on the way, we try to hide in a house or somewhere but stay together, alright?”

They agreed and after taking one last deep breath, Bellamy pushed the door open and Finn sped past him. “Come on!” He grabbed Monty's arm and they followed him the street back down. Everything seemed clear and safe. Had the Walkers drawn back? Maybe found some other prey? Possibly even chasing Murphy? He wouldn't mind too much. He had risked his life running after him just for him to wrestle him to the ground in an attempt to get rid of him and resulting in almost getting both of them killed. Idiot.

Bellamy tried to keep up with where they were going, the turns they took and street names, just in case, but it was senseless. They raced back towards the building they stayed in before but took a different turn and wait... Did something hide in the shadows there? He squinted his eyes. No, there was nothing. His mind was rather set on checking their surroundings for possible threats all the time than on their directions.

“We're almost there!” Finn called from the front, out of breath and stopped. They were standing at the top of a little hill and at the foot a car repair shop could be seen. _Good,_ Bellamy thought. He was panting too and Monty didn't look like he'd be able to keep up at that pace much longer either.

“Let's go.” They jogged the last part of the way and stopped at the entrance once more.

“Do you know what we need?” Bellamy asked, looking at the Asian boy on his left side.

Monty slowly nodded. “I think so. We need a new timing belt, the Alternator is broken and the camshaft needs some fixing.”

Finn nodded. “I think I know where we need to go to find what you’re looking for.”

“Good. Keep leading the way, we stay close together and stay sharp!”

Slowly he pushed the front gate open and they waited for a second but nothing happened. Finn waved at them and they moved to follow him inside. Large piles of scrap metal were forming aisles and it was clear to see that this must have once been a huge company. Finn led them around a corner and pointed towards one of the piles. “It's not very organized but you should be able to find some stuff here.”

While Monty started going through the junk, Bellamy kept scanning their surroundings. Without guns they were horribly vulnerable for an attack, so the sooner they'd see their attackers coming the better. He was still hoping they wouldn't ever see anything that Monty would just find what they needed and they could leave again.

"Guys..." Finn suddenly said and Bellamy turned, not liking the tone of the boy's voice at all. He was pointing at the end of the aisle where two Walkers came just stumbling around the corner.

"Damn it!" Bellamy cursed. Nigel had really been right. This town was small but he felt like he had already seen more Walkers on one spot than all the times before combined. And they were more deadly and hungry than ever.

"Monty! You got what we need?" He asked, already backing away.

"I hope so..." He answered, stepping away from the pile he had just been going through with two different parts in his hands.

"That sounds good enough for me." Finn noted and for once Bellamy agreed. Monty was still young but after Raven probably the smartest of them all. He hoping definitely sounded good enough to him too.

"Let's get out of here before they call their friends."

"This way." Finn led them further away from the approaching Walkers as he explained. "There is a second entrance on the other side. We'll be further away from the car but at least we won't have any unpleasant Walker encounters."

"Good." At least on this level it was easy to agree on things with him. He wasn't as dumb as Bellamy had liked to think after the whole Raven and Clarke thing. They hurried over the scrapyard but just when they were about to round the next corner they almost crashed into another group of Walkers. If the creatures still hadn't been slower at mind than they were, they probably would have gotten them this time.

"Run!" Bellamy screamed as he dived under one of the monsters trying to punch him. Apparently they had attracted more unwanted attention than they had expected and now the Walkers were gathering to finally eat their prey. He turned on his heels, the way in that direction was still free and their best option for now. They started running again before Finn pointed towards the pile on their left. "We might have to climb it!" He exclaimed.

After all they were all still very aware of the reason for them even taking the other direction now. When they reached the next corner, they could see that the first group had received some growth and they had gotten much closer, picking up speed as their prey reentered their view.

"The pile might doesn't sound too bad..." Bellamy noted and Finn and Monty nodded. They turned and started climbing. This was definitely harder than he had expected. The junk beneath their feet kept giving in and the pieces had sharp edges and hurt his hands and knees. He cursed but the alternative was even worse so he gritted his teeth. When they reached the top, Bellamy cast a look back. It seemed like the Walkers struggled even worse than they already did, not being able to follow them up.

"Come on, Bellamy!" Monty called as he and Finn already were halfway down the pile on the other side already. He followed them quickly back to the ground where Finn stopped, looking like he was trying to orientate himself again. "I think we have to go that way." He pointed south and since Monty and he knew even less, they had to go with what Finn thought. So they started moving again, running a few steps but at that point they could already hear the Walker's grunts and growls again.

"They're everywhere..." Monty whispered and Bellamy had the bad feeling that he was right. There had to be a way out of here somehow! "Oh oh..." Monty murmured, pointing towards the top of the pile they had just climbed over. The Walkers from before had managed to climb it.

"They are learning way too fast..." Bellamy mumbled. They couldn't stay around any longer. "Let's go up there!" He said, pointing to one of the piles several feet behind them. It wasn't like he was too keen on climbing again but maybe they would be able to see something from up there. They started making their way up slowly again but Monty already started falling behind, he had hardly managed to get up one third of the hill when Bellamy reached the top together with Finn. To his great horror some of the Walkers were starting to gather at the foot of this pile again. At first Bellamy thought they wouldn't be able to follow them up once more, already losing the skill they had just gained but how wrong he had been. The first one jumped up and grabbed some junk, pulling itself up on it before repeating that movement. It was way too fast.

"Monty! You need to hurry up!"

While Finn leaned forward to offer the boy a hand and pull him up, if he would even get high enough in time, Bellamy started looking around frantically. There had to be something he could use as a weapon! They were on a fucking pile made of scrap after all! He grabbed what looked like it once used to be some part of a motorcycle before crouching down next to Finn. If Monty just managed to reach them before the Walkers would reach him.

"Come on..." Bellamy silently urged him, already positing himself to give the closest creature a good hit to send it back down. "Monty!" Finn screamed. "Hurry up!" It was going to be close, no question. Finn tried leaning even further down to be able to help the other boy a second sooner, maybe exactly the second he needed. Good ten feet were still between them. The Walker was only inches away from him now though. He took a swing. Bellamy's heart stopped. Finn screamed. But he missed. He missed and fell a few feet back down. That was exactly what they needed.

"Now! Monty, go on! Go!" The boy picked up his pace, using his last resort but so did his followers. The first one grabbed Monty's leg just as his hand closed around Finn's who started pulling him up. Bellamy took aim and placed a good hit right at the creature's face. It let out a scream, let go of Monty and grabbed his weapon instead to prevent itself from falling. This made Bellamy lose his balance, he started swinging but instinctively let go of his improvised weapon. Still he didn't manage to regain his composure, falling backwards.

Just now did he also realize that Finn and Monty weren't next to him anymore before he crashed into the junk painfully and felt the breath being knocked out of his lungs. He rolled down the pile, feeling something scratching his cheek and ripping his clothes. When he finally reached the bottom, it took him a moment to get up. He blinked, disorientated for a moment until his gaze fell upon the other two. They laid crouched down a few feet away. They had probably fallen down too. Still, there was an image engraved in Bellamy's mind, the Walker clutching at Monty's left leg.

Bellamy was praying as he stumbled back on his feet and ran over to the boy. He groaned as Bellamy turned him over but at least he was still alive. For now. "Hey." He greeted him, trying not to let the panic he was feeling on as he rolled up the left leg of his jeans, turning the boy's leg over but his skin looked unharmed. Tension fell off of Bellamy's shoulders and he gasped for air as he let himself fall back on his butt. They were fine.

He shot a look over to Finn who was just sitting up and even had to admit he felt a tiny little bit relieved that he seemed to be well too. They didn't really get a long moment to relax and take a break though. The Walkers following the one they had just defeated had reached the top and came falling down the pile.

"Dammit!" Bellamy cursed before jumping up. "We have to keep moving! Finn, lead the way!"

The boy pushed himself up while Bellamy lent Monty a hand. "Let's go."

They started moving again. Bellamy was pretty sure the Walkers coming down that pile weren't the only ones still left wandering around this graveyard of old electronics. And as it turned out only a few moments later, he was right. Walkers were coming around the next corner once more.

"Shit, what now?" Monty asked. Bellamy shook his head slightly, looking from side to side. There had to be a way out, once and for all. They wouldn't be able to keep up at this pace much longer anyways.

"Up another pile?" Finn suggested but Bellamy shook his head. Knowing their luck only more Walkers would be waiting for them on the other side. "Grab whatever you can reach to protect yourselves." He ordered. "We're going to go all in."

The amount of Walkers waiting for them there wasn't too high and with a little luck they might be able to just run through.

"What? We don't have any weapons!" Finn objected.

"Exactly. That's why we need to get out of here. Do you know how to from this point on?"

The boy nodded slowly, still not looking too convinced. "Yes, but..."

"Good, that's all I need." He turned around to grab what looked like it once used to be a car door to use it as a shield for protection before straighten up again. Monty and Finn were still crouched over the junk but the Walkers were getting closer.

"Guys... hurry..." Bellamy hissed, lifting his own armor. This move was risky and he knew it but if they did it right, they should be fine. When the other two stood tall next to him just a few seconds later, he nodded at them and they started running to meet their opponents with force on their side too. The first one Bellamy met was almost too easy to take down. It ran face first into the shield, knocking itself out cold. When he looked up again, he had to stop though. The one blocking his way now was at least a whole foot taller than and twice as wide as him.

Bellamy swallowed, staggering a few steps back while rising the once used to be car door to protect himself from an attack. Two pretty hard hits collided with the metal with a loud bang that made his ears ring and him almost lose his balance. He fought to stay upright though and shook his head a little to clear it out. His back was against the pile marking the aisle so at least no one could attack him from behind for now. He ducked down to avoid the next punch before using the short second that it needed to regain its composer to streak. He jumped up, slamming the metal piece hard against its head. It let out a scream, stumbling backwards far enough for Bellamy to get a better stand and take another swing at its head, this time drawing blood and making it fall forward, his eyes rolling back into its skull. Bellamy had to jump to the side to avoid being crushed by his weight.

He didn't get a lot of time to catch his breath though since a small girl jumped on his back, snapping at his neck. Cold panic grabbed his heart and he growled. She only missed his throat by a few inches. Her nails were digging through his clothes into his skin and pain shot through his body. He stumbled backwards, crashing his back into the wall to get rid of the girl but her grip on him was tighter than he had expected.

He growled but for some reason he just couldn't do anything else. Even though he knew in how much danger he was because of that creature on his back, there was some kind of blockade in his head. This girl used to be someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's friend. She probably never even knew what was happening. She wasn't to blame. If Octavia was turned, nothing would change. She would still be his sister and he would want to beat anyone up who hurt her. So how could he actually harm a little child now? She wasn't to blame. She was just trapped in some awful version of reality. She hissed right next to his ear and his heart stopped. Was this how he was going to go down?

"No! Bellamy!" Monty had appeared out of nowhere, seemingly and brought his blade down. It cut off the girl's arm who started screaming pitifully, ripping Bellamy out of his trance. He spun around, finally managing to get the girl off his back who no longer had such a tight grip on him with one arm less.

"Come on!" Monty outstretched his hand and Bellamy took it without hesitation. Back on his feet, he felt a little relived. Their way was free now. They had put the current Walkers behind them and all three of them were still standing.

"This way!" Finn started running again and without looking back, Monty and Bellamy followed. They chased down the aisle before turning left. He didn't even know if the Walkers were still chasing after them but if he was honest, he also didn't really want to know. Instead he focused on what was ahead, trying to blend out those little girl's eyes, how she had grabbed onto him, how someone must have loved her once.

"Finn! That house!" Monty pointed towards a smaller building on their left. For now it seemed like their best option so they took a left turn. Bellamy sped past the other two and crashed into the door. Luckily this time it opened without problems and they stumbled inside before shutting and locking it. The Walkers were still good 20 feet away so they should be fine.

Catching his breath, Bellamy turned around, looking back and forth between the other two guys. They had lost sight of each other during the fight so he had no clue what had happened to them.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did they get you?"

Both of them shook their heads and he felt relief rush through him once more. They got all out alive and fine. "Good. You still got everything you need?" He asked directed at Monty who slowly started nodding, letting his hand slide into his pocket and presenting a tool and something Bellamy had no idea of what it was.

"And that should work?"

Monty nodded again. "Yes, it should."

"Good. Then let's leave through a back window. Clarke and the others are waiting for us." 


	25. Hell is empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My latest work (a Bellarke One Shot) is up and maybe, if you have time and are in a good mood and want to read some more Bellarke, you want to check it out! Here is the link:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11292255
> 
> But for now, enjoy this chapter! :)

Mount Weather couldn't be too far away anymore. They had crossed the border to Virginia this morning, now all they needed were some specifics. For once, Clarke was pretty positive about their situation. They had been so many obstacles in their way so far but they had managed to overcome them all. Starting from Bellamy being worried she would just leave him behind, moving on to the guy who wanted to kill them at the gas station, them losing hope and ending with being attacked by Walkers more than once.

When Bellamy and the other two had showed up with a repaired and working car again the night before, Clarke had to admit she had felt endless relief. When it had taken them so long to get back to the doctor's office, she had still been hiding in with Raven and Jasper, too many scenarios with horrible outcomes had played out in her head. Seeing them alive and well were some good news she desperately needed. In addition to Raven who told her that she was feeling good and could actually already put a little pressure on her leg again, even though walking on her own was still hard, Clarke's mood was light.

"How are we going to figure this out?" Raven asked as they passed the next street sign with no indication of where they should head next. "We can't drive all over the state aimlessly for the next weeks."

"No, I know." Clarke answered. "Maybe we should just ask. Stop at the next gas station and hope we'll find someone there."

"Yes, that's a good idea. I need to pee anyways." Jasper threw in, grinning a little. He was always the one who had to pee so no one was really surprised.

"I don't know." Raven replied, looking a little doubtful. "Asking people about places like Mount Weather is always risky. They might want to come with us or even worse get angry if it's as controversial as Nigel said."

Clarke shrugged a little. "It's true but how else are we going to get there? We don't have many options." Just as always. She had to admit it was really getting on her nerves. The choices they had been forced to make were horrible and it would always weigh on their conscience now.

"I agree." Monty said after a second. "We don't need to waste any more time on driving around aimlessly than we already did."

The blonde girl nodded before shooting a questioning look at Bellamy. His opinion was important to her after all. He returned her glance for a second before he nodded a little, even though his face didn't look too happy about it. "I guess we should ask. We can also always come up with some kind of excuse if they react badly."

Since a sign announcing the next station was already coming up, no one had time to object any further. Bellamy pulled over and they looked around. The gas station looked huge. There were two buildings, one obviously selling food, sweets and drinks as well as some last minute presents for husbands who were on their way back home to an expecting wife just like toys to keep kids entertained. The second building had dark colored glass so it was impossible to know what was going on in there. A sign was hung upon the wall, telling visitors the bathroom was around the corner in a possible third building.

"There is no other car..." Jasper murmured.

"Which, as we had to learn, doesn't have to say anything." Bellamy whispered back. Even though speaking so low wouldn't really make a difference since no one could hear them, it just felt better that way.

"Okay, let's see what or who we can find inside."

They all opened their doors to get out except for Finn who wasn't moving. No one seemed to notice though since Monty was helping Raven stand up, except for Clarke. So she pretend to be busy with her shoe lace as to not attract especially Bellamy's attention to her staying behind a little longer. As soon as the others had closed their doors again, she turned around.

Finn was staring at the ground, his eyes indicating he was somewhere else, a few drops of sweat on his forehead even though it wasn't hotter than usually today. Clarke had been guessing something was bothering him since he had also been non-characteristic quiet throughout their conversation before.

"Hey Finn...?" She asked carefully.

The boy jumped like he had completely forgotten where he was before focusing back on her, his eyes blinking.

"Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, I was... I was just thinking..."

She wondered what was preoccupying his mind but if he had wanted to tell her, he would probably have done it now. Raven was likely the one he would want to talk to about whatever it was rather than her anyways. She sighed before nodding. She couldn't force him to talk to her. "Okay but if anything is wrong, I'm still here for you, you know that, right?"

He smiled a little, looking more like the Finn she knew. "Of course, thank you."

Clarke just nodded at him before motioning towards the doors. "Let's go then. The others are probably waiting for us."

They climbed out of the car, joining the group already eyeing the building in front of them skeptically.

"What do you think?" Clarke asked as Finn moved next to Raven to help her stand straight.

Bellamy shook his head a little. "I don't know. It looks pretty quiet."

"I say we go inside." Jasper noted, taking a step forward. "Otherwise we won't ever find out."

"He's right." Clarke said, following him. "If we just stay close together, we should be good."

"Fine." Bellamy still put his hand around his gun before he started walking. Even though Clarke didn't like to admit it, she was glad that they had found two guns they had left in the trunk and that he was armed again now. It did make her feel a lot safer. Jasper in the front pushed the door leading inside open without difficulties and they stepped inside. The store looked pretty ripped apart but apart from that empty. It was a huge store, another room around the corner and stairs at the other end leading to a second level.

"Raven, Finn, you look around here, Monty, Jasper, go that way around the corner, Clarke, you stay with me, we check upstairs." Bellamy ordered.

Everyone nodded, even Finn didn't complain, so they all started walking. Bellamy led her towards the stairs. "Stay behind me." He murmured while rising his gun again. Bullets and new weapons were another thing they desperately needed. After they emptied them all on their last run from the Walkers, they only had two weapons left. She decided to let him take the lead for now as she didn't see a point in arguing any more.

As soon as they reached the top, they found a large storing room, most boxes were already torn apart and empty as it seemed. Clarke wanted to start walking already to check them out more closely but Bellamy stretched out his arm to stop her. "Wait." He nodded towards a passage in the left wall leading into a new room. Admittedly without him she probably would not have noticed it.

They moved closer, pressing their backs against the wall. It was awfully quiet in the building and Clarke was almost sure her heart was beating so loud that Bellamy too must have been able to hear it. On the contrary to her he seemed totally calm, his hand tightly and steadily wrapped around the guns barrel. She bit her lip as he took a sudden step forward and into the doorway, moving the pistol around but after not more than a few seconds he dropped it again.

"No one's there..." He explained as Clarke stepped next to him to look inside too. The room seemed to once have been filled with beverages and bottles but was now pretty much robbed empty too. So no other human soul in sight, which was good and bad at the same time. At least no one was going to attack them but at the same time, no one would be able to help them. Bellamy took a deep breath as he kneeled down next to one of the boxes to look at the bottles laying around there.

"They're all empty..." He murmured.

Clarke shook her head a little before crossing her arms over her chest. "Just like the boxes over there and everything downstairs. Finding supplies is getting harder each day..."

Bellamy got up again, kicking some of the empty bottles out of his way as he walked over to the blonde again. "I know but if we get into Mount Weather, we'll be fine."

Clarke looked up at him. This Mount Weather place just sounded way too good. "Do you really believe that?" She therefore asked as she struggled to ignore the negative parts Nigel had mentioned.

"Of course I do. I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it? If the government caused this whole virus thing, they must have had a backup plan to save some of the human race and important people, don't you think?"

Clarke would really like to think that in fact but why on earth was this place so hard to find then? "I guess so..." She would have really liked to have at least 10% of Bellamy's optimism.

He noticed her lying anyways since he put a hand to her cheek to make her look into his eyes. "Don't worry, Clarke. If we get there and it turns out to be horrible, we just leave again, okay? As long as we stick together, it will all be fine."

There it was again. That word.  _Together._  She felt like the meaning behind it might have shifted a little since they had first started using it. It wasn't just like 'we are making decisions together' or 'we walk into dangerous situations together', it had turned into 'no matter what happens we stay together' and 'it's you and me together' and Clarke had to admit she like it, a little too much maybe even. She leaned into his hand for a second and closed her eyes. He was right. Not even checking the possibilities the idea of Mount Weather presented would probably be a waste and no one could really force them to stay anywhere anyway. Together they would find a way through it, just as always.

"Okay, you're right." She smiled at him and he returned it, while stroking her cheek with his thumb gently. It was a simple and small moment that they shared but it felt really good and reassuring to Clarke. She couldn't even express how glad she was that Bellamy was around her.

Still, they had other things to focus on right now than each other, no matter what. Bellamy seemed to realize that at the same moment as he let his hand drop. Clarke felt herself missing his touch the exact same moment but she pushed that feeling to the back of her mind while changing the subject: "Hey, what do you say? You keep looking around here, maybe there is some food or something to drink or whatever still here and I'll see what the others got?"

Bellamy nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a good plan, but in case anything happens, take the gun and call me."

Clarke rolled her eyes but couldn't stop herself from grinning a little. After all, she liked that too, kind of. The knowledge that there was someone who cared and always wanted to know if she was fine. "Of course." She took it, knowing he wouldn't have backed down anyways and secured it at her waistband. He probably knew as well as her that she wasn't going to use it but it was simply the feeling of her having it that made him feel a little calmer when she left his sight within unexplored territory. He winked at her one last time before she turned around and headed back down the stairs, in hopes their friends had been more successful than they had.

These hopes were crushed the second she spotted Raven and Finn though. The girl was crouching on the ground while he was holding onto one of the shelves, his body shaking. "Finn...?" Raven's voice sounded confused and distressed.

Clarke narrowed her eyes before breaking into a jog to get closer to them. "What is going on?"

At the sound of her voice Finn flinched before turning his head to look at her. This made Clarke stop on the spot. His eyes were red and a little puffy, his face was covered in a thin layer of sweat, his skin looking pale, his breathing went heavy. Clarke gasped for air while slowly shaking her head. "No..." These were all signs for... "No, no, no..." This just was impossible! It had to be...

"Clarke..." His voice sounded weird, it was more of a growl than an actual human sound.

"What's wrong, Finn?" She asked, praying she was wrong. "Please don't tell me you have been bitten! Please don't!"

He didn't answer so Raven did instead. "That's bullshit! He has not been bitten! That's impossible! Tell her, Finn!"

The boy stayed quiet his eyes just wandering back and forth between the two girls frantically. Clarke swallowed hard.

"Finn!" Raven pushed but no reaction.

Clarke took a careful step closer to him. "Maybe we can still do something about this..." She started. "Show me where it got you, maybe I can..."

At her movements, Finn had jumped around, eyeing her and there was a certain craziness on his face that scared the hell out of the blonde. It looked so inhuman.

"Finn..." She tried again but none of her words seemed to even really reach his brain. He let out another low growl before he suddenly jumped at Clarke. Instinctively the girl grabbed her gun while stumbling backwards and landing on her back painfully. "Stay back!" She screamed out.

"Finn!" Raven cried at the same time. "What are you doing?! Finn! Finn!" The shrill noises leaving her mouth seemed to distract him from his former victim as he took a sharp turn and spun around, now aiming at the other girl.

"Stop it! Finn! Hey!" Clarke pushed herself up, aiming the gun at him again. "Finn! Get away from her!"

"No! What are you doing? Finn! Finn!"

Clarke's hands were shaking. For a second she felt like she was set back in time about a month or so. It wasn't Finn who was attacking Raven but someone older, with dark blonde hair and green eyes, and a face that was familiar to her ever since she had been born. She blinked. She couldn't breathe. She was the monster. He was scared of her. She was the murderer, the hunter, the villain of this story.

"No! Finn! Please..." Raven's pleas pulled her back into reality and there was Finn in front of her again. Finn who no longer was Finn. Finn was already dead. This was a monster. A creature who simply used the boy's face to look more human. Finn didn't deserve this. Finn deserved better. Finn was one of the good guys. And she pulled the trigger. Once. Twice. Three times. All bullets were gone. And the boy had collapsed on top of Raven.

Clarke stared. No! Had she killed them both? Was she such a lousy shot? Was there one more life weighing on her conscience now? She swallowed hard. She wanted to do something, say anything, just act. But she couldn't. She felt paralyzed. That's when Finn started twitching again. For one horrific second she was convinced she had just killed Raven and the creature who stole Finn's body was still alive. But then she realized it was merely Raven pushing the lifeless body of her boyfriend off of her. Finn's lifeless body. Oh God, how could she live with that? Another ghost, another nightmare to haunt her.

"No!" Raven's scream was earth shattering, as tears started flowing down her cheeks. Clarke's hands were shaking, the sound of the bullet leaving the gun echoed in her head, her eyes seemed to be stuck to his dead, unmoving body on the ground. Seconds passed. Or minutes? Clarke couldn't tell anymore. Everything was a blur. She killed him. She killed him. She  _killed_ him. She was a murderer. His blood was on her hands. She fucking killed him. The thing freeing her from her frozen frame was Raven's next agonized scream.

"No!" She yanked back, blinking, suddenly praying this was all a bad dream. Praying she would open her eyes any second and she would be back in the rover, Bellamy next to her, Raven and Finn in the back, Monty and Jasper next to them. She blinked again. Nothing changed.

"No!" Raven screamed again, crawling to Finn's side and started shaking him. "Please! Wake up! Finn! Finn! You need to wake up!"

He didn't move. Of course he didn't move. He was dead. She had killed him. Tears were streaming down Raven's face. Clarke still stared at the boy's still frame. She saw his face in front of her, his charming smile, his warm eyes. Suddenly Raven was on her feet and looking at her, a wild expression on her face. "You..." She growled. "This is your fault!"

"I..." Clarke didn't know what to say. Raven was right. This was her fault. Raven pushed herself up at the shelves and came for Clarke, limping and slow but she came. Clarke knew Raven would probably still be able to beat up her ass driven by pain and anger but she still couldn't move. Maybe because that was what she deserved for all the damage and pain she had caused. "How could you?! You're a fucking monster, Clarke! I hate you! I hate you! I..."

In that second warm, familiar hands reached around her and pulled her backwards. "Enough! Raven!" Clarke gulped. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. "She saved your life!" He continued, giving the other girl a sharp look. "It's not her fault!"

Raven didn't even seem to be able to hear his words but there was no way she could get to Clarke now, with Bellamy in between them. Monty and Jasper came stumbling towards them and walked towards Raven. Apparently that was what Bellamy had been waiting for because he turned his back on them now to face Clarke, blocking Finn's dead body from her view. "Hey..." His voice and his face softened while he carefully took her hands in his and loosened her grip on the weapon. "It's alright..." He whispered.

She looked up and into his face. "Bellamy... I... I killed him..."

"Sh..." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. "It's all good."

She buried her face in his shoulder. Nothing was good. Absolutely nothing. And with that the tears she had been holding back for all this time came. Nothing was fucking good!

"You saved Raven's life, Clarke."

"But I sacrificed his..."

"He was doomed anyway", Bellamy answered. "Come on. You need some fresh air..." He let his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders while he guided her outside. To her relief he didn't lead her back to the car but to a bench on the other side of the station. They couldn't see the others from here but for the first time Clarke was glad about that. She needed this and she felt like Bellamy just somehow knew.

"Nothing is good, Bellamy..." She whispered after a second, still not able to make the tears stop.

"Hey..." He turned her head into his direction and wiped away the tears. "Without you, both, Finn and Raven would be Walkers now. This is no one's fault but his! He should have told us he got bitten when it happened! Instead he kept quiet and endangered all of our lives! This is not your fault, Clarke!"

She shook her head before turning away. He didn't understand. It took her some moments to think about her words, the desperation she fought so eagerly for so many weeks finally getting the better of her. "It's not just that, Bellamy! It's everything! How long are we going to keep this up? Running away from zombies? Fighting them? How long until we all die? Or until we are the only humans left on this planet? What is the point of this? Everyone we love is dead! And seriously, I just don't know what we are doing anymore! Why are we running? Why are we fighting? This is about nothing but surviving anymore and I just... I'm so tired of it... I don't see this ever ending..."

He took a deep breath. Obviously he had not expected such an outbreak of her. His eyes were scanning her face for a long moment. This fear, that fear of losing the sense of life was so present. She had always thought she was supposed to become a doctor, to help people and cure them but now the whole world was such a mess and they were so close to death each day. She had never admitted that fear to anyone and she couldn't quite explain why she allowed herself to be so open and vulnerable around Bellamy from time to time but she trusted him. She didn't know when exactly it happened, when the stranger in the car who offered a car and some protection turned into a friend, someone she trusted, into her partner.

"I don't know, Clarke." He finally said. "I can't tell you what the future holds but... I don't think we should give up yet. There are so many parts of the country we haven't explored yet. We don't know if there might be some place where they are working on a cure, maybe somewhere in Oregon, in Michigan or in Florida they are just about to figure something out, you know? And remember what this guy in the gas station said, your Mom might hold some answers. And she's alive, you still have her. Even if she won't be in Mount Weather or if Mount Weather turns out to be a hoax, this, our lives, they are not just about surviving, okay? They are about so much more than that! Don't you think the nights we spend in the car, talking, laughing a little are worth it? The breaking into gas stations and living the bad, criminal life every little girl dreams of? I mean, before I met you, everything I did, every move I made, every thought I had, it all centered around Octavia. But now you are here, and Jasper and Monty, and Raven, and I saw Miller, and Gina, again, and even Finn, yes even that asshole, you showed me that there is more to life. That we need to live it and that we have no more time to waste!"

Clarke just stared at him, even he seemed surprised of the words that had just left his own mouth but the longer she thought about it, the more she realized how true they were. She took a deep breath and reached for his hand.

"And what happened today, it happened. This is survival after all. Not everyone can survive, Clarke but we have a duty and that is taking care of our people. You can't deny that these idiots over there listen to us. And I have to admit, I kind of like them and we can't give up now. I mean, maybe I won't find Octavia for another ten years, maybe Monty and Jasper won't find their families for another 20 years and maybe it will take Raven 31 to get over Finn but the point is we need to keep going or we will never achieve our goals, you know?"

She nodded slightly. She never would have imagine Bellamy to deliver such motivational speeches but then again, didn't he seem to be exactly that kind of guy? In another world, in another universe, he probably would have made the perfect leader and everyone should have been glad to have him at their side. He could motivate, he was strong, he was compassionate, he was determined. She was definitely glad she had him at her side. She knew she didn't really deserve him but for the moment she tried to push it away because she really needed him. Without giving herself too much opportunity to think about it she leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck to bury her face there too. To her great relief he simply returned the hug, placing a gentle kiss on top of her head.

"Bellamy..." She whispered. "How will I get over this?" A new wave of tears rolled over her, despite his words. "I shot our friend…"

"You shot a Walker, not Finn!"

"I wish it was that easy..." She whispered.

Bellamy took a deep breath while his hand started stroking her back gently. "You know nothing of this makes you any less beautiful to me, right?"

Despite herself she smiled a little before looking up at him. It was insane how he could change her mood so easily and positively. Still, her first instinct was to ask how. How could he still think of her like that after everything she had told him and everything he had seen her do? Not in the mood to keep discussing with him she decided to let the topic drop and just weakly nodded before burying her face deeper into his neck. He seemed to sense that the talking was done, at least for now, as he let her keep crying silently into his shoulder despite his words.

All he did was hold her and stroke her back comfortingly every now and then. She was glad he let her grieve the boy he had disliked so much. She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she finally lifted her head again to look up at him. She probably looked like a horror story right now but he still smiled at her. "It will get easier, Clarke."

She hoped it would, at some point. Losing her Dad had not really gotten easier but it had rather become a fact that she had been forced to get used to with living every day, the guilt had not decreased an inch. Still, she knew Bellamy was only trying to make her feel better and she appreciated that.

"Do you think we can bury him?" She asked, as a sudden thought stroke her. The idea of Finn's body just laying around there like some trash, while he turned cold and stiff and just turned into one in a million other victims, without a name and without a story broke her heart. Besides, she hoped it would help to give her some closure. And Raven. Oh God, she hadn't really thought of Raven at all so far. What if she could never forgive her? She couldn't really blame her then. She didn't deserve forgiveness for the things she had done anymore.

"Yes, we should do that." Bellamy got up and offered her his hand, unaware of the new wave of dark thoughts in the blonde's head. She blinked and tried to tune out the bad thoughts, at least for now as she gave him another weak smile before taking his hand. He led her back around the building and towards the car which Monty was standing in front of.

As he saw them approach, he pushed himself off of the hood and came towards them. "Hey, there you are!" He looked back and forth between them, his eyes settling on the girl for a moment longer before he gave her the hint of a smile. It wasn't much but it was exactly what she needed. She didn't want to talk to anyone else about what had happened for now but it was still good to see that Monty didn't seem to hate her.

"Are you feeling okay?"

She nodded a little, so Monty went on. "Good. Raven wants to bury Finn and Jasper and I thought that that might be a good idea..."

"Yes." Bellamy confirmed. "We had the same idea."

Clarke was glad he did the talking for now as she was not sure she would really be able to think straight.

"Okay, should I look around for some shovels then?"

Bellamy nodded.

"Okay, Jasper and Raven are in the car, by the way but..." He trailed off but neither Clarke nor Bellamy needed him to finish the sentence. But Clarke being in her presence right now would end badly. The other girl hated her. She swallowed and looked down.

"I'll take care of it, thanks Monty." Bellamy answered after a moment and the boy left with a last nod. Bellamy turned back towards Clarke and placed both of his hands on her shoulders. "Listen to me, I'll go inside now and talk to her. You stay here, okay? You don't go back inside that store on your own. Can you promise that?"

She sighed but that wasn't a very hard promise to make for her anyways. Seeing Finn after what she had done to him was the last thing she wanted or needed anyways. "Promise."

"Good. I won't take long." He turned around to enter the car, while Clarke sat down on the sidewalk. If she honest, she had no idea how Bellamy would want to convince Raven of forgiving her. It wasn't like she had damaged her car, knocked over her favorite vase or accidentally used up her favorite nail polish that couldn't be bought anymore. She had shot her boyfriend and best friend. She couldn't blame the other girl if she hated her forever now. She knew how good Bellamy was at convincing people and delivering motivational speeches but there were boundaries, even for him.

Anxiously she swayed back and forth while wrapping her arms around her legs. For a second she considered just getting up and running away. Just disappearing behind the store and into the woods. No one would notice, they were all busy. Maybe it would make them all feel better if she would just be gone. They wouldn't be reminded of what she had done anymore and neither would she have to keep thinking about all of that. Before she could make a final decision though, Monty reappeared.

"Hey." His voice was soft, like he was really trying not to disturb her.

"You found some shovels." Clarke commented as she got up and watched him with two shovels.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Do you think we can already start digging?"

Monty looked hesitant at first but he finally slowly nodded. "I guess so."

He handed her one of the tools. "What spot were you thinking of?"

"I don't know, I..."

"I have a spot in mind." Raven, being held up by Bellamy, had just left the car, Jasper following them. Bellamy leaned his head to the side as he saw Clarke with the shovel before he outstretched his hand. "Give that to me. I'll do it."

She shook her head a little. "Don't worry about it. I can do it. Besides, you're still hurt." After their return from the car repair shop yesterday, Clarke had diagnosed him with bruised rips, so he should take it slow.

"Clarke..."

"I can show you the spot, Monty." Raven said, letting go of Bellamy and pretending Clarke wasn't there at all.

"Be careful!" Clarke automatically warned as she jumped a few steps forward.

"I don't need you to tell me what to do." Raven growled before Monty reacted and appeared at her side to support her now. Clarke took a deep breath. Maybe running off would have been the better choice.

"She'll come around." Bellamy murmured as the boys helped Raven walk around the building and towards the woods.

Clarke shrugged. If she didn't, she couldn't blame her. Bellamy stepped closer to her and added: "She also promised me not to set you on fire during the process."

A half grin appeared on his face and Clarke couldn't do anything but return it. "What did she say?"

He sighed while reaching for the shovel. Even though Clarke was still convinced she could do it herself, she let go. She still didn't want to argue. "She is not going to take revenge, don't worry."

The fact that that was all he was telling her made her assume the rest of her words had been anything but nice and he wanted to spare her the pain.

"Okay." She accepted him trying to protect her this time. He placed his hand lightly at her lower back before nodding towards the direction the others had just disappeared into and they followed them. And Clarke had to say, she was glad Bellamy was beside her. She had no idea how she would have done any of this or made it through any of that without him. He really had turned into her lifeline and she hoped he knew that.


	26. And all the Devils are here

Burying Finn hadn't brought Clarke nearly as much closure as she had hoped. Digging a hole, lowering his body in there and covering it with dirt, thereby creating his final resting place felt more disturbing than anything. He had still been so young, there were so many things he was still to see, things he was to do and experience, things he had to say. And she took that all away from him in the matter of a second.

Her heart still hurt and she was more than scared to sleep. She didn't want to see whatever new nightmare was expecting her. The way Bellamy was eyeing her ever since they had gotten back into the car just proofed her that she probably wasn't hiding her real emotions as well as she thought.

The only positive thing she found in their last stop was the map Monty and Jasper had found, with a dot that said Mount Weather on it. It looked like the entrance was located somewhere in the woods which would mean that they would probably not be able to drive up all the way there. They had already left the road some time ago but the trees around them were growing closer to each other and thicker. Bellamy was struggling more and more to keep their car going. Just as they roughly drove over the next bump, waking up Jasper who had been napping in the back seat, Bellamy killed the engine. "That's it. We'll keep going by foot, it can't be that much further anyways."

They all opened their doors to jump out. This ground was probably going to be hell for Raven and Clarke turned back to look at her. As the uneven and bumpy way in front of them came into her sight, her face fell for a second. But as Monty and Jasper each took one of her arms to support and help her, her expression changed into one of determination. Sometimes Clarke wondered if there even was something that could break Raven Reyes.

"Okay." Bellamy, who had been stocking the only backpack they had left with as much supplies as possible, just closed the trunk. "Judging from the map, the hike won't take more than maximum 2 hours now. We don't know how accurate this is, but saying they didn't mess up entirely we should be fine." He walked up next to Clarke, watching the SUV one last time, almost as if it pained him to leave the car behind before he turned towards the woods. "Let's go then."

They had already been walking for a good half an hour through deep woods. It was exhausting even for Clarke and Bellamy who had nothing to carry but themselves. Raven, Monty and Jasper were slowly starting to fall behind though. "We need to slow down." Clarke remarked.

Bellamy sighed. "We have to hurry, since I'm not sure how long this peace is going to last. Besides, it's getting dark already and it looks like it's about to start raining too."

He was right. Clarke didn't like that prospect too much but there was nothing they could really do about it.

"Come on." He pointed towards one of the little hills that had started showing up to their left. "Let's go up there. We might have a better view and see how much further we have to go."

Clarke nodded in agreement and Bellamy motioned at the others to keep walking straight before they made their way up. The way up seemed to trouble Bellamy a little, as he put a hand to his ribs and hissed. She was pretty sure they were bruised heavily from the falls in the scrap yard he had told her about, which wasn't life threating but pretty painful. So she slowed down her pace instinctively to make it easier for him.

Admittedly when they finally reached the top, it kind of made it easier for her to breathe. The trees had been feeling like they were closing in on her, trapping her and it made her nervous. She was so focused on that feeling that she didn't even realize what Bellamy was pointing at until he said her name. There was a huge rock which looked like it was part of the forest, Moss and plants growing on top of it and around it. But there was a metal, circled door built into the rock.  _Mount Weather_  could be read at the frame.

"We made it." Clarke mumbled. She could hardly believe it when Bellamy continued. "Yeah but it looks like the rain could turn out to be something even worse."

She had been captured by the realization that for once they had gotten somewhere with relatively small troubles that she hadn't even realized the dark clouds forming at the horizon. They looked frightening, especially since the sun was setting. They looked like hunters who were out to get their prey.

"We need to hurry." She mumbled while already turning back around.

Bellamy stepped in though, coming closer to her suddenly and taking her hand gently into his. "Wait… Are you okay?"

She swallowed. She didn't really want to lie to him but at the same time she knew what was going to come if she was honest. So she nodded. "I'm managing."

He sighed, his eyes a mixture of concern and worry. "You know I'm always here for you, right? You're not alone."

She gave him a weak smile. Sometimes she really didn't know how she deserved him. "I do. Thank you, Bellamy."

They looked at each other in silence for another moment before Clarke let go of his hand and mumbled. "Let's get back to the others."

He nodded.

As soon as they rejoined the group, Bellamy announced what they had just discovered. "The bunker is close. Maybe half an hour walk." To say the least the others looked relieved. Clarke was guessing the ground made it really hard to walk with extra weight since she already kept stumbling and probably would have fallen down if Bellamy hadn't always reacted so fast and caught her. She had no idea how he was doing it but he seemed to almost be floating above the ground or something since he didn't fall, not even faltered just once.

It continued like that for the rest of the walk too. It looked way too easy when she just watched him walking over the uneven ground than it actually was. From up close the rock they had seen looked even bigger, it seemed like a mountain of its own. The gate or whatever it was looked rusty, the metal was of a brownish, reddish color all over and it looked all locked up, like it hadn't been opened in thousands of years, if it even existed that long.

Bellamy stepped closer, inspecting the door. Clarke wasn't exactly sure what he could be looking for, she doubted there was a doorbell or anything alike and it didn't look like the door could be opened from the outside in any way. It seemed to be the perfect protective hide out place.

"What now?" Jasper asked.

Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a look. After they had made their friends walk all the way here, they couldn't just give up. Unfortunately neither of them had even considered the possibility of getting here and not being able to get inside.

"Check the surroundings." Bellamy ordered. "There has to be another way in."

"What if there is not?" Raven asked, looking back and forth between him and Monty, still pretending Clarke wasn't even there.

"There is." Bellamy pressed.

"You don't know that." Raven was at a very bad place mentally at the moment and they all knew that. Silently Clarke had hoped that Mount Weather would be some kind of silver lining for the other girl, giving her a new reason and a chance to start over. If this was ripped away from them now, Clarke saw an even slimmer chance of ever repairing what had been broken between them.

Bellamy took a deep breath. "Raven..." He started. "I know you're going through a tough time but..." He was cut off by a loud thunder rolling above them, followed by lightning only seconds later. "Dammit!" Bellamy cursed as rain started pouring down on them, soaking them to the bone in a matter of seconds.

"Guys!" Jasper was standing good 100 feet away, waving at them through the trees. "Over here! It's some kind of tunnel or cave!"

Bellamy turned towards Clarke. "Go!" He urged before hurrying over to help Raven. Clarke considered staying back and checking if Bellamy and Monty needed help with her but then decided that she would probably not appreciate that.

So she jogged towards Jasper and entered the cave with him. It was pretty dark but from what it seemed pretty long too. When Bellamy, Raven and Monty caught up with them, Clarke pointed towards the darkness. "Should we go further in?"

Bellamy nodded reluctantly. "Maybe a little. So we'll be hidden from whatever or whoever might be walking around the woods as well."

Clarke couldn't help it but his wording made her shiver a little. He was right. The world was more dangerous in the dark. Or maybe not exactly more dangerous, the danger was just harder to notice before it hit you. "Stay close together..."

The fact that they didn't have any weapons left didn't make it any easier, in fact it left them feeling exposed and defenseless, kind of. The sound of the rain pouring down and the thunder growling grew more silent the further they walked. But since the ground and the walls were wet they decided to keep walking in even further. Even though it was hard to see, it was also so silent that they would probably be able to hear danger approach them long before anything could actually happen to them.

Clarke squinted her eyes, trying to make anything out in the distance but no shapes or forms were visible. There was a wide, big darkness, the breathing of her friends next to her, the beating of her own heart. She was just about to suggest that maybe they should just stop walking for now, when a loud rumbling noise could be heard, like someone had just pushed over some stones.

They all stopped dead for a second.

"What was that?" Jasper finally hissed and Clarke wished she had an answer. It would definitely make her feel better.

"Maybe it was just..." before Clarke could finish hearing what Bellamy thought it might be, a loud bang sounded next to her and suddenly her vision wasn't just black anymore. It was blinded with smoke and suddenly it got really hard to breathe. She started coughing and covered her mouth with her hands as panic started rising inside of her. She wanted to call out for Bellamy, ask what was going on, if he was okay but her voice wouldn't let her.

Sickness started making its way up her throat and everything started turning. She stumbled a few steps to the side before she collapsed on the ground. What the hell was going on?! She gasped for air, which was a bad idea she realized, considering all the smoke but at the same time her lungs were screaming for oxygen.

"Bellamy..." Her voice was barely more than a croaking whisper. She blinked, trying to see anything but even her friends had disappeared from her view now. "No..." Her voice was barely more than a whisper as she coughed even more. There was no way of keeping the smoke out of her nose or mouth, to keep herself from breathing it in. Her legs and arms started feeling so heavy, she couldn't even keep herself upright anymore. She wanted to fight it. She knew she had to. She couldn't just give up. But she was just so tired. As her head hit the ground, her eyes fell closed and darkness won over.

_No!_  She knew she couldn't let the darkness just win. She had to fight! Where was Bellamy? Where were the others? What the hell was going on here?! If her feelings weren't messing with her, she would say she was moving. She was laying down but judging from the swaying movement, being carried, probably. Maybe these were her friends! Even though her eyelids felt as heavy as stones, she forced herself to open them. She only managed to do so slowly and for a second she thought she had entered hell. There was a blinding white light and she couldn't see anything. She blinked two more times before she started making out a form, a person, to be exact. A woman, with brownish hair, her facial expression soft and green eyes were looking down at her.

Wait a second! Was that her mother?! Before she could even start to feel the tiniest bit of joy grow inside her, the woman fell even more in focus and Clarke realized, it was just a stranger. She took in a deep breath which made her look at her so the blonde just said the first word that came to her mind: "Bellamy...?"

She wanted to move, to jump up and run, to find him and the others and make sure they were all fine. But she didn't even know if her voice was understandable, if she spoke loud and clear enough for the woman to hear her but she still smiled. Something about it was unsettling though. But Clarke couldn't quite grasp what it was. It looked... out of place somehow. She was wearing weird things too. Some kind of red suit but for what reasons? Slowly Clarke turned her head. The only other person she could see was a man from behind, who was carrying the cot she was lying on. He was wearing a red suit. Wait, she had seen this suit before but... before she even got a chance to finish that sentence, her eyes stopped listening to her. They fell close even though she still didn't know anything more than before.  _Fuck._

A crucifying pain shot through her whole body. She gasped for air. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't even scream. All she could do was feel it. It was like her whole body was about to tear open, fire was burning in her veins and ice cold water hit her skin. Was this what hell felt like? It must be. Not even in her worst nightmare could she have imagined such a situation.

She forced herself to open her eyes wide. Regret set in immediately. Ice cold water was in fact pouring down on her! Immediately she pressed her eyes shut again. She balled her fist. Gasped for air one more time. What was this place? And how could she even be still alive when there was no oxygen around her? Maybe she had already suffocated. This was where she would spend eternity. It's what she deserved for all the pain and destruction she had caused. She tried to focus, to feel anything through to pain or to regain control over her body. That's when she realized something.

There were chains around her arms and legs and one around her neck holding her upright. But why the hell did everything hurt so much? Why did it feel like every second she came closer to the most painful, horrible death that she could imagine? Why did it feel like her own body suddenly started to fight and destroy itself from inside out? She opened her mouth, she wanted to scream all the pain away but no goddamn sound left her lips.

Clarke blinked, drifting in and out of consciousness, trying to figure out where she was. But all she could see were blinding white lights. She blinked again. Her heart was pounding. What the hell had happened? Where was she? Where were her friends? She tried to make a sound but her throat felt as dry as sandpaper. She gasped for air but it still felt like there was no oxygen around her. But she could feel her heart race in her chest, she could feel it bump against her rib cage over and over again. So she couldn't be dead, right?

"We're almost done." A voice said, seemingly from very far away. She wasn't alone! Maybe whoever that was could help her! She tried to roll her head to the side but without success. "Just this last one." The voice continued.

"What...?" Clarke croaked. What was he or she talking about? That's when a huge needle entered her field of vision. Fear crept up Clarke's neck but she still couldn't move. She blinked once more. She had to do something! To stop whoever was trying to do this. She gasped for air once more but she just couldn't do anything but watch. Watch as an injection went into her arm but she didn't really feel the pain, everything was too blurry and her whole body hurt so much.

"It's alright, Sweetheart." The voice again, much closer this time. The speaker had to be female. She leaned over Clarke so that she could see her face. She had dark hair, brown skin, brown eyes. She looked like a nurse but Clarke could feel even more panic rise inside her. She wasn't supposed to be her!

"Bellamy..." She managed to breathe, already feeling the black great nothingness settling all over her once more. And she was so tired. She didn't know how much longer she could keep fighting this.

"Don't worry about him!" The woman said, placing a hand at her cheek. "He is in good hands." Clarke's eyes fell closed again. She was just so damn tired.

Air! Clarke finally felt like she was able to breathe again. She opened her eyes abruptly and sat up straight. The pain was gone. That was the first thing she noticed. The second thing was how bright everything around her was. She was sitting on a bed with white sheets, in a room with white walls and a white floor. The small table in the other corner was also white, just like the chair standing next to it. A white night table was right next to her bed and an IV stand was on the other side. Everything around her reminded her of a hospital room. Even the shorts and the top she was now dressed in were white. A shiver went down her spine. Who had dressed her? She couldn't really remember anything well...

She pushed back the covers and got up to walk towards the door opposite her. She went straight for the handle but it was locked. Of course it was fucking locked. Clarke cursed, trying it again, rattling it but without successes. So she leaned to the side to look through the small, round window that was placed in the middle of her door.

There was a room right on the other side, just like hers, a long floor leading to the right and the left but due to her angle she couldn't really see far. Since she didn't really know what else to do she started banging against the door. "Hello?! Hello?! Can anyone here me? Is anyone there?!"

No reaction.

"Hello?!" She tried again, continuing to hammer her fists against the door to the point where it hurt but she was getting nowhere. When she felt like her hands were about to break, she gave in. This was senseless. Instead she let her head sink against the glass, her eyes scanning the surroundings again, trying to find any clue about her whereabouts when...

"No..." She whispered. There was a small sigh next to the other door that she had missed before which read ' _Monty Green'_. Panic grabbed her. "Monty!" She screamed. Where was he? What had happened to him? "Monty! Monty!" She screamed again and again but once again without success.

She was cut off by the appearance of a man. He was wearing a beige uniform, had short dark hair and a weapon attached to his belt. He looked like some kind of guard. But why the hell would anyone need guards in a hospital? He ignored Clarke though or maybe these walls were built to keep sounds out or in, depending on how you wanted to look at it. Instead he stopped in front of Monty's door, looked through the windows and then, with one smooth movement wiped away his name on the sign.

Clarke's heart stopped. For a second she couldn't move. She just stared at the man's back, taking in the blank sign, 100 reasons for his name disappearing popped up in her head, one worse than the other. "No..." At first it was just a whisper. "No... no..." She got gradually louder and the man turned around. His face was set, indifferent almost and it didn't change when he spotted her. He walked towards her, looked at something on the wall right next to her door, which Clarke guessed was another name sign and then looked at her.

"Who are you?! Where is Monty? What is happening?!" There were so many questions she had but the man didn't show any emotion. Instead he just turned around and started walking off.

"No!" Clarke slammed her hand against the window once more. "Come back! Come back! Hey! Wait!" It was in vain. He didn't even turn around once. Clarke cursed colorfully before she turned back around, pulling her hair. How did she end up here? She staggered a few steps backwards until her back hit the wall and she sank to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest. Where were the others? Were they okay? Did these people hurt them? She tried to remember anything but the last thing she knew for sure was how they had entered the cave and started walking further into it.

Everything going on from there on was blurry and weird. She couldn't tell if she had actually been awake or if the people she had seen and the pain she had felt had just been nightmares.  _Mount Weather_. Maybe this wasn't even the place they wanted to end up in. Maybe the girls who told them about this place had been wrong. Maybe even Nigel's description wasn't bad enough to match what was actually going on. Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. No.

She couldn't give up now. There was no way in hell she was just going to give up now. She could do this. Bellamy, Raven, Monty and Jasper just had to be somewhere around here and she should be damned if she just kept sitting in this cell while who knew what was happening to her friends. She looked around the room for a second, her mind racing until her eyes settled on the IV stand. That should be exactly what she needed. She pushed herself up and grabbed the stand before eyeing the window. She could do this. Without giving herself too much time to think everything through, she started running towards the door and slammed her weapon against the glass.

It cracked. She took a second swing. More cracks. A third and it started to break. Considering the guard who checked the rooms before she was guessing the noises probably attracted someone so she wouldn't have too much time. She stood up on her toes and reached through the broken window to open her door from the outside. Pain shot through her arm as she cut herself on the leftover glass. She hissed but tried her best to ignore the burning pain. There was nothing she could really do about it now anyways and she had to get out of there. A silent scream escaped her lips as her fingers found the door handle and she needed to press her arm down even further, making the glass dug even deeper into her skin.

When she heard the clicking sound of the door unlocking she let go and pulled her arm back. It looked even worse than it felt. A deep long wound was on her forearm, blood coming out of it, drenching the rest of her arm, her hand and her clothes. She took a deep breath. She would have time to think and worry about that later. For now, she had to focus on other things; like how to find Bellamy and the others or how to avoid being caught while doing so and defend herself. She slowly pushed the door open but was met with nothing but silence.

So maybe no one had noticed her escape yet, if she was lucky enough. Thinking fast, she grabbed one of the glass pieces, ignoring how the sharp edges dug into the palm of her hand and started walking down the floor. There were more rooms like hers on the way towards the doors, they were all white, built exactly like the one she had woken up in but they were all empty. Maybe there was a different floor where they kept the others. She peeked through the small windows in the doors at the end of the hallway but still, no one was in sight.

Clarke could feel her heart drum against her rib cage while her mind was racing. She didn't know what would happen if she was caught running around here or what these people intended to do with her at all. Slowly she pushed the doors open and stepped into the next hallway. The floor here was really cold and her bare feet felt it. She looked from right to left and back. Which way?

She went with left, it was a gut feeling since both ended in a turn right and she had no clue what would be awaiting her around the corner. She jogged down the hallway, being careful to make as little noises as possible. Just when she passed two metal doors which looked like they lead to an elevator, they opened with a  _pling_  sound. Clarke stopped dead in her tracks, jerking around.

But there was only one person facing her, a girl who could be no older than 16, maybe 17 with black hair and brown eyes. Clarke immediately went into acting mode, jumping forward as the girl's eyes widened at the view. Clarke knew she probably looked like some crazy serial killer with blood dropping from her arm, splashed on her shirt and the sharp object in her hand.

"Oh my..."

She jerked the glass piece up and held it to the girl's throat. This might just be her best shot at finding anything out.

"Please..." The girl stuttered, backing away until her back hit the wall, Clarke following her. "Don't... I don't..."

"Where are my friends?!" Clarke cut her off, her voice dangerously low. Even though she felt bad for threatening the young girl somehow, her friends were her first priority for now. "What did you do to Monty?" She growled as nothing more than a whimper left the other girl's mouth. "Where is Bellamy?!" She pressed, a little louder this time.

"I... I can take you to him..." She offered, her voice small.

"Then do it!" Clarke demanded.

"Okay... okay... I just need to..." She pointed towards the buttons to determine which level the elevator should go to. Clarke allowed herself to take a small step back. Enough for the other one to reach the button pad but not quite to run out of the elevator. Her hands were shaking as they pushed the button signed with the number -4. The doors closed again and Clarke brought the glass closer to her throat once more. "What is this place?!" She continued asking.

"Mount Weather..."

"What am I doing here?! What do you want with my friends?!" She was nowhere near done asking questions.

Her eyes widened even more if that was possible. "Nothing! We just... we found you and we..."

"Lies!" Clarke interrupted her, angrily. "Your people attacked us in a cave and I want to know why!"

The girl shook her head. "I'm not lying... I... uhm..." She was spared with an answer since at that moment the doors opened again and a  _-4_  could be seen right above the door. "Let's go!" Clarke growled, grabbing the girl's shoulder to put her in fort of her and use her as a shield, in case anyone had the smart idea to stop her.

"Which way?" She asked when they stepped into the next empty floor. The girl pointed to the right and Clarke started pushing her exactly that way. Finding Bellamy would already make her feel a whole lot better and less alone. She needed him and she needed to see that he was alright. They rounded a corner and Clarke stopped abruptly.

There he was. He looked confused, dressed in black jeans and a dark shirt, opposed to her white clothes. His hair looked disheveled and even from this distance she saw that his knuckles looked a little red and swollen, like he had just punched someone. And maybe he had, to get away, just like her. She didn't know why it took her so long to react but it was almost as if seeing Bellamy, alive and fine after this time of uncertainty and confusion just amazed her. She needed to be able to just look at him for a second to actually realized and believe he was there, real, in person.

"Bellamy..." She whispered and he turned around at the sound of her voice. The amazement she felt was mirrored on his face when their eyes met and Clarke let go of the girl, not really caring for the moment before she started walking towards him, as fast as she could. She could feel her heart race, it was insane. His eyes widened as she got closer, like he couldn't quite believe she was there either. She started running, losing every tiny bit of control she had had left and threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. It only took a few seconds before he returned the hug, enclosing his arms tightly around her waist. At his touch, relief rushed through her and she felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off of her chest. He was alive and he seemed fine and in that moment she couldn't not have asked for anything else.

"Bellamy… Bellamy…" She repeated over and over again. He snuggled his face in her neck, breathing in deeply before she could hear him whisper her name.

"Are you okay?" She asked while finally pulling away a little so she would be able to look at him.

He nodded and cupped her face with his hand. "Yes, but you're not…" Gently he grabbed her arm, turning it over. "What happened?! Why are you hurt?" His voice was full of distress, concern on his face but she shook her head, placing her other hand over his.

"No, it's all good. I'm good."

"This is not all good…"

"Bellamy! We take care of this later, okay? There are more important things right now! Where are the others?"

Before he could give her an answer, footsteps approached and an elderly man walked up to them. His hair had turned white and he looked fragile but one look in his eyes made it very clear that he was way more than an old man. Bellamy pushed Clarke behind him, a resistant expression on his face. The old man looked back and forth between the two before his eyes settled on the girl behind them who was by now sitting on the floor, her face telling the story of terror Clarke had put her through. He raised an eyebrow but it was hard to say what was going through his head.

"Dr. Tsing is already on her way, Maya. Don't worry." He smiled which liked weirdly out of place on his face before he turned back to Bellamy and Clarke. "Clarke Griffin?" He asked further, his eyes settling on the blonde.

Immediately Clarke could feel Bellamy tightening his grip on her and he narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?"

"Oh." He outstretched his hand, shaking his head as if he was shocked by his own manners. "I'm very sorry, how rude of me. I'm Dante Wallace. You must be Bellamy Blake, if I'm not mistaken?"

Bellamy skeptically looked at his hand but decided against taking it, while still trying to shield Clarke from him. "How do you know our names?"

"Let's just say, I have my ways." A mysterious look crossed his face before he pointed over his shoulder. "You must be looking for your friends, right? Jasper Jordan, Monty Green, Raven Reyes? They are this way down. Just follow me!"

He turned and started walking without even so much as questioning if the two were really following him. They exchanged a short look. Clarke knew if their friends were there, they simply had to go. Bellamy's eyes told her he looked at it the same way, so she slightly nodded and with a deep breath and close together, they made their way down the hallway together.


	27. Two Hearts in one Home

Maybe she was too suspicious. Maybe she was even paranoid. There was even a possibility of her losing her mind but Clarke just found it so hard to believe that these people here were nice to them, simply because of the goodness of their hearts. They provided them with food and water and shelter and wanted nothing in return? That sounded like something that happened in a Disney movie or in a children's book but in this world? No way. This was just too good to be true.

She raised her eyes from the piece of chocolate cake that was still sitting on her plate and found Jasper and Monty. They were laughing, they looked carefree, and they looked like children. Which they were, as Clarke had to painfully realize. They were sixteen, they were supposed to have a bed to sleep in each night, to get three meals a day, and to be happy. They weren't supposed to drive all over the country, chasing a ghost of a girl they had never even met, risking their lives every day, and seeing all the pain and destruction. They deserved a happy life.

They were sitting with Maya. Maya who she had threaten so horribly a week ago when she first woke up in this place. She apologized to the girl by now of course and she had accepted it with a smile. She was nice. They were all just so fucking nice. They had an explanation for everything. Everything just fell into place and made perfect sense.

They had seen them walk around the cave and captured them. Their memories or at least what she believed were her memories, were mere hallucinations caused by the gas they had been breathing in that was simply supposed to knock them out cold to make sure they weren't infected and in fact, unharmed and allowed to enter the safe place facility. The rooms they had woken up in were just hospital rooms, nothing more, were they wanted to ensure that they were fine and the gas hadn't harmed them permanently in any way. They were just trying to  _help_   _and save_  them.

Clarke had to keep herself from making a face as she moved her head over to where Raven was sitting, two tables away from the boys. She was sitting with a girl with curly hair, just smiling at her, laughing and nodding at a story she was telling. Even if Clarke hated to admit it, this place had helped the girl to heal. She even held a conversation with Clarke the day before that didn't involve any insults or guilt trips. It wasn't anything special, it was simply about the food she was enjoying so much. Raven had even given her a small smile and honestly, it had given Clarke a little hope. Maybe their friendship was possible again. Her friends were so happy here but they trusted these people way too easily in her opinion.

"Hey Clarke." She flinched as Bellamy let himself down next to her, interrupting her thoughts suddenly. "Sorry." He grinned a little sheepishly when he noticed that.

She shook her a head little to tell him it was fine. To be honest, he was her biggest problem. Because he was no different than the rest of their friends and that made her unsure of her own judgment. After their first day, he had dropped all his doubt. After he had literally punched two guards and got away from them, freaked out about her ripping her arm open and was so suspicious towards that Wallace guy, he seemed totally relaxed now. Granted, it was because the old man had told him he knew his sister and that she would show up at Mount Weather again sooner or later but Clarke found it just so hard to believe him. But Bellamy did and just like the others, he wanted to stay here and wait. It was so hard for Clarke to do just that, to just sit and wait and in fact, do nothing about what was going on, on the outside.

"Are you okay?" He asked, an almost humorous tone to his voice.

Clarke had never seen him so light hearted and good-tempered like she had seen him over the last few days, which was another part of the reason that she hadn't voiced her doubts yet. Bellamy deserved this too. He had been through enough pain and darkness to last more than a lifetime. And what kind of person would she be if she just destroyed this whole bubble here for him now?

"Of course." She answered, a little irritated as he pointed towards the piece of cake in front of her.

"You haven't even touched it yet. Are you sure you're okay?" He laughed. He was just joking and she knew it but it still annoyed her for some reason. They all seemed to take everything as a joke lately. She didn't let her real feelings on though and just shrugged. "No, I'm not hungry, that's it."

"Okay." He raised an eyebrow at her. She had been trying to imitate her friend's good mood over the last week but she knew her façade was slipping a little lately.

Bellamy didn't press further though, instead he lightly touched her bandaged arm, immediately sending goose bumps all over her body. His touch was so tender and gentle, his fingertips barely even really touching her as he was really concerned not to hurt her. "How is your arm?"

She felt like her arm was the only way to still access the rational part of his brain because at least by looking at it, he connected his place to something that hurt her which made him mad, for reasons unknown to her. Still, she didn't want him to worry and smiled at him instead. "It's getting better."

He returned her smile. "That's good, I'm relieved. I was really worried about you when I saw you like that…"

"I know but, as I told you, I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me." Even though his face told her that he would probably never stop worrying about her, he slightly nodded.

A moment of silence passed then before Bellamy cleared his throat. "You know, there is actually something that I wanted to talk to you about."

Clarke raised an eyebrow. What could there possibly be that he could want to talk to her about? After all, their life here was so seemingly perfect. No troubles, no harms, no problems. "Okay, what is it?" She asked.

Bellamy reached into his jeans pocket, unfolding a piece of paper. "You know, they're holding a dance, or more like some kind of party, you know, because of the upcoming Memorial Day slash Dante Wallace birthday on Saturday?"

Clarke took the piece of paper from him, looking at it. It talked about how the formal dance was hold in honor of the soldiers who died for the citizens in battle ever since America was founded. She had overheard two younger girls talk about the dance the other day but she hadn't even been aware that it was coming up so soon. "Yeah, I heard," she still told him.

"Okay, so…" He ran his hand through his hair. "I was just wondering if… you know… if you would like to go? With me? To the dance, I mean…" He winked again, or at least, Clarke thought he was attempting to wink at her.

It took a moment before the full meaning of his words hit her. Was he asking her out? She blinked, surprised at this idea at first but she couldn't say that she wasn't happy about it, all of her former dark thoughts forgotten. "Are you asking me on a Date?" She asked, teasingly.

"Uhm…" He faltered and cleared his throat once more. "I don't know, I mean, I guess we could also just go… as friends? I don't know, I mean…"

Clarke had to suppress her laugh this time. Bellamy Blake who had already seen her naked a few times, had sex with her, kissed her multiple times, and according to his friends, wasn't a stranger to seducing women was actually kind of awkward and helpless when he was seriously trying to hit on someone. She couldn't quite keep the grin off of her face. "I'd like to go with you," she interrupted his stammering.

"As in…?" He asked carefully and Clarke rolled her eyes. Sometimes this boy was really hopeless and she wondered how he had managed to make it to 23 without staying a virgin. "As in it's date, you nerd."

At these words, he started beaming. "Really? I mean, cool! I'll pick you up before then."

"Sounds good."

"Okay." He gave her one last grin before he got up and started walking towards the door again. Clarke couldn't really believe that that had just happened. They were going to a dance together.

God that sounded exactly like the kind of High School bullshit she had especially avoided during her school time. Wells and her would always ditch these school spirit events and just go hang out at the park or at a diner or at his or her house. Because school dances were stupid and it was only another way for the cool kids to present themselves and show the others how above everyone else they were. But maybe if she had met Bellamy in school, maybe school dances wouldn't have sucked that much. She probably still would have talked him into ditching with her but she was pretty sure, she would also have gone to one or possibly two, maybe even three, just to experience something like that with him. And now, in an apocalyptic zombie world, she got to live exactly that High School dream life with him by her side. That sounded really absurd but she couldn't fight the grin that was making its way on her face. Okay, maybe this place wasn't all bad. She grabbed her fork and took the first bite of her chocolate cake, closing her eyes at its good taste. Fine, maybe it wasn't half as bad.

With a small smile, Clarke ran her hands through Bellamy's hair, checking if she had really gotten every strand to a somewhat equal length which was really hard with his thick curls sometimes. When he had shown up at her room an hour earlier, asking her to cut his hair again, she had agreed immediately. After all they were growing really fast and had already started getting into his eyes since the last time she had done it. For some reason, she liked the idea of him coming to her for this.

"All done." She declared now, stepping away from him.

"Great. Thanks, Clarke." He smiled at her but she shook her head. "Of course." She took the broom leaning against the wall to clean up the hair that had fallen to the ground, while he carried the chair back to the table. "Any plans for tonight?" He asked at the same time.

After he had asked her out to the dance, they had kind of been tip toeing around each other. It was like they had reached a fork in their path. This dance could put their relationship to a new level and this place allowed them to look at each other without fear and worry. There was no permanent threat, no disaster following the next to distract them from what was going on between them. Calling this dance a date had put plain marks on that event, it was clear what it was supposed to be. And what could result out of that. It was something that both of them had been aware of for quite some time now. It was a 'could', it had always been exactly that, a big, huge could. She had always known that she could love him, she could be with him, she could kiss him all the time. But at the same time she also knew that that was something she couldn't turn into a 'can'. There was just too much going on.

Now with all these troubles and problems out of the way, they had to come face to face with each other and what was between them. They had already been putting it off quite a bit now, not really avoiding each other but at the same time they hadn't especially sought each other's company in particular. That was why she had been so happy to see him show up at her room, the people here had given her.

"Not really, to be honest. What about you?" Due to her suspicion it had been rather hard for her to really find friends here while she had seen Bellamy talk to a few people and hang out with them during lunch or whenever.

"Nope, nothing."

Clarke nodded, unsure how to reply to that so a moment of silence passed before she decided to just sit down next to him on the bed.

"Your cuts are healing really fast." She noted as she got closer to him once more. She remembered just too well how he had looked after he had gotten back from repairing their car with Monty and Finn. All three of them had actually looked like hell after their latest Walker's encounter.

Bellamy nodded a little. "Luckily. I'm pretty done looking like a punching bag by now to be honest."

Clarke grinned before pointing towards his chest. "What about your ribs?" From the fall he had told her about she had concluded he had bruised a few which was better than breaking them but the pain was possibly even worse.

"It's getting better."

She cocked an eyebrow. Whenever he was so vague he usually was not doing better at all. "Can I take a look at it?"

He sighed but pulled his shirt over his head without much protest.

"Lay down." Clarke ordered and Bellamy obeyed. She took a deep breath. Being this close to him had gotten a bigger challenge, especially when he was shirtless and looked at her the way he did right now. It was a mixture of amazement and amusement because she was pretty sure all of her thoughts were plaster on her face. She kneeled down next to him and leaned her head to the side, in an attempt to pretend she didn't notice anything. Instead she focused on his still bruised skin, carefully touching it and applying pressure to it.

He hissed and she raised an eyebrow. "Is that what you call it's fine?"

He rolled his eyes a little. "No, that's why I didn't say its fine. I said, it's getting better. There is a difference."

She shook her head. He was right. "Still, you should have told me you're still in pain."

"There is nothing you can do about this, Princess. I didn't want to worry you."

"Bellamy…"

"What?" He laughed a little before placing his hand at her waist. "You know, I really appreciate this but honestly if you want to see me shirtless, you could just have asked."

She rolled her eyes but couldn't stop herself from laughing. "You're an idiot."

"Oh really?" He laughed with her before wrapping his arms around her entirely and she couldn't deny it, she had missed his touch before turning them over so he was hovering above her. Admittedly she hadn't expected him to make such a blunt move but she couldn't say she didn't enjoy it. When she looked back up at him again, his face was giving the pain this movement must have caused away though and Clarke immediately put a hand to his cheek, worried. "Hey… Are you okay?"

He took a deep breath before nodding. "Fine… Just give me a second."

Clarke bit her lip while stroking his cheek gently and waiting for him to open his eyes again. A soft knock on the door interrupted their moment though and they had no chance of getting into a less compromising position before the door opened and Raven stepped in. She faltered at the image of Clarke and Bellamy lying in bed together and cleared her throat. "Oh… I'm sorry… I didn't meant to… uh… disturb you, guys."

Clarke could feel the heat rise into her cheeks before she shook her head and Bellamy carefully climbed off of her. "No, Raven, it's fine… it's not what it looks like… What's up?" She was so surprised that the other girl had shown up here that she didn't want to just shush her away immediately.

"Are you sure? I mean, I can totally come back later or…"

"No." Clarke raised her hand to stop her. "Really, don't worry. What's going on?"

Even though Raven hesitated another moment, she finally came in and closed the door behind her. Bellamy had put his shirt back on in the meantime but didn't sit back down. "Actually, it's nothing but Monty just sent me. They're having a little… get to together kind of thing in his and Jasper's room. Maya is there as well as Sara and Lucy, the two girls I sit with at lunch mostly. They're kind of cool and it's fun, so we were wondering if you wanted to join?"

Clarke had to admit, she was surprised that Raven had come to her room personally to ask if she wanted to come along but it was nice. It made her feel more optimistic about their friendship regrowing. "Sure, it sounds fun." She looked over to Bellamy who nodded too. "Yeah, why not?"

"Perfect. Do you need another minute or…?"

"We're fine." Bellamy interrupted her while rolling his eyes and walking towards the door. Clarke sighed but he was right. She had checked his injury which actually was the only thing they really had wanted to take care of so they were done here. She grabbed her shoes, slipped into them and then followed Bellamy and Raven through the door.

Even though they had all been offered single rooms, which was really nice considering how these people didn't even know them, Monty and Jasper had asked to stay together and their wish had been accepted. So while the three of them each got a room on floor A, the boys had moved in on floor B. The walk there still wasn't too far.

"There you are, Raven, I went to Bell… Oh…" Jasper met them at the corner around their room but stopped himself when he saw Raven had collected both, Clarke and Bellamy. "That explains a lot." He looked back and forth between them, grinning. "Nice hair, Bellamy." He winked but the older one decided to ignore him. They had grown pretty immune towards Jasper's comments by this point. Raven chuckled a little but didn't say anything else.

Inside, they found the group of four sitting on the ground in a circle. "Hey, you found our lost kids," Monty grinned as they walked in. Bottles filled with liquids of different colors were standing on the table while shot glasses were placed in front of each member of the group.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Let's talk about a small get to together."

Bellamy chuckled before he touched her lower back lightly. "Come on, princess. We deserve this, a few drinks, some fun. We've been through enough." She looked at him but gave in with a sigh and let him pull her to the ground with him, between Monty and Raven. They were each handed a glass by Jasper and Monty filled it up with Moonshine before putting the bottle back in the middle.

"Okay guys, these are Sara," Raven pointed to the blonde girl on her other side. "And Lucy." The red headed girl smiled a little and waved shortly.

"And these are Clarke and Bellamy." The two smiled at them, even though Clarke also made a point to smile at Maya. She had to admit, she felt pretty bad about what she had done to the girl on her first day. After all she wasn't to blame for whatever was going on here. She had overreacted and apologized to her and Maya had said it was fine but she just still felt guilty about that.

"So, what did we miss?" Bellamy asked.

"Not much." Jasper replied. "We just gathered here like half an hour ago so we haven't really had much to drink yet either."

"Okay." Clarke nodded.

"But." Jasper continued with a wide grin. "Now that we are all here, we can start our drinking game."

"Which one?" Clarke had never really been such a big fan of drinking games. Actually she only played when she was already pretty drunk and didn't really care anymore.

"Never have I ever."

She groaned. That was one she disliked in particular. There were things about her that she didn't want everybody to know but this game didn't really leave one much choice but to spill her guts. To her sorrow, Bellamy grinned and nodded. "Sounds fun. Let's do it."

She sighed when Bellamy noticed her mood and nudged her shoulder gently. "Come on, princess. This can be fun."

Even though she was still pretty sure she wouldn't have too much fun, she didn't want to be the only spoilsport in the group, so she forced herself to grin and nodded. "Okay, okay, let's go then."

"Awesome, I'll start!" Jasper announced, already rising his glass. "Never have I ever smoked weed." Monty and he clinked glasses before emptying them both, Bellamy, Raven and Sara following suit. Clarke raised an eyebrow at the boy next to her, who laughed. "What?"

She shook her head a little, laughing too now. "Nothing." It was probably pretty dumb of her to think that he was a saint when it came to these things just because of Octavia. He had probably figured out ways to do it without her noticing.

"Never have I ever." Monty picked up the phrase after they had refilled their glasses. "Kissed someone and regretted it."

This time only Bellamy, Clarke and Maya took a shot. Even though Clarke wasn't too experienced because she had always been pretty busy with school and the goals she had set herself, things had happened. And some of these weren't things she was very proud of.

"Okay." Bellamy continued after he had refilled their glasses. "Mhm… Never have I ever taken a shower with someone else."

Raven, Bellamy and Sara all took their shot. At this ratio, Clarke was sure Bellamy would be drunk within the next 20 minutes. Clarke hadn't really thought about what she could say, when they all looked at her expectantly. She cleared her throat and since she wasn't too keen on getting totally wasted, she said: "Never have I ever skipped school."

"Lame." Jasper laughed as everyone drank, except for her.

She snorted. "Are you serious?"

"The question is rather, are you serious? Are you honestly telling me you never skipped school in your entire life?" Bellamy asked, a half amused, half disbelieving expression on his face.

Clarke shook her head. "No, I never saw the point in that."

"You never fail to surprise me." He winked but she just shook her head.

"I never thought you were such a goodie to shoe, Griffin."

"I'm… I'm not!"

"Right." Raven just laughed before turning back to the whole group. "Never have I ever received a blow job, for the guys, or given one, for the girls. Time to spice this whole thing up a little."

She took a shot along with Bellamy, Clarke and Sara.

"Maybe you aren't that lame." Raven commented but Clarke just rolled her eyes, knowing she was going to be in for a long night. It went on like this for quite some time which resulted in them finding out that both Bellamy and Raven had already been handcuffed, even though Clarke was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the police; Jasper got his heart broken by some girl in High School; Monty had to admit he ran from a police officer when he had been caught buying weed; and Clarke opened up about her same sex experiences. After five rounds everyone was already pretty drunk and Clarke could feel her mind being clouded by the alcohol. Her plan of staying sober had pretty much failed since they just had too many statements that also applied to her.

"Okay." Jasper slurred, a bright grin never leaving his face, as it was his turn once more. "Okay, guys… Never have I ever", he started, pausing for effect. "Had sex with someone in this room."

Without really thinking about it, Clarke took her glass and emptied it once more. The moonshine burned her throat and she coughed a little before she stopped mid movement, realizing that she might as well had confessed about the nights with Bellamy. She didn't dare to look at the others but instead shot the young man a glance over her shoulder. He held the empty glass in his hand, looking at her already. His eyes told her the same realization had hit him too.

"Ha!" Jasper screamed. "I knew it!" He looked at Monty. "You owe me that chocolate bar!"

"Man…" Monty made a face. "I was so sure…"

Clarke blinked but before she could say anything, Bellamy cut her off. "Wait, did you place bets on us?"

Jasper laughed. "Come on, it was honestly painful to watch you two dance around each other. Everyone knows you're in love."

"What?!" Clarke made big eyes. "We're… uhm… we're not in love."

"No." Bellamy confirmed, shaking his head. "Seriously. You need to stay out of this, anyways. Clarke's and my relationship is one of your business!"

"Well, for saying this is nothing, you do care a lot, Bellamy." Jasper replied and Clarke automatically touched Bellamy's arm, to calm him down since she was guessing Jasper's provoking words wouldn't make him stay calm.

Monty seemed to realize that too since he raised his voice before either of them could say another word. "Okay, guys, I think this game is getting boring, right? Let's do something else."

"Yes!" Raven jumped in, looking around. "How about truth or dare?"

"It's fun and easy, why not?" Sara nodded.

"Okay." Clarke reached for one of the empty bottles in order to move on fast and placed it in the middle. There really was no reason for any of them to fight now. Whatever, they all knew now that she and Bellamy had had sex. So what? They had all been guessing at it already anyways, right?

"Let's do it that way. It makes it more random." She explained herself for grabbing the bottle.

To her relief, their plan seemed to work since Bellamy was focused on her again and Jasper didn't make another comment.

"You start." Raven offered. Clarke leaned forward once more and spun the bottle. It turned and turned and finally stopped, pointing at Maya. "Truth or dare?" Clarke asked therefore.

The girl seemed to think for a second before she said: "Truth, for now."

"Okay… Who do you think is the most handsome guy here?" She was pretty sure she already knew Maya's answer and the look she gave Jasper confirmed it.

"Uhm… it's nothing against the others and my view is totally subjective, okay? Just wanted to point that out… but I think I like Jasper best."

The boy giggled a little and Clarke couldn't suppress a smile. This was like hitting two birds with one stone. First of all, these two probably needed help to see how much they liked each other and secondly, by focusing Jasper on Maya, he would get off hers and Bellamy's back.

"What a surprise," Raven murmured. Maya was red as a tomato as she grabbed the bottle to spin it now.

It was probably already pretty late when it was Raven's turn. At that point, they had already found out that Bellamy had participated in several threesomes, Monty and Jasper had taken tests in school while being high on five different levels and Lucy had once went without sex for almost two whole years, among other things. They had also watched Monty lick Raven from the top of her shoulder to her fingers, made Bellamy take three shots off of Clarke's butt, had Sara say "ya heard me mates" at the end of every sentence and Raven take off Clarke's shirt with her teeth.

Even though Clarke was lucky since the bottle had not once pointed at her, she felt like she had been used as the victim in too many other scenarios her friends were placed in. But it was still fun, she had to admit. Even, or maybe especially when Bellamy had been forced to crouch over her to take the shots, apologizing at least ten times for touching her inappropriately. Which was funny, kind of, considering where he had already touched her before so she didn't really mind.

This time when the bottle stopped, it pointed at Jasper. Raven grinned a grin that told everyone she had been waiting for this. "I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in here."

Jasper stopped for a moment but only a second later his lips were on Maya's.

"I gotta say." Raven said, even though the two of them hadn't stopped. "I feel a little insulted here."

Clarke smirked. "I would have chosen you, Raven."

Raven winked at her. "Of course, you would, Griffin. I'm awesome."

Clarke rolled her eyes but she couldn't even pretend to feel the tiniest bit annoyed, due to a), the alcohol she had consumed and b), the fact that she was so happy about Raven finally talking to her again. When after a few more moments, Jasper and Maya still hadn't stopped kissing each other, Raven cleared her throat and looked at the others. "What do you say? Maybe we should leave them to it."

Clarke nodded, still grinning. "It's late anyways."

"What? Guys, you can't leave me here alone, this is my room too!" Monty screamed out, looking at them desperately.

Raven laughed while standing up. "Well Monty, my floor invites you over, so feel free to come along."

Monty sighed. "I guess the floor sounds still better than what might be expecting me here."

"Possibly." Raven agreed.

"Have fun you two." Raven called before turning towards the door. Clarke was still smiling to herself. With them, the whole being in love thing looked so easy. It looked easy and joyful and nice. Why was it so hard for her then?

"Come on." She looked up and into Bellamy's eyes. He had already gotten up and outstretched his hand towards her. She started smiling. Because this was Bellamy in front of her and he made her heart beat fast, he could make her hands sweaty and her head dizzy. He could make her blush and feel like a twelve year old girl, but at the same time he could make her feel powerful and like the whole world was bowing down in front of her. He made her feel more than she ever thought possible.

She took his hand as he returned her smile, half amused, half confused at her sudden happy face. She also would have liked to hold his hand longer but she was too scared, as always. She didn't know why she felt that way around him and she wished she could stop and just be brave for once. Outside, they said their goodbyes to Sara and Lucy who had turned out to be quite fun and nice to hang out with, despite Clarke's prejudice. Maybe it was really time for her to let all of that rest. Maybe she really needed to accept that this place was where they should stay and where they were safe.

In silence they made their way back to floor A. When they passed Bellamy's door, he sighed. "I think I might take you to your room, Clarke."

The blonde raised her eyebrows. "Why? Do you think I'm unable to walk there on my own?" Her question didn't sound offended, but rather amused.

Since he sensed that too, he grinned a little. "You're pretty drunk, Miss Griffin."

Clarke snorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "So are you, Mr. Blake."

"Yeah, but I still trust myself not to fall over while walking. While I'm not so sure about you."

"Wow, rude." Clarke commented but since she didn't really mind Bellamy accompanying her to her room she stopped arguing before she would change his mind.

"Okay." Raven and Monty wore matching grins from Raven's door which was only about six doors down the hallway. "Then, have fun you two, too." The girl said when the other two walked past them.

"Thanks, right back at you." Bellamy replied and Raven just smirked. Clarke ignored the certain connotation she gave her words though.

The walk to Clarke's room wasn't too far and it took them less than two minutes to get there. She could have done that on her own easily but at the same time, she was glad he had still wanted to come with her. "So…" He started when they stopped. "Tonight was…"

"Surprisingly fun?" She finished for him when he struggled to find the right words.

"Yeah, it was." He agreed, grinning sheepishly. "I mean, I didn't expect it to be boring or anything but… yeah, you get the idea."

"I do." They both laughed before falling into another short silence.

"Yeah, well, whatever, we're here now, I know you're safe, so I guess I should head back." He murmured, pointing over his shoulder vaguely. "Good night, Clarke."

She bit her lip. She didn't really want him to leave but asking him to stay would mean something, wouldn't it? God. She had wished to be braver just a few minutes back. Yes, she wanted to be brave and maybe this was the moment to exactly start being that.

"Bellamy wait…" She said as he wanted to turn away.

He turned back around faster than she had thought possible, especially with his state of being drunk. "Yeah?"

She took a deep breath, gathering every last strap of bravery she had left before offering him her hand. "Stay the night?"

For a second he just stared at her hand, like he couldn't believe this was actually happening right now but then he started grinning. "Okay." He took her hand and at his touch, all of her tiredness seemed to have vanished from her bones and she felt electrified and alive.

She led him back inside before locking door and then turning back towards him. He had switched on the little lamp on her nightstand and was now standing in the middle of her room, looking at her. That's all it took. Sometimes she simply needed his eyes on her and she felt good about herself, she made her feel special and wanted. She couldn't fight the smile on her lips as she kicked of her shoes and then made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He reacted immediately and placed his arms in a firm hug around her waist. She breathed him in. Sometimes it still hit her. What was the likelihood of them ever meeting? Of both of them surviving all of that? Of him feeling the same things she felt? The odds were so low and yet, they were still standing here, holding each other, being together. She had never found more solace in anything else.

"Bellamy…" She whispered while stroking his neck gently. When she lifted her head from his chest, he let his forehead sink against hers carefully. The smile on his face made his eyes shine bright despite the darkness in her room. She could feel his breath on her lips and she couldn't resist anymore. She pushed herself up on her toes and kissed him. He tasted like moonshine and happiness and she couldn't have asked for anything else as he returned the kiss and tightened his grip on her. If anyone asked her, she would have wanted that moment to last forever.

For a few seconds, it was just them. There was nothing else, just her and him, just Clarke and Bellamy, just two people like everyone else. There were no Walkers, no apocalypse, no people counting on them to keep them alive. When Bellamy finally broke the kiss, he mirrored her grin. "Where were we when Raven interrupted us before?" He asked silently and Clarke could feel excitement spread inside of her even more.

"I think somewhere over there." She answered, pointing towards the bed.

Bellamy chuckled silently as he took her hand and started walking backwards to pull her on the bed with him.


	28. A crack in this castle of glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm updating just now but for some reason I thought it was Wednesday for half of the day and not Thursday already, so yeah, I'm an idiot, what can I say, haha? :D
> 
> Thanks for the review, made me happy as always to see what people are thinking about this! I hope you keep reading!

For the past hour Clarke hadn't really done anything but stare at the two dresses in front of her she had received for the dance. One was green and one was black. They were both short and looked pretty but she just couldn't decide. For some reason she had been asking herself over and over again what Bellamy would like better and she just couldn't settle. Would he prefer green or black? Would he like the one a little shorter or like the one which ended right above her knees better? Did he prefer the simpler one or the one with some stones and lace?

With a deep sigh she let herself fall onto the chair Bellamy had been sitting on when she had cut his hair two days ago. The same day they went out to have some drinks with their friends and the same day he had come back to her room with her and they had sex again. She couldn't say she regretted it. In fact she was actually still pretty happy that it had happened. They had been through so much together in such a short period of time that she felt like she knew him better than anyone else in her life. And she felt like he knew her better than she even knew herself sometimes.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she looked up. She half hoped it would be Bellamy, half wished it wouldn't be him. She got up and walked over to the door. To her surprise, Raven was standing there. "Hi Griffin."

Honestly, Clarke had kind of expected her to go back to the not really talking to her attitude after all the alcohol had left her system but even during lunch hour the other girl had smiled at her yesterday. "Hey." Clarke replied. "How are you doing?"

"Great, actually!" Raven said. And she was in fact beaming. She looked better than she had in days.

"What happened?" Clarke asked, as she stepped aside so Raven could come in.

She pointed towards her injured leg and Clarke made big eyes. After the improvised brace the doctors here had put on her she had been complaining about the pain getting worse. But now it was replaced with a shiny, new black brace. "Wow, what happened?"

"They gave it to me just now. It was specially made to fit my leg and it feels so much better than the old one."

"I'm glad." Clarke smiled honestly. Seeing Raven limping around and screwing her face up in pain every time she had to walk up or down stairs or just get up from sitting down had really been upsetting. She hoped that maybe the medicine here was developed enough to help her even more, reduce the pain or bring the healing process forward.

"You know what they also said?" Raven continued after a moment. Clarke looked at her questioningly. "That you performed a pretty good surgery on me and saved my life and my ability to walk."

"I… Uhm…" Clarke didn't really know how to reply to that. She was more than glad to hear that she had, for once, saved a life.

"Thank you." Raven simply said before clearing her throat. She wasn't big on emotions and in that moment Clarke was really thankful for that since she was as desperate to change the topic as she was. "So… Are you excited about tonight?"

"Yes." Clarke admitted, as a grin appeared on her face at the bare thought of her and Bellamy having a date. Raven smirked before pointing towards the bed. "Which dress are you going to wear?"

"I don't know…" Clarke sighed. Raven walked towards the bed to take a closer look at the two choices, holding each up and then looking at Clarke. "Go with the black one." She finally said.

"Really?" She wanted to ask if she thought Bellamy would actually prefer that one but before she could get to that, Raven already continued: "Besides, I'm pretty sure all Bellamy will really care about is what is underneath the fabric."

Clarke opened her mouth, about to tell her that that was no true but deep down she knew it was pointless. Bellamy's and hers nights spend together weren't a secret anymore anyways. She still couldn't help but blush so Raven started laughing. "We both know it's true. You should start getting ready though. Bellamy said he was going to meet me with you at my door in 2 hours and I accept no delays."

Clarke laughed a little. "Okay, don't worry, we'll be there."

"Good." She walked back towards the door but before she left entirely, she turned back towards Clarke once more. "One more thing, Clarke. You have no reason to be nervous. That boy is head over heels for you, so it will be fine."

Despite Raven's words, Clarke couldn't help her heart hammering in her chest when she stood in front of the mirror a little while later. She had put some make up on her face and braided her hair in a way her Mom would always do it when there was a special occasion. The black dress was the shorter but a little simpler one. Raven had probably been right. She liked the look too. It was different and definitely fancier than anything she had worn over the past months. It made her feel attractive and that was something she had hardly felt ever since this whole mess started.

When it knocked, Clarke took a deep breath. This must be Bellamy. Never would she have expected to be so nervous and excited about seeing him. She walked over to the door and opened it. Bellamy was standing there, dressed in an expensive looking tuxedo and a bright grin when his eyes found her. "Hi." He said and she bit her lower lip. "Hey."

His eyes traveled up and down her body for a moment before he continued: "You look… beautiful."

At these words, Clarke couldn't quite fight the smile off her face. "Thank you." Wow, who would have thought that Bellamy Blake could ever make her feel that good about herself? "Is Raven already waiting for us?" She asked and the young man nodded. "I think so."

"Okay, we shouldn't keep her waiting. She already threatened me to be on time today."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. "She came over to visit you?"

"Yes. She got a new brace and she wanted to show me."

Bellamy looked happy with that development. "I'm happy to hear that."

Clarke smiled once more but as she was about to walk past him, she stopped for a second. "Oh and I have to admit, the suit makes you look ten times hotter too."

"What?" He laughed a little. "Am I not hot usually?"

She shrugged, pretending not to want to answer that. She was pretty sure he knew how hot he usually looked and didn't need her telling him.

"Rude." He grinned at her silence before placing a hand over her lower back to guide her down the hallway.

Raven was already waiting for them in front of her door. "There you are." She greeted them. "I was just about to go there on my own since your asses are late."

"What?" Bellamy laughed. "We're perfectly on time, Raven."

She rolled her eyes but was laughing now too. "I guess it's time for you to reset your watch, Blake."

Clarke grinned before taking in the whole sight of Raven which was exactly that. A real sight. She wore a red dress, which fitted her boy perfectly and the color matched her skin tone just right; it was short in the front, longer in the back, giving special attention to her long legs, the braces didn't even really catch the eye. Her hair was falling down in perfect waves, framing her face on which she had put the right amount of make-up. "Raven, you look…" Clarke started, looking for the right word.

"Stunning?" The other girl tried to help her. "I know." She winked. "I mean, I'd be available but you already made a pretty bad choice so." She shrugged, giving Bellamy a fake disgusted glance.

"Excuse me." Bellamy cut in, still grinning himself. "Are you trying to hit on my date?"

"I wouldn't even dream of doing so."

Clarke smirked. For the first time in a long time, she seriously just felt completely happy and at peace, her friends seemed carefree, they could laugh and joke around, they didn't have to be scared all the time. Yes, this was a good place.

"Okay guys," she said, linking her arm with Bellamy's. "When you're done bickering about me, could you tell me where we meet Monty and Jasper?"

"At the dance. Jasper is going with Maya, big surprise and Monty tagged along." Raven informed them, while locking the door to her room.

"Are they a thing now?" Bellamy asked but neither of the girls had an answer.

"We will probably find out tonight." Clarke suggested as they started making their way towards the staircase. The dance was hosted in the dining hall on the fifth floor so they took the elevator down. When the doors opened, they could already see that the party had started. More people than Clarke had thought even lived in this building were already present, all dressed up nicely, music playing in the background and tables with glasses and nibbles were standing at the walls.

"Not bad." Raven murmured. It looked pretty fancy and impressive, maybe just what they needed to forget about all of the horrors going on, on the outside.

Bellamy offered her his hand. "Princess?"

Even though she rolled her eyes about the nickname, she took his hand with a grin before they stepped out of the elevator and into the party.

"How are we supposed to ever find Monty and Jasper in here?" Raven asked, scanning the crowd with her eyes.

"Maybe they'll find us?" Clarke asked. "Let's get something to drink and maybe we'll meet them." Since they didn't really know what else to do, they did exactly that and walked over to the table closest to them, each gripping a glass.

"Oh my God, guys." Raven sniffed the glass. "Is this champagne?"

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a glance before they all took a sip. And it was, in fact, champagne. Something neither of them has had in forever. Mostly, if they had the opportunity to drink, like two nights ago or in Bellamy's hometown, it was moonshine or whatever hard liquor they could find since drinking wasn't really about the taste anymore. Clarke closed her eyes for a second as she took another sip. "This is so good."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow at her. "I hope this is your first time drinking it. Because you are not 21 yet, young lady."

She rolled her eyes at him before shoving his shoulder lightly. "Shut up, Bellamy."

He laughed. "Like you never had alcohol before you were 21."

"I always stuck to the rules."

At this, Raven started laughing. "Honestly Bellamy, and I'm the Queen of England."

He stuck out his tongue before Clarke leaned forward and pat his cheek. "Of course, Bellamy, we all know you are God's favorite saint."

He shot her a fake hurt glance at the sarcasm in her voice but neither of them got to say another word, as a man, probably in his late 30s or early 40s, with pale skin and dark brown hair which grew out towards the back of his head, had climbed on a chair with a microphone in his hand. He cleared his throat into it a few times, to get everyone's attention.

Clarke raised an eyebrow as Bellamy whispered: "Who is that guy?"

"Hi." The stranger said, awkwardly waving his hand. "For those of you who don't know yet, my name is Cage Wallace." He smiled but it send a cold shiver down Clarke's spine. It looked untrustworthy and weirdly out of place on his face. "You all know my father, obviously, Dante Wallace, President of Mount Weather. Thanks to him we all can live a peaceful life down here, safe and without worry. He has been working hard and still is, of course, up to this day, with only your best interest at heart. Each day we live to make life even better and easier for you. Even though we might not agree on everything, he is, in fact, my biggest inspiration when it comes to leadership and life in general. And I can only hope to one day be as much of a great President as he is today. This is to you, father."

He raised his glass, everyone around them doing the same before taking a sip and applauding the elderly man who now stepped forward. "Thank you, thank you." He said over and over again, making hand movements to calm down the crowd. He smiled before taking the microphone from his son. "Thank you." He repeated once more, pausing the let the words sink in and make the audience feel his gratitude. "But I'm not working on my own. I receive help every day from the people all around me. So don't just thank me, thank everyone, thank yourselves. Because this whole community only works and stands together against all obstacles as long as each and every one of us wants to be a part of it and works towards achieving our goals." He put an arm around Cage's shoulders. "As my son already said, we might not agree on everything." The two men looked at each other for a second. "But we stick together and that's how we manage to improve life for everyone. We will thrive and survive and one day, we will all be able to walk the earth again and reclaim what is rightfully ours without fear or hate or death. But for now, let's enjoy tonight and the party. It's all on me. Have fun!" He closed his speech by raising his glass once more and everyone taking a collective sip.

The music was turned up again and people all fell back into their private conversations, started dancing again and eating their food. Clarke couldn't quite fight the weird feeling she had gotten ever since Cage had raised his voice.

"Weird dude." Raven just said, turning back towards the other two.

"Yeah." Bellamy agreed. "I wouldn't trust him to lead my country."

"Yes, he seemed kind of off." Clarke said, still watching the man through the crowd. He was talking to his father still, a serious expression on both of their faces. Way too serious for the occasion, in Clarke's opinion.

"There you are, guys!" Jasper came towards them, fighting his way through the crowd, holding Maya's hand, Monty right behind them. The boys both were wearing the same suit, while Maya had a white dress on. Like that, she reminded Clarke of a fairy, she looked very petit and she smiled at her.

"Hey!" Bellamy greeted them as they came to a stop in front of them, now forming a group of six.

"Have you heard that stupid speech by Wallace junior?" Jasper asked, laughing.

"Yeah." Clarke stepped in, sensing her opportunity of maybe learning a bit more about the man. "What was that all about?"

Jasper shrugged. "Apparently he is like a small child, always torn between rebelling against and impressing his Dad."

"Really?" Clarke looked back and forth between him and Maya. "There seemed to be quite some tension between them."

"Yes." Maya started to explain. "Dante is a good president, he tries to do what's best for us at the lowest possible cost. While Cage is different. He wants to get things done fast but doesn't really know how. Apparently he has been after his father's position for almost two years now but he lacks of certain leadership traits and skills." She shrugged. "There are rumors talking about some huge disagreement between them."

Clarke leaned her head to the side. "A huge disagreement like what?"

"No one knows." Maya replied.

"But there have to be rumors about it."

"I guess but they're just rumors and most likely not true. The Wallaces make a big deal of keeping things between them. And it's not our place or your place to try and find out whatever it is."

"But…"

"Clarke." Bellamy had put an arm around her waist and shook his head slightly. "You heard her. It's none of our business."

She looked at him in disbelief for a second. How could he honestly care so little about it? Who knew, maybe this disagreement was something that would affect them all. After all, Dante was old, so what would happen once he wouldn't be able to be President anymore? Then Cage would be the one in charge and he could do whatever he wanted.

"Bellamy…" She started but he just shook his head again. "This is not the place." He pressed.

Maybe he was right. Both, Dante and Cage were present and asking questions in a room full of people was probably not the smartest move. She took a deep breath and nodded slightly to show him she understood. "I'm sorry, Maya, I just got carried away a little."

She smiled. "That's fine. Anyways, do you guys want to dance?"

"Sure." Bellamy grinned, putting his empty glass back down on the table. Clarke had been so caught up in her thoughts that she had forgotten all about the champagne. With one quick movement she emptied her glass and let Bellamy pull her with him towards the middle of the dance floor.

Something as simple as listening to music and dancing to it had gotten so extraordinary in their time that Clarke enjoyed herself even more than she had been expecting. Her thoughts about Dante and Cage Wallace and their disagreement and the possible troubles that could bring were soon way out of her head. They stayed together like that for a bit, just dancing and laughing and it felt so freeing that Clarke would have liked for it to go on forever. But at some point Raven spotted Sara and Lucy in the crowd and left to say hi to her new friends.

When the music started slowing down and it seemed kind of awkward to dance in a group, Maya and Jasper seemed to have been waiting for a slow dance since it didn't even take them a second to move closer together. So Monty excused himself, saying he wanted to grab some food. The music turned romantic and the lights were dimmed, so it seemed a little bit too much. Clarke wasn't sure why but maybe it was better for her and Bellamy to not dance right now.

"Maybe we should join Monty. I feel bad for him when he is all alone." Clarke said and since Bellamy immediately agreed, they followed the Asian boy of the dance floor and towards the tables.

"Guys, you don't need to be here. Go out there and enjoy yourselves!" Monty said with a small grin as they joined him in line for the food.

"Nah, we're good." Clarke answered and Bellamy nodded. "Don't worry, Monty." When he looked back to Clarke, he asked: "Do you want anything?"

She thought about it for a second but since she wasn't even that hungry yet, she shook her head. "No, not really. Are you going to get anything?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Okay, you know what? I'll just steal some of your food then." She winked before pointing towards one of the empty tables. "And I'm going to save that one for us."

"Good thinking." Bellamy remarked as Clarke made her way over to the table. There were only a few ones spread around the room, and almost all of them were taken. So saving one for the boys to eat was probably the best she could do for them right now. Watching the people dancing to the slow music, she got lost in thought again until suddenly someone lightly touched her arm.

She blinked confused at the young man standing in front of her. She didn't know him but he appeared to be of her age, with brown hair and green eyes. "Good evening." He was just greeting her, giving her a bright smile.

"Hi." She replied, a little taken aback. Opposed to her friends, she had pretty much kept to herself over the last week and a half, so why would he be talking to her?

"You're Clarke Griffin, right?"

She was surprised he knew her name. "Yes, do we know each other?"

He laughed before shaking his head. "No, I'm sorry. I'm Kilian Bayard. I have seen you in the dining hall a few times and I just did some research."

Clarke couldn't suppress a small snort. "You do realize that sounds kind of creepy?"

He nodded, biting his lip. "Yeah, that definitely sounded less weird in my head."

This time Clarke had to laugh too.

Kilian nodded towards the dancing floor. "Still want to dance with me?"

"And who are you?" A dark voice interrupted them though before she could actually say something. Bellamy had appeared behind her, putting an arm around her waist, looking Kilian up and down dismissively.

Kilian cleared his throat, standing up a little straighter but he was still no match in size against Bellamy. "He is still here." Kilian murmured towards Clarke.

"Of course, why wouldn't he?"

The boy just shook his head before replying to Bellamy. "I'm Kilian. You must be Bellamy?"

"That's right. What do you want from her?"

Clarke raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him. Was he actually worried this boy could do anything to her? He looked like she could take him on her own, if she really tried.

"I made her an offer." He looked back at Clarke. "Which still is open, if you're interested?" He smiled and Clarke could feel Bellamy's hand tighten on her waist.

She shook her head. "I'm flattered but no, thanks, I'm good here."

"Are you sure?"

"You heard her!" Bellamy cut in and the boy raised his arms.

"Your loss, Clarke."

She snorted in disbelieve before turning towards Bellamy entirely who now put both of his arms around her. "Wow, I can't even leave you alone for a second, can I?"

"What?" She teased, placing her arms around his neck and it felt like the most natural thing ever. "Are you jealous, Mr. Blake?"

He huffed. "Of what? That guy? Surely not."

"Right." She grinned a little but decided to drop the topic. "No food?" She asked instead as he had returned empty handed.

"No." He said. "I changed my mind."

"Meaning?" Clarke asked.

That's when Bellamy took a deep breath and removed one of his hands from her hips to offer it to her. "May I have this dance, Princess?"

Yes, she hated slow dancing. Yes, she thought it was insanely cliché and cheesy. Yes, the music was horrible too. But yes, she wanted to dance with Bellamy Blake. The encounter with that Kilian guy already forgotten Clarke took his hand. "Yes, you do."

Bellamy started grinning as he led her through the people back onto the dancefloor, where he turned back towards her and placed his hands back at her hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, folding her fingers together before leaning her head against his chest. As always when she was so close to him she felt safe and instinctively pressed herself a little closer to him. They started swaying slowly to the music. For the moment it felt just right to be silent. That was one of the things she really admired about Bellamy and whatever they had. They could find solace even in silence. They didn't need to talk all the time and she still felt like he understood her, in a way anyone had hardly ever understood her. She just hoped he felt the same way about her. She closed her eyes for a few moments and breathed in his scent deeply. For a few moments she wanted to pretend like there was nothing else but him, just them, and no pain.

Way too soon the song was over and she lifted her head a little, to look at him. He was still smiling and she returned it. It wasn't until they got here that she had really realized how rarely she had seen the young man actually, really smile. But it looked good on him. She liked it. He seemed to notice that something was going on in her head since he raised an eyebrow. "What?"

She grinned, a little embarrassed by the way her thoughts had taken. "Nothing." She therefore said.

"Mhm." He didn't believe her, obviously, but he also didn't press. Another thing she liked about him. Usually he didn't pressure her into telling him anything or doing anything until she was ready to come around. He pressed a light kiss to her forehead and her smile grew even brighter. Even though she would have liked to stay like that for quite some more time, the romantic mood seemed to be done for now, since the lights got brighter again and a faster song started playing while more people came back onto the dancefloor. So they were also joined by Raven and the other two girls.

"I think I'll just take a break and drink something." Clarke whispered towards Bellamy who raised an eyebrow.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." She reassured him because for once, she really was. "I'm just a little thirsty."

"Okay, do you want me to come along?"

She grinned a little but shook her head. "No, I'll be fine. You stay here and enjoy yourself." She winked before applying pressure to his hand one last time and then departing from the group. Getting back to the tables at the walls was harder now though due to the amount of people back dancing. She crashed into several ones, mumbling at least 20 excuse until she was finally out of the crowd.

Enjoying herself at a dance was a new one for her. Wells would portably never believe her if she told him she was having fun. Luckily the line for drinks didn't even exist so she could just grab a glass before she leaned against the wall, her eyes scanning the people in front of her. Automatically she was looking for Bellamy again. It had gotten some kind of habit, whenever she was away from him, she started looking for him to make sure he was okay.

"You two look really cute together." A voice next to her said and she turned her head, surprised at these words. A woman, in her late twenties, if she had to guess, with long blonde hair stood next to her. For a second Clarke didn't really know what to say before she pointed in Bellamy's direction vaguely. "How long have you known each other?"

Clarke cleared her throat. "Oh, we're not… you know, together or anything in that way."

She raised an eyebrow like she could hardly believe the words coming out of Clarke's mouth. "Really? I'm sorry. I just assumed because you make the impression of… never mind then."

Clarke smiled weakly before shaking her head. "It's no problem."

"I'm sorry, I should have introduced myself first. I'm Jenna." She outstretched her hand.

"I'm Clarke."

"I know." She smiled a little awkwardly.

Why did everyone here seem to know who she and Bellamy were?

"Your arrival didn't go unnoticed."

"That's what it seems like… But why?" Clarke asked, a little confused. "I mean, don't people come here all the time?"

"No." Jenna shook her head. "President Cage is very selective of his people."

Clarke raised an eyebrow. "Selective?"

"Yeah, it's complicated and I don't really know anything about it too much."

Clarke started chewing her lip again. This sounded just so weird but before she could ask any further questions, Jenna beat her to it: "What is it like now? Outside, I mean."

Clarke blinked, her confusion even growing. "What do you mean? How long have you been in here?"

She sighed. "Ever since the apocalypse started. I was part of the first people inhabiting Mount Weather. I really miss the stars at night." She went on. "I always thought they were just so beautiful. Do they still shine just as bright as they used to?"

"Yeah but… Can't you just walk out there and see them for yourself again? I mean, you wouldn't be in danger if it's just for a few hours and if you're careful, you would be fine."

"No, we're not allowed to leave."

These words made Clarke stop dead in her tracks. "You're not allowed to?"

"No." Jenna shook her head with a sigh. "No, President Wallace wants all of us to stay in here. He has reasons, I believe but I still miss it."

All the suspicion and doubts Clarke had managed to push to the back of her mind came rushing to the surface. "What happens when you try to get out?" Clarke asked but Jenna just shrugged.

"I don't know. I've never tried. President Wallace just told us that he doesn't want us to leave the safety of this place and I think he might be right. He just wants to protect us. Why would you want to leave anyways?"

"Jenna, hey!" A dark haired man came through the crowd and Jenna started smiling brightly. "Mark! There you are! I really thought we lost each other."

"So did I." He grinned before leaning down to kiss her and then looked at Clarke. "Hi." He greeted her. "Sorry if I interrupted your conversation."

"It's fine." Clarke replied, forcing herself to a half smile.

"Okay, so, you want to dance again?" He asked Jenna who nodded. "Sure. Clarke, you're invited to join us, if you want to."

"Oh, thanks, but no, I think I'll just finish my drink and then go back to Bellamy and our friends."

"Okay, have fun! We'll see each other around?"

"Yeah." Clarke forced herself to keep the smile on her face until Jenna and Mark were lost in the crowd again. This was insane! They weren't allowed to leave this place? How could they just be fine with that? And what about what Nigel had said? About experiments and the dangers this place held? She had been so preoccupied with this party and her friend's happiness and Bellamy's new found hope for Octavia that she managed to blend everything else out. God! Maybe that was exactly their plan, just distracting everyone until they needed them for whatever crazy thing they were doing here.

Or maybe Jenna had been wrong, a small voice inside of her brain said. Even from the short conversation they had just had, Clarke thought of her as a kind of naïve girl so who knew? Maybe they could leave but Wallace had just advised them not to? She tipped her nails against the glass in her hands. There was only one way to find out. She turned around. Bellamy was busy, he was talking to Raven, Monty had joined the small group again and they were laughing and still dancing. They wouldn't notice if she would just leave for some time. Jasper and Maya weren't even in sight, so she should be fine.

Besides, today was probably her best shot without being questioned about her intentions. Almost everyone was down here, having fun, so she probably wouldn't meet anyone in the hallways upstairs. With a quick movement she emptied the glass and hurried back towards the elevators. No one could know what she wanted to do but she still felt like a criminal and kind of expected anyone just to step in her way and stop her. But they didn't. People smiled at her when their eyes met or gave her a short nod in greetings but no one stopped her, not even the guards at the doors. Still, she exhaled deeply once the elevator doors closed and she was alone.

Okay, where should she go? It would make most sense to go up so she pressed the button that said -3. As far she had figured out so far, there were 7 levels in Mount Weather. The residential area, they spend most of their time in was level 5 and 6, medical was right above that, taking up level 3 and 4, 1 and 2 were used for agriculture to nourish all of the people while level 7 was the federal area. Since they had woken up in the hospital, she was guessing there would be an exit and entry place somewhere around there.

As the mechanical voice announced they had reached level -3, the doors opened again. Clarke's heart stopped for a second but no one stood outside, awaiting her. Good. This was good. She stepped onto the cold, white floor and looked around. Where should she go? There were no signs talking about an exit. She felt like she was right back at her first day here, back in the hospital wing, fear creeping up on her, not really knowing where she was going.

After taking a few random turns, she sighed. Maybe she was looking in the wrong place. All she passed were rooms just like the one she had woken up in. Normal hospital rooms, or at least that's what they looked like. She stopped to think when she heard steps approach. Shit! She knew she would probably get in trouble if she was caught! So she started running down the hallway and hurried around the corner, pressing her back to the wall, hoping whoever wouldn't go the same way she went.

"I hate this part of the job." One of them just growled as they came within earshot.

The other one just growled.

"I mean, it just feels wrong, you know?" He continued.

"It's what we have to do to make progress." The answer came after a few seconds and they fell silent after that. But their steps grew louder and Clarke's interest grew bigger. What were those two guards talking about?

To her relief, instead of turning left at the end of the aisle, the way she had, they turned right, their backs towards her. Kicking of her shoes, so she wouldn't make any noises while walking, she started following the two men. They led her down the hallway and around two more corners before they finally stopped in front of a metal door and started unlocking it. There were several heavy chains on it, like whatever was inside there needed to stay hidden.

"Let's go." One of them murmured and they opened the door stepping inside. To her great luck, they didn't wait for the door to fall shut again, so Clarke managed to slip in right behind them without being seen. She knew she was playing with fire right now but she just needed to know what was going on here.

Hiding behind two large boxes in a, apart from that, empty room, she watched the guards climb a metal ladder up into darkness. This time, she waited almost a few minutes to make sure they were really gone and up there before she came forward and followed them once more.

When she reached the top after climbing for what felt forever, she stopped a second to listen and look around. It was really hard to see due to the darkness but no sound could be heard so she guessed it would be safe to push herself up entirely. Crouching close to the ground, just in case, she tried making out where she was but it took her eyes some time to get used to the darkness and adjust.

The first thing she made out were cages, countless cages and figures crouched inside them. Disgust made its way up Clarke's throat. Okay, yes, the meat they had been served had to come from somewhere but keeping animals under these conditions just seemed horrible to her. It was dark, cold and a sinking feeling seemed to linger all over the room. She made a face. No wonder they didn't want anyone to see this or they would probably have a whole population of vegetarians...

Wait a second! Clarke blinked again as her eyes managed to make out more and more features. These were no animals inside the cages. She swallowed. These were humans. For a second she found it was really hard to breathe and she shook her head. No, no, no...

What could they possibly want with them? This was... this was just sick! Slowly she moved closer to the cage closest to her, trying to see anything else. Were these people alive? Were they conscious? Could she do anything to help them? A girl with long brown hair looked at her, her eyes empty, her skin scratched and pale, she looked sick and Clarke wondered what horrors she had seen and been through. The girl lifted her head as she realized the blonde standing in front of her. "You're not a guard..." Her voice sounded hoarse and broken.

"No..."

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I don't know... I just... what's happening here?"

The girl blinked as if she tried to understand the situation. "You have to run!" She hissed. "As long as you still can! You have to run!"

"What are they doing to you? What's happening down here?" Clarke tried to get more information but the same voices she had followed here, could be heard coming closer. "Which one are we supposed to take?"

"Cage said he wants number 84."

The girl's face fell. "Run! Hide!" She hissed and Clarke stumbled backwards until her back hit the wall, pressing her hand over her mouth. To stop herself from screaming out loud or laughing at the absurdity of this all? She didn't know. The men stopped in front of the cage, unlocking it and grabbed the girl Clarke had talked to, dragging her outside and letting her fall on the floor like she was some kind of item, no human being.

It took everything Clarke had to keep herself from attacking the men right there right then. Just watching it made her furious. One of them grabbed the girl and threw her over his shoulder before they started walking again in the same direction they had come from. At first the blonde considered following them once more but for now, she had seen more than enough. She didn't need to know in all detail all the horrible things they were now probably doing to her. She had to get Bellamy and the others and leave this place before they would end up being the next ones caged.

She jumped towards the ladder, hastily climbing down, missing a few laps every now and then and hissing in pain as she fell a few inches. When she finally reached the ground again, she spun around. She had to stay calm and think! What would be the best course of action now? Running back to the party and telling them that they had to leave would probably not help at all. Her friends wouldn't believe her and she would get locked up for knowing too much already probably. Besides, even if they believed her, how would she get them out? She was looking for an exit but all she found were more horrors.

So, locate an exit would be the first step. Just when she was about to rush out of the room, she noticed a map at the wall. She stopped, studying it quickly. It looked like she had been right about the floors! And about the exits! There were three altogether. One on the first level and one each in the medical facilities, leading into a tunnel system. Probably the one where the mountain men had found them in the first place. If she could only find her way to the exit here.

She tried memorizing the way from the map before stumbling back into the hallway. Calming herself after what she had witness wasn't too easy though. She felt like her mind was spinning and her head was about to explode. She had actually let them get into her head and make her repress all the horrible things. Who knew? Maybe one day she would have turned into someone like Jenna, mindless and naive? If she would ever make it that far. Selective population, as she had called the people in here, didn't sound like all of her friends and herself would fit into it. No, who was going to end up in one of these cages? And how would Wallace try to cover that up? Would they believe whatever lie they would dish? She shook her head. No, she couldn't even let it get that far!

Picking up her pace she turned around the next corner and slammed against a door at the end of the hallway, seemingly like any other, except for the round blacked out window. She tried the doorknob but it would turn. Damn it! She stopped for a second to listen and check if anyone was anywhere near by her but it was still dead silent. So Clarke took a run-up and let her shoulder crash against the metal door, while trying to turn the door knob again. Without success. Growling she took a few steps back and repeated her movement a few times until finally the door gave in with a loud crack.

Rubbing her shoulder Clarke knew she had to make a run for it now. The sound was so loud that it must have attracted the attention of a guard somewhere. She stumbled inside a huge room, which reminded her more of a hall but she didn't have time to look around and inspect it in any detail. Steps could already be heard behind her and so she started running, faster than she would have been able in a life before probably. She crossed the hallway and slammed against a round, huge gate made of metal. There was no way of pushing this gate open by pure force and she knew that. Panicking she looked around. There had to be some way to open it... that's when her eyes caught a lever and she jumped towards it.

"Ma'am!" A dark voice sounded. "I need to ask you to step away from there!"

Clarke ignored the man, checking the lever. It required some kind of code to be accessed. Clarke thought hard. What kind of code could they use? Mindlessly she typed in a random numerical order, a red light appeared and the letters denied. Clarke cursed.

"Ma'am!" A second voice sounded now and Clarke turned around, seeing two guards coming towards her, both had their guns raised and pointed at her. Clarke swallowed. This was bad... she couldn't let them get her. Without thinking she grabbed the handle.

"We don't want to hurt you!" The first one said. "Step away and nothing will happen."

Clarke shook her head. She couldn't. She couldn't just step away and seal her friend's and her own fate like that. She wasn't like that. The men cocked their guns and Clarke could feel tears form in her eyes. She knew this was a lost cause. The lever wouldn't move unless she figured out the code and how was she supposed to do that?

"Please, be reasonable." The second tried to get her to calm down. "There is no reason for this! Let's just get away from here."

Clarke bit her lip but tightened her grip on the metal in her hand. The men exchanged a quick glance before they nodded and at first Clarke was sure they would shoot her now. She would just die. That would be it after everything she had been through this was how she was going to go down. Without ever doing anything to save Bellamy or Raven or Monty or Jasper. But instead of the sound of one of the guns going off, the first man reached into his pocket and threw something small and black towards her, which at contact with the ground, started releasing pink smoke.

Clarke stared as the men pulled out mask to protect their mouths and noses. That's when Clarke remember the moment in the cave when they had first been found or rather captured by the mountain men. This gas was going to knock her out! She pressed her hands over her face, trying to stop herself from breathing in but it was pointless. Either she already had enough of it in her lungs or her hands weren't nearly as good of a filter as she had hoped, or maybe a little bit of both, since her legs already stopped listing to her and gave in. She barely felt herself hitting the ground though. She coughed as it got harder to breath and gasped for air, which was stupid yes but it was a reflex.

She blinked again as her head hit the cold floor. She saw the men's shoes coming towards her. No! No, she had to fight! If her arms and legs just wouldn't feel so heavy... a numb kind of panic grabbed her heart. What if they would put her in a cage now? And tell the others she had just left? Would they believe it? Would they believe that she would just take it off without telling them and all on her own? She blinked again, trying to fight the tiredness that wanted to settle over her like a huge, dark blanket.

"What are we doing with her now?" She heard one of them say. She tried to turn her head, she wanted to look at them and argue but her head felt like it weighed a ton.

"Give me the handcuffs!" The second replied in a rough tone and Clarke felt how only seconds later her arms were wrenched behind her back painfully. What was going on?

"You carry her! We take her back to Wallace, just like he ordered!" She wanted to protest. She opened her mouth. She had to say something! She couldn't just let this happen to her! No, they should at least let her get back to Bellamy. Bellamy was... Bellamy... where was he? God. Was he okay? She couldn't die not knowing! Did the Walkers get him? Who caught her? What was going on? Confusion made its way into her brain but the black, great, nothingness was stronger and took over, making her stop thinking and worrying and fighting and instead just made her sleep.


	29. To love and be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new week, a new chapter, as promised. Sometimes I'm surprised I can keep this up myself but I guess I'm enjoying this story and your reviews so much that it just works! 
> 
> On that note, as always, thank you so much for your feedback, it made my day! I love reading about you thoughts, seeing new kudos and bookmarks! :)

Even though Bellamy had told himself multiple times now to stop worrying, he couldn't help himself. It just didn't seem like Clarke to just take off without saying a word. Yeah, Raven had told him to get a grip and leave Clarke to do whatever it was that she wanted to do and that she didn't need to inform him over every little step she took; and Monty had told him that she was a big girl and tough and could take care of herself; and Jasper and Maya had told him that she was probably fine. Mount Weather was a safe place. So he had forced himself to get it together. They were probably right. Maybe Clarke had just gotten tired or didn't really feel that well or maybe, she was simply bored. So she took off and left to go back to her room.

He pulled his hair. No. No, Clarke wouldn't just leave and not tell him, especially when they were on a date. Except if she thought the date was going horrible. But how was he supposed to know what she thought? She had just left after all. He had been pacing his room up and down for the past hour after Raven had practically forced him to not go down the hallway further.  _Leave the girl some privacy!_  She had ordered and Bellamy had obeyed. He didn't really know why maybe because they were both girls so he guessed Raven would understand Clarke better than he did but then again, he knew the blonde so well. And he didn't even want a reason, he just wanted to make sure she was safe and fine, he had a really bad feeling about this. He probably wouldn't be able to get a wink of sleep if he didn't go knock on her door anyways, so he slipped back into his sneakers and silently slipped out of his room.

At least now, no one was here to stop him. Quickly he covered the way to where Clarke's room was and, after taking a deep breath, knocked. He wasn't going to ask her anything about why she left. He would leave her, her privacy. What was he supposed to say then?

_Oh hi, yeah, I just wanted to see you were here_. No, that sounded like he was trying to monitor her.

_Clarke, glad to see you are fine_. No, that sounded like he was bitter, even in his head.

_Hi Clarke, sorry to disturb you, I just wanted to see that you're safe._ Did that sound normal?

He shook his head. Why did it take her so long to answer the door? Was she already asleep? He hesitated. What if she really never got back? He couldn't just return to his room now, knowing she wasn't answering. He knew, he shouldn't do this but he just couldn't stop himself as he reached for the door knob. And it opened without troubles. Bellamy took a deep breath, knocking again before carefully pushing the door open.

"Clarke?" He asked, as he stepped inside. The bed was empty, the light in the bathroom was off. He narrowed his eyes. "Clarke?!" He called again even though this time, he knew he wouldn't receive an answer. Where the hell could she be?! He pulled his hair. Maybe something did happen to her! Fucking God! He had been sitting his room, dancing at this party even though she might have needed him! He turned around, his mind starting to race. He had to think straight and rational! If something had happened to her, she would be in the medical level. There were so many guards around this place, surely someone had found her and taken care of her by now.

He hurried towards the staircase but this time, he didn't take the elevator up to level four. It would just take too long and he wasn't willing to wait. Taking two steps at a time, he ran upstairs. The door to the hospital wing had a sign saying " _Do not enter_ ".

Like hell, Bellamy just pushed the door open abruptly, entering the hallway which he remember too well. This was where he had beaten up the two guards on his first day who wouldn't tell him a thing about where they were taking him. He remember his fear and his worry, not knowing what happened to Clarke or the others. The same worry had a strong grip on his heart now as he walked down the corridor, reading the signs next to each room. There were different names on it but never the one he was looking for. He shot a glance through the windows, every now and then just to make sure he wasn't missing her because of a wrong name tag.

He rounded a corner, cursing at himself and the world as he was still unsuccessful. Paul Slater. Amanda Wowryk. Rebecca Lee. A blank sign. Bellamy stopped as the door was only half way closed. Without really thinking about it, he pushed the door open.

A girl was laying in the hospital bed there. She wasn't Clarke for sure but she still made Bellamy stop. She had long brown hair and her skin was so pale, Bellamy was sure she was dead. Until he saw a minimal movement of her chest going up and down. Her arms that were laying above the covers looked bruised and scratched. He blinked. What could possibly have happened to her? He bit his lip. Was she found outside and brought in here? Had she possibly barely been saved from turning?

Suddenly she opened her eyes, like she had realized someone was in the room with her. Panic and fear were visible in her eyes and she opened her mouth, a silent plea that never left her lips for whatever reason. Bellamy just stared at her. What should he do? Clarke needed him, he had to keep going but at the same time, how was he supposed to just leave this girl behind? She looked scared and all alone.

"I'm Bellamy…" He therefore started. "Don't be scared, nothing…"

"Bellamy." He stopped at the sound of Wallace's voice. Shit! He knew he wasn't supposed to be here. He shot the girl an apologetic glance before taking a deep breath and turning around, looking at the old man. "President Wallace, I'm sorry… I was… uhm…"

He raised an eyebrow but there wasn't any real anger in his voice. "Looking for Clarke?"

"Actually, yes."

A knowing smile appeared on the man's lips and he nodded down the floor. "Let me take you to her."

Bellamy felt relief rush through him. Wallace knew where she was. That was a good sign, right? He still hesitated for a second, looking back to the girl on the bed. Her eyes were halfway closed again. She really didn't look good.

"Don't worry." Cage continued, placing a firm grip on Bellamy's shoulder. "Our doctors are taking care of her. We found her outside like that and I'm sure she will soon be up and about again."

Bellamy smiled. "I hope so, sir." The president's words had soothed him. Besides, if he was already here, the doctors probably weren't too far away either and soon, someone would be there to take care of the girl. She would be fine. He had Clarke to worry about for now anyways. So he followed Wallace down the floor without any more protest, unsure whether he was in a position to ask the older man about what happened to her. While he was still debating that question in his head, Wallace seemed to have guessed what was on his mind. "Do you want to know what happened?"

"Yes. I mean, she just disappeared last night. At first, I guessed she was tired and just went back to her room without telling anyone but clearly that wasn't the case."

"No, clearly it wasn't." He shook his head. "What happened was that she left the dance for some reason unknown to us, too, but when we found her, she was already unconscious…"

"Unconscious?!" Bellamy interrupted him. After everything they had been through, a cold panic grabbed his heart. What if something serious had happened to her? He was supposed to protect her and he had failed once more. "I thought you said we were safe in here! How is that possible?!"

Wallace raised his hands. "Calm down. It's all good. She wasn't attacked. Our doctors did a checkup on her. From the looks of it, she had circulatory problems, maybe from exhaustion or lack of water. She hit her head when she fell down, but it's nothing serious. She will be fine, don't worry."

Now Bellamy felt stupid for freaking out but he was just so used to it. Every collapse could mean death, weakness meant death, not being able to fight meant death. There was no way out. He ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry…"

Wallace gave him another of these patronizing smiles. "It's all good, my friend." He stopped in front of a door. "She is in there. You can go in, this time the door isn't locked. We have learned from our past mistakes."

He winked and Bellamy gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

"Just one more thing." Wallace said as Bellamy already wanted to enter. "The medications we gave to her might cause some… side effects."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow at that. "Side effects? Like what?"

"Nothing serious, just confusion maybe. Don't worry about it, in case she doesn't recognize you at first that will pass. Or she might talk about… nonsense. Hallucinations and delusions might have appeared, just so you will be prepared. I don't know what she is going to say, once she is awake."

Bellamy nodded. "Alright, thanks for letting me know."

Wallace smiled one more time and without hesitating one more moment, Bellamy opened the door and walked inside. He just needed to see her to convince himself she was actually fine. He drew in a deep breath when he saw her body lying in the bed, her eyes still closed but for that moment, it didn't matter to him. She was here and she was alive. Tension he hadn't even been aware of holding anymore fell off him as he came closer to the bed to look at her.

"Hey Clarke…" He whispered even though he knew she couldn't hear him. Carefully he caressed her face, biting his lip. "You know, you could have told me you weren't feeling well…" He continued before grabbing the chair next to the wall to be able to sit down right next to her. "Honestly, I was worried about you…" He murmured before taking her hand and gently stroking the back with his thumb. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting to find, her being heavily injured? Dead? Gone? He didn't know and if he was honest, he also didn't really want to keep thinking about it. She was here and she was real and she was mostly unharmed. He had to keep telling that to himself, so he could fully calm down.

Now, that he knew Clarke was safe and everything was good, the adrenaline in his blood ceased and he started to notice how tired he actually was. Still holding onto Clarke's hand, he let his head rest on her bed while his eyes were still focused on her face. Never in a million years would he have expected to ever feel anything like that towards anyone besides Octavia, let alone feel anything like that towards Clarke. Even though he really tried to fight to stay awake and keep looking at her, it wasn't long until he lost that fight and sleep got him.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he was suddenly jerked awake by someone right next to him flinching. He opened his eyes and found Clarke blinking at him in confusion. "Clarke…" He started happy and relieved at first until he remembered Wallace's words. She might have no idea who he was or where she was or what was going on, which would make her scared as hell probably. "Hey, you're…" He started, raising one hand to show her he was no threat to her but before he could even finish his sentences, Clarke whispered: "Bellamy…?"

She sounded disbelieving like she couldn't believe he was actually here. But she knew who he was. He couldn't help the wide grin appearing on his face. She recognized him. She knew who he was and honestly, right now, there was nothing else he could have asked for. "Yeah, hey."

Tears started forming in her eyes and he got up from his chair to put his arms around her and pull her into his chest. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her and protect her. "It's okay…" He whispered as he pressed a light kiss on top her hair. "It's alright. You're fine, Clarke. I'm here, nothing is happening to you…" He didn't know what was scaring her so much but he wanted to make sure she knew she was safe with him.

Her body was rocked with one silent sob before she took a deep breath and slowly looked up at him. He gave her a reassuring smile. He was here for her, whatever it was that she needed. She seemed to already have calmed down a bit since she wiped away her tears quickly. "Did you sleep here?"

Bellamy shrugged, a little embarrassed. "Yeah."

"You didn't have to do that…"

Judging from her reaction when she woke up, he was glad he had. "It's fine. I'm just glad you're alright."

She smiled weakly before looking down at her hands. "I'm sorry…"

"You don't have to be." He tried to stop her but she went on: "I just left you there without saying a word."

"Whatever." He touched her cheek lightly. "It doesn't matter. We're here together now. That's enough for me."

These words made her smile for real this time and she leaned a little into his hand. They stayed in silence like that for a second. "Bellamy, there is something I have to tell you."

His heart stopped. What was she going to say? This wasn't the right place or time for a love confession, was it? Not after she had just collapsed and been through who knew what mental hell thanks to the pills? "Clarke…" He tried but she shook her head.

"No, it's important to me… I just… I don't want to wait any longer, in case something… happens…"

"Nothing will happen!"

"We don't know that…"

He leaned his head to the side. Something was off here. "What are you not telling me?"

She bit her lip. "It's… One thing at a time, okay?"

"Clarke…" He didn't like where this was going. Somehow she made it sound like a goodbye even though he felt like they were just at the beginning.

"Just listen to me, please?"

He took a deep breath but nodded. There was not really much he could do. "Okay."

She took his hands back into hers, her eyes fixed on their intertwined fingers as she started speaking: "We've been through a lot together, you and I. The fact that I disliked you first is no secret."

They both had to grin a little at these words, both remembering how stubborn and uptight they had been around each other at first.

"But even back then, I could see how much you loved your sister and I always knew you weren't a bad person, even if you were convinced otherwise. So much has happened in such a short time and I feel like… like I've known you for so much longer than just a few weeks... And things have changed between us too. I don't think we can deny that any longer. I mean, we went on a date to a dance together, and that sounds so cheesy and cliché and I hate dances but still… I don't think I would have ever said yes to any guy in my life but you." She took a deep breath, like she had to force herself to keep talking.

Bellamy still couldn't say where she was going with this. Her words sounded positive but her face looked sad, hurt almost and it confused him. His heart was racing again, some weird mixture of excitement and fear. It reminded him of the first time he ever rode a rollercoaster for some reason and the ride was just about to drop and he was so sure he would die.

"But things between us still aren't easy, they never were and maybe they never will be… It's just that…" She stopped again, like she was looking for the right words, now that she had gotten so far. "If we go down that road, Bellamy, it will be all or nothing… I think that's why I'm so scared. That's why I practically threw myself at Finn after what happened between us for the first time, because when I met him, I knew I could like him, spend some time with him, have some fun but at some point it would be over. But with you it's different... I  _feel_ different when it comes to you. I know that if I let myself fall entirely, I won't be able to stop…"

He wasn't sure if she was done talking since her eyes still seemed to be glues to their hands. So he waited while a thousand different emotions played in his heart. Happiness. She felt the same way. Excitement. She had just told him. Hope. Maybe this could work. Fear. This world was so harsh and love was such a fragile thing. Panic. He knew himself, he couldn't do anything but mess things and people up. Disappointment. Maybe they could never let themselves fall entirely, as she had put it, until it was too late. When he stayed silent, she finally looked up.

"Please say something…" She whispered, sounding almost desperate.

What did she want to hear? That he agreed with her? Or that he didn't and wanted to fight for her instead? Well, what was the truth? What was he going to do? "I… I don't know what to say…" He finally admitted. "I mean, you're right but… I don't know, Clarke, what does this mean for us? That we just have to stay away from each other from now on?"

At these words her grip immediately tightened on him. "No! I just… I don't know… I just think, we should talk about this before… anything happens."

Why was she so set on something happening? For once they were safe. When he didn't reply again, she took a deep breath. "Bellamy, don't take this wrong way. I mean, I… I…"

"I know." He interrupted her. She didn't need to say these three words yet. Truth was he didn't want her to say them here, not while she thought she had to because they were doomed or because she thought it was what he needed to hear. Which didn't mean they weren't true of course, but he wanted it to be special, when she finally said it. He wanted them both to be ready. He smiled at her a little. "I do too."

If the circumstances had been different, he might have kissed her again just then but he was too worried about what that would cause, so he pulled himself together. "Maybe… we should take this slow, okay?"

"Would that be okay for you?"

"Of course." He placed a hand at her cheek again and ran his thumb gently over her skin there. "We worry about what we need to worry about for now. This can wait and nothing will change. Or maybe it will, and we'll be able to figure this out tomorrow without all these troubles clouding our minds and it will be clear and easy."

She smiled at these words before turning her head and placing a small kiss at the palm of his hand. "Okay."

This time, he couldn't entirely resist, as he put his arms around her again and pulled her into his chest, which she gave in to willingly. He closed his eyes for a second. She was right. They couldn't really deny it anymore. The feelings between them had been shaken and turned upside down over and over again but never for one second had his decision wavered. He wanted her and she was more than enough for him. She was the little good in this whole fucked up world of darkness they now lived in. He needed her, more than he could probably know. They were a team. They carried each other. Where would he be without her? Lost at sea, probably, metaphorically speaking. The only issue was his god damn talent of fucking things up and messing people up. It had happened before.

He had always been kind of a rebel, not listening to authorities or older people, trying to give him advice. He liked to be in control and take matters into his own hands. He had been called anything, starting from hot-headed, impulsive, self-serving and arrogant and ending with asshole, failure, drop-out and loser. He never had really been surrounded by people who believed in him or supported him in the same way Clarke had probably experienced. Even though, when he was around her, he had to admit, he felt like he could turn out to be the hero of this story. There was just this whole lot of darkness inside of him and he was scared he was going to taint and destroy Clarke's light, break her heart and make her cry. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hadn't realized Clarke had started crying again until a low sob left her throat. He frowned, touching her chin to make her look at him. "Hey… what's wrong now?"

"It's just… I really thought… I thought they were going to kill me and I was never going to see you again…"

He stopped. What the hell had she been hallucinating while she was out? "Clarke… no one will kill you… Is that what you think will happen?" He asked concerned.

She took in a shaky breath before whispering: "We were at the dance and I left without telling you because… Because I wanted to find a way out but they stopped me and I thought…"

"Hey, hey." Bellamy gently interrupted her. "That's not what happened."

"What?"

"I mean, we went to dance together and I guess you were about to leave without telling me, yes, but that's not the point. You were probably already feeling sick since Wallace told me that they found you unconscious and you had a circulatory collapse."

Confusion was clearly visible on her face now.

"What…? Circulatory collapse?"

"Yes. They gave you some medication for it and one of its side effects are hallucinations… so none of that really happened, Clarke…"

"No." She shook her head. "They lied to you, Bellamy. I didn't have any circulatory problems. I was fine and I left the dance because I talked to a girl who said we're not allowed to leave this place! And she was right! And…" She stopped herself, looking towards the door as if checking they were really alone before she continued with a lowered voice: "And I found this room with a thousand cages and they're keeping people in there, Bellamy. I don't know what for or what they are doing to them but we have to get away from here before…"

"Wow, Clarke. Really, Wallace warned me about this. That didn't happen." Bellamy could hardly believe his own ears. Whatever Clarke had imagined sounded worse than what he had expected and her reliving these moments probably wasn't the best way to move past it.

"You don't believe me?"

He made a face at her hurt tone. He didn't want to hurt her, he was just trying to make her see reason. "No, it's just the pills they gave you…"

"They didn't give me any pills, Bellamy! They knocked me out cold when I reached the fucking door with the same gas they used on us before in that cave when we got here!" She seemed so convinced that he had to admit he wavered for a second but of course Clarke would think what she thought she actually saw to be true.

"And why wouldn't they want us to leave?" He therefore tried. "I mean, what do they gain from us staying here?"

"I don't know… I haven't had time to really think about that yet. All I know is that we're in danger here and we need to find a way out."

"Clarke, we're saf…"

"Stop it, Bellamy! Why do you believe all their lies? Is it because you want to believe you will meet Octavia here?! Then tell me, how long have we been here now? Almost two weeks? And she hasn't shown up yet! No one here has even talked about her! I bet she has never been here! They lied because that's all they do!"

Bellamy shook his head. They weren't lying to them. Why the hell would they? These people had been nothing but nice and welcoming towards them. He just didn't understand why it was so hard for Clarke to accept that someone on this god forsaken planet actually just wanted to help? He took a deep breath but noticed that he probably wasn't going to get Clarke to see reason and relax. So he tried to take a different path. "You know what? Maybe your Mom will show up here too and…"

"Bellamy, you're not listening to me!" She interrupted him, anger obviously now raging inside of her. "They're trying to make us forget what is going on! But what is happening out there, is reality! We're caged in here and they want us to stay for some reason!"

This just sounded so insane. "What are you saying?" He growled, getting annoyed now too. Her directing her anger at him wasn't fair. "Are you just going to run off?"

"We all should."

"I'm not leaving until Octavia…"

"Octavia is not going to show up."

"You don't know that!" Bellamy snapped back.

Clarke snorted, shaking her head in disbelief as she looked at him. Subconsciously, they had moved further apart, something they hadn't done in forever. Usually it was exactly the other way around.

"Do you really think I would lie about this?" She asked after a second.

"I don't think you're lying. You're confused and…"

A scornful noise left her mouth and a look she had never given him before crossed her face, it was desperation, mixed with betrayal, disappointment and anger. "No! Stop it! I don't want to hear that! Go! Get out! I…" She swallowed, looking away from him and he felt disappointment rush through him too and it stung like a bitch. "I need to rest…" She mumbled, turning away from him entirely.

He hesitated, not sure what to do. "Clarke…" He started again but she didn't even give him a real chance.

"I'm tired, Bellamy. Having a circulatory collapse is exhausting, you know." Her tone sounded bitter and defeated and he closed his eyes. Maybe he should have been gentler in what he had been saying but how was he supposed to make her see what really happened? Her fear and anger were totally irrational and clouding her judgement! "Fine." He still said, getting up from the bed. "I'll check up on you later again, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever…" She mumbled.

Bellamy took a deep breath. "Okay. Try to get some sleep."

After he closed the door behind him, he had to fight to keep himself from screaming and hitting the wall. How did they end up like that? Their conversation had started out so great, talking about their feelings for each other and finally figuring out where they stood and now this. Even though it was caused by the pills and the medications he felt like he let her down and that was a horrible feeling. Something he thought he would never feel because he had wanted to always be there for her. He sighed. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Was it too much to ask for things to just be simple for once?

A high pitched scream cut right through his trail of thought and made him jump. For a horrific second he just saw Clarke in front of him, in pain and helpless but the second scream made him realize it wasn't her. It wasn't her voice but that didn't stop him from turning around and sprinting the hallway back down. If someone was in trouble, he couldn't just look away. That wasn't like him.

He turned the next corner and saw two guards wrestling a girl to the ground. He narrowed his eyes and shouted "Hey!" As he approached them one of the guards turned around.

"What are you doing here?" He growled. "You're not supposed to be here!"

"Let go of the girl!" Bellamy demanded but neither of the men were really listening to him.

"You need to get away from here right now!" The one closest to him spat.

Bellamy's eyes were fixed on the girl though as the second man tried to push her against the wall brutally, a syringe in his hand.

"Hey! Let her go!" Bellamy wanted to jump towards her but his way was blocked.

The guard glared at him. "I warned you, boy!" He took a swing and hit Bellamy right across the face. Okay, that was something he definitely would not have expected but it was all it took for him to jump back into fighting and survival mode. He ducked the next hit before taking a swing himself.

"No, leave me alone!" The girl shrieked, as Bellamy wrestled the guard to the ground, pinning him there and placing two more hits at his face. Then he jumped back to his feet and attacked the second one, pulling him away from the girl. He dodged the elbow hit aimed at him before trying to push the stranger to the ground. He managed to pull Bellamy with him though. For a second the guard gained the upper hand, pressing Bellamy down and hitting him right across the face. He gasped for air as his vision blurred for a second but he knew he had to pull himself together. So he used his legs to turn them back around. Being back in control, he managed to place two good punches before letting go of him and stumbling to his feet.

"Come on!" He outstretched his hand towards the girl who took it without complaint. "This way! Fast!" Bellamy pulled her alongside him down the hallway. He didn't really know where he was running. His only thought was getting her out of there and away from the men. He was more pulling her with him than she was actually running. He still had no clue where to go as they stumbled into the staircase.

He thought fast. If he took her downstairs to the living residences, he would have no hide out place so he couldn't really do much. "Okay, this way!" He started running up, the guards' heavy breathing not too far behind them. Bellamy knew if they wanted to get away, they had to put enough distance between themselves and the men so they wouldn't see them anymore. "Hurry! Hurry!" He urged as they reached the next level and pushed through the doors. These were mere seconds out of the guards' sight but it had to be enough for now.

He sprinted through the next door on their right side and closed it shut again. It looked like they had just entered some kind of storage room. It was dark in there and he couldn't really see much which should at least be good for hiding. "Okay… further to the back…" He hushed her, backing away until her back hit the wall at the other side of the room. Just at the same moment the door opened again and Bellamy tensed, pressing his body against her and motioning her to stoop down with him.

"Do you see them?" A dark voice growled. A flashlight threw some light inside and Bellamy tried to get his head even lower. If they were caught in here, there was no way out and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to fight both of them off once more, now that they were more prepared for it.

"No…" The other voice at the door answered.

"Maybe they went down the hallway further…" The first one suggested and the door fell shut again.

Bellamy didn't dare to breathe for a few more seconds. But nothing else happened. The guards really seemed to have walked away. He relaxed a little before focusing his eyes back on the girl in front of him.

"Hey… Are you okay?" He murmured, now taking in more details about her. She had long brown hair, brown eyes, she looked beaten and bruised and he stopped. "I know you…" He continued as she nodded. "I saw you in that hospital bed earlier…"

She took in a sharp breath. "Don't take me back there, please…"

Bellamy narrowed his eyes but as he didn't want to scare her anymore he shook his head. "Don't worry, I won't. Okay?" He placed a hand at her shoulder to show her she wasn't alone anymore. What could she be so scared of? She nodded again.

"I'm Bellamy." He explained. "What's your name?"

She blinked a few times. "Echo."

"Okay Echo, what happened to you?" He just needed to know but the girl didn't look like she was really able to talk much more. She started blinking more, gasping for air. Bellamy wasn't sure if she was having a panic attack so he placed his other hand at her cheek, to make her keep looking at him. "Hey, calm down, it's all going to be okay. Just focus on me, it's going to be okay, Echo!"

She shook her head slightly, looking at him but as it seemed not really seeing him. "Please don't… please… I… I don't…" She gasped for air and Bellamy bit his lip.

"It's alright, you're safe…"

"No…" Her eyes fell closed and she collapsed. Bellamy cursed, grabbing her before she could hit the ground. What the hell happened to this girl? He eyed her up and down for a few more moments. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't just leave her laying here but he also couldn't really take her back to the hospital. She seemed way too scared and honestly he wasn't sure where these wounds on her body came from. Besides, after what he just did to help, he would probably be screwed too. That only really left him one choice, so with a sigh and ignoring his protesting bruised ribs, he picked her up entirely and turned around, praying no one was going to see him now.


	30. No way to forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the reviews and the new kudos! I was very happy about them! :)
> 
> Haha, but I'm glad to see everyone seems to dislike Echo as much as I do, so writing her into this was painful for me too folks but I live for the drama so sorry ;)
> 
> Let's see what's going to happen now, enjoy the chapter xoxo

Getting out of the hospital was a relief. Honestly Clarke had believed she would never see these hallways again. So actually being able to walk them down again towards the dining hall, she felt happier than she would have ever thought to be seeing the iron walls. She stopped now though and let her head rest against the wall for a second.

Doctor Tsing had just released her this morning after two days in the hospital. After their fight, Bellamy hadn’t shown up again and neither had anyone else. She wasn’t sure why, what they had been told but she was about to find out. During her time alone she had tried to figure out how to tell the others what she had found out but her conclusion was to keep her mouth shut. Telling them the truth without any proof would probably only lead to them reacting the same way Bellamy had. They loved this place. They felt safe and happy here and who was she to take that away from them? She probably wouldn’t have reacted any different if it had been the other way around. So she couldn’t really blame them. Her head just felt like it was about to explode. She wanted to keep them all safe, really safe, not the fake safety Mount Weather provided but she had no idea how she could do that.

“Miss Griffin!” She looked up as a guard came walking towards her. “You feeling okay?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

“Good. Just wanted to check.”

Clarke gave him a weak smile and continued her way. She had been guessing this would happen. After what she had seen, Wallace wouldn’t just let her walk around without keeping an eye on her. So she knew she had to be careful if she wanted to make another move and find evidence.

As soon as she had entered the dining hall, she looked around and felt another wave of relief rush over her when she spotted Monty, Jasper, Maya and Raven, sitting together and eating pizza. She knew the fear of something happening to them while she was gone was kind of irrational but she couldn’t help it.

“Hi!” She greeted when she walked up to them and Monty jumped up to hug her. “Clarke!”

She returned the hug.

“How are you doing?” Jasper asked.

“I’m fine.”

“We were so worried about you!” Monty continued. “When you just disappeared like that and we had no clue what happened to you…”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Clarke shrugged. She would have loved to explain her sudden disappearance in more detail but they wouldn’t believe her and she knew that.

“We wanted to come and visit you but we weren’t allowed to. Safety reasons and shit…”

“No worries.” She replied, putting a great effort into acting calm and happy, even though this sentences had caught her attention again. They hadn’t been allowed to? Bellamy had showed up but then again, he probably was the one who cared about rules the least when it came to seeing her. Speaking of whom, were was he?

“I wasn’t in there too long anyways,” she continued before gladly taking the free seat next to Raven who nudged her shoulder. “It’s good to have you back, Griffin.”

“Thanks.” The fact that Raven hadn’t gone back to her not talking phase was at least something to be honestly happy about.

“Are you hungry?” Maya asked who seemed to be finally warming up to her after their rough start.

“A little.” Clarke admitted and she got up.

“I’m going to get you something.”

“No, you don’t need to! I can…”

“Oh, it’s fine.” Maya smiled before nodding towards Jasper. “It’s my turn to go get desert anyways.”

Clarke laughed a little. “Okay, thanks then.”

“Sure.” Maya smiled before leaning down and pressing a quick kiss on Jasper’s lips and then disappeared. Clarke looked at him with big eyes for a second.

“What?” He asked, trying to act all casually but his grin was giving him away.

“Did I miss something?” Clarke asked in return.

The boy laughed a little and shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Oh, hell you did!” Monty threw in. “Maya and Jasper, sitting in a tree…”

“K – I – S – S – I – N – G,” Raven ended Monty’s sentence and they both laughed while Jasper just rolled his eyes. Clarke couldn’t keep herself from smiling an honest smile this time too. God, they were really happy in here. If she could only be sure they were also safe. Maybe if she could sneak back into the huge room with the cages and talk to the girl… She stopped herself there. They had taken her, who knew if she was still alive… She sighed before looking up again. She wished Bellamy was here but she also didn’t really want to ask for him, knowing her friends would interpret too much into that. She tried looking around for him without ostentation but apparently failed miserably since Raven said: “Bellamy’s not here yet.”

Clarke opened her mouth to protest but what for? Everyone knew they were good friends, so looking for him wasn’t a crime. “Okay.”

“He has been late for every meal since you disappeared anyways, so I wouldn’t expect him to show up for at least another fifteen minutes.” She explained and Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“What? Why?”

She shrugged. “No idea. All he ever says is that he’s busy.”

Busy? What could he possibly be busy with here? “Okay.” She knew he was in no way obligated to tell them, or for that matter her, what he was doing. She wasn’t his girlfriend, she had made sure of that.

Maya returned with their food at that moment so she didn’t really have another chance to say anything else anyways. As Clarke started to eat her pizza, her friends fell back into casual conversation. Somehow it seemed like they were so used to this, like they have known each other for years and sitting here and talking about anything was just a ritual. They were just listening to Monty telling the story of his and Jasper’s first party experience when a certain someone appeared in the doorway to the dining hall. H

is eyes traveled over the crowd until they settled on the small group and he started making his way towards them before sitting down opposite Clarke, giving them all a nod. “Hey.”

Clarke stared at him. Was that all? She cleared her throat. “Bellamy…”

He gave her a small smile. “Hi, good to see you’re doing better.”

She stopped. It wasn’t like she had expected him to run towards her and hug her and start crying but a little more than a nod and a few words had been there. He turned his head and exposed a black eye to her and she noticed that the bridge of his nose looked a little swollen. “Wait!” She reached over the table for him. “What happened?! Did you get into a fist fight?!”

He sighed and raised a hand to calm her but this only exposed his bruised knuckles to her.

“What the hell Bellamy?!” She continued, grabbing his hand.

“Relax, Clarke. I’m fine.”

“This does not look fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “I just crashed into a door.”

She raised her eyebrows. Bellamy wasn’t clumsy. He was a hunter. He knew how to move and he was smooth with it. He didn’t crash into doors or walls or whatever else. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not. And I’m going to get some food now, if that’s okay with you.” The sarcasm in his voice was more than clear as he freed himself of her grip and got up. Was he seriously still mad at her because of what happened when he came to see her in the hospital? She was way past it even though she had had every right to be mad too! After all he was the one who called her delusional and didn’t believe her, basically. When she looked up, the others were all staring at her.

“Don’t worry…” Raven started. “He’s been like that to all of us.”

Clarke shook her head fast. “I’m not worried.” Hell yes, she was worried. Why the hell was he so mad at her? They had both said stupid things the other night. 

“I’ll see you guys later.” Bellamy murmured as he passed them again.

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Raven asked and Clarke was glad she didn’t have to be the one to ask the question.

“Yes, I’m just going to take this up to my room and eat there.”

“Why?”

“I’m… busy.” Without giving them another chance to say anything, he was gone again. They exchanged confused glances and Clarke felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. What could possibly be wrong with him?

Back in her room, she had settled down on her bed and taken out some paper and the pens Bellamy had brought her, what felt like a lifetime ago. The sketch she had done of him back at Raven’s house had still been in her pocket and after looking at it for some time, she had decided to redo the sketch. Even though usually she preferred looking at the person she drew, she had memorized every detail of Bellamy’s face so well that she didn’t need to do so. Without looking at him, she could recall the exact shade of his eye color, she knew where every freckle belonged and the shape of his lips was all too clear in her mind. It was almost ridiculous but her mind had subconsciously saved his picture perfectly. Almost automatically her hand started moving over the paper, giving him her most favorite smirk she already missed after two days.

Looking at the boy staring back at her from the paper she sighed. What was up? Why didn’t he want to talk to her? Why did he seem to avoid her? Was that really all because of their fight? But she wasn’t even the one who was wrong. Her racing mind was interrupted when a soft knock at the door sounded and Clarke looked up, surprised. Could this be Bellamy? She was half hoping it was him, half dreading it. If he was still in such a bad mood, she could actually only see them keep fighting instead of resolving the issue.

In any way, she didn’t want anyone to see what she had just drawn, so she closed the pad before walking up to the door. It wasn’t Bellamy standing in front of her then though. It was Raven.

“Hey.” Clarke greeted as the girl pushed past her and inside.

“I need to talk to you, Griffin.” She sounded serious and Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?”

“Close the door.” Raven murmured as Clarke was still standing there, looking confused. But she obeyed before walking over to Raven who had sat down on one of the chairs. “What is going on?”

“You know, I really like it here and I hate being an ungrateful little shit or anything like that but… I think there is something wrong.”

Clarke felt like a huge weight was lifted off her chest. Finally, she wasn’t the only one anymore! Still, she didn’t want to seem too overexcited as she took a seat opposite Raven. “Why? What happened?”

Raven looked around the room, like she was expecting someone to lure in the corner and listen in. After she seemed to believe they actually were alone she leaned a little closer to Clarke. “While you were in the hospital, I overheard a conversation between President junior and Doctor Creepy.” Doctor Creepy was what the girl had called Doctor Tsing from the very beginning. According to her, the Doctor’s eyes were too far away from each other and that apparently creeped her out.

“What did they say?” Clarke asked as she felt the tension rise again.

“I… I’m not sure… I didn’t hear all of it but it sounded like…” Raven bit her lip, obviously unsure of whether she should continue.

“Raven, come on, what did they say?”

“It sounded like they want to use some people for experiments… They didn’t clarify what kind of experiments but… it sounded like they were talking about… us…”

Clarke felt her heart skip a beat. She knew it! They weren’t safe! For some reason Wallace wanted them as their next test objects.

“And after what Nigel said, I mean, I know she is not to be trusted in any way but I just…”

“It’s fine.” Clarke interrupted her, shaking her head. “I think, you might be right.”

“What? Why?” Clarke took a deep breath, telling her what she had discovered and what was really behind her illness. Raven’s eyes grew wider with each word, like she didn’t want to believe but she knew it was the truth. The pieces fitted together too perfectly.

“You kept this to yourself?”

Clarke sighed. “I told Bellamy but he didn’t believe me. He got mad and we fought and then I figured you would all react the same way. You love this place and I didn’t have any evidence to back up what I’m claiming…”

“Okay, that could be true…”

Clarke took a deep breath. “Doesn’t matter now. We have to get out of here.”

“I know. But I have no idea about the how.”

“Yeah, they won’t just let us leave through the front door.”

“Fight?”

“They have fully trained guards. I don’t know how we would do that.”

“You’re right…”

“We should get everyone on board first. We might come up with something then.”

“Hopefully.”

“We won’t die in here, Raven!” Clarke wished she could believe her own words just as easily as she had said them. The other one didn’t look too convinced either but for now Clarke couldn’t offer her any more comfort.

“I know.” A positive mindset was the best point to start at anyways. “Has anyone seen you come here?” She asked and Raven shrugged.

“I don’t know…”

“Okay, then go back to your room first. I’ll wait a bit then I walk over to Bellamy, you can follow me, a little later. If we go there together, we might attract too much attention.”

She nodded as she got up again. “Okay.”

“I’ll see you in a bit.”

As soon as Raven had left, Clarke got up again to grab her sketch pad and flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for. The map she had come up with after all the information she had collected. That would probably be helpful if they wanted to figure out how to get out of this hell hole. So she folded the paper and put it in her pocket. Besides, this whole thing gave her a good opportunity to talk to him. Even if this was childish, she didn't know what else to do. After all, he was the one who refused to talk to her and not the other way around. Before she left, she checked herself in the mirror, combed her hair as well as possible and straighten out her clothes. She could do this. This was only Bellamy, for God's sake. It wasn't like he was going to beat her up or hurt her or anything. They could figure this out, they always had up until this point and why would that change now?

So she gathered up her courage and stepped outside. She looked from left to right but no one was in sight. Good, so whoever was on her duty was either not doing their job properly or they had decided to let go of her. Whatever it was, for now she was just glad to be alone. Quickly she made her way down the hallway until she stopped in front of Bellamy's door and knocked. Seconds passed and she was almost already sure he wasn't there or wasn't going to answer the door, when it was cracked open half way.

"Clarke?" Bellamy sounded surprised like he had rather expected the Queen of England standing in front of him than the blonde.

"Hey... I... can we talk?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Not here, can I come in?"

She was already about to move forward but he blocked her way. "Now?"

"Yes, why not?" Why was he acting so weird?

"Right now is not really a good time..." He murmured, running a hand through his hair. Wait, was he nervous?

"What do you mean? What's going on?"

"Nothing, I just... do you mind if I just come by later?"

She didn't like this. Something was up, obviously and she wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. If something was wrong, he needed to tell her. They were doing this together after all! "Yeah, I would actually."

He made a face at that.

"Because what I have to tell you is pretty important."

He sighed but finally took a step aside. "Fine, come in then. But hurry." He closed the door shut only a millisecond after she had stepped through the door way, almost like he was trying to keep whoever might be following her outside.

"I..." Clarke started but stopped immediately. Now she knew why he was saying now wasn't a good time. There was a girl here. She was sitting on his bed and just staring at the newcomer with big eyes. And somehow that gave her really unpleasant feeling in her stomach, a feeling she hadn't felt in forever, a horrible feeling she had barley ever felt but right now it seemed to be burning inside of her. "Oh..."

Bellamy took a deep breath before he leaned towards her and whispered: "This is not what it looks like, Clarke!"

She turned her head to look at him but she didn't know what to say. What was is then? _You don't need to justify yourself in front of me. Just stop lying!,_ is what she would have liked to say but for some reason her voice failed her.

"This is Echo." He continued before stepping closer to her. "Don't worry, this is Clarke. You can trust her, she is not one of them!"

The girl narrowed her eyes and Clarke felt a new wave of anger rush over her. Was she actually judging her despite Bellamy's words? Who the hell did she think she was? The two girls kept looking at each other for a few more moments before Clarke tore her eyes away to focus on Bellamy again. "What happened?"

"I... I don't know, really. I mean, when I was on my way back from visiting you in the hospital, I noticed two guards harassing her and I stepped in. I've kept her here since then."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You've been hiding a girl in here for almost three days?" Three days was quite some time, which meant they both must have showered and he must have snuck up food for her, risking his safety for this stranger.

"Yes, but she passed out on me when we ran away and she just now woke up, so maybe you can do a quick check up?"

Clarke frowned a little, as she was just now really taking in the whole picture of the girl, with scratches all over her skin, bruises all over her body and dark circles under her eyes. She was still pretty but she started to see that maybe they really hadn't been doing anything.

"Yeah, sure..." Clarke walked up to her slowly but she backed away.

"You're part of the doctors here?!" She growled but the blonde shook her head, confused. Why would that be such an issue?

"No, but..." she stopped. "Wait, I know you! I saw you in... oh my god... what are they doing to you?!" The long brown hair, the broken body, the haunted eyes. This was the girl she had seen in the cage!

She leaned her head to the side. "Girl who snuck in..." she mumbled, as Clarke kneeled down in front of her. "Did they get you?"

The blonde nodded. "Yeah, they knocked me out and put me in the hospital for two days."

"That's all?"

"I think so... what's happening to you?" She asked again as she reached for her hand. Without any tools or help Clarke didn't have too many possibilities to do a check up on her. Except for the basic, checking her circulation, seeing if her wounds weren't infected and see if she felt weird or confused or anything like that.

Echo pressed her lips together and turned her head away. Obviously she didn't want to talk about it. Clarke made a face. This could be exactly what she needed to convince Bellamy. After what Raven had heard and what Echo might know, he couldn't keep denying it and calling her insane.

"Okay... how are feeling?"

Echo raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

Clarke sighed. Of course this girl had to have an attitude. "Are you confused? Do you feel different than usually? Or are you suffering from any memory loss?"

She shook her head. Okay, that was something good at least. While she checked Echo's countless wounds, to see how bad they were and if any of them needed more treating, she couldn't help but feel a cold shiver run down her spine. Apart from scratches obviously caused by falling, her bruises seemed to have been caused by being punched and kicked and she found countless punctuated wounds which indicated needles being put into her, for whatever reason.

That's when it knocked again and Bellamy growled. “You have to hide!”

“No.” Clarke got up from the floor again. “This should be Raven. We need to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“You’ll see.” Clarke opened the door, luckily finding Raven in front of her. On second thought she wouldn’t even have been too surprised to find a guard who wanted to check up on her. The other girl slipped inside but stopped when she spotted the stranger sitting on Bellamy’s bed. “Whoa!” She looked back and forth between him, Clarke and the other girl before finally settling on Bellamy. “What did I miss?”

“Don’t worry,” Clarke stepped in. “She might actually be a lot of help to us.”

Raven still looked a little doubtful but was obviously ready to accept whatever Clarke was planning since she just nodded. “Could the two of you tell me what’s going on now?” Bellamy asked and Clarke took a deep breath.

She knew, even with everything, this could still very well result in nothing but the next fight between them but there was no way in hell that she was going to let his stubbornness and irrationalism get in the way of his survival. She needed to do this. “Yes. This is about what I told you when you came to visit me in the hospital.”

He made a face and ran a hand through his hair. “Clarke, not again. I told you that…”

“I know!” She interrupted him. “I know, the medications. But if that was true, how does Echo know me? Besides, Raven overheard a conversation where Wallace junior told Tsing about their great plans for us, whatever they may are.”

Bellamy looked torn and it wasn’t like she couldn’t understand him. The thought of finally finding and reuniting with his sister was probably the only thing that still kept him going. Hope was all they had left.

“What exactly did Raven hear?” He asked.

“I heard him tell her about some experiments and it sounded like they need people for it… Like, they were going to need us for it…”

He stopped. “Are you sure about that?”

“No. I didn’t hear all of it and…”

“See, if you can’t be sure. I mean, seriously, what would they want with us? As long as we stick to the rules, they don’t have any reasons to do anything to us…”

“Please, be reasonable. These are too many coincidences. And even if they’re not after us… Them experimenting on human beings is bad enough! How can you be okay with that?”

“You know I’m not! But the point of this right now aren’t the experiments! It’s about whether we are in danger here or not, isn’t it?”

Clarke took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to get them anywhere right now, so she turned towards Echo. “I don’t know what they are doing to you Echo, but I need you to confirm that it’s them who are doing this. That you’re not scared of a ghost in your head…”

Echo blinked, as she seemed to understand the situation. “This is Wallace’s work…” She whispered, hugging herself. “And you need to get away from here, as long as you still can. I tried to escape but I failed every time, I’m too weak and they’re too strong…”

Clarke bit her lip. Yeah, maybe they couldn’t be sure if they were really in danger but simply the fact that this was what was going on in here should be enough reason for wanting to run away from here for all of them.

“See? I’m not making up stuff, Bellamy.”

He looked back and forth between the three girls facing him. His eyes settled on the blonde finally as he sighed. “You’re sure about this?” He asked one more time and she nodded.

“100%.”

“Fine. I guess, we should look into it then.”

Clarke felt tension fall off her shoulders. He believed her, finally. “We should let Monty and Jasper know too. Maybe they can help us come up with something.” Raven suggested.

“I don’t know, Jasper’s new sweetheart might be in the way.” Bellamy murmured.

Maya. She had completely forgotten about her. “We don’t know what side she is on.”

“There are sides already? Clarke, we don’t even know if there is an enemy…”

“Clearly, there is.” She pointed at Echo and he made a face.

“Okay, guys,” Raven interrupted them before a serious argument could spark again. “I’m going to go and get them while you stay here and be quiet, okay?”

Clarke nodded reluctantly while Bellamy turned away and Raven sighed. “I’ll be back in five minutes. At least try not to rip each other’s heads off.” She left with one last pressing glance.

Clarke leaned back against the wall. This was so stupid. There was seriously no real reason for them to fight. This was just ridiculous! She watched as Bellamy kneeled down in front of Echo again, asking if she needed anything. She took a deep breath in order to calm herself. It wasn’t like Bellamy wanted to stay here because he supported whatever messed up thing they were doing. He wanted to stay because of his sister, because of the hope they had planted in his brain. So she took a step towards him as he got back up.

“Bellamy…” She put a hand on his arm and motioned him to follow her a few feet away from Echo. “Listen to me, this place isn’t our only chance of finding Octavia. We don’t even know for sure she was ever here. Leaving doesn’t mean it’s the end, okay?”

He looked at her, almost like he was about to give her another angry or annoyed respond but to her relief he nodded shortly. “Thanks.”

When Raven reappeared, accompanied by Monty, Jasper and Maya, Clarke couldn't help but feel a little pessimistic. Bellamy was right. Jasper probably wouldn't believe them. He was head over heels for the girl at his side and he wouldn't let them convince him she was part of the bad guys. Besides, talking about it with her being present was a risk but they didn't have much of a choice.

"What's going on?" Monty asked but stopped dead when he spotted Echo. Just like Raven before them, there was confusion and worry on their faces. Maya was the one who stepped forward. "You made it out..."

Echo's eyes widened when she saw her though and she jumped off the bed abruptly. "I'm not going back in! Why did you bring her here?!" She looked at Bellamy, fear and disappointment in her eyes. "She's bad!"

Maya raised her hands as if she was surrendering. "I'm not here to take you back..."

"Lies!" Echo spat. "That's all you people can do! Lie and lie and lie!"

Before anyone could react, she grabbed a chair, lunging towards Maya.

"Wow! Echo!" Bellamy stepped in the way, while Jasper moved to pull his girlfriend out of harm's way. "Calm down! Echo! No one's here to do anything to you! I told you; I won't let that happen! But you need to keep it down! People are going to hear you!"

Her eyes studied him skeptically. "How can I believe you? How do I know you're not lying too?"

Bellamy took a deep breath, hesitating.

"Because they're all in danger too..." Maya whispered at that moment. Clarke felt her heart stop. She had watched the scene unfurl in front of her, feeling helpless and desperate. How the hell were they all going to survive? How was she supposed to get them all out of here?

"What?" Jasper asked, obviously confused by the exchange.

"I don't know any details, but there are experiments and you might be in danger of becoming subjects..." His girlfriend continued, staring at the ground.

Bellamy ran his hand through his hair while Echo slowly let the chair down again.

"What do you mean?" Clarke pressed though. "You need to tell us all you know!"

"I don't know much, I mean, basically I'm just some kind of nurse but what they're doing is wrong. It's supposed to help us survive and make us stronger but... the methods this institute is using are wrong and... I wish I could change this whole place..." She bit her lip, looking to the ground.

"What are you talking about, Maya? What experiments?" Jasper asked.

"I don't know, all I know is that I have to take care of the people once doctor Tsing is done with them but most of the time, there is not much left of them... Echo is an exception, I have never seen anyone go into as many treatments as she has..."

Bellamy ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head a little. “And how do they choose? What traits are they looking for?”

“I don’t know…” Maya answered. “I’ve tried figuring it out and keeping the people away but… I just don’t know what they’re looking for…”

“How do you know we’re in danger then?” Clarke asked. Maya took a deep breath and without looking up for the fraction of a second, almost like she was feeling guilty about what was going on too.  “Because President Wallace said to make Bellamy believe his sister would show up here… Him staying here would make you stay, Clarke, and with the two of you, the whole group would be safe for us…”

“So my sister was never here?” Bellamy asked, after a silent second has passed, a certain note of bitterness to his voice.

“No,” Maya whispered. “She wasn’t.”

Bellamy set his jaw and Clarke moved to place her hand over his, in a way to comfort him somehow at least. He didn’t react though and she sighed.

“And you need to leave this place too,” Maya continued.

“How?” Echo cut in the conversation again.

“Yeah, when I tried to escape, they captured me.” Clarke commented. “They won’t let us leave, you said so yourself.”

Maya nodded. “I know but with the right help, it should work.”

“What are you thinking of?”

“There is a tunnel leading outside on level two.” She explained. “It’s not as heavily guarded because most people don’t even know about it. It’s probably the easiest and safest way out.”

Echo frowned. “I heard people talk about it in the cages. It’s not just a rumor?”

Maya shook her head. “No, it’s not. Most people just failed. I mean, the way itself is sort of safe but getting in there is still far from easy. I’ll do all I can to help you but if they catch us… We’ll be in serious trouble.”

“If we stay here, we die.” Monty said and Clarke nodded. As she pulled the map out of her pocket, a new sense of determination and hope had taken hold of her. They didn’t have to die in here. They could make it out alive, all of them. This was going to be fine. This wouldn’t be the first time they would survive against all odds. “Show us the exact location.”


	31. Nowhere to run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am an idiot! I am sorry but I spend the whole day believing I had posted the new chapter this morning and I only now realized I didn't...
> 
> Wow, what can I say? I'm a known fool.
> 
> Anyways, I was really happy about last week's respond from you guys! I can't thank you enough! (And I hope you can forgive me for being me lol xd)

The next three days were busy. They had to plan their escape perfectly without getting caught. They had to work out a fool proof plan and make sure nothing happened to either of them before they even got a chance to escape. Walking up to level two and entering the storage room which led to the tunnel was suspicious enough so they couldn’t go up there all together. So after Maya and Jasper had figured out when the guards changed duty, they realized they only had a very little amount of time to get them all upstairs. Roughly 30 minutes was the time the hallway wouldn’t be watched since the first guards had to walk all the way down and new ones had to come up and usually they didn’t take it all too seriously on higher levels since there were no inhabitants up there.

So as the clock hanging on Bellamy’s wall stroke 08:00 p.m., he stepped outside, Clarke already waiting for him. This was their plan. The two of them were going to go up first where Echo, who had left his room the same day they made their plans to avoid being caught there and getting them both in trouble, would meet up with them 10 Minutes later. Then, ten minutes later again Jasper and Monty would show up, right before Raven would find her way and Maya would join them last.

He waited for Clarke to stop next to him. They hadn’t really had time to talk in private since he had been forced to face what was real and he was kind of waiting for her to start a conversation about it. He wasn’t really in the mood for it though. It sucked. It really did but getting here and finding his sister just like that just sounded too easy and smoothly, now that he thought about it. It didn’t match their usual luck.

“You ready?” He asked the blonde.

She nodded and so they made their way for the staircase and climbed the steps in silence. So far their plan seemed to be working. They reached the room, which looked like any other storage room if one didn’t know about the secret, without complications. Bellamy counted the shelves in silence as Clarke followed him through the darkness of the room. Four, five, six, aisle seven. According to Maya and Echo this was where the tunnel was hidden. He exchanged a quick glance with Clarke who looked just as determined to get out of here as he was feeling now.

“Let’s do this.” He murmured and they moved closer to the shelf, which contained big, brown packages with who knew what inside, to push it aside a little. It was harder than he had expected but with a little effort they managed to move it a few feet to the side which a cracking noise. If any guards were on the hallway, they would probably have heard them now. So they stopped, holding their breaths and just listening. But nothing happened.

“Check the wall,” Clarke whispered after several seconds passed and no one showed up.

Bellamy obeyed letting his hand travel over the cold stone wall. Apparently the entrance was very hard to spot and way easier to feel. At first all he felt was the slick stone, hardly any notches or damages until he felt a small bump.

“I got something.” He whispered and Clarke moved closer to his side. A closeness he was still painfully aware of, no matter what they had said and settled on. He couldn’t just stop everything that was going on with him when it was about her at a moment’s notice.

“I’ll help you…” She murmured as they tried to dig the chalk on the wall away with their nails. Maya had warned them about this. While trying to hide the entrance, the Mountain Men had attempted to make the door part of the wall. 

“I think the handle is here…” Bellamy murmured as his hands enclosed around it.

“Try to pull it.” Clarke answered and that’s what he did. At first he pulled but nothing happened so he started pushing but the lever still wouldn’t move. He cursed, trying to apply more pressure to it but he just couldn’t get it to move. “Fuck!” He cursed, growing more frustrated until Clarke placed a hand on his arm.

“Hey, calm down… Maybe there is a trick to it, okay? Let’s just wait until Maya and Echo get here.”

Even though Bellamy would have liked to already have opened the door and all it would take them was to hop into the tunnel, he had to agree what Clarke said. What choice did he have? With a desperate groan he let go of the handle and turned around, looking at his companion. She gave him a weak smile and motioned towards the floor. “Should we sit down while we wait?”

“Yeah, why not?” He hated waiting, especially in situations like these but there wasn’t much they could do for the time being. So he leaned back against the wall and slipped down next to her. At least they had already found the exit. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to focus on nothing for once. He needed his head clear and his mind straight. Getting all of their friends out of here alive was the main priority and he couldn’t let anything distract him from that, not Clarke, not Octavia, not himself.

“Bellamy…” Clarke started in that moment, disturbing the silence that had settled over them once more.

He shook his head immediately. He wasn’t ready to talk yet. Besides, he didn’t know what else she wanted to say. She had already said it all. There was a slim chance of him still finding Octavia. That she wasn’t in here didn’t mean it had to be the end. What else was there?

“I don’t need you to say anything, I just want you to listen,” she whispered. What was that about now? Had she finally figured out that she had every right to be mad at him? She had warned him and told him what horrors she had discovered but he had chosen to believe Wallace rather than her. Idiotic move, of course. Maybe she wasn’t really disappointed in him though because that was exactly what she had expected. He was the one to make stupid, irrational decisions and without her stubbornness and determination, he would probably have cost them all their lives. Because he had wanted to believe the President’s words so badly that all of his common sense had been knocked out cold. If she finally wanted to tell him how mad she was, she had every right to do so and it wasn’t up to him to keep her from that. So he opened his eyes to look at her which she seemed to take as an invitation to start talking.

“I think you should look at it that way. The fact that Octavia isn’t here, is a good thing because being in here isn’t safe. She might even be safer out there. At least the Walkers are just really dumb and don’t think as far as they do here.” She shrugged, a small smile on her lips. Oh God, her lips. He was a goner as soon as his eyes found them again. He knew what they had said. But in that moment he hated what they had said. He didn’t want to take it slow. He reached for her hand almost instinctively. She wasn’t mad at him. Even though she probably should be, but she wasn’t. No, he didn’t deserve her but at the same time he didn’t want to give her up. This was such a mess…

She pressed his hand a little and that was exactly what he needed to remind him he was real and keep him on the ground. She raised her second hand and put it to his cheek. Did she feel the same way? Was this just as hard for her? He leaned into her hand a little but he wanted to be even closer to her. He was desperate to feel something and he knew she could make him feel something. She never failed to do so after all.

That’s when the door at the other hand of the room opened and they could hear someone stepping inside. They jumped up, both a little shaken at what had just almost happened. Bellamy couldn’t even tell if he was glad that it had been stopped or disappointed. Clarke opened her mouth, about to say something when the sound of the door was repeated, this time at the other end of the room, the exact opposite from where they had entered.

“There is a second door?!” Clarke hissed and Bellamy made a face.

“This is bad…”

“Bellamy? Clarke?” Jasper voice could be heard.

“Wait…” Bellamy turned around. “Echo was supposed to get here before them! Where is she?”

Clarke shook her head. At the moment they had even bigger problems. “I don’t know but there are guards in here with us now… If they catch us…”

“They won’t! Come on!” He turned around, towards where Jasper’s voice had come from. Clarke set to follow him but stopped. What was her priority? Her people, her friends. First and foremost she had to make sure they got out of here, alive and fine. If the guards would find the door way exposed they’d know something was up, in hopes that they wouldn’t find the group. No, this wasn’t something she could do. So she turned around and headed in the exact opposite direction of Bellamy and her friends and towards the guards.

She knew, she had to cause some kind of distraction. If she could make the guards focus on her, Bellamy and the others would have a real chance of getting away and out, even if she didn't anymore. Everything was better than Wallace getting all of them for their sick little experiments. Without thinking about it, she knocked over one of the boxes on the shelves. Then it was only a matter of seconds until flashlights appeared in the darkness of the room, blinding her and a dark voice growling: "Who are you? What are you doing here?!"

And the second one: "Place your hands over your head where we can see them! Drop to your knees, now!"

"I’m Clarke Griffin." The blonde answered while obeying the orders. Maybe her punishment would be milder if she cooperated now.

"Clarke Griffin?" The voice repeated and there was definitely some recognition there. She just wondered why. Why on earth were they so famous down here? They couldn't be the first ones to ever show up after the apocalypse started. When the flashlights were aimed at the ground, she had to blink several times before her eyes were able to identify things in front of them again. There were two guards, both in their uniform, standing in front of her like two towers.

"I hate repeating my questions!" The one on the right growled. "What are you doing here?!"

Clarke swallowed. What was she supposed to say? "I... I'm just looking around..."

"Funny. And who gave you permission to look around here?!"

"I didn't know it was forbidden..."

"Right, because the huge red sign on the door to this level saying 'Do not enter' is very hard to see."

Clarke decided that it was probably wise to remain silent for now. At a short nod from the right one, the left one came towards her and pulled her hands to her back painfully, handcuffing them there. She hissed.

"This can get even more unpleasant if you keep answering like a smart ass." The one still in front of her warned. "So one last time, why are you here?"

"No reason, really. I just... I like exploring locati..." She stopped when another shot of pain raced through her head. Apparently the shorter one holding her down had found a way to punish her for answers they didn't like by pulling her hair.

"Fine. Are you alone?"

“Yes!”

“Are you lying? Maybe we should go and check right now for your little friends.”

Clarke decided to change tactics. “Go ahead, if that’s what you want to do, I won’t stop you. But I’m telling you, it’s a waste of time.”

The two men exchanged a glance until the bigger one nodded towards the door. "Let's get her to Wallace! He will know exactly what to do with her!" The tone of his voice made shivers run down her spine but she forced herself to keep her mouth shut. After all they would probably either not tell her anything or give her an answer she didn't want to hear.

"Let's go!" The one holding her hands in a too tight grip that was bruising her wrists, roughly pulled her to her feet. When they exited the room, she felt relive despite her situation. At least she had given Bellamy and the others a chance for survival now. They could make it out without being caught and she would find way to make it somehow. Or at least she hoped so.

They pushed her towards the elevators and back inside before pushing the button of level -7. The one who had her chained up, leaned a little closer, letting his fingers run over her cheek before grabbing her chin to make her look at him. “You’re really pretty.” He grinned an uncomfortable grin. “What a waste this is.”

Clarke felt her blood run cold and disgust make its way up her throat. She jerked her face free from his grip which only made him laugh but he left her alone afterwards. Still, Clarke felt even more dread at the pit of her stomach now. What was he talking about? What were they going to do to her? Why was it a waste? Were they going to just kill her off now? Were these her last moments?

“Come on!” She was pushed forward once more when the doors opened on level -7. This was the governmental floor. Everything was kept in white colors, the floor, the walls, the ceiling. It made everything look sterile and clean and she already felt bad for walking on the white tiles. At the end of the hallway, the guards pushed her into a room.

President Wallace’s office as it turned out. He was standing next to his desk, staring at the painting hung up on the wall there. Van Gogh’s Starry Night. At the sound of them coming inside, he turned around, making big eyes when he saw what was going on.

“We found this one sneaking around upstairs in the storage room on level -2, sir!”

He looked at the blonde and for a second Clarke had the uncomfortable feeling he could just read her, hear all of her thoughts and see what was going in her head. “I’ll deal with her.” He replied. “Please wait outside.”

“Sir, are you sure? Shouldn’t we just take her to medical?” The way he said medical suggested that he wasn’t actually talking about medical and Clarke dreaded what the term was used for here.

“I need to talk to her in private first.” He pressed and the guards exchanged another look but after a second they stepped away from her.

She knew with her hands still tied to her back, she had no way of fighting her way out of this but she needed answers! She was done wandering around in the dark, not knowing what was going on. As the door behind the two guards closed, Clarke took a step closer to Wallace, not even giving him a chance to say whatever he wanted to say. "What is this place?!” She spat. “And stop lying to me!"

The old man sighed. "You are smart, Clarke. It's hard to fool you."

"I suggest you start telling me what's going on!"

A sad smile crossed his face and he pointed at the chair opposite of his desk. "Sit and we talk."

She hesitated for a moment, assessing if sitting down could harm her but finally obeyed. She needed answers. Wallace walked around the table and let himself down in front of her. "I will tell you everything you want to know, Clarke." He said and she raised an eyebrow. His tone suggested that his sentence wasn't finished there. "But?"

"But you must promise to keep it to yourself."

"Fine. I promise."

"Good. So, what do you want to know?"

"Why are you keeping us here? Why don't you want us to leave?"

"Oh, you are free to go. I'm just telling you, the world outside is dangerous. And here you got all you need."

"You're lying. There is no way out without ending up in the hospital wing! Cut the chit chat!”

“It’s the truth.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I tried getting away, twice. I know that’s no secret for you! You know what I saw so you made Bellamy believe that I was going crazy! Tell! Me! The! Truth!” She demanded. She was growing so sick and tired of his lies.

Wallace watched her for a painfully long moment in silence before he took a deep breath. “The truth is, Clarke, that we need your help.”

“Help?!” She couldn’t stop herself from laughing a little. Was he trying to make fun of her now?

“Yes, help. You must know, you are different.”

Clarke shook her head. “Different how? What are you talking about?!”

He reached into a drawer of his desk to fetch a few papers. “We’ve been researching in the Walker’s disease ever since it broke out. Of course, this hasn’t been too long yet but we have already come to quite a few solutions. The disease that is spreading and turning humans into these monster is, what we call, CCS, which is short for Chronic Cannibalistic Syndrome, which most people are very prone to. A simple bite, sometimes even an exchange of fluids can be enough to be infected. And this is where you come in.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, still not understanding what they wanted with her. Was she supposed to serve as some kind of human shield for them? “What are you saying?”

“As I said, you’re different, Clarke. You’re not like most people. We categorize people into three sections. There are the Mortalitas, which is Latin, for the mortals, the normal human beings which make up 97% of the population. Then there are the Pugnators, fighters in Latin. Those people are a little different. Their DNA allows their body to fight the syndrome for at least some time, they’re not as easily turned, a scratch for example won’t harm them but it’s not impossible and they’re far from being safe. They make up about 2.99 % of the population. And then there are the Domitors, which roughly translates to commander and they are immune. There are exactly 100 people on this earth who inherit the trait of commanding the death.”

Clarke shook her head slightly. She didn’t dare to really wrap her head around what the man was trying to tell her. “What…?”

“What? Do you really believe it was a coincidences that a group of a few teenagers just survived all this time out there on their own? That your fighting skills would suffice to stop you from being killed by these predators out there? You’re a Domitor, Clarke and that’s why we need you to help us survive.” He placed one of the papers on the table in front of her. It said _Domitors_ at the top and she let her eyes travel over the paper. She found her own name under G, Jasper Jordan, Monty Green and her heart stopped. Finn Collins. Wells Jaha, along some other familiar names from Bellamy’s home town. John Murphy, Nathan Miller… She moved further up to B. Octavia Blake. She blinked. “Why isn’t Bellamy’s name on the list?!” She looked up, feeling panic rise inside of her.

Wallace shrugged a little. “We tested him.” He placed the second sheet of paper next to the first list. “He is a Pugnator. Just like your little friend Raven.”

“No…” She shook her head. “Why isn’t Bellamy immune? If his sister is, then…”

“That’s not how it works, unfortunately. As far as we know there is only one Domitor per family, even though most of the times, all the other members are Pugnators then.”

Clarke kept shaking her head. She didn’t want to believe this. “This can’t be true…”

“I know, it’s very hard to believe but we have tested it sufficiently. You can save the human race.”

“How?”

“We take a little from you to make this whole thing work out…”

“What are doing to people like me?” Clarke asked, specifying her question further to stop him from avoiding a direct answer.

“It’s your blood and your bone marrow. Taking it from you and injecting it into people who are like me, ordinary and not special at all, helps us. Taking it from Pugnators slows down the process of the virus spreading within our body while taking it from people like you, can make us immune too. At least for a certain amount of time. We are still working on making it permanent.”

“You are sacrificing innocent lives for your cause… I have seen the people you keep in these cages! That is inhuman and wrong!”

“That might be true but I don’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice.”

“I know this must be very hard for you to understand but without you, my people won’t survive this apocalypse.”

Clarke shook her head again as Wallace pressed a button on his desk which resulted in the two guards stepping back inside, this time they were accompanied by Doctor Tsing. Clarke swallowed. “What are you doing?!” She asked, unable to keep the panic out of her voice.

“You know too much now, Clarke. I can’t have you walk around and tell everyone what I just told you.”

She shook her head again, as she realized what was about to come when Wallace continued: “You know, Clarke, you can help us a lot. The tests we ran on you the very first night you got here showed extraordinary results. Your resistance percentage is extremely high, might be the highest we have seen so far. This could be it.”

Clarke felt a new wave of fear rush over her. She had seen Echo and the other people in there. It looked worse than anything she had ever imagined, horrors she probably hadn’t even dared to dream of before. “How can you do that and sleep at night?” She whispered, eyeing the president with as much malice and anger as she could muster up under her condition.

Wallace blinked a few times, like this wasn’t the first time he was faced with that question. “I bear it so they don’t have to,” he whispered after a few seconds before he nodded towards the other three people in the room.

They walked towards the blonde and every sense in her body screamed at her to run, to fight, to do anything but she didn’t know what. Doctor Tsing pulled a syringe out of her pocket, this weird, out of place, smile on her face as she stopped in front of the girl.

“I hope you know, that you are all incredibly special to us.” She said and Clarke felt a cold shiver run down her spine. She didn’t see a way out of this. Even with all the luck in the world, she didn’t see how she would get away from this inevitable fate. Wallace had made it clear how important her DNA made her for his research and to save his people a leader would do almost anything, as she had learned. The guard who had chained her up before grabbed her arm to spread it out and present her veins to the Doctor. She gave her another smile before placing the needle right above her skin.

“What are you giving me?” She asked.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of you.”

This didn’t calm her down in the slightest but she also knew if the doctor didn’t want to tell her anything, she wouldn’t be able to convince her otherwise so Clarke closed her eyes as the needle entered her arm. She felt a short pain shoot through her but it was bearable. Nothing else.

“That…” Tsing started but was stopped when the door swung open once more. Cage Wallace stood in the doorway, flanked with a guard on each side, both holding up guns.

“Hi Dad.” He greeted, an evil expression on his face. Ignoring the fact that the old man wasn’t alone in his office he stepped further inside, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I’m here to take over.”

“What?” The President started blinking. “Cage, I…”

“No! I’ve been standing in your shadow for long enough! I’m done! I want to make the decisions from now on! It’s my rightful place and, no offense, but you’re getting a little old for the job.”

“Cage, you’re not ready…” He started but his son cut him off with a scream.

“Stop saying that! My methods, which you call immature, are what this place needs to finally get something done! This whole wishy-washy peaceful politics is not getting us anywhere! It will only result in our deaths!”

“Listen to me, I…”

“No, you will listen to me from now on.” He pointed at Clarke. “Letting them roam free for weeks even though she and her two little friends are carrying what could save all of us?! That’s reckless and stupid! I’m telling you what we are going to do now! You will make an official statement, claiming that you realized you have gotten too old for the job bla bla bla, I’m sure you can come up with something. The only important thing is that you will declare me as your successor and that you have faith I will make the right decisions and live up to the expectations this job holds.”

The old man shook his head slightly but his son wasn’t having it.

“If you refuse, I will just have you chained up right now.” He raised his hand and the two guards came closer.

“Cage…” He started but the younger man ignored him as he barked towards the guards still standing next to Clarke. “I believe you two can help them! You heard who is the one making the calls from now on!”

They exchanged confused, insecure glances, obviously not sure what to do.

“Now! Help them!” He growled and they obeyed. Clarke had to suppress a snort. So much for loyalty. Doctor Tsing now turned her back on the blonde as well, as she tried to calm everyone down. “Wait. We have to focus on what’s most important here. Our people, first and foremost, we should all work together to…”

“Enough! I’m the one who is supposed to be in charge and anyone who disobeys me will pay! Is that clear?”

Before Clarke could see Tsing’s reaction, she was distracted by a voice next to her ear. “Bellamy is waiting in his room for you, go there and hide!” Maya had appeared and obviously used the chaos unfolding in front of them to save her life as she also heard a silent click when her handcuffs were unlocked.

“Go!” The other girl urged and Clarke slipped of the chair. In fact, everyone else present seemed to be so focused on the scene between the President or former President now or whatever and his son that they didn’t pay any attention to their prisoner for the time being. Even though she hated hearing Bellamy was still in here, she was glad about it at the same time. Right now all she wanted to do was crawl into his arms and hide there for the time it would take to calm down again and figure everything out Dante Wallace had just told her.

She hurried down the hallway as fast she could, trying to ignore how heavy her limbs felt. This wasn’t the time to give in. For a second she considered taking the elevator back up but her chances of fleeing once someone else would get in there with her were too slim so she headed for the stairs. As fast as she still could, she started hurrying upstairs. Running free again was something she had already kissed goodbye in her head when she had still been chained to that chair downstairs a few minutes ago.

But now, she knew for sure in how much danger she was in here. They would hunt her down and from what it sounded like, if Cage would take over, Monty and Jasper wouldn’t be able to live in peace much longer either. When she finally reached level -3, her lungs were burning and she was desperately gasping for air as the tiredness was spreading through her body. Her vision was kind of blurry and she had to blink several times to make her eyes refocus. What the hell was wrong with her? She stumbled through the doors leading to the hallway their rooms were located in and hammered against Bellamy’s door.

It took him less than a second to answer. One moment she was still standing there, feeling helpless and scared and one instant later she felt his arms around her. That was when she allowed herself to collapse, pressing herself against his chest.

“Oh my God…” She felt him breathe out against her hair as he picked her up from the ground when her legs gave in. “Clarke… Oh my God, I thought they…” He didn’t finish the sentences but he also didn’t need to. They both had shared the same fear. It took her a few moments to calm down her breathing as he walked over to the bed with her.

“What happened?! Why are you still in here?!” She asked.

“Did you really believe I would leave without you?” He asked in return.

She made a face. “What about the others? Did they get out?”

Bellamy shook his head. “They wouldn’t do it either…”

“Then we have to go again! Now, if that’s possible…” The face Bellamy made at that made Clarke stop. “What…?”

“The tunnel is sealed shut and they have Echo… There is no way out there…”

The tiny little bit of hope that had climbed back up when Maya had unlocked her chains and she was reunited with Bellamy, died at these words. “No… we have to get away from here…” Fear and panic made a home in her heart, in her stomach and in her head. This wasn’t going to end well, for neither one of them. They couldn’t stay in here, no matter at what cost.

“Hey, Clarke, hey…” Bellamy placed his hands at her cheeks to make her look at him. “Clam down. I won’t let anything happen to you, okay? I won’t let them take you, or anything like that! I won’t, I promise you!” He believed her. He finally entirely and undoubtedly believed her and believed her fear and understood that there was something wrong here. Still, she wanted to tell him not to promise her anything that he wouldn’t be able to keep. How the hell was he supposed to keep her safe? But there were black dots back in front of her eyes and it got really hard to focus on his face and keep it from getting blurry. Wait! Was this an illusion? Was this even Bellamy? Was this real? Was this all just in her head? She tightened her grip on him, balling her fists at his shirt, trying to hold onto him and stop him from slipping away from her.

“Hey…. Clarke! Clarke, come on!” His voice sounded worried but it was so far away suddenly.

“Bellamy…” She whispered. Was it really him who was slipping away? Or was it her? Everything suddenly felt weird, her whole body felt light which was nice. Every bone in her body had been so heavy and painful for so long that she welcomed his new feeling of weightlessness and ease. She was so tired of fighting everything all the time. So just this once, this one time for just a few seconds she decided to let herself fall. And so she did and closed her eyes to let this big white nothingness settle over her.

 


	32. Bellator (Latin) - Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm trying not to be as messed up anymore, this time the chapter is on time!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for making my day with your reviews and continously giving me motivation to keep working on this story! :)
> 
> But as it seemed to have caused some confusion: Finn wasn't entirely turned when Clarke shot him, he was in transition more or less, but he wouldn't have completed it and instead gotten better, had she not killed him. It is kind of like the nightblood thing last season, Clarke as well as Luna both still got sick from the radiation but didn't die in the end, that's kind of what this is. I hope this makes sense :$
> 
> And I hope you enjoy this chapter! xoxo

Honestly, this was taking way too long. The clock on his wall had probably stopped working. There was no other way. He felt like he Clarke’s last word had been lifetimes ago. Something had to be wrong. Who knew? Maybe Maya was wrong. Maybe Doctor Creepy had injected her with something. Maybe she was dying right now and there was nothing he could do but stand by and watch. He felt trapped and helpless. He just wished there would be something he could do to make sure she was going to be alright. Anything but wait. Maya had told him there really wasn’t anything he could do but wait for her to wake up but it was driving him insane.

The dread he had felt back in that storage room when he had realized Clarke wasn’t following him was still sitting in his bones. If it hadn’t been for Jasper and Monty reacting fast and grabbing his arms to pull him down he would have kicked the guard’s asses. Or maybe he would just have gotten himself arrested alongside Clarke. It didn’t matter now anyways. She was with him again and when she woke up, he wouldn’t let her out of his sight.

For a few horrible moments he had actually believed she would die and just because he was too stupid to see the truth. Clarke had warned him and he had just put it off, telling her she didn’t know what she was talking about. If anything had happened to her, it would have been his fault. Now his mind was set though. He would get her and the others out. The tunnel was sealed shut but that didn’t mean all their chances were too. They would figure something else out. They always did. His sister was still out there after all and Clarke wasn’t safe in here and neither was he or their friends, according to Maya.

A sound coming from the bed made him stop pacing and jump around. “Clarke…” He breathed when he saw her blinking and turning over. He hurried to her side and took her hand. “Hey… How are you feeling?”

Her eyes scanned him up and down. “Bellamy?” She sounded like she could hardly believe he was actually there.

He gave her a weak smile and nodded. “I’m here, Clarke. It’s all good now. You’re safe.”

She started nodding slowly before taking a shaky breath and trying to sit up.

“Wow, easy there.” Automatically Bellamy outstretched his hands to support her. He wasn’t sure how strong she was yet and he was in no mood to test it. “Are you okay?” He asked again and she nodded, her eyes seemingly glued to his face. “Yeah…”

“Okay… Do you need anything? Water? Food?”

She shook her head. She seemed weirdly out of herself at the moment, which worried him even more. “I though… I was going to die…” She whispered after a few seconds of silence. “For real, this time…”

“No…” Bellamy shook his head, pushing a string of lose hair behind her ear. “Clarke, look at me. I won’t let that happen, okay? You’re safe with me.” He wanted to tell her again, what he actually felt, how strong his feelings actually were but it seemed wrong at that moment. She deserved to hear it but the timing just felt off once more. So he looked down at their still intertwined hands.

“Bellamy, I…” She started but was interrupted by a loud banging on the door. He froze. Maya had warned him about it too. Wallace, whichever one of them was in charge now, would send guards out to look for the blonde as soon as they would realize she was gone. He had just hoped he would have more time to figure out how to hide her before it actually came down to this.

Clarke’s eyes widened but she jumped up, a certain note of determination and strength back in her eyes. He gave her a short nod. She should know that even if they found her, he wouldn’t let them take her, at least not without a fight.

“Mr. Blake?!” A dark voice outside growled and they rattled the door knob. Luckily he had thought of locking it when Maya had left about four hours ago. “Mr. Blake?!” The voice growled again as fists collided with the metal once more.

With a deep sigh Bellamy reached for the handle to unlock it and open the door. “I was asleep.” He said, keeping his voice as neutral as possible, as he faced three members of the guards. He had to resist to just take a swing and punch the first one right in the face. He knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere though and not change anything. This guard probably didn’t make any decisions and had nothing to do with what happened to Clarke. That was all on Wallace and Doctor Creepy.

“We are looking for your friend, Clarke Griffin.” He explained and Bellamy crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Then I’d suggest knocking on her door, not mine.”

The tallest one in front snorted humorlessly. “Funny. We know that you know about what happened.”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. Maya had instructed him very carefully to play the innocent and clueless part and he knew, if he wanted to save his own life and those of his friends he had to keep to the script. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb, boy. She wouldn’t try to flee without you, at least!”

“What?” He made big eyes. “She tried to get away?! Why?”

The guard’s eyes checked him very carefully, trying to detect the slightest lie or unease in his posture.

“Wait! What’s going on?!” Bellamy pressed being as convincing as possible. “What happened?!”

Without answering him, the tall one whose name tag said McNair pushed past him and inside his room, the other two following at his heel. Bellamy turned around and closed the door. He got an uneasy feeling as he watched them stroll around. One of them started messing up his bed, the covers seemingly hiding someone but it was empty. “It’s still warm, concerning it’s late afternoon.”

Bellamy snorted. “I told you, I was asleep. I like taking naps. I didn’t realize that was a crime.”

“Watch your mouth, boy!” McNair barked as he nodded towards his cupboard. The other two men exchanged a slim grin before walking towards it and then ripping the doors open all at once, just to find nothing.

“Check the bathroom.” He ordered before turning towards Bellamy. It was obvious how much the older man distrusted him but he didn’t care. He was going to stand his ground.

They just stared at each other, Bellamy not bothering to attempt and hide his anger and dislike any longer. This wasn’t blowing his cover anyways. If he didn’t have an idea where Clarke was, he would still just hate the men looking for her. They had such horrible and frightening vibes coming off of them that he wouldn’t trust them not to hurt her if they found her.

“It’s empty, sir.”

“I told you, I don’t know where she is.” Bellamy growled.

McNair turned back around, his eyes travelling around the room once more. “If we find out that you’re lying to us, Blake, you can dig your grave right next to your princess’s one.”

Bellamy set his jaw and he took a step closer to him. “Stay away from her! She didn’t do anything wrong!” He had to keep himself from saying anything else since he was sure he already had overstepped a line.

McNair was glaring at him in a way that made him worry a little bit but to his relief he finally just turned away and motioned towards the door. “We’ll see about that.” He growled before slamming the door shut behind him.

Bellamy waited for a few more moments to see if this was a trap but since nothing else happened, he walked back toward the door to lock it, just in case. Clarke came crawling back from under the bed and Bellamy made his way towards her to help her up.

“Thanks…” She whispered, eyeing the door carefully.

“Don’t worry.” Bellamy tried to reassure her. “We’ll find a way out of here as soon as possible. They won’t get you.”

She was biting her lip but nodded once more. He would fight, as much as necessary if it meant protecting her from harm. He would do almost anything and he hoped she knew that. “You should rest a little more,” he suggested. “We need everyone up and ready when the time comes.”

Slowly she slid back on the bed but was still holding onto his hand which made him sigh. This really wasn’t the right time. “Clarke…” He started but she stopped him before he could voice his doubts.

“I know. I just… I need to know you’re here with him.”

He couldn’t really deny her that need. In fact he felt a certain relief that despite what had happened to her she still wanted him close. So he agreed without further discussion and simply climbed into the bed next to her. This time she didn’t hesitate as she cuddled into his chest and he pulled his arms around her to keep her close. He had to admit this was a really nice kind of feeling. There was nothing sexual about this, this was just lying next to each other, holding onto one another and finally getting some real rest. At least on her part.

His thoughts kept him wide awake. He tried coming up with a solution. With a new escape plan or anything to ensure nothing bad would happen to the girl in his arms. A soft knock pulled him back into reality a little while later when he was just about to doze off too. At first he tensed. What if this was the next group of guards coming to look for Clarke?

“Bellamy? It’s me!”

He sighed with relief before carefully unwrapping himself from the blonde and got up to open the door.

“Hey!” Maya seemed relieved too when she finally saw the young man standing in front of her. “Are you okay?” She asked, giving a certain connotation the second word to let him know she was using plural.

He gave her a short nod and stepped aside to let her in. “She’s asleep again.”

“Did the guards already show up?”

“Yes, she was awake then and it worked out. They didn’t notice her.”

“Good.” Maya took a deep breath. “The others will show up in short time. I have a plan.”

“Good.” Bellamy nodded. At least one of them had gotten somewhere. “What about Echo? Did you find anything out?”

Maya bit her lip. “They got her…”

“What?!” He had to fight to keep his voice down and not wake Clarke up. “What does that mean?! Is she okay?”

“For now. They simply locked her back up in one of the cages upstairs…”

“Maya, I can’t leave her behind, I promised her, I will get her out of here as well.”

The girl made a face but nodded a little. “Okay, we’ll find a way. We’ll figure something out.”

 

Just as predicted, Monty, Jasper and Raven came knocking no less than 10 minutes later. So while Bellamy instructed Maya to let them in, he decided to wake Clarke up. Maybe whatever she had seen or heard when she was down there could be helpful when they formed their escape plan. So they found themselves seated around Bellamy’s small table a bit later, everyone looking at Maya expectantly.

“Cage took over,” she started. “So everything is kind of a chaos right now which should give you the perfect opportunity to make a run for it. I visited Dante in the room Cage assigned him to for the time being to keep everything under control and calm which, obviously is failing but anyways, there is a second exit that is not really being watched. It is on level -1 and as far as I know, it is used by the government to make short trips outside. The thing is that it leads into another cave and ends in a ledge. So the only way to really get away is to jump down the waterfall next to it and into the lake beneath. It is risky and dangerous, so I didn’t suggest it before but it seems like we have pretty much run out of other options. I got the code from Dante so it shouldn’t be a problem to get outside.”

The others all nodded slowly. Of course jumping down a waterfall might not have made it onto everyone’s bucket list but what other choice did they have?

“Okay, so I’ve been thinking on how to get us all up to level -1 without raising suspicion.” Maya continued when no one objected. “I’ll get a guard’s uniform for you, Bellamy. You’ll wear it when you go up there with Clarke so if anyone sees you and recognizes her, you can just say that you caught her and are supposed to take her up there to test her blood. Monty, Jasper you go together too. There is only a really small amount of time when the entrance of level -1 is not being watched so that’s when you slip in. Raven will come with me and we’ll try to get Echo out and with us on our way up. In case someone stops us, I’ll come up with something. We all meet upstairs at the end of the big hallway. There are huge gates, you can’t miss it.”

Even though the plan didn’t sound quite as fool proof as they had hoped, it was probably the best anyone could have come up with in such a short time.

“What if anyone recognizes me?” Bellamy asked. “They’ll know I’m not a guard.”

“We’ll do it tonight. Wallace set quite a few guards on duty to find Clarke, so the ones upstairs are young, they shouldn’t know who you are.”

Bellamy nodded slowly, hoping she was right and no other complication would come in their way.

“Are you all up for it?” She asked after a few seconds of silence had passed where everyone had had the possibility to think it through. While the group exchanged looks, determination and readiness could be found on all their faces. And the answer was clear. They were all up for it because no one of them wanted to stay in this horror place any longer than necessary anymore.

 

“What?” Bellamy asked, a little self-conscious as he looked at himself in the mirror. Maya had brought him the guard uniform just a few minutes back, instructing them get upstairs as soon as he had changed. Clarke had been watching him from the bed wordlessly for too much time now and it made him uncomfortable. What was going on in her head? Was she doubting what they were doing?

“You look…” She started but hesitated. Ridiculous? Stupid? Not like a guard at all? He was about to give her a variety of possibilities when she simply said: "Hot. You look ridiculously hot in that uniform."

After everything that had happened and been going on he had almost forgotten what it felt like when Clarke said something like that. He grinned sheepishly and bit his lip. "Thanks princess. That was my goal by wearing this." He tried to cover up what she could do to him by simple words like these. He was a grown man after all and not some love sick teenager. This was getting out of hand.

"I know." She winked. "I mean, there is not much else you can do so..."

Of course she was teasing. Bellamy liked this Clarke way better than the one that had woken up in his rooms a few hours prior, confused and scared. He was glad she was slowly starting to melt again and go back to normal. It gave him hope somehow. Under different circumstances, in a different life, he would have walked over to her now, pushed her back on bed, teased her right back and do other things with her, he probably shouldn't even be thinking about right now. But in this world the only reason they even had this conversation in the first place was because they were in danger, she was in danger especially and there were people out there who wanted to get them. So he simply nodded towards the door. "We should get going."

The seriousness returned to her face as she nodded and got up from the bed, reaching for the hat that he had placed on the table before. She turned towards him and placed it on his head, therefore stepping close. He caught his breath for a second, just looking down at her and fighting the urge to put his arms around her.

"We can do this." She whispered as she let her arms sink again.

"Absolutely." He agreed. How couldn't they anyways? It was her and him, Clarke and Bellamy, the princess and the rebel. Was there any better combination? He doubted it. He didn't know what or rather if she was even looking for anything but after spending a few more seconds just looking into his eyes, she finally nodded and turned back around to walk towards the door.

He watched her, an ache spreading in his heart, for her, for himself and for everything they could have had and could have been but probably would never receive nor be. But whatever was to come was to come. At least he would know he had not given up and done anything possible for him to save the girl. And he would fight for her until he took his last dying breath, as dramatic as it sounded, he knew it was true.

But this was only the beginning of their story so he prayed to God that he would get a chance to find out more about her and a possible them. He pulled the hat a little lower to hide most of his eyes before he followed her towards the door and they stepped onto the hallway together.

They had gotten on the elevator, which was empty besides for them, luckily but both of them were still tensed and didn't dare to speak a word. Too worried someone would hear them and figure out that Bellamy wasn't an actual guard and Clarke wasn't really his prisoner. They watched anxiously as the numbers on the sign went up. -3... -2... -1. They were still alone. No one had wanted to get on with them. Good. They were safe so far.

According to Maya the way from the elevator to their destination wasn't too far. They should be fine. The doors opened with a _pling_ and they stopped as a guard was facing them. He eyed Bellamy for a second before his eyes settled on Clarke.

"You got the refugee?" He asked, a smug expression crossed his face.

Bellamy grabbed Clarke's arm automatically and gave the other one a short nod. "Yeah." To avoid further conversation and risking to blow their cover, he started walking, pulling the blonde with him

"Wait! Where are you going with her? Weren't we supposed to take her down for Doctor Tsing to finally take care of her and knock her out?"

Clarke swallowed as she realized the fate that would have been awaiting her if Maya hadn't gotten her out in time. And if this plan failed. Bellamy's grip tightened on her, almost as if he was afraid the other one would just snap her away from him. “Yes but I’m taking her outside first to test how resistant she actually is. Wallace’s order.” He sounded impressively calm and collected.

The other guard sounded convinced too since he just gave him another short nod. “Alright. But be careful, I heard that one’s a handful.” He winked at Clarke and took a step closer, Bellamy automatically pulling her backwards one to keep the distance between them. “Thanks, but I think I’ll be able to manage.”

“Okay.” He laughed, raising his hands in defense. “Have fun then with her.” He turned away and Bellamy didn’t hesitate one second longer before continuing their way, pulling the blonde with him.

Her heart was still beating hard in her chest as they rounded the next corner. “That was close…” She breathed.

“I know but it’s all good.” He replied, applying some pressure to her arm reassuringly. It had worked now. The other guard had just bought it, didn’t even question the fact that he had probably never seen Bellamy’s face before. She was just hoping that if there was a next time, it would run just as smoothly. When the gate Maya had been talking about came in sight, Monty and Jasper could already be seen hanging around the door.

“There you are guys!” Jasper looked more stressed than Clarke had expected. “Did everything go well?”

Bellamy nodded. “More or less. You got through without anyone seeing you?”

“Yes, we were lucky.”

“Now all we have to do is wait for Maya…”

Every little noise made them jump for the next few minutes. If anyone was going to catch them up here, they knew they were screwed. There really was no way to weasel their way out of this one. When a loud bang sounded, they all jumped. Footsteps came towards them fast and determined. They held their breaths. Their bodies were tensed. They hearts were hammering.

And then Raven was the first one to appear around the corner, heading right for the little box next to the metal door to type in the code. Maya supporting Echo came stumbling around the corner only seconds later. Bellamy immediately lunched forward, grabbing Echo’s other arm und putting it around his shoulders, Jasper reaching for Maya.

“What happened?” Clarke asked.

“Breaking her out was harder than I had expected…” Maya panted. “They were about to drug her, so I don’t think she is 100% conscious right now…”

“I’m fine…” Echo croaked, holding onto Bellamy as if he was her lifeline though. She looked even worse than last time, Clarke realized. Her cheeks looked hollowed out, her skin had taken a yellowish pale tan and the injection sites seemed to have doubled. She didn’t even want to imagine what they must have put her through and what would be awaiting her if they failed today.

“There we go…” Raven just breathed as a beeping sound announced the door behind them opening.

“We have to hurry!” Maya continued. “They’re following us!” Just as she said that the noise of the first doors hitting the walls from being pushed open too fast could be heard.

“Go!” Bellamy ordered and they all started moving. They entered a big hall and Maya nodded towards a lever at the other end of it, next to the next big metal gates.

“Raven!” She urged as the girl picked up more speed. Clarke hadn’t seen her run that fast since before the accident. When they all hit the doors, Raven was already working on the code but the guards couldn’t be too far away any more.

“Is there any way to lock the door?” Clarke asked.

Maya took a deep breath. “Only from the inside… These doors were designed to keep monsters out…”

The first door that Monty had thought of to slam shot again rattled as a force from the other side hit against it. Clarke swallowed. “If they catch us, we all die…” She whispered. There had to be something they could do… Because with Bellamy half carrying Echo and Raven they would win no race.

“You go!” Maya suddenly said when Jasper made big eyes.

“What?”

“I’ll stay behind. I can hold them off…”

“No, are you insane? They’ll know you were with us! They’ll kill you!”

“No, they won’t. I can come up with something, trust me.”

“I can’t leave you behind…”

“Ha!” The next beeping sound could be heard as the gate in front of them finally started moving. Raven had done it.

“Go through!” Maya urged. “I’ll hold them off for as long as possible.”

“Maya…” Jasper started again when the door at the other end made it a sound to make it clear that it wasn’t going to stand much longer.

“We don’t have time!” She urged again, pushing Jasper towards the doorway before looking at Raven. “Do as I told you before! We can do this!”

“Wait! What?” Monty looked back and forth between them.

“I’m going to stay here too!”

“Raven, that’s insane…” Bellamy growled.

“Guys, we have to move!” Clarke threw in. He was right. The guards were about to come in here and probably shoot everyone at sight when they spotted the out breakers.

“Go!” Maya ordered again and Raven nodded. “We’ll be fine! Just go!”

Jasper jumped forward as Monty dragged Clarke through the doorway with him. “I’ll come back for you… I promise!” He whispered before leaning in to give Maya one last kiss.

Bellamy nodded at her. “You’re the born revolutionary, Maya.” He said, his tone serious but he was also backing away now through the already closing the doors.

Clarke and Raven’s eyes met one last time. “Don’t get emotional now, Griffin. This is not the last time, okay?”

“We’ll get you out of here too!” Clarke said right the door was closed again.

For a second the decimated group just stood there, breathing heavily staring at the metal in front of them, wishing to be able to still see the people they cared about on the other side.

“May we meet again…” Clarke whispered, hearing the others repeat it quietly. They stayed like that for a few more silent seconds before Clarke turned around, trying not to think about that fact that now both, Raven and Maya were caged inside this metal grave.

“We have to keep going…” She murmured, not daring to speak too loud. They didn’t know how long the girls would even be able to hold the guards of and their sacrifice couldn’t be for nothing. They started marching through the long tunnel, following the sound of flowing water that could be heard. Maya had talked about some kind of waterfall after all. The walk until they could see natural light again wasn’t too far but it was the same moment that they could hear the huge gates start to move behind them again.

“Run!” Bellamy immediately growled as they all started to pick up some pace. Clarke cursed internally. What was going on? What happened to Maya and Raven? Were they okay?

The waterfall came in sight and looked worse and wilder than she had imagine. She came to an abrupt stop at the edge of a cliff and gasped for air. The water running down was wild because the water waiting for them good 50 feet beneath was running wild too. She swallowed. There was no way in hell Raven would have made this and one look at Echo made her doubt the girl’s chances too. She was still holding onto Bellamy for support but she also knew there was no way of going back now because what was awaiting them here was probably even worse.

“We have to jump…” She murmured, seeing as less excitement mirrored on her friends’ faces as she felt. The water was probably ice cold and they couldn’t know if they would all make it.

“Hey! Stop! You stop right there!” A dark voice sounded and Clarke spun around. Three guards came sprinting around the corner, their guns raised and pointed at them. This was it. It was either jump or be caught. To Clarke this felt like choosing between the devil or the deep blue sea, more or less literally. She exchanged a quick glance with Bellamy and when he gave her a short nod, she took a deep breath and ordered: “Now!”

So without further hesitation, they all jerked back around and over the edge of the cliff. Bullets echoed behind them but they never hit their targets luckily. At least the guards forced them to move fast. Clarke didn’t even have enough time to consider all the things that could happen to her, how she could die down there or how her friends could drown. There wasn’t enough time to be totally scared which was a good thing. Because she was pretty sure if she had had enough possibility to think all of this through, she wouldn’t have jumped.

But now here she was, flying through the air and hitting the water’s surface hard only seconds later. It didn’t even really feel like water but more like pavement. Instinctively she held her breath even though her whole body was paralyzed. The force from the impact was numbing her body along with the horrible cold that seemed to affect her nerves just the same. It was like thousand little blades were rammed into her skin. The brightness of the water’s surface swept further away with each second. Once again, death was knocking at her door. At that moment she attempted to breathe in, which was more than stupid considering there was nothing but ice cold water surrounding her but it was what she needed to come back to life.

She could move again, despite the overwhelming pain in her whole body. She started moving her arms and legs, ignoring the protest sitting in her every muscle. She couldn’t give up now! She didn’t have time to give up. There were people out there counting on her. The surface just seemed so far away, out of reach and unreal somehow. She tried to fight, she really did but suddenly she wasn’t sure if that was enough.

That’s when two arms closed around her waist and started pulling her upwards. The surface came closer again and then there was air again. She coughed, spitting out the water that had gather in her mouth and lungs, sucking in the oxygen she had so desperately needed. She looked over her shoulder, just to find Bellamy, gasping for air too as he tried to push them both towards the shore.

When she realized that, she started helping him, moving her arms and legs as well as possible. When her feet found ground again, she closed her eyes in relief for a second. Bellamy let go of her and dropped to his knees to crawl the rest of the way and finally fall down next to Echo. Clarke couldn’t really hold herself up any longer either and found herself kneeling in the shallow shore line. They were all already there. Monty and Jasper lying only a few feet away from Echo and Bellamy.

Her eyes stopped at his frame, his chest moving up and down frantically. Had he come back for her? Apparently. She would have drowned without him. After he had already brought Echo to safety here, he had turned around jumped back into the ice cold water to pull her out. She bit her lip as she crawled towards him now to sit down next to him. No one said another word for some time. They were all just using the oxygen they got to fill up their lungs and didn’t want to waste it on anything else.

When Clarke turned her head to look at Bellamy, she found him already staring at her. He had turned around on his back, a mixture of relief, confusion and helplessness on his face. “Thank you for saving me again…” She whispered. It wasn’t like she didn’t want the others to hear her but at the same it she didn’t really want them too.

The ghost of a smile touched his lips. “Are you okay?”

She faltered. She knew what most people wanted to her when they asked that question. But Bellamy wasn’t most people and their life wasn’t a normal life anymore so she decided to go with the truth. “No.” There was just too much weight on her shoulders, too much guilt weighing on her consciousness, too many unanswered question and unresolved problems hovering above them. “Are you?”

He was quiet for a moment too. “No.”

How could they be? She swallowed hard before simply reaching for his hand lying flat on the ground next to him. She needed it even though she wasn’t sure of he would react.  It was true. They had too many problems and issues that needed to be taken care of before they could focus on their personal relationship and address whatever it was between them properly but she just couldn’t keep her distance. She needed him, to keep her centered and on the ground. She needed to know he was there and that she wasn’t alone.

She just plain down needed Bellamy Blake by her side, even if it was complicated and messed up. Because she knew she would fall apart without him right now. To her relief, he turned his hand over to lace his fingers with hers. It was a small and quiet moment and it wasn’t even a really happy moment because even now when they were looking at each other, they couldn’t get themselves to smile. But holding his hand kind of made everything else seem less horrible and make herself feel stronger. And for now maybe these small, quiet moments were all they could get. And maybe, for now, that could be enough.


	33. Running in Circles

Claiming that being back outside wasn’t difficult after getting used to the comfort of safety again would be a lie. Granted, Mount Weather wasn’t as safe as they had been thinking but at least no Walkers were wandering around freely and lying in wait for attacking them. Still, the dangers inside the concrete walls were even worse and they all knew that. It was worth the risk even though they didn’t have a car or any supplies or pretty much anything at all right now. But they would figure something out, they always did.

Clarke let her eyes travel over the remaining group of her friends and the empty space Raven had left behind became awfully aware to her. She bit her lip. Granted, the girl might have had even worse troubles surviving the jump and the water awaiting them beneath but they would have found a way to get her to safety too. Who knew what was happening to her now? Could Maya really have figured something out to protect herself and Raven? It was so hard to believe.

She focused on Jasper for a second. He was in love with Maya and he had left her behind. One more sacrifice he was forced to make. She felt incredibly sorry for him but she also knew he wasn’t really ready to hear that yet. And she understood. Monty was lying next to him. He looked so small and fragile, rolled up like a small ball. Clarke was glad the monster inside never got to him.

Then there was Echo. She had to admit, even with all these wounds and bruises, she still had something strong about her. There was something in her composer and in the way she held herself that didn’t let anyone dare to believe that she was weak.

Finally her eyes settled on Bellamy and she couldn’t help herself when a small smile appeared on her lips. Even though he didn’t believe her fear at first, she couldn’t deny that he had always tried to protect her and stand by her side. His loyalty and devotion to her was something she much appreciated and something she had never experienced before. Many people would be lucky to have him at their side and she didn’t know how she was the one to deserve having him with her.

Clarke had to admit it was kind of relaxing for her to just see them all asleep and more or less safe. Without hesitation she had offered to take the first night watch. After they had kind of recovered on the shore, they had hurried to get into the protection of the woods to hide themselves from view. It was unlikely that any of the Mountain Men would follow them, considering how it wasn’t really safe for them outside. Not the way it was safe for her or Jasper and Monty, but unsafe just like it still was for Bellamy and Echo. And she had to admit, that scared her. Hearing that Bellamy was prone to the virus and she wasn’t was probably one of the worst things Wallace had told her. She would do anything to trade places with him.

With a sigh she turned away and got to her feet. Despite the month and the approaching summer, the nights still got pretty cold and her limbs felt stiff. She hoped to be able to loosen them up a little by a short walk. And also to clear her head. Her mind was clouded with the flow of information Wallace had provided her with. She guessed she should be happy about it but she just couldn’t be. There were too many new worries and problems the president had presented her.

She blew the air out of her lungs abruptly, causing a small cloud to appear in front of her mouth. Suddenly she remember how, as a kid, she and Wells would pretend to be smoking and be all grown up or imagine how every time you breathed, you let out a small part of your soul and the coldness outside made that visible. They had many different versions of that story. Wells. The thought of him made her smile again though. He was Domitor too. Which meant there were great chances he was still alive. In case nothing else had happened to him. Or what if he was bitten and didn’t know he was immune? What if he had… acted to stop himself from turning?

She swallowed. Her thoughts really tended to always go into a dark direction lately. She closed her eyes for a second and shook her head. Since they had made camp at the foot of a small mountain, Clarke decided to run that one up. Maybe exhausting herself a little would stop her from spending all the time in her head with the quiet around her, there was nothing else to distract her unfortunately. So she started jogging up the hill, a slow but steady pace at first before starting to speed. All this running and running and running away over the last few weeks had made her more athletic than she ever been at any point in her life. At least that was an upside to all the disaster. When she reached the top, she was out of breath and stopped.

It was a good feeling, somehow. She was out of breath because that was what she chose, not because she had been forced to run for her life. And there was fresh air around her again, the sound of birds, the rays of the rising sun caressing her face. It was a nice contrast compared to the closed space in Mount Weather, the concrete walls surrounding them in there, the constant sound of machines around them, the man made surroundings. Once she had been forced to stay inside, she had started to realize how beautiful this world could still be. While being trapped, she had started to finally appreciate the color changing sky, the shining stars, the warm sun, the fresh air, the smell of earth, the feeling of the wind blowing around her. Maybe this was one of the things that needed to be taken away before you could realize how much you actually enjoyed it. You never know what you have until it’s gone, that’s what everyone said. And maybe there was more truth to it than Clarke would have expected.  

“Clarke?” She turned around at the sound of Bellamy’s voice.

“Morning.” She greeted him with a small smile when he came to a stop next to her.

“What are you doing up here?” He asked, a hint of concern in his voice because they always had to be concerned and worried all the time. “Did you see anything?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I just… I don’t know…” She turned back towards the view over the tree tops. “This looks beautiful.”

“It does.” He visibly relaxed when he realized that there really didn’t seem to be any danger close by.

Clarke looked back at him. “Did you sleep well?”

He laughed a little. “It was fine, but it’s crazy how fast you adapt to a certain level of comfort again, isn’t it? The ground was so hard.” He stretched his back a little and Clarke rolled her eyes, grinning.

“Yeah, maybe we should have taken the beds with us.”

“Would have been the least they could have given us after everything.”

She just smirked and they fell silent again, for a few minutes just taking in the view. It kind of felt like a different world in the early morning hours. It was a weird feeling.

“How are you doing?” Bellamy suddenly asked and Clarke stopped.

She hadn’t expected him to ask again. “I’m…” She started, unsure of how to finish that sentence though. “I don’t know.” She therefore answered honestly.

He hesitated too, he almost seemed insecure as he reached out a hand to touch her cheek gently while looking into her eyes. “I… I was really worried about you when you were down there all alone with Wallace…” He admitted.

Clarke swallowed. She didn’t really want to think about the words he had told her anymore but she hadn’t spilled her guts to Bellamy about it yet. And she knew if she wanted to, this right now would probably be her best chance. They were the only ones up and for once it seemed like they actually had time to talk about what was going on in their heads. “He talked to me, mainly.” She started and he raised an eyebrow.

“About what?” Clarke looked down but he carefully grabbed her chin to make her keep looking at him. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

Clarke bit her lip. She didn’t know how much Maya had let them in on or how much she even knew, so she decided to start easy. She knew she needed to tell him. He deserved to know. “Okay… so he told me about certain categories they put the people in. There are Mortalitas, people who get scratched or bitten and just turn, the way all the Mountain Men would. Then there are Pugnators, who are resistant but only to a certain level and they will still turn. But then there are also exactly 100 people who are completely immune against the virus and cannot be turned. Their body fights the symptoms and these people carry a cure inside of them.”

Bellamy made big eyes at that. “That’s… great news, isn’t it? There is a cure!”

She wished that was all there was to it. “Do we know anyone who carries this cure?”

She smiled a little. “Yes, your sister.”

At these words, he stopped, his eyes growing even bigger if that was possible. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, he showed a list to me with all the names of the immune people they had collected and she was on it…”

The relief on his face made her chest feel a little lighter too. If it was for nothing else, at least Bellamy could live a little easier now. “Anyone else?”

“Yes. Monty and Jasper were on there, too… And I was…”

Bellamy started beaming. “Oh my God… This helps so much… This is awesome!”

She shrugged. “The thing is Bellamy, it makes me a little scared too… I don’t know how many people know about this immunity thing but whoever knows might want to hunt us, just the way they did…”

He frowned, obviously he hadn’t considered the possibility yet. After a second, he murmured: “I won’t let anyone take you.”

She bit her lip, wishing that their pure need to protect each other would be enough.

“I promise!” He pressed when he saw the doubt on her face.

She took a deep breath and gave him a nod and a smile, to let him know she appreciated the words even if she couldn’t believe them. “So, Echo was on there too?”

“No. She is a Pugnator, just like Raven and… like you…”

He nodded, seemingly not caring at all that she just told him he was still vulnerable. “So, what did they want with her then?”

“I don’t know… I mean, Wallace said that Pugnators help them with research and their blood and bone marrow makes them at least temporarily stronger. Besides, there are far more people like Echo, than there are people like me, so I’m guessing they also tried different kinds of methods on her, so they would be able to keep people like me alive as long as possible…”

Bellamy made a face at that. “I can’t believe I fell for their lies…”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it!” She immediately said. “They knew how to get to you. Using Octavia wasn’t fair bait.”

He sighed. “Still. I should have believed you.”

“I sounded crazy, Bellamy. I know that. I’m not blaming you and neither should you. Besides, we’re still out now, aren’t we?”

“Not all of us. Raven isn’t and neither is Maya.”

Clarke nodded. “I know but we’ll find a way to free them too! They won’t die in there!”

They looked at each other for some more seconds. It was like they were drawing strength from something as simple as that. When he finally let his hand fall down again, she followed his movement with her own hand to take his into hers and he put a little pressure on it before he took a deep breath. Their private time was over. It was weird but they both knew it. There were people waiting for them and they didn’t have time to fall apart. “We should wake up the others then and start moving. The sooner we get to work, the sooner we can free our friends.”

Clarke nodded before Bellamy let go of her hand and turned around to head back down the hill. She faltered for one more moment. There still was something on her mind. Something that had been weighing her down ever since she had found out. And she knew, she needed to tell someone. She needed to hear how horrible she was. To stop herself from falling apart, hopefully. “Bellamy… Wait… There is something else…”

He turned back around, a questioning look on his face. “What is it?”

She took a deep breath. The heavy feeling that had lifted from her chest at Bellamy’s happy face had settled back there, worse than ever. And that was why her voice wavered a little when she confessed: “The list I told you about with the people who are Domitors... Finn was on that too…”

He blinked, obviously not making the connection, so she said the words that had been screaming in her head for the past hours. “He wouldn’t have turned and I still shot him… He would have stayed human… I’m a murderer!” And these words did it for her. She felt how the tears came to her eyes. How could she live with herself?

In a swift movement Bellamy had wrapped her up in his arms and was pressing her against his chest. “Sh… Clarke… it’s alright…”

“No, it’s not…” She mumbled against his chest, her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. “I’m a murderer… Without me, he would still be alive and…”

“Clarke.” Bellamy stopped her right there in a serious voice right next to her ear. “You didn’t know. And how were you supposed to know? You couldn’t take the risk and lose Raven…” He made it sound so easy. Why couldn’t it just feel like this too? Why did it feel like his ghost was living in her head, doomed to haunt her forever for what she had done to him. Bellamy pulled away a little, to wipe at her tears. “Clarke, look at me.”

She forced herself to look up and into his eyes. There was something soft inside of them.

“We don’t know if people like you can transmit the virus and if I was in Finn’s place, I would have much rather you shoot me than risk infecting anyone else, okay? And even though you know how much I disliked him, I do believe he would have agreed with me. Because he loved you and he loved Raven, as twisted and fucked up as that was, and he wasn’t a coward. I’m sure he is glad that you shot him rather than let him turn Raven.”

This sounded… kind of logical, right? It made it sound at least somewhat okay that she had shot him. As okay as shooting someone could be. “It still hurts…” She whispered after taking another deep breath to make sure at least some words would leave her mouth.

“I know. And that’s what it’s supposed to do. It’s because we’re human, opposed to those monsters. We feel and that’s a good thing, okay?”

She closed her eyes, trying to regain her composer the way Bellamy had done before. He pulled her back into his chest one more time and rubbed her back. That helped, as stupid as it sounded. After she had more or less calmed down, they made their way back down the mountain together just to find Echo already up.

She was sitting on a log several feet away from where Monty and Jasper were still sleeping, fastening the boots’ laces Maya had provided her with.

“You’re up early.” Bellamy noted and Echo shrugged. “So are you.”

“Still, you should take it easy.” Clarke advised. She had hardly seen anyone with as many and as deep wounds as Echo had. Being the Mountain Men’s lab rat had left its mark, even on someone like her.

“Yes, about that.” She rose from the log and stretched, wincing when her broken body protested. “I don’t have time to take it easy.”

Bellamy frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I have to get going. I’m thankful, really. Without you I would still be stuck in there but I have to get back to my people now.”

“Travelling alone is stupid and dangerous.” Clarke intervened.

Echo simply snorted. “You don’t honestly believe that I am incapable of taking of myself.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. Back inside she hadn’t really seemed arrogant, this was a new side to her. “Uhm… I don’t know but running around alone is reckless. You could get yourself killed easily. You’re not immune.“

“I know that, okay?” She shot her an almost angry look. “Not everybody can be as privileged as you.”

“Hey, take it easy!” Bellamy growled. “What is the problem, Echo?”

She looked back to him. “I don’t have a problem. I’m outside. That’s what I wanted. Now all I have to do is get back to my people.”

“How are you going to find them?” He asked. “They could be anywhere.”

“We’re not like you.” Echo replied, rolling her eyes like she was tired of explaining something obvious to a small child. “We don’t travel around the country. We have a permanent spot where we reside.”

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a look. Even though that once used to be the normal way people lived, hearing about this now was almost weird and abstract.

“Besides,” Echo continued. “You can’t force me to stay here with you.”

So much for being grateful. “We’re not going to.” Clarke retreated. “You’re free to go if you want to.”

She gave them a short nod. “Goodbye for now then. And thanks again for helping me to get outside.” Without giving them one more chance to say something, she turned around and disappeared into the forest. Clarke wasn’t really sure how she thought she was going to make it all on her own out there. If a group of Walkers was going to attack her, even outrunning them could proof to be a problem. She was far from being recovered.

Clarke took a deep breath. She shouldn’t worry about the other girl anymore. She obviously didn’t want to be part of their group and already had enough people they needed to worry about. Still, when she turned to look at Bellamy, she murmured: “I’m sorry.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What for?”

“I mean, you liked her, didn’t you?”

He shrugged. “I guess, I did. But if she wants to leave, that’s her choice.”

Clarke wasn’t sure if it really bounced off of Bellamy as easily as he pretended but she hoped so. Deciding to let the topic drop too for the moment she nodded. “Okay, we should get going too.”

He agreed. “I’m going to wake up Monty and Jasper, then we can start moving again.”

 

Trying to ignore the rumbling of her stomach, Clarke marched ahead of the small group. They had settled on finding a way out of the woods first and then trying to get their hands on a new car, weapons, supplies and possibly a map again. Because right now they had nothing and that left them with a horrible empty and vulnerable feeling. At least the trees around them seemed to protect them somewhat from view and from the burning sun above them. Clarke was back to her policy of occupying herself so she wouldn’t be able to think too much. So she was hurrying through the woods, the boys behind her panting.

“Hey Clarke! Do you hear that?” She stopped when Monty called for her and listened.

“There is a stream close by.” She said, turning around, just to find Bellamy who had got rid of his shirt. Damn it! Her eyes traveled along his body for a second before she noticed his smirk. Sometimes, she really hated him.

“I’m dying of thirst.” Jasper commented. “Can we take a short break?”

“Sure.” She nodded, trying to pretend the short moment with Bellamy hadn’t just happened. “I’ll wait here for you.” While Monty and Jasper made their way over to the edge of the little hill they had been walking upon for the past couple hours, Bellamy came closer to her. “You know, you should drink something too. It’s hot and I’m pretty sure the temperature is going to climb even more.”

She shook her head. “I’m fine, really. I’ll just look around here for some berries or whatever.”

Bellamy sighed. “Clarke…”

“I’m serious. I’m good. You go and make sure they don’t fall in though.”

In fact these words made him laugh a little before he rolled his eyes. “Fine.” She watched him follow the boys down towards the stream for a second longer than probably necessary before she turned away. It wasn’t even that hot. They were walking in the shadows. He was such a show off sometimes. If she could just say that she hated what he looked like. God, that was way too embarrassing. In an attempt to clear her head from Bellamy for at least a few moments, she started doing exactly what she had told him she would do. Look for food.

A bush just a few feet away was equipped with some blueberries. She picked them, knowing it wouldn’t really fill their stomachs but it was a start. Just when she was almost done, she heard a sound, like steps, someone coming towards her. She spun around, her eyes checking her surroundings. Were the boys already coming back? She waited. And nothing happened. She took a deep breath. Maybe her mind was just playing tricks on her. There probably was nothing. So she stopped herself from calling out for Bellamy. There was no reason for it! She had to calm down.

Slowly she turned back around, inspecting the berries closely. They should be good. She got back up to her feet then and walked over to the edge of the hill where a pile of stones was located. If she was lucky, she would find some mushrooms they could have too. At least that would be a little more filling than simple berries. She kneeled down in front it to be able to take a closer look when she thought she heard stones moving but before she could even turn around, two arms closed around her, pushing her down on the ground and a hand was pressed over her mouth, suppressing her scream.

And then Bellamy appeared in front of her eyes, still shirtless. Damnit! Was he trying to test her patience? She glared at him, about to go off on him for thinking it was funny to scare her like that when he pressed a finger to his lips, a way too serious expression on his face for this whole thing to be a prank. She looked confused when a low grunt sounded.

She froze as Bellamy pulled her back against the stone with him, to hide them from view. How was it that she hadn’t heard it approach? Had she been so focused on the berries? Or was it rather that they had evolved once more? Were they actually able to sneak around now, just like humans? She bit her lip but only hesitated for one short moment before crawling forward towards the edge of the huge stone sheltering them. Bellamy grabbed her ankle, trying to pull her back. His face clearly warning her to stay put.

She shook her head a little, to let him know that it was fine and that he didn’t need to worry. She wasn’t going to just jump around the corner and attack the Walker. On the opposite, she wanted to stay hidden. She just wanted to take a quick peek at him. Reluctantly he let go of her ankle and she gave him a weak smile. There was no need to worry. When she reached the edge, she let herself fall back on her butt and pressed her back against the stone. She just needed to find something out.

Carefully, she leaned to the side and swallowed. The creature creeping around there seemed to once have been a young man, now he had somewhat greyish skin, his eyes hinted at a certain craziness and emptiness, his clothes were ripped apart, his movements looked kind of animal like. He was looking around and Clarke ducked back, praying he hadn’t seen her. She waited for a few moments before checking again. He seemed to be focused on something else now though. His body looked tensed as he stared off into the distance. Clarke frowned. What could possibly be there that…

He jumped, rising his arms and a bird fell to the ground, dead. She opened her eyes wide as she could do nothing but stare as the monster scarfed the animal, neck and crop. She bit her lip to keep herself from making a sound. This thing in front of her had nothing to do with the first Walkers they had encountered who could easily be outran and even fought off with their slow reflexes and brains. Now they were able to catch a flying bird and bring it to the ground, like some kind of real dangerous predator?

She turned towards Bellamy, his expression telling her he had witnessed it as well. If this thing would notice them, they were as good as dead. As soon as he had swallowed the bird, he stuck his nose up in the air, sniffing. Clarke stopped. Would he be able to smell them? Smell their blood? Or their fear? Or would he might even be able to hear their heartbeats, their breathing?

She bit her lip as the creature turned around in a circle once. She held her breath as she pressed her back, back against the stone, her eyes finding Bellamy again. Her heart was hammering. Damn it! She was pretty sure Bellamy was hearing it too. There was no way this creature wouldn’t notice them. She saw him looking around, for a weapon most likely but what was he going to use? A stone? A branch? His fists? Against something as deadly as that?

Another bump. She balled her fists. He was right. They were not going to go down without a fight, no matter how hopeless this seemed. The Walker’s thuds came towards their hiding place, heavy and slow at first. He stopped. He must be only a few feet behind them. She pressed her eyes closed as she felt Bellamy put his hand over hers. It was a silent promise.

_Together_. The next thing she knew, the Walker flew above them, landing on all fours before racing off into the distance, its back turned towards them. It never noticed the two hiding right there.

Clarke stared after him, still unbelieving that literally nothing had happened. Her heart was still racing and her hands shaking when Bellamy jumped up to his feet and offered her his hand. “We have to get away from here. As fast as possible.”

She nodded, taking his hand letting him pull her up. Admittedly, her knees still felt weak too. So she was glad that Bellamy offered to walk back down to the stream and collect Monty and Jasper from where he had ordered them to wait for him. Whatever it was that the Walker had smelled and made it go after it, she was thankful. This transformation the Walkers were going through happened way too fast and they were already way too advanced. She shook her head. If the world outside had been a crazy place before they went into Mount Weather, it was hell now.


	34. Nobody said it was easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I usually don't post until Thursday morning, I will be spending the weekend in Paris and wouldn't be able to post, so I'm doing it tonight. I doubt any of you mind tho lol
> 
> Besides, this chapter is pretty short in comparison (only about 3.5k words), but I promise the next ones will be longer again, I just needed the cut where I made it so it's a little less this time, sorry about that..
> 
> I still hope you like this one and let me know what you think! I was really happy about reading the last few reviews! 
> 
> I hope you have a great week! xoxo

Luckily the four of them weren’t too far away from the tree line leading back into civilization anymore, so they were saved from spending another night out in the woods. Knowing of the development of the Walkers around this area, none of them would really have felt safe out there anyways. So they decided to make camp in the first house that at least looked somewhat steady. Walking up on the porch, they stopped though.

The windows had been sealed shut with wooden planks and nails but the door was broken ajar. So someone must have used this house as a hideout place but judging from the open door, either left or been attacked. Hopefully it was the former.

Bellamy stepped forward and pushed the door open entirely which made a squeaky noise. They all stopped to listen but it stayed quiet. No approaching footsteps, no voices, no nothing. “Okay…” He motioned at the three others to follow him inside. They still moved very carefully and tried not to make any noises. Just because no one attacked them right away didn’t mean no one was in here.

They stepped into the hallway and waited once more but nothing happened. After seeing the mutated Walker in the woods, they had been extra careful. Clarke couldn’t stop the cold shiver running down her spine by the mere thought of these creatures starting to evolve into real predators. There was hardly anything scarier. When they started moving again, they entered the kitchen. Even though it couldn’t have been used for almost two months now, it looked surprisingly clean. Maybe someone had been using it then? And since she doubted the Walkers would stop and care to cook their prey before eating it, she felt hope rise inside of her of finding others, humans!

“Look”, Jasper whispered, pointing at the back door, open as well. Bellamy stopped closer, inspecting it. When he turned back around, a grim expression was on his face as he held up his hand.

“Blood…” He murmured. “I’m starting to doubt that whoever used to live here is still…”

A loud clattering upstairs cut him off and made them all jump. So they weren’t alone in the house! “You stay down here! I’ll check upstairs!” Bellamy ordered without hesitation, heading for the stairs.

Clarke growled. She knew he was just as shook by their latest discovery as she was. His overprotective instincts were kicking in again, probably to drown out his own fear. “Bellamy! Going up there alone is dangerous! And stupid!”

He shook his head. “If it’s a Walker…”

“You’ll need help.” She cut in. Even though he had stopped trying to protect her and keep her away from harm as much as he used to do at the beginning, sometimes it still shone through, especially  in moments like these.

He sighed. “Fine, but you stay behind me.”

She rolled her eyes but decided not to protest even more for now. “Monty, Jasper. You stay here.” When they looked like they were about to be the ones to protest now, she continued: “You check the rooms down here. Whoever is up there, he or she could have friends.”

“Alright.”

“Be careful!”

Monty nodded. “You too.”

She followed Bellamy up the stairs where they stopped again, a long hallway in front of them. They were silent, barely daring to breathe, in an attempt not to attract attention to themselves and to listen closely to locate where the sound could have come from before. Then another _boom_. The second door on the right. Clarke wanted to start walking but Bellamy grabbed her arm und pulled her a few feet back, behind him with a pointed look. She rolled her eyes but let him take the lead. They didn’t have time to argue anyways.

They walked up to the door and he grabbed the door handle. Clarke held her breath. If a Walker was inside there, they would have to make a run for it. They both knew that. There was no way of fighting any of them without weapons. They exchanged one more look before she nodded at him and he pushed the door open abruptly. Both of them tensed, half expecting a Walker to jump outside and lounge himself at them. But nothing like that happened. In fact, nothing at all happened.

Except for a silent sound, a weeping kind of, like one Clarke distantly remembered from horror movies Wells would make her watch. The uneasiness on Bellamy’s face proved her that she wasn’t the only one who felt the crying was unnerving. Possibly the only positive thing about that was that at least now they knew there was someone human waiting for them inside. Still, they were hesitant to step inside.

The room was surprisingly empty, the logs once securely hammered in front of the window were half way off, letting in the little remains of sunlight this day had to offer. In fact, the room was completely empty, except for a small night stand in one corner and a wooden chair, leaning against the wall. It gave the room an almost ghost like feeling.

The thing catching both, Bellamy’s and Clarke’s attention though was a person, a woman to be exact, crouched on the ground her back turned towards them. She was shaking a little, every now and then a quiet cry left her lips. The two exchanged another look. The woman didn’t even seem to have noticed their presence. Or she did but she simply didn’t care, it was hard to tell. It was hard to tell what was going on or what had happened but now that they had found her, they couldn’t just leave again. They knew they had to do something.

So Clarke took a deep breath. “Hey…”  She carefully walked towards the woman, outstretching her hand to touch her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

The weeping stopped and so did the shaking. For a second there was nothing but dead silence. “No!” The woman let out a high pitched, almost unhuman scream as she jerked around and only missed Clarke’s throat with her blade by a few inches.

Bellamy growled automatically jumping forward to grab Clarke and get her out of the woman’s reach. “Hey! Back off!”

Clarke stumbled backwards, falling to the ground at Bellamy’s feet as shock made its way all through her body. Bellamy must have felt the same, judging from the way his grip on her tensed. The reason for the woman’s weeping was exposed. She was holding a little girl, who couldn’t be much older than six, maybe seven years, with pale skin and claw like fingers, with chubby cheeks and dead eyes, with golden locks and scratches all over her body. It was obvious how the child could not have been human anymore even before her death.

“Oh my…” She breathed when Bellamy pulled her back to her feet. “Clarke! Her neck!”

At first she was confused. She had been so drawn in by the little girl’s corpse that she had instantly forgotten about the mother. Fixing her eyes back on the older woman, she swallowed. Teeth marks. She had been bitten, most likely by the now dead child in her arms. A bite so close to the main artery, at someone’s neck was impossible to cure. You could cut off an arm or a leg, if you had to but what were you supposed to do with her neck? Just cut her head off? It wouldn’t save her. She could only die now.

“They killed my child!” She screamed out in such pain, that Clarke even felt it in her own heart, before dropping the body and in blind fury jumping towards the two young adults. Bellamy pushed Clarke to the side, out of the woman’s reach again before diving for the chair, close to him. They didn’t have any weapons and this woman was about to go into transition and soon be the perfect killer.

But for now Bellamy still stood a chance against her as he protected himself from her mouth with the chair, holding her off. Clarke looked around, thinking fast. Was there anything she could use as a weapon? She had to help Bellamy immediately! She hurried over to the night stand, ripping open the first drawer. Empty. The second one. Empty. The third one. Empty. Nothing! She cursed and pulled her hair. When she turned back around Bellamy had managed to wrestle the lady to the ground with him and knocking the blade out of her hand. From how much he was struggling, Clarke guessed that the woman already started to gain strength as more and more of her humanity started to leave her.

“Ma’am!” Clarke still tried to apply to what must be left of a human being inside of her. “Ma’am! Please! Please! Stop!”

She just growled, aiming for Bellamy’s neck again.

“She is a goner, Clarke!” He panted as he tried to get her off of him, using the chair. But his hits seemed to affect her less and less, like she didn’t even feel the pain anymore. Without thinking about it, Clarke let herself fall down to her knees and started crawling towards the knife lying on the ground.

“Dammit!” Bellamy cursed and Clarke’s heart stopped when she turned to see the chair broken, Bellamy trying to hold the lady off with his bare hands. Clarke stumbled back to her feet, the blade in a strong grip. Even if the woman got her. She couldn’t turn! No, she couldn’t! Praying that the Mountain Men weren’t all crazy people and their theory was made up or wrong, she attacked, pushing the Walker off of Bellamy.

“Clarke! No!” Of course he wanted her to stay away but she couldn’t just let him handle this on his own. Ramming the blade into the woman’s side a few times, she felt disgust made its way up her throat again. When had they become these people? Who could just take a life without hesitating? She still looked so human…

She gasped, as blood started to pour on the ground. The woman reached for her, grabbing her arm and she felt panic rise inside her. She didn’t have time to back down now. She sank the blade into the woman’s chest one last time, knowing she exactly hit the heart and making her collapse right on top of her. This was probably the best upside of her former training as a medical apprentice. She was still breathing heavily as Bellamy’s arms closed around her again, pulling her back and away from the body, to lean her against the wall. He kneeled down in front of her, placing his hands on her legs, as his eyes scanned her over and over again.

“Did she get you?! Are you okay?!” The panic in his voice immediately made her place a hand over the scratch at her arm.

“No…” His whisper sounded disbelieving as he kneeled down in front of her, pushing her hand to the side. Her clothes were ripped apart but she didn’t feel any pain. And there was no blood. Oh God! She gasped for air as she realized her clothes had protected her. Bellamy looked even more relieved than she felt, as the tension from his shoulders fell and he breathed in deeply.

Clarke touched his cheek. “What about you?”

“I’m fine! But you are insane! Honestly, I could have dealt with her on my own! Don’t ever do that again, you hear me?”

Clarke snorted. Was he being serious? “She was about to rip your throat out with her teeth! Do you seriously believe I will just stand by and watch?”

He gritted his teeth. “Something could have happened to you… You know, I…” He stopped, looking at the ground.

Clarke could already feel her anger dissolve. Yes, she knew. And she understood. If there was any way, she would probably do anything to keep him away from danger for as long and as far as humanly possible. “I’m immune.” She tried to sooth him but he only snorted at that.

“That’s untested! All we have to rely on is what these crazy people said! What if that’s bullshit?”

Clare shrugged. So she wasn’t the only one doubting it. “I don’t know…” Right now everything seemed like one huge fat I don’t know. What were they going to do? How were they supposed to go on now? How would they get back into Mount Weather? How would they save their friends? There were too many questions and not nearly enough answers. “We should go back downstairs and tell Monty and Jasper about this.”

Bellamy nodded wordlessly, getting back up to his feet before helping Clarke to do the same. She tried not to look too close as they stepped over the corpse so they could exit the room. The blonde closed the door behind them, to at least give these poor souls some kind of respect and peace after their death. She didn’t even want to imagine what pain the woman must have been through, how it must have felt to find her little daughter turned, or maybe she even watched it happened and she hadn’t been able to save her. The guilt she must have felt must have been crushing.

Before they reached the top of the stairs, Bellamy suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her back into him again. At first she was confused but as soon as she felt his lips on hers, everything else blurred into the background. As always when he kissed her, she could forget about all their problems and struggles for at least a few moments. And she couldn’t tell him enough how thankful she was that she got him. When he pulled away again, she had wrapped her arms around his neck and looked at him, almost desperately for him to stay close to her. “What was that for?” She still asked with half a grin.

“I had a bunch of really crappy days and for a second there, I actually thought I was going to lose you to that fucking virus… I really needed this, I’m sorry…” He started to let go of her, obviously misinterpreting what she meant, so she held onto him, pressing herself against him a little more.

“No! Wait… Just a few more seconds…”

He seemed surprised at her reaction but was the last one to refuse it. So they stayed like that, tightly embraced, their foreheads resting against each other’s, breathing slowly, not moving. It wasn’t much but it was what they both needed. It meant comfort and support and it meant ‘together’.

The next day they rose at first sunlight. It wasn’t like they really had a plan at the moment but the knowledge of the two bodies lying upstairs, didn’t let any of them sleep well. So after a quick breakfast, consisting of dry toast they found in one of the cupboards and a cup of water, they wanted to get back on the road. Clarke had to admit, even though she couldn’t be more relieved they had found a way to escape the madness inside the concrete walls of Mount Weather, she had gotten used to the food there, especially the goddamn cake. Being back to rare supplies they found in left houses or natural products like mushrooms and berries just couldn’t compare.

While Monty still had to use the bathroom, the other three already stepped outside. She took a deep breath before looking the road up and down. The more serious problem than the food thing was what they were faced with now. Without a map or a plan for that matter, they really did not know where to go. A kind of lack of direction they had not felt in weeks. So all they could do for now was wander around, hoping to find a map and figure out where exactly they were right now, then find a car and continue their way or meet someone human who was willing to help them.

“We should go back.” Jasper suddenly said.

“What?” Clarke turned around.

The boy had stopped walking, his arms crossed over his chest. “The further we walk, the longer it will take us to get back to Mount Weather. I don’t know if you have already forgotten but there are still people in there who need us.”

Clarke shook her head. She understood where he was coming from but he was not being rational. “If we go back inside just like this, they will just capture us again and use us for their experiments.”

“I get that you’re scared but I’m not! I don’t want Maya in there any longer!”

Clarke sighed. She should have known it would come to this. Jasper had been awfully quiet ever since they left the mountain and his girlfriend behind. “Jasper, please be reasonable…”

She tried but he cut her off. “You’re the one who is not, Clarke! You let your fear cloud your judgment! I’m sorry they caught you and did who knows what to you but running is not an option for me.”

“We’re not running.” Clarke argued. “Do you think that I actually like the idea of Maya and Raven still being locked up? But we need a plan first, weapons and back up if we actually want to succeed. Jasper, I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone. I’m doing my best…”

He growled. “Well, your best isn’t good enough!”

“Hey!” Now Bellamy stepped in, shooting the younger one a warning glance. “Take a break!”

He narrowed his eyes and Clarke was almost sure he was going to let his anger out on him now but to her relief, he kept his mouth shut so Bellamy continued. “Clarke is right. If we go back now, they will just lock us up again! Getting out was hard enough and the likelihood of it working again just like that is slim to non-existent. Believe me, Jasper, I know how you feel but we need to be smart about this, work something out first and find help. Raven and Maya are both smart. I am sure they will have found a way to survive.”

Jasper still looked mad. “You supporting Clarke, what a fucking surprise.”

Bellamy glared at him when Monty reappeared, apparently immediately sensing the tension. He raised his eyebrows. “What is going on?”

“Nothing!” Bellamy growled. “We keep moving.”

“I’m not going with you! If you’re too cowardly, fine, then I’ll do it on my own.”

“Jasper…” Clarke stepped forward. “Don’t do this. It’s way too dangerous…”

“I don’t care what you have to say…”

Monty seemed to have caught up on their argument without even hearing all of it. He turned towards his best friend and touched his arm.  “Jasper… They’re right… What do you think you’re going to achieve on your own?”

He snorted. “You too now?!”

Monty bit his lip. “I’m just trying to be rational…”

“Maya could be going through who knows what in there and you just don’t care! No, you know what? I get it! I get why you couldn’t care less about her but Raven?! I thought she was your friend! And you owe it to her, Clarke!” He took a step to the side, focusing on Clarke. “You killed off her boyfriend so the least you can…”

“Jasper! I said that’s enough!” Bellamy growled pushing past Clarke and pointed at back at the house. “In there! Right now!”

When he didn’t move, Bellamy just grabbed his arm and pulled him along towards the stairs leading into the house, leaving Monty and Clarke behind. The girl was staring at the ground. She knew Jasper was right. Maybe she had been thinking she was saving him and Raven at the time but now she did know better. She had killed Finn, not a Walker or a monster, no, the boy, the human being, her friend. She bit her lip, trying to stop it from quivering.

“Clarke.” Monty’s voice tore her away from her thoughts and she blinked. There was a careful expression on his face but it was nowhere near the anger she had seen on Jasper’s face. “He is angry…” Monty said with a gentle tone, stepping right in front of her. “He doesn’t believe you’re a murderer. In fact, he looks up to you and Bellamy. He trusts the two of you to do what’s best… He is… hurt, I guess. He doesn’t mean it the way it sounded, trust me. I know him better than he knows himself probably.”

Clarke nodded, giving him a weak smile. She really appreciated his attempt to cheer her up but it was hard to believe his words. “What if he is right?” She therefore asked.

“Don’t say that,” Monty interrupted her, shaking his head. “Sometimes we have to make tough decisions and what else were you supposed to do? Wait for him to turn entirely and then turn Raven too?”

Clarke faltered but decided against telling Monty what she had found out yet. She didn’t know why but the way he was talking about her kind of calmed her down and she was scared he would see her as the monster she was once he knew the truth. “Thank you, Monty…” She whispered since her voice still wasn’t fully back yet.

He gave a cracked smile before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her. Clarke was surprised at first but returned he hug nonetheless. It was nice. It was something she knew how to deal with. “I’m pretty sure Bellamy will talk some sense into him. He can be very convincing, especially if it’s about you.”

At these words and Monty’s amused tone, she frowned. Even though she had accepted her feelings for Bellamy by this point more or less, it was kind of weird to hear other people talk about it like it was the most natural thing ever. “What do you mean?” She therefore asked.

Monty just laughed a little and shook his head but before he could say anything else, Bellamy and Jasper reappeared. “Let’s get going.” Bellamy announced, jumping down the few steps and continuing the way they had intended to go at the beginning. Wordlessly Jasper followed him.

Clarke and Monty let go of each other as she shot the older boy a questioning look. His only response was an attempt at winking, which made Clarke grin a little, despite herself. She had noticed before how he just seemed to be unable to properly wink before and it had never failed to amuse her. When she fell into a step next to him and they locked eyes for a few moments, she felt the warmth, only he was able to trigger, in her stomach spread. She bumped her shoulder into his in a thankful manner. Okay, maybe it wasn’t such a big surprise that everyone saw what she felt. And maybe that wasn’t even such a bad thing.


	35. You call the shots babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your feedback and for making me happy!
> 
> I think most of you will be happy with what's happening in this chapter, haha.
> 
> Enjoy!

Clarke’s feet hurt like they had hardly done ever before. They had been walking for at least 12 hours now, without a real break. This was insanely exhausting and the sun was burning down on them mercilessly. She wasn’t sure what Bellamy was hoping to find but he didn’t seem like he was willing to stop any time soon. He was walking in front, a few steps ahead of the other three. They had been walking in silence for most of the day. There really wasn’t anything they wanted to talk about and besides, they wanted to save their energy.

“Up there!” Bellamy suddenly called. Clarke had to blink against the blinding sun and raised a hand until she could make out the silhouettes of a few houses. It didn’t look like a real city but more like some kind of settlement, the ones you found along the road at the countryside, with a few houses, a farm and a pharmacy.

Approximately an hour later they walked over the paved street. It was awfully quiet all around so Clarke guessed they were the only ones here but she still couldn’t stop herself from casting a few glances inside the buildings. Just as expected they were all empty. Even though she was guessing Bellamy had been hoping to find someone here he could ask about Octavia, the good thing still was that at least no Walkers were here either.

“Guys.” Monty had stopped and pointed between two houses. When Clarke joined him she saw what had made him stop. There was a pickup truck parked at the side of the house.

“Let’s check it out.” Bellamy said. The prospect of a car and not having to walk anymore was great. Regaining a car was always better, even without any perks it might provide, like guns or food or water.

“It’s unlocked!” Jasper exclaimed when he pulled the driver’s door open. They hastily looked through the glove’s compartment and checked the leg room but there was nothing of value there.

“Can you get the car running?” Bellamy asked, looking at Monty.

The boy had already moved to the hood with a slight grin. “Of course.”

“Shouldn’t we just stop here and spend the night?” Jasper asked. Clarke’s stomach grumbled and she was desperate for some rest, so she was about to agree, when a door to their left flung open. They all jumped backwards, ready to run when a man stepped outside. A human man. He had a gun in his hand, obviously to let them know he could defend himself but since his arm wasn’t raised, he didn’t try to be a threat.

“What do you think you’re doing there?” The stranger asked, looking from one of them to the other.

Bellamy raised his hands in surrender. They weren’t armed at all so trying to pick a fight would only end badly for them. “We are just passing through.” He explained.

“Is that what you call trying to steal my car?”

“We don’t want the car.” Bellamy retreated. “We just… We’re sorry. We didn’t think anyone was here. We will just leave. Sorry, honestly.” He motioned at the other three to start moving again, the man still eyeing them suspiciously.

“Where are you kids heading, if I may ask?”

“We are looking for someone.” Bellamy explained. “Maybe you have seen her?”

The man raised one eyebrow, finally settling on the oldest one. “Who?”

“My sister.” He continued, stepping forward. “She has brown long hair, green eyes, about this tall.” He pointed his hand. “Her name is Octavia Blake.”

The man leaned his head to the side before he slowly nodded. “Yes… Octavia, that rings a bell.”

Bellamy made big eyes and he turned towards Clarke. She smiled. After all this time and people telling him they didn’t know anyone named Octavia or recognized the girl on the picture he had almost given up and just asked out of habit. “It does?” He asked therefore, sounding astonished.

“Yes, she came by here just a few days back with this guy… I think his name was Lincoln.”

“She was here? Do you, by any chance, know where she is now?”

“Yes, there is a group of people living just a few miles away from here. That’s where she is staying too.”

“Thank you so much!” Bellamy said, turning back around. “Let’s go!”

“Wait!” The man stopped him. “You travel by foot, don’t you?”

“So?” Bellamy’s face was impatient, which was understandable, considering the situation.

“You won’t get there before the sun sets. That’s dangerous.”

Bellamy made a face. “We’ll be fine. We’ll just…”

“Don’t be stupid. After all this time looking for each other, you don’t really want to die one night before you can reunite, do you?”

“So, what do you suggest?” Clarke therefore asked before Bellamy could say anything else.

The man pulled his hair hesitantly before he took a deep breath and shook his head like he couldn’t even believe the next words coming out of his own mouth: “I guess you could stay around here. Most of the houses are empty and safe.”

The boys’ faces lit up at that and Clarke couldn’t deny the deep yearning inside of her either. A bed, soft and warm, a shower, food, water and rest. That sounded like heaven to all of them. Except for Bellamy who still looked like he was about to sprint off on his own if that was what it took.

Clarke touched his arm. “Bellamy, please, be reasonable about this. He is right. If Octavia is up there, she will still be waiting for you tomorrow. She will be fine and I think you owe it to her to get there in one piece. Please?”

He looked torn and Clarke had to resist moving her hand further up to stroke his cheek. “Clarke,” he started. “I haven’t seen her in over a month…”

“I know! Please don’t risk ever seeing her again over one night. The sun is already almost setting and we both know what the Walkers up here are like… If we are attacked, we stand close to no chance!”

“You stay here then, I’ll go up alone. I’ll attract less attention and we can meet…”

“You are out of your mind, if you think I will let you go on your own.”

He made a face at these words.

“Just one night. We’ll leave first thing in the morning!”

He closed his eyes and sighed which was already enough. Clarke knew she had won. “Fine. One night and we rise at first light.”

She gave him a thankful smile. “Promise.”

The man introduced himself as James Whittaker and he was living in one of the houses with his wife and three children. They were all very nice and welcoming towards them. Without even questioning it for a second, Mrs. Whittaker made dinner for all of them, rice with vegetables and meat Mr. Whittaker had hunted himself. It was much better than what they had the days before and possibly even better than the food in Mount Weather since there was no bitter aftertaste. After filling their stomachs and appeasing their thirst, it had already turned dark entirely outside and James told them to pick whatever house they wanted to stay in. They were all empty and 100% Walker free, which was nice for a change.

While Monty and Jasper seemed to have a special taste and picked one a little down the street, Bellamy and Clarke silently just entered the one on the opposite side of the street together. Clarke couldn’t deny it, she was glad they didn’t have to have an awkward conversation about whether they would stay together or split. The houses were huge too. Most of the people who could afford living on the country side were rich after all and the houses were like some kind of status symbol for them too. When they walked through the front door, they entered a pretty big entrance hall. Clarke was so exhausted though that she wasn’t really in the mood to inspect the house. All she saw where the big stairs at the end of the hallway. “I’m going to head right upstairs.” She announced.

Bellamy nodded shortly. “Okay. I’ll follow you in a second.”

She made her way up the stairs and found herself in another form of entrance hall. There were mirrors everywhere and it all looked really noble. Without thinking about it, she just opened one random door and made a noise of satisfaction. There was an amazing looking bedroom in front of her. She entered and let herself fall flat on her back on the king sized bed. The mattress was way softer than the one in her bed in Mount Weather which was good. In that way it at least didn’t remind her of that hell hole. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Honestly she could have just stayed here and slept for all eternity if it was up to her. She considered just staying like that and just not move again, at least until next morning when the noises of Bellamy pushing the door open made her reconnect with reality.

He whistled when he took in the sight of the room. “Wow. This is impressive.”

Clarke pushed herself up on her elbows and followed his gaze more focused this time. He was right. This room was obviously made to be lived in, not to stay empty because of all the dead bodies. There was a huge cupboard, the bed, two shelves, a desk with a chair, a sofa with a small table in the corner and a TV. Whoever had occupied this room before must have had an amazing life. Clarke nodded in agreement to Bellamy’s words. “You’re right.”

“Downstairs is just the same.” He continued as he came towards the bed to let himself down next to her. She let her eyes travel over his profile from the side. The food and the welcoming feeling they were given here had luckily prevented him from turning into his moody self. On the opposite, he seemed to be especially cheerful at the moment, a smile dancing around his lips, his eyes glistening, and his hair had just reached her favorite length after she had last cut it. It was really hard to resist to run her hand through his black almost curls.

“Did you check out all of the rooms?”

He shook his head a little. “No, just the kitchen and what I assume to be the cloakroom for whatever major parties they hosted here.”

She laughed a little. “I bet they had the best in town.”

Bellamy agreed, imitating a horrible Canadian accent. “And it was an honor to be invited to these exclusive get-togethers.”

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from laughing even more. “What are you doing?”

He grinned sheepishly as he watched her roll back on her bed. “A lot of Canadians were living around this area.”

“Oh really?” Clarke asked, when she had recovered more or less. “And you know that because?”

“Because we are in Michigan.”

Clarke nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s a good reason.”

He leaned over her, a dead serious expression in his eyes. “It’s right next to Toronto, you Nerd.”

She stopped. Maybe he didn’t realize it but by leaning over her, he had put himself way too close to her. Suddenly the different shades of brown in his eyes were easy to see again, she could count his freckles and feel the warmth radiating off of him. That was something she had noticed before. Whenever she was close to Bellamy, she felt warm. It was a nice feeling. Her eyes dropped to his lips for a second. No, no, no! This was a really bad idea! What was he even doing here on that note? Did he plan to spend the night with her in the same room? Not that she wanted to complain but he usually took his own room…

She cleared her throat and stopped her confusing thoughts right there when she realized she had been quiet for far too long and the stupid grin on his face told her he had noticed too. In a last desperate attempt to restore at least 1% of her dignity she flipped her fingers against his forehead. “That reason is still invalid, you dork.”

He rolled his eyes before straighten up and putting enough distance between them again for Clarke to think straight. Her eyes were caught on the second door in the room at that moment. She was curious about it so she got up from the bed, maybe also to escape whatever would have happened next between them.

Even though she had been expecting a bathroom behind the closed door, she had to stop because she had not been expecting this. “Wow, this bathroom looks unreal!” The girl exclaimed as she took in the sight of the huge shower, a luxurious bathing tub, two toilet seats and a huge mirror with two sinks in front of them. The house didn’t even look that fancy and modern from the outside, so all of these rooms were a surprise kind of. Even though everything in here was amazing, her eyes traveled back to the shower. It reminded her of one she had seen in a movie several times. There was enough room for two people and…

She was joined by Bellamy before she could continue that thought, luckily. Or maybe not because heat was still rising in her cheeks at what she had almost been thinking about as he nodded appreciatively, his attention focused on the room. “You’re right.”

“This looks like the Queen could spend a night here.” Clarke laughed a little, trying to distract herself before looking at him.

He grinned at these words. “So it suits you, Princess.”

Now, it was up to her to roll her eyes a little but he made her stop when he licked his lips, refocusing her attention on them. _Dammit!_ She cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. “Possibly, but it’s wrong for you then.”

“How so?” He cocked one eyebrow which made it easier for Clarke to look back up to his eyes.

“The beast in a fancy bathroom with…” She was cut off when Bellamy moved closer without warning, her back hitting the bathroom wall gently.

“What was that?” He asked, only inches away from her. What the hell was he trying to achieve here? Why did he keep doing that? Or was she just interpreting too much into what he was doing? She bit her lip and involuntarily made fists at the hem of his shirt. If he noticed, at least he didn’t show it this time.

“I think you heard me,” she replied with a matching cocky grin. Just because her insides were going crazy because of him didn’t mean she had to let it show.

“Mhm…” His grin suddenly grew a little wider as he leaned forward so his lips touched her earlobe for the fraction of a second, one of his hand placed against the stone wall next to her head, the other one dancing just inches above her exposed skin at her waist. She wanted him to touch her but she didn’t want to show it, so all she could do was hope that he wasn’t strong enough to resist either.

“So if I’m the beast in the story…” He whispered next to her ear. “There is no reason for me to keep acting all noble and gentleman like, is there?” He asked.

Clarke closed her eyes. Really, she couldn’t let him distract her with the way his eyes locked with hers and the closeness of his lips to her skin. “You could prove me wrong.” She therefore suggested even though she was pretty sure they were far past that point.

She could hear him chuckle slightly. “Where would be the fun in that?”

She snorted, opening her eyes again before deciding to test her luck a little by leaning forward now too. “And what fun exactly are we having, if I may ask, Mr. Blake?”

Even though he was acting all tough and collected, she didn’t miss the way he swallowed as she breathed out against his lips and felt his muscles tense a little as his body was almost entirely touching hers.

“Well…” His eyes flickered toward the shower for a second. “I don’t know…” He continued. He was insecure about this, obviously but she didn’t understand why.

“Be creative.” She provoked him, letting her hand travel up his shirt and over his muscles.

He cleared his throat again but his voice was still hoarse when he spoke low: “Well, Miss Griffin, as I believe we won’t get to take too many showers in the near future and this over there looks perfectly fine to fit two people… Would you do me the honor?”

The honor? She had to suppress a laugh. Many people might argue that there was nothing honorable about undressing and showering in front of a man you weren’t in a relationship with. Luckily Clarke wasn’t one of those people. Her teeth were boring into her lips as she nodded already. “Okay…”

A grin appeared on her lips again now as she took the hand he was now offering her. Still, he let her guide him towards the shower, returning her grin. When they stopped in front of it, she reluctantly let go of his hand. It wasn’t like she had showered with too many people before but Bellamy seemed perfectly calm and confident as he pulled his shirt over his head. To avoid staring at him as he got rid of his clothes, she started undressing too. It was kind of weird, considering how before he had been the one undressing her and she had been drunk two out of three times she had actually gotten really intimate with him. What if he would see something he wouldn’t like about her now? What if this was a bad idea? What if…

“Hey…” His low voice and his arms wrapping around her waist from behind interrupted her racing thoughts. He dropped his lips towards her shoulder, placing a few kisses there. “You look beautiful,” he whispered, as if he had been reading her thoughts. Maybe she just looked really uncomfortable but why? She wanted this, possibly even more than Bellamy did. She smiled a little at his words and turned her head. She really would have liked to kiss him right then but his lips were too far away and his grip kept her turned forward.

“Just relax.” He continued as he carefully pushed her forward so they stepped through the glass door and into the showering area. There were two shower heads hanging from above so obviously this was made for two people. She felt Bellamy move his hands up her back to place them at her shoulders and start massaging her. She couldn’t quite keep a low moan from escaping her lips as tension fell off of her. He definitely knew what he was doing with his hands.

She let him proceed for a little time before she realized that he had released his grip on her and abruptly turned around. He raised his eyebrows in question at her sudden movement but didn’t argue when she took a step forward and her lips crashed into his. She was done resisting him. He returned the kiss immediately, placing his hands back at her waist to keep her close to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck in response, stroking his skin there. All of this made her really realize for the first time that they were both naked and their bodies were so close to each other.

She let her tongue travel over his bottom lip and he parted his just a second later. At the same time she felt his hand wander up her side and stop at her breasts, at first his hand just gently applied pressure to it but soon he got a little rougher as he teased her nipples with his fingers. He swallowed her moan in response before he broke the kiss to work at her neck instead now. She leaned her head back against the wall, not even remembering when they had moved backwards against it. Willingly she leaned her head even more to the side as he kissed and sucked at her sensitive skin right there.

She let her hand dishevel his hair even more as his lips found her collarbone, her cleavage and finally her breasts. He placed more kisses there until finally his fingers teasing her nipples were replaced with his tongue.

“Bellamy…” She gasped and her hand in his hair tightened automatically. She felt him grin before he straighten up again to kiss her lips. While returning the kiss, Clarke also wanted to return his favor by enclosing one of her hands around his dick. Without breaking the kiss she started moving her hand up and down his shaft, making him let out a low growl against her lips. Just like he did before she started kissing down his jawline, his neck, his chest and stomach until she kneeled in front of him.

Working with her hand for one more moment, she looked up at him with a small grin just to find him staring at her with a mixture of desire and adoration she had never been looked at with before. She bit her lip but focused on how she wanted to thank him then by parting her lips and then taking in as much of his dick as possible for now. She sucked before moving her head back and licking over his tip with her tongue for a few times, making him growl once more. When she took him back inside of her mouth, she kept eye contact with him, repeating the movement of her head several times and letting her hands play with his balls.

He let her keep going for quite some time until his hands closed around her shoulders pulling her back up. Their lips almost automatically found each other. Clarke wrapped one of her legs around his hip as his hand started massaging her breast again. She moaned against his lips and in respond started grinding her hips against his in addition. His grip on her tightened as he pushed away from the wall to turn them around and press her back against the cold tiles. So caught up in the moment and in him she didn’t even notice the cold though. All she could process was him at the moment.

“Bellamy…” She breathed against his lips, eager to finally feel him fill her out again.

He growled a little, obviously just as tempted. “We don’t have a condom…”

“I know…” She hated this. It was all so complicated. “Just… don’t finish inside of me.”

He looked doubtful and she had to admit, it was kind of cute. Most guys probably wouldn’t worry as much in this situation.

“It’s alright, I trust you…” She pressed closer to him again, starting to move her body against his once more.

“You’re really overestimating my self-control.” He replied but all his defenses seemed to be broken as he put his hands around her butt to pick her up. She reached between them to find his cock with her hand again and move it to her entrance but she was too high up for him to enter her.

“Bellamy…” She pleaded, trying to get him to lower her down but despite his previous words, a mischievous grin appeared on his lips. “We have all the time in the world, Princess. Why rush this?”

She groaned. Was he serious right now? How could he still want to wait? They had waited for more than enough.

“Please...” She tried getting closer to him once more but he kept her at a distance. He leaned forward letting his lips touch her jaw, travelling further down her neck and over her cleavage once more with such a gentleness that goosebumps appeared on her whole body. She loved what he was doing with his mouth but they both knew, he still wasn’t touching her where she most wanted it. He looked up at her from her breasts while sticking out his tongues to lick her already hyper sensitive nipples even more. She groaned his name and started moving her hand over his hard member in her hand again.

That seemed to be enough for him as he finally let her down a little bit, so that she could feel his tip at her entrance. She moved her lower body back and forth to get at least a little bit of friction even though it was far from enough.

“Bellamy…” She pressed once more against his lips and he finally gave in entirely with a low growl. As he entered her with his whole length, she moaned, digging her nails into his shoulders. He pressed her back against the wall behind her as she felt his grip on her thighs tighten. His breath went heavy as his lips trailed over her neck. For a few seconds, they didn’t move.

“Are you okay?” He whispered next to her ear and she smiled, while placing one of her hands at his cheek to get him to turn his head.

“I’m fine!” She assured before kissing him. That was when he started moving again, rolling his hips against hers, pulling out almost entirely, just to enter her again. She moved her hips to meet his every time, trying to get him to keep up the pace even more and move as deep as possible. Their hands discovered each other’s bodies and their lips seemed glued together. They tried getting closer and closer together. Clarke wasn’t sure how long they kept going like this when Bellamy suddenly pulled out of her entirely for real.

Before she could protest though, his dick was replaced with his fingers inside of her. One look into his eyes proofed her that he just wanted to be careful and he obviously couldn’t be sure of much longer he would be able to stop himself from cuming. The tension that had built up in her lower body only understood too well. While two of his fingers now did the same job his cock had done before, his thumb moved in circles over her clit. His other hand was working on her breasts and his mouth was back on her lips.

He was driving her insane in the best way possible. She knew she wouldn’t last much longer and from the way he was looking at her now, she could tell that he knew. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on nothing but the feeling of his hands on her when he growled once more. “Clarke, look at me…”

She obeyed and they locked eyes. “Bellamy…” She breathed his name as she felt goosebumps appear on her skin again. Just seconds later her lower body contradicted and she felt like a warm shower ran over her back. She moaned one more time without tearing her glance away from Bellamy’s. He held her pressed against him luckily, since she wasn’t sure if her knees would have been able to support her all on their own.

She needed a few moments to catch her breath and regain her strength before she pushed him away from her a few inches. Just enough so she could drop back on her knees in front of him. His dick was still really hard and she wanted some equality for him. So she enclosed him once more, grinning up at him for a second. Now he was the one being impatient as she could tell from the look on his face. She kissed his tip before sticking out her tongue to lightly touch it. He growled a little. Since her orgasm had put her in a good mood she also decided not to let him suffer any longer than necessary so she closed her whole mouth around his cock and starting sucking. Moving her head back and forth and using her hands to give him even more. He moaned and leaned his hands against the wall for support. It was obvious how he wasn’t too far away from his orgasm anymore. Clarke enjoyed the expression on his face and knowing she was the source of it, made it even better.

When he finally came to his release with another load moan, she swallowed what he shot in her mouth without hesitation or protest before opening her mouth to give him free. For a second she stayed on the ground, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand when Bellamy reached for her other hand to pull her back up. She kissed him which he returned passionately, pulling her into his arms. She leaned her against his chest when they broke the kiss, both still a little out of breath but there was a comfortable silence hovering over them.

Never before had she actually felt that close to anyone, physically and mentally. It was the kind of feeling you probably could only feel with one person in the whole world. It electrified her whole body and made her feel more alive than anything else. She turned back around to look into his eyes and he smiled at her. Fuck it! She was done! Who knew much time they would have left? Who knew what was going to happen? She didn’t want to waste anymore seconds! It was just a small moment of stupid bravery and honesty and she opened her mouth before her own insecurities and stupid doubts or anything else could stop her: “Bellamy, I love you!”

He stopped and just stared at her like he couldn’t believe the words had actually left her mouth. When more seconds passed and he didn’t react at all, Clarke felt a certain uneasiness creep up her back. Had she misinterpreted everything? Was this actually just sex for him? She was about to backpedal, when suddenly he leaned forward again and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to him once more. She could feel him smile a little as she returned the kiss.

When he pulled away again, he locked eyes with her and murmured: “I love you too, Clarke!”

These words made her happier than she had expected. She felt like she was kissing him for the first time all over again. Fireworks went off inside of her and she felt like every inch of her skin was on fire. She couldn’t remember ever feeling like this and she couldn’t help the relieved and happy laugh escaping her lips. Bellamy joined her in her laughter, straightening up again but keeping his arms closed around her. Why had it been so hard for them to say these three words? Now that they were out, Clarke felt like it was the most natural thing. She loved him. She was in love with Bellamy Blake. And he was in love with her. And that just felt so _right_. She let her hand travel over his cheek and his smile grew even bigger. Yes, all of the voices and doubts and the problems that had been flying around in her head seemed so dumb and far away suddenly. How could she have ever listened to them? This was Bellamy she was talking about and he was more than worth it, whatever was to come.

When they finally had managed to unwrap from each other and Clarke had put on her underwear again, she returned to their bedroom. It was weird to think at first. _Their_ bedroom. But that was what it would be for tonight. He wouldn’t have to leave once he would come out of the bathroom, there would be no awkward moment saying goodbye, no lying in bed alone and wishing he was there next to her. She stepped towards the big windows right next to the bed she hadn’t even really noticed before. It presented a pretty good view to her of the scenery. She could see over the wide countryside and the shape of a forest in the distance. It was almost too easy to believe everything was still okay and they didn’t live in a world trying to kill them every day.

She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Just for one night she didn’t want to think and worry so much, just for tonight she wanted to be here with Bellamy and she wanted it to be easy and simple, like it was supposed to be. The door to the bathroom opening made her turn back around and she smiled when he reappeared. She walked over to the bed to sit down and he joined her, taking her hand and she stopped.

There was a certain seriousness on his face that didn’t really match the situation. Some tension seemed to have returned to his shoulders but just when she was about to ask him what was up, he started speaking, looking her straight in the eye: “Clarke, I need you to promise me something.”

She frowned. What was going on? “What is it?”

He took a deep breath before continuing: “Promise me, if I’m about to turn or if you find me turned, you’ll kill me.”

“What…?” She blinked. What the hell was on? Why? He couldn’t be bitten, he couldn’t turn. And he wouldn’t, there was no way in hell she would let that happen.

“Please, I need you to promise me!”

She looked into his eyes and found a desperation she had hardly seen in them. For some reason this seemed to be insanely important to him. She had an idea where it came from, seeing the woman in that house who went crazy after… She bit her lip. No, that wouldn’t ever be them. Nothing like that would happen to them.

“Nothing will happen to you.”

He took a deep breath. “We don’t know that…”

“Bellamy…”

“Please, Clarke, I need to know that… I don’t want to be like that, okay? I would rather be dead than a threat to everyone I care about!”

She bit her lip. It seemed so important to him and she didn’t want to deny him that promise. It was understandable but an unlikely scenario. Actually she had started to believe that things were going to be fine from now on. They were about to find Octavia, they got to spend the night at a house like this, they had confessed their feelings. Things were taking a better turn for them now!

She took a deep breath and placed her hands at his cheeks, looking into his eyes. “I promise.”

He gave her a small smile at these words and placed his hand over her thigh before leaning forward again and placing another kiss on her lips. It was still new but it was so good. Kissing didn’t have to be something they only did under pressure, when they thought they were going to lose each other but it could be something small, something daily, something to distract them from the hell outside. When he pulled away again, she stroke his cheek with her thumb. “It’s going to be fine, Bellamy.”

He nodded but his expression didn’t really convince her. “Hey… We’re about to find Octavia, that’s something to look forward too! Finally after all this time and we’re going to figure something out about Mount Weather, too.”

“Okay.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. She didn’t hesitate to return the hug and pressed herself close against him. They stayed like this for a few seconds before Clarke whispered: “Don’t you still have hope?” She pulled away slightly to be able to look at him.

There was a certain soft expression in his eyes now as he looked at her and gave her another smile. “We’re still breathing, right?”


End file.
